Love is Powerful

I felt I should share a personal experience from a few weeks ago. I hope it's helpful to someone since I share it at the risk of being judged or misunderstood.  Here is the excerpt from my journal:

"I asked for a blessing yesterday.  My thoughts were so dark all day. I had heard something about suicide that morning, and I felt so nauseous and I knew I would feel like that for another 6 weeks at least. Satan likes to get you when you're down.   I felt a desperation and fear and desire to escape most of the day. My thoughts were so negative and they kept bombarding me -  "Death would be so nice... I wish I could die... I hate this...." over and over. It was so unlike me. The thoughts hadn't reached my heart - I didn't actually want to die. But I knew that the bombardment of negative thoughts was going to affect me and was affecting me.  But I couldn't stop them on my own. I asked for a blessing. My dad and Bill gave me one that night.  

Immediately after the blessing I felt lighter - like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I still feel  sick and nauseous, but not overwhelmingly so, and my thoughts shifted. I thought more about enjoying this short phase as best as I could instead of escaping it. I felt hopeful and strengthened - I could see the light at the end of the yuckiness.  The negative thoughts cleared away.

I know priesthood power is real. I am so grateful for this miracle."

This happened 3 weeks ago. Some days have been pretty hard physically since then, but I haven't felt that overwhelming darkness again.  And I'm starting to feel less nauseous the last couple of days - so I hope it just keeps getting better :) I've kind of been on survival  mode - just doing the basics to get by... but I hope I can start enjoying some of the things I love again soon :)

A little after the above experience, I watched this video and it hit me pretty hard when Christ said, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death." He felt so awful, he wanted to die. But He loved so much that He kept going.




This other song has also been a huge blessing to me lately. It comforts me so much to know that "His perfect love could not be overcome."




I posted that video on facebook last week with the following caption:  This is what I said about it:

I can't tell you how many times I have listened to this song in the last week. THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. This is why I can get up every morning knowing that my efforts are worthwhile, even though they fall so short. This is why I can feel confident in my ability to raise children in this crazy world. This is why I can move into uncertainty with faith and peace. Because "His perfect love could not be overcome." It never will be. His love beat all fear, pain, anguish, weakness and evil. It still does. The battle was already won for me. I just want to live my life in a way that shows how much I love Him back.

And, lastly, here are some pictures from our outings (Luckily, I have a family that makes me get out sometimes or I'd just stay in bed all day :) )

Walk to the park, and geocaching on the way home.

Look who wants to learn the violin:

I stole these pictures from my kids because I forgot my camera on our Y mountain hike:

We tried going to Bryce this last weekend. It didn't go as planned. I don't want to type it out, but here is a series of texts to my mom and to a friend that day:

We didn't end up finding a camping spot, so we just stopped at a picnic area and ate dinner and roasted s'mores. The cool part of this story, though, is how awesome everyone was. The kids were so positive, they kept looking at the bright side. It was just nice being together. They even found fun things to do while we waited for the emergency roadside service.

I feeling so grateful for my sweet family today.  The only reason I can start to kind of comprehend God's incredible love for us is because of how much I love these people. Love is incredibly powerful.  

My Favorite Smoothies

We've been drinking Green Smoothies for breakfast for almost a year now (we have a grain to accompany it - oatmeal, toast, pancakes, etc).  I have SO much more energy than I used to have, and I don't crave sweets nearly as much as I used to.  I am also never hungry before lunch time.  I remember I used to get hungry around 10am when we were mostly eating cereal for breakfast.  I don't usually get hungry anymore until around 1pm and we eat breakfast at 8am.  Drinking smoothies has made such a HUGE difference in how I feel!  I highly recommend it!  Here are some of my favorite smoothies we make:

I can't exactly call these recipes because I don't ever measure anything, but I'll give some estimates.

Here is our basic smoothie:
-3 cups of Spinach (sometimes I add a little Kale), packed down in blender.
-Fruit to almost the top of the blender (about 2-3 cups)
-Milk or Juice to cover the Spinach and Fruit

Basic Ingredients I buy:
-I buy a box or two of Spinach at Sam's Club (I usually freeze them after a couple of days to last through the week)
-I buy bags of frozen fruit there as well (Tropical Mix, Strawberries, Blueberries, Mangos, Mixed Berry).
-I buy several bunches of bananas and when they are ripe, I peel them, cut them in half, put them in a plastic bag and freeze them).
-For milk, I use Soy Milk, Cow's milk, or Almond Milk (I've been experimenting with making my own Almond Milk lately).  I usually use a mix of milks just for variety.
-Juice or frozen juice concentrate (I keep OJ concentrate in the freezer at all times).

Favorite Mixtures and some of their variations:


Banana Nutmeg (from Joanne)
Spinach
3 frozen bananas
Dash of cinnamon
Nutmeg to taste (about 1/2 tsp?)
Milk
*Sometimes I add Mangos to this

Orange Julius
Spinach
1 frozen banana
1 cup of OJ concentrate
Tropical Fruit
Vanilla
Milk
*We like variations of this, like using Strawberries instead of the Tropical Fruit, etc.

Sunshine Smoothie (from Joanne)
Spinach
1-2 frozen bananas
Tropical Fruit
Orange Juice
*I like to vary the juice sometimes (orange-pineapple, Apple-orange-mango, etc.)
*Sometimes I add a little milk or yogurt to this if I want a creamier drink

Berry-Banana
Spinach
2 frozen bananas
Strawberries, Blueberries or Mixed Berries
Milk
*Sometimes I add yogurt to this if I have it (which is seldom).
*I like to mix things up with the fruits I add, but I always use the bananas for sweetness (I like Mangos and Strawberries, just Mangos, Mangos and Peaches, Strawberries and Peaches, etc).
*On occasion I'll sweeten this even more with honey, sugar, maple syrup or agave if I have a sweetness craving.

Chocolate-Banana (from greenereating.com)
Spinach
3 frozen bananas
Cocoa Powder (1-2 Tbls)
Milk
(If I add too much Cocoa, this can taste bitter, so I'll sweeten it with one of the above sweeteners, but usually the bananas sweeten it enough for me).

I'd love the hear other favorites if anyone has them!  I'd also love to hear of some other grain ideas in the morning (we eat a lot of oatmeal!)