An Exciting Family Announcement, Habit Program Starting, and Picture Updates

We are expecting another Bates baby -  due in October. It's funny, I never in a million years imagined myself having eight kids... growing up, I thought 4 kids was the perfect number. Then I had one baby and I decided that I could maybe handle two - just so that my one baby didn't have to be an only child. But then Heavenly Father gently guided us along paths we didn't think we'd ever take... now here we are - a homeschooling family of soon-to-be 8 kids!  I'm grateful for the adventures Heavenly Father had in store for me from the beginning - and I'm grateful I didn't know what they were back then - I would have been terrified! Yet I am now blessed with more love and joy than I could ever deserve.

Having now almost raised an adult - I can say that (at least so far) the first 4 months of pregnancy are my least favorite part of parenting. I feel sick, tired, and so unmotivated to do anything! It helps a lot to know that I'm doing God's work and that this feeling will pass. In the mean time, I'll just do my best to at least stay on top of the most important things... like the essential life habits that take me closer to God and my family. Habit training will help.

I'm starting my habit training program this week.  I figured that if Heavenly Father inspired me to do this, then He'll help me get it done, nauseous or not. You can just want to sign yourself up for the site if you want to join - you'll just need to type in your email and set a password and I'll approve your request. If people find it helpful, I hope to put the program in book form to reach more people someday - so I'd love it if people would try it and give me some feedback. The site is habits.blog It's still under construction, but it has enough on there to get us started.

I won't blog about it anymore on this blog  - it will all be on the website, but here is the intro for those who want a taste before signing up, along with the first 2 habits.

21 Habits that Grow People into Their Potential

I am excited to build and improve on some critical habits with you. A lot of these habits are probably things you have thought about doing, tried doing, or are doing. However, there is power in focus. The purpose of this program is to prayerfully focus on two habits per month - one weekly and one daily. The habits will build on each other and by the end of the year, you will have acquired the 21 habits that grow people into their potential and will be growing into yours! You will notice yourself coming more alive as you take these steps.

I will post the two suggested habits for the month along with some principles explaining why these habits are so powerful.  The suggested habits do build on each other, but can be adapted to your individual circumstances. The key is to be prayerful when choosing how you’d like to apply and adapt each habit each month. This whole process will be meaningful and successful to the degree that you involve God in the process and seek His guidance, strength and power in this divine work of strengthening your family.

You can also take the time you need with each habit. If a habit has been really hard for you, you may want to stick with it for 6-8 weeks until it's automatic and solidified. If it is pretty easy for you, you can move on to the next habit in 2-3 weeks.

I have seven children ranging in ages from three to seventeen. I will add tips and ideas for involving the different age ranges. However, the important thing is that you work on the habits yourself first. You can invite your family to join you once you have developed a testimony of their power and importance. You will certainly burn out quickly if you are trying to drag everyone into joining you when they do not sense your joy about living it. You can always go through the 21 habits by yourself this year and invite them to go through the process with you next year if they are not yet receptive.

For some habits, your main goal will be to simply acquire the habit. For other habits, your goal will be to improve the habit in some way because it is something you already do. I will list ideas for both.

If you homeschool, teaching these habits at home could be your entire homeschool curriculum, as it is mine. I have come to see myself as someone who creates an environment where good habits are encouraged and where children can use these habits to forge their own path with God - rather than someone who pushes information into my children hoping that some of it will stick. In establishing this environment, you will find that your kids will not only be prepared for college - but more importantly - they will know how to receive and follow personal revelation for their unique life’s work.

If you do not homeschool, your kids may already be participating in some of these habits at school, but the important thing is that they realize these are life habits - that they continue to engage in them during their days off of school, so that they can continue to use them as tools for growing closer to God even after they leave their school days behind.

Finally,  I hope to make this program into a book someday to reach more people who could benefit from it. If you could help me by sharing your experiences, quotes or scriptures that have strengthened you in gaining a particular habit, or even by correcting my grammar to help things sound more clear, I would be very appreciative!

And also, thank-you! Thank-you for being the kind of person who seeks for ways to strengthen your family. You are so needed in our world!

Chapter 1: Reflection and Daily Priorities

The following two habits are extremely powerful tools for learning to hear God's voice in our lives and acting on those feelings.  When done with the proper focus, these habits will help you and your children learn the skill of receiving personal revelation. The increase I saw in my children's self-motivation and the ability to accomplish their goals was surprisingly fast when we started to routinely make time for these two habits.

Habit #1: Weekly Reflection

We like to do these on Sundays, but I have also seen great success in doing them during hikes or other activities that invite the Spirit and open perspective.

We remind out children that God knows exactly what we need in order to be prepared for the work He has for us on this earth. He wants us to be diligently seeking ways we better tune our minds, hearts, bodies and relationships to Him so we can continually grow in truth, light, and love. The following categories have worked well for our family, but can be modified to meet your family's needs:

Mind and Heart Tuning:
1. Classic Book*
2. Talent(s):
3. Skill(s):
4. Interests:
5. Habit(s):
6. Other:

Physical Tuning**:
1. Food:
2. Exercise:
3. Sleep:

Relationship Promptings:
1. Family:
2. Others:

*Classic books are books where we experience ah-ha moments as we read  - the pages are filled with concentrated truth that lifts our perspective. I try to encourage my kids to read from a classic book everyday - even if it's just for a few minutes on busy days.
** Our bodies are the instruments of our Spirit. Having a better tuned, healthy instrument helps us better hear and act on promptings we receive.

The most important thing to remember when doing these weekly reflections  is to always start with a prayer and ask for Heavenly Father's guidance in how we can improve in each area. This isn't a personal goal list. This is a list of promptings that we are asking Heavenly Father to guide us through. I have found that the quickest way to get an answer to a prayer is to ask Heavenly Father what He would have me do to grow closer to Him... I'll almost always immediately think of something I can give up that tends to distract me from Him, or something I can do to be kinder. This reflection list has really helped me seek His guidance in important areas of my life.

Keep your reflection list in a place where you can access it everyday.

Habit #2: Daily Priority List

I like to write my daily priority  list after reading my scriptures in the morning. My daughter, Jessalyn, likes to write hers the night before after reading her scriptures in the evening. The list is simply a list of things we feel prompted to work on that day in order of importance. We also review our reflection list as we write our priority list each day.

Like the reflection list, the most important thing is to say a prayer before writing a priority list. It is so easy to slip into "to do" list mode. This isn't a daily task list. This is a list of the things we feel are most important to God for us to do that day. I have failed at times to start the list with a prayer when I'm writing one with my younger children - the list seems to loose it's Spirit and it becomes a list of things to do for them instead of a list they are working on with their Heavenly Father.

My older kids write their own list. I ask them to show me or let me know they got it done in the morning just for accountability. I write a priority list with each of my little kids each morning. We say a prayer together and ask for inspiration and guidance for what that particular child needs that day.

Interestingly, when I first started writing a daily priority list for myself - it was pretty long. But as I got better at discerning between my own desires for getting things done versus the things Heavenly Father wanted me to work on, my lists have gotten much shorter.

The second most important thing to remember about a priority list is that it is not necessary to complete everything on your priority list. All that is necessary is that you establish the habit of prayerfully writing one each day. It's helpful to look at the previous day's list and see how you can do better the next day, but it is more important to realize that we will often fall short of our ideal  and that it's okay. Sometimes things will come our way that will suddenly become higher priorities than what we wrote down that morning. That is good. We need to learn to make a plan, but be flexible with it as Heavenly Father leads us moment by moment to what is most important that day.

Also, I noticed something interesting happening after I wrote "Exercise" on my priority list everyday for a while. I didn't always get to it, but in my mind I started to become the kind of person that exercised each day which made it easier to find creative ways to fit it in sometimes. There is something about setting a prayerful intention for the day that helps us find energy and opportunities for accomplishing it.

Here are some sample reflection and priority lists from some members of my family:

Sample Reflection List:

Joshua (age 7):
Classic: Sam books, Long Walk to Water as a family
Talent: Piano
Skill: Math, Geography, Reading
Interest: Singing
Habit: Daily Scriptures and Prayer

Food: Eat 5 fruits or vegetables each day
Exercise: 10 sit ups, 10 burpees each day
Sleep: Go to bed by 8:30

Relationships:
Family: Basketball with William
Others: Be kind to everyone

(more samples on the webpage)

Priority List Sample:

James (age 5)
Remember kind words
1. Scriptures, Prayer
2. Jobs
3. Math
4. Spelling
5. Typing
6. Reading
7. Exercise
8. Practice Magic Tricks
9. Fold paper airplanes
10. Do something nice for someone

(more samples on the website)

The site will also include key points and FAQ. Plus you can ask your own questions, share experiences and give suggestions.

Again, you can sign up here: habits.blog

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Family Pictures from the last 2 weeks:

These girls are the cutest

Me, Dallin, William and Cassia making windmills on the Frontrunner in preparation for this awesome performance:

Dry Canyon Hike with Cassia

Hike to the Y by myself.

 We did a girls' trip to Vegas to see Finding Neverland. We had a great time (even though I accidentally booked a room in St George, South Carolina and we had to scramble for a room in St. George, UT at midnight 😶)

St. George temple

Vegas temple 

At the play

Cozy in our hotel room

Stop at Cover Fort on the ride home

Then some good times with family....

William playing with his little sister

Dallin shooting a BB gun

On a windy day

James asleep in the waiting room after being a haircut

Play of Aesop's Fables at the Children's Theater

Joy Doing a Magic Trick:


 Hike to the G with Cassia:

Wow. I feel like I've been sitting at home feeling awful for most of the last 3 weeks, but putting all the highlights together like this makes me feel like I've been out having adventures all month. Nice!

Clearing our Time for the Most Important - Enriching the Soil

Or How do I Motivate my Children to Want to Learn Step 3

Step 1 was to Clear the Soil or Detox - to rid our homes of things that distract us.
Step 2 was to Fill the Environment with Sunshine - or to build relationships of love instead of battles
Step 3 is to Enrich the Soil with the proper nutrients

Here is how to enrich the soil of your home:

1. Observe. Think about your typical day. How do you spend your time? Maybe go through your day tomorrow and write down what you are doing and how long it is taking. Or you can take pictures of the different things you do through the day and then go back and get a vision of you typical day.

2. Ask. The first question to ask yourself now is, "What is my goal?" Think big - what is your overarching goal for everything you do? When I think about this question, I would say that my goal in life is to lead my family back to Christ. That is what I want to spend my time doing.

As I look at my life through the lens of my goal, I can ask myself, "Are the things I do in my day helping me reach my goal?"

3. Evaluate. I can look at my typical day with this question in mind: I get out of bed (important part of progress ;-) ) Next, I pray and think about how I can dedicate my day to God. Then I make my bed...does this contribute to my goal? Well, yes - it reminds me to start with myself in creating a loving environment. Making my bed is a daily reminder that my heart must be full of love in all that I do. For someone else, making their bed could remind them of starting fresh each day... the point is that even something as simple as making a bed can help me reach my overarching goal. I go through my day to see if what I do helps me reach my goal.

4. Discard. If I come across something in my day that does not seem to contribute to my goal, I get rid of it. Seriously. I know some people want to disagree with this. "What? You mean you have to have a spiritual reason for everything you do???" Well, to be honest, I can find a spiritual reason for almost everything, but if I cannot - then I know I need to let it go. If I can't find a spiritual reason for teaching my kids math - I don't teach them math (I have found some, though, btw) I don't have time for things that don't contribute to my goal. And neither do you.

Don't be afraid to discard things. If you take something out of your life that Heavenly Father wants you to put back in - He will guide you to the spiritual reason for it - which will bless you with the motivation to put in the effort (like He did for me and math). Discarding is an act of faith and He will bless you for it.

5. Prioritize. I have found many, many things that can help me lead my family back to Christ. Such as: personal scripture study, prayer, journal writing; family scripture study, prayer, home evening; family morning devotionals, family work, nature time, wholesome recreation, wholesome meals, eating together, preparing meals together, regular one-on-one time, date night with my husband, daily dialogues with my husband (a communication tool), family learning time, individual learning time, exercise, temple, fasting, serving in our home and community, mentoring in the community, magnifying callings, family reading time, teaching my children basic skills, teaching values, etc.

Obviously, I need to prioritize and figure out what is most important as well as what needs to be done first each day, each week, each month. And then I make a flexible plan (open to changes according to the Spirit) to make it happen.

6. Remember. Once you have a plan in place - it is important to remember the "why" as you go forth to act on each item. I could do the dishes just because it is on my list, or I could do the dishes remembering that I put this on the list because I wanted to serve my family, there is a symbolic beauty in cleaning the vessels we use to nourish our bodies, I want a clean kitchen where family wants to gather, etc. If I can remember the "why" of each thing I do as I do it, it will keep my thoughts focused on Christ (always remembering Him), it will help me live in the moment with joy, and it will bring His Spirit to my heart and home.

It is important not to rush through our "to do" list, but to stop, remember, embrace the reason we put that action into our lives.

7. Evaluate. At the start and end of each day I can see what went well and what didn't. I can learn what I need to change or if I need to discard some good things to make time for the best things.

Example:
For an example of what this may look like, here is how I am structuring my day right now. This does not happen everyday (right now the thing that keeps getting skipped the most is exercise, so I need to reevaluate how to make time for it), but this is the ideal that I practice achieving each day. I attach a reason to each section of my day so my "why" is obvious to me as I look at my schedule.

1. Connect with God:
Clean my room (prepare my personal environment),
Read my scriptures,
Pray and listen,
Write in my journal and plan my day,
Exercise (tune the instrument of my spirit).

2. Connect with my Family to God:
Family Devotional (hymn, prayer, conference talk)
Science (we look at the lessons in God's creations - it is like an object lesson for a spiritual truth), Spanish (to remind us to serve all humanity and that service begins at home)

3. Family Service and Basic Skills (or weeding in the sunshine)
-We clean the house, or in other words, get rid of distractions (each person has a daily job - room, zone, laundry, kitchen job; weekly job - vacuum, bathroom, or mopping; deep clean job; meal prep job; weeding zone) This helps us learn to be disciples of Christ as we practice obedience, hard work, service, cleanliness and kindness toward each other
- Each person has some skills they must work on before they can move on to learning the things they want to learn about. Skills may include reading, writing, math, music (depending on what that child needs at this time).

4. Breakfast*  (nurture the instrument of our spirit and build relationships)
-Share personal ah-has from scriptures and practice kindness
*Breakfast usually happens sometime in the midst of working on #3

5. Lunch (see breakfast)
-Some share their ah-has here if they didn't read their scriptures before breakfast

6. Personal Prompting List - (learning to hear the Voice of The Lord)
-I encourage everyone to write down promptings they receive each morning, or through the day, on a list and to try to get some done each day.

7. Learning Time - Increase in Learning and Wisdom (the application of what we learn)
-Most of us read or prepare for classes. We were prayerful about which classes to sign up for (would they help us in our goals to grow closer to God?)
-The little ones play and practice kindness.

8. Family Dinner (family bonding and teaching one another)
We quick-clean the house while we prepare for dinner
We share our ah-has from our learning time,
Dad usually updates us on what is going on in the world,
We serve and clean the kitchen together

9. Family Scriptures and Classic (family unity)
-We read and discuss scriptures
-Mom reads a classic to everyone
-Dad takes little ones to bed (or anyone who is not able to sit still and listen to mom reading).

10. Bedtime Routines (one-on-one time)
-Mom or Dad pray with each child
-Little ones always ask for their mommy cuddles
-Older ones often talk or share at bedtime too

11. Couple Time (the marriage relationship is the foundation of a happy home)

12. Evaluation time (journal writing, prepare for the next day)

We also have some things we try to fit in weekly or monthly:
Dates with kids (Tuesday nights), nature time (Tuesdays and Thursdays) temple (Saturdays), callings (Wednesdays), classes, shopping, etc.

Again, this is the ideal. It is how I visualize my day and what I keep in my vision as I go through the reality of each day (which often looks rather different ;-) )

Everyone will structure their day differently, but I hope this example gives a picture of what I mean by "enriching the soil" and putting things in our day that get us to where we want to be.

Here are some more pictures I just uploaded from my phone of our summer (most wouldn't transfer - if any techy can tell me why that would be - I would love to get the rest of the pictures off my phone!):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manti Pageant

swim lessons

 

Learning How to Breathe (with some pictures from the week)

I hated running the mile in Junior High. Our P.E. teacher would set her stop watch to time us, line us up and make us run around the big field in front of our school. Usually the boys were out in that field playing some sport and could see my humiliation. I would start running for a few minutes and was quickly out of breath. I would walk for a few minutes so I could breathe again, and then I would try to run until I couldn't breathe. It was torture. I always came in close to last, dizzy, and sweaty.

(Gem teaching his sister how to exercise)

One day, I was talking to my mom and mentioned how much I hated running the mile. She listened with concern and then she asked, "How do you breathe when you run?"

"I don't!"

"When I was training for track under an Olympics coach, he taught me to breathe differently when I would run."

This Olympic coaching was news to me and I asked her about it, but she took me back to my original question...

"It is a long story, and life took me in a different direction, but I did learn how to breathe."

"What did he teach you?"

"Try breathing in for two quick breaths and then out one breath."

"Really? That seems unnatural... I don't know if I can do it while I run."

"Try it, it just takes a little practice."

So I practiced this the next time we had to run the mile. It was kind of awkward and I couldn't do it the entire time, but I did find that it helped. The next time I ran, it started feeling more natural. It only took a couple of times before I could run the entire mile and come in near the front of the group. Who knew such a simple thing could make such a difference?

 I love hearing my babies take their first breath right after they are born, knowing that their lungs are working, and feeling the wonder of their being alive and new to this mortal world. I also love seeing them take their first breath after they come out of the waters of baptism and seeing their smile as they are "born again" and have made the choice to follow Christ - the source of the breath of life.

I have been pondering "breath" this Easter season - what a gift it is to be alive and breathing - seeing the blossoms on the trees, hearing the laughter of my children, feeling their chubby arms around my neck. And what a gift it is to know that because of my Savior's sacrifice - they, and I, will live forever. Joy, laughter, and love never have to end!

This seems like a good time to insert some pictures of our week :-):

 Origami exhibit at BYU

I love that expression

Bud, patiently waiting at the park for the girls to finish art class

 Spontaneous picnic at a near-by park:

What a gift is life! (I have been learning about "breath" in the scriptures and in Hebrew. The letter "Hey" in Hebrew means breath and revelation - breathing in God's Spirit and connecting to Him. Breath is very symbolic really. Have you ever thought about it? I do not see life the same way since I learned about the letter Hey - it might be my favorite Hebrew letter because I see it constantly all around me, and as I see it, I feel connected again to my Heavenly Father. I invite you to research "breath" or "revelation" in the scriptures and see if you don't start to see the connections all around you.  Here is a video to help you get started - it is worth the time it takes to watch it, I promise!):


It occurred to me, during my run on Friday, that this life is about learning how to breathe. I sometimes yearn to live in a little cabin in the mountains where my little ones can chase squirrels and we are surrounded by pine trees with a little stream where we can make dams and race leaf-boats. Or to live in the 1800s where people walked to each other's homes and talked and danced and had only 3 dresses to take care of.

Lancaster.com

I realize now that what I am yearning for is that constant connection to God. I want to be breathing in His Spirit at all times and feel His beauty, majesty, and love all around me. I want to step away from all distractions and just breathe. I love my daily moments of breathing-in my life and being filled with joy, gratitude and love. The Atonement is what made that connection possible despite my shortcomings. I love my Savior for what He did for me.

Making a daily priority list has been a huge step for me in learning how to breathe. I am a "bouncer." I bounce from idea to idea and love starting new projects. It is a gift to have ideas and to be excited about trying them, but it has also sometimes held me back from developing habits which only come from persevering with something through thick and thin. I now find myself more often living in the present moment more fully, while still feeling like I am calmly progressing to higher ways. I do remind myself - often - that my priority list is a tool. Finishing everything on the list is not my goal. But using it as a reminder of what is most important to me in my journey of learning how to love as He loves (or, in other words, learning how to breathe-in His Spirit) is why I need it.

I did find that having the list on the phone sometimes made it easier to get side tracked with checking emails or social media real quick before moving onto the next task, so I deleted the email and facebook apps from my phone. Sure, I could still use the internet to get to them - but who has time to do that? I decided to only check emails or Facebook when I am on the computer and never on my phone (unless it is important, of course) so that has also helped a lot. It has been nice. I am feeling more like I am living in my cabin in the woods :-)

Our church has a conference twice a year where we get to hear from the prophet and apostles of the Lord and other leaders. Talk about a breath of fresh air! We got to hear from them yesterday and we get to listen again today. I LOVE this time of year. Here is a link to the conference if you would like to hear what they have to say. You can look at past talks or watch it live in a few hours at 10 am and 2 pm mountain times. What a great way to spend your Easter!  They have been talking a lot about safeguarding the family and staying focused on what matters. My favorite talk so far has been one that talked about tuning our homes to the music of the Lord. He said,  "Sometimes in our homes we are successful in teaching the dance steps, but are not as successful in teaching how to hear the music" - the whole talk by Wilford W. Anderson was profound. I also LOVED Linda K. Burton's talk - it inspired me to better appreciate my good husband. Elder Bednar's gave me greater understanding about the difference between worldly fear and Godly fear - so enlightening! And Elder Christofferson's talk about marriage was one of the greatest sermons I have ever heard on the topic. Everyone who is married or hopes to be really should read it and ponder it.  It is so very needed in our world!

It sounds like the family is waking up. Thanks to my loving Savior, I am off to live another day! Have a happy Easter!