Consequences

This post is part of my thoughts on how to teach the kids to work.

I really like the Love and Logic premise that the consequences we deal out to our kids should be logical - or somehow connected to the action that merited the consequence.  Here are some of the consequences that I like to use when we are having problems with work and how they relate.

There is less time for doing something they want - on our schedule there are 3 sections.  At the end of each section is an activity that we enjoy.  If we take too long doing something on our schedule, then we get to do it during the last activity in that section.  For example, if the kids didn't clean their room before breakfast time - they get to clean it at 4pm during play time.  Or, if we're taking longer than 30 minutes  doing our weekly jobs - we'll go ahead and finish them, but I let the kids know that  play time will have to be shorter later on.

Practice cleaning - I've talked about this before, but if the kids are not cooperating during cleaning time - I assume that they need more cleaning practice so I will give them 10 more items to clean when everyone else is done.  Spice had a really hard time getting back to our routine after the 4 day weekend (don't we all?) so she kept arguing with me when I would ask her to do something, then she would argue with me when I told her she had earned a 10 item pick up.  I told her to follow my instructions or I would know she was "out of instructional control".  She would then do what I asked, but I kept track of all the times she argued with me in a disrespectful way.

By the end of the day she had earned 160 items to pick up.  She was a little surprised because I hadn't told her about each time she earned 10 items.  I said, "I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would argue with me, so I just kept track in my head".  During our evening "quick house clean up", all of the kids got to pick up the living room but Spice had to pick up the rest of the house.  She only made it to 40 items, so the next day she had to find another 120 items to pick up throughout the day.  Hopefully it's all the practice she needs for a while!

Time-out - Sometimes when I can tell that a child is having a hard time because they are feeling contentious, I tell them to go to their room for a time-out until they're feeling peaceful again (at least for a certain number of minutes - usually the same number as their age - because sometimes they say they're feeling peaceful before they even get to their room).  I explain to them that it's a good idea to go away from people for a while when they are having a hard time controlling their feelings and words.  (Any rude physical behavior is an automatic time-out - pushing, hitting, etc).

Restitution - Often, after a time-out, if a child has hurt somebody with their words or actions, I'll ask them to think of something they can do to make it up to them.  Sometimes they choose to give them a hug and say sorry.  Sometimes they choose to make their bed for them or clean up something for them.
Sometimes they'll make them something.

Repentance step (lovingly named by Spice) - the two kids that are arguing with one another sit on the second step (because, as Spice pointed out, repentence is the second principle of the gospel ;-) ) and tell each other what they did wrong (not what the other person did wrong - to reinforce that every argument requires two people) sometimes it takes them a little while to think of what they did wrong because they are so focused on how it was the other person's fault.  Eventually they figure it out (if they are having a hard time thinking of something, they can always ask the sibling with them on the step - they are quick to think of an answer).  Then they ask each other, "Will you forgive me?"  We adapted this idea from the book Teaching Your Children Values by Linda and Richard Eyre.

Getting Managed: I use this one quite a bit as we're doing quick house clean-ups.  Basically, as long as everyone is working quickly to put thing away, then I'll help them pick up as we go.  If they are not working quickly, then I don't have the ability to help them because I am too busy telling them what to do.  I tell them, "It looks like you guys need a manager, so I won't be able to help you, I'll be too busy making sure you guys stay busy."

Positive consequeces

I talk about these in our reward systems section.

One that we've been doing lately, is that each child gets a little piece of bubble tape when we are able to finish cleaning the kitchen in 10 minutes or less.  I'm sure this is appalling to many of my friends who do not give their kids sugar or food coloring, but we started this for Bazinks - to get him to want to help after meals (he'll do anything for gum - for Christmas, he says all he wants is a flashlight, and gum in his stocking).  It's been working really well.  I set the timer and the kids start working quickly.  Spice was a little dissapointed at how small the piece of bubble tape was, because she couldn't blow bubbles with it, but I gave her the idea to save up all her pieces and have a big piece at the end of the day.  We'll stop the bubble tape thing once the habit of cleaning quickly is established for all of them and we run out of bubble tape :-)

*Pictures courtesy of Spice and Little Miss

Bazinks and I are sick today :-(  Hopefully this post was coherent.

Does anyone else have consequence ideas?