The Tale of Our Quest: Teaching and Anger

Pick Your Attitude by Spice
Would you like to be happy
Or would you like to be snappy?
Want to be sad?
Want to be mad?
I don't know, go ask you dad.
My dad probably would want me to be happy
He would probably never ever want me to be snappy!
He wouldn't want sad
He wouldn't want mad
I think I would want to agree with my dad.
Happy? Snappy?
Sad or mad?
I hope you agree with my dad!

The other day, we were talking about anger during our morning devotional. I told the kids that a lot of times the decision to get angry happens so fast that we may not even notice it. It's a split-second kind of decision. For me, I start to feel a "boiling" kind of feeling in my heart and then the choice is so fast - I can give in to it and yell or I can choose to calm down, but once I make the choice, there are always consequences.

We read this quote by Pres. Thomas S. Monson from the November New Era:

"To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible....I ask, Is it possible to feel the Spirit of our Heavenly Father when we are angry? I know of no instance where such would be the case.”

Later that day, the kids were giggling and playing with each other, I asked them for something and they ignored me. I asked them again, a little louder, and still it was as if I wasn't even there. One of my biggest pet peeves is being ignored. I felt myself getting mad and was just about to yell when I remembered our lesson and instead I said (in an exited voice), "Guess what?" (That got their attention).
"What mom?"
"I was getting mad at you guys for ignoring me, and I was feeling that "boiling" feeling so I was just about to yell - but then I stopped myself and I chose not to get angry! Isn't that great?! Everyone say, 'Good Job Mom!'"
They laughed at me and said, "Good Job Mom!"

Later on in the week, we were folding clothes and a couple of the kids started play-fighting on the couch and were on the verge of knocking our laundry piles to the floor.
"Guys, please stop, you're going to knock the laundry down."
I'm ignored.
"Seriously guys, you need to stop."
I'm ignored again.
I throw a sock on the floor and I begin to yell, "Guys! I just told you... wait, I'm loosing my temper. I need to take a deep breath..."
They laughed at me again, but they stopped and started helping me again. They appreciated my efforts.

I've had a few similar incidences since then. The kids think it's funny, but I really think they're learning that it is possible to control your anger. Spice is specially trying and has asked me for advice on how to get rid of the bad feeling that lingers even after you've chosen not to yell. We've talked about praying, scriptures, deep breaths and practice. If she starts practicing these things at her age - she's going to be so great at it by the time she gets to be my age!

I think back on all the times I've lost my temper and lectured or yelled to get what I want. What a waste of time! I was trying to teach them something, but their hearts were not going to be changed when I was approaching them in that attitude. I'm sure they were just thinking of all the ways I was being unfair instead of how they could change to be better.

“If ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach” (D&C 42:14).
if we teach by “some other way it is not of God” (D&C 50:20).

What irony that so often I try to teach my kids and correct their behavior right after they've done something wrong and I am upset. It all goes over their heads - all it changes is their feelings towards me - maybe to fear or to anger. This may get me what I want for the moment, but hearts are not changed and neither is their long-term behavior.

In teaching God's children whom He has entrusted to me - I just want to be an instrument in His hands. I know so little. If I can - like a musical instrument - keep myself well-tuned and clean, and not allow anger, or other distractions, to mess up the music He is trying to play - then my kids will want to change because of the beauty of the music.

It's easy to tell if I'm in the right frame of mind for teaching. My feelings are more tender towards my children. I am filled with love and compassion towards them. If I don't have this Spirit with me - then I need to get it back before I open my mouth to try to teach something.

It's quite the challenge, but I love challenges, and there is no challenge more worth the effort is there?