Getting the Little Ones Involved

This post is part of my thoughts on how to teach the kids to work.

I could use some help with this one.

I had an epiphany last week...

I've been worried that I haven't been able to give little Bazinks enough attention. He seems to act out in inappropriate ways at times and I know it's because he just wants attention and he's trying to get it in any way he can - even if it's negative.

I've been working on praising him a lot more often when I see him do something right or well, and I've been trying to make more play time with him.

I've been trying to spend lots of time playing "Hi Friends" with him and reading to him..

Anyway, none of these things seemed to be enough. He still seemed to be trying to get attention in negative ways. I worried, "Maybe I have too many kids and I can't give him what he needs!" I thought, or "Maybe he wasn't ready for the new baby." etc.

So, the other day, Spice, Bud, Little Miss and I were busy cleaning the bathroom. Bazinks was downstairs playing by himself.  It's kind of hard to get Bazinks to clean. Maybe it has something to do with the age - I was talking to a friend and her 3 year old is the same way. I'd say, "Bazinks - could you put this in the garbage for me?" He'd reply, "I'm so tired! Putting things in the garbage takes a wong time!" then he'd fall on the ground from mere exhaustion.

He comes up with all sorts of reasons why he shouldn't work:
"Putting things away makes me too tired."
"That takes such a wong time!"
"I'm so tired to clean up."
"I don't like guys with markers" (oh, wait, that was the excuse he used when he didn't want to say "hi" to the friendly guy that checks your receipt as you leave Sam's Club).
"That's too hard for me!"

I kind of wanted to teach him that working is fun so I didn't push too hard. Then it became easier to just not ask him much at all because it takes so long!

So as we were all busy doing our jobs, it occured to me, "No wonder he feels left out! I'm not involving him in our family work! He thinks he doesn't want to be involved, but I think he does."

After we were done, I called him. "Bazinks", I said, "Tomorrow, you will be three and a half," (actually he turned 3 1/2 last month, but who's counting?) "and I want to celebrate by making you a special treat because you are going to be a big boy and you will get to start picking a weekly job when we pick jobs in the morning."

I wasn't sure how he would feel about this, but he was ecstatic. He smiled and hid his smile under a blanket, as he often does.

The next day, we made some pumpkin cookies and we all congratulated him on being a big boy.

Then last Monday, it was time to see how things would go. I had all the kids pick their jobs and he picked his with a big smile on his face. He picked, "Vacuum the family room". I gave him the little hand held vacuum and I took the big one. I gave him certain areas to vacuum - the stairs, under the craft room table, etc. He loved it! We all praised him for the great job he did. The other kids are cute. They'll say things like, "You did that all by yourself?!? You are such a big boy now!" etc.

It's been a little hard to remember to have him come help us during the rest of the family work, but I've been trying and he's doing so much better! He especially doesn't like to stay to help clean the kitchen after a meal, but I remind him how much we need his help so we can get done quickly. If he doesn't want to help us then he can sit and watch, but he can't leave because we all need to stay until it's clean. He usually enjoys helping as long as he's doing the same thing I'm doing ("Come help me wash these dishes", etc.)

There are times when he still refuses to help though.  When we first started focusing on working more - the older kids complained quite a bit.  They very rarely complain anymore.  It has just become part of life, but I think Bazinks learned a lot from their earlier behavior.  Now I need to somehow undo some of the damage.  Here's what I'm going to do (and I would love some suggestions if you have any):

-Make sure he stays in the room with us when we're cleaning (he's pretty good at sneaking away when no one's watching - I need to keep a better eye on him).

-Make sure I praise him a ton when he helps (he thrives on praise).

-Have him do whatever I'm doing (he doesn't like to be given assignments, even though it's easier for me, I have to remember that he's still little and he enjoys doing whatever I'm doing - even though it will take me longer.)

-When he still refuses to work.... here's where I could use some help.  I'm not sure if I should put him in time-out because he gets to sit and not work until we're done.  This might be the right thing to do because I tell him that it takes us longer when he's not helping - so he has to sit in time-out a long time unless he's willing to help.  It seems like a pretty natural consequence.  I don't want to do the 10 item pick up with him because it takes so long.  He tends to take something and put it somewhere that he knows it doesn't belong so I have to go check every single item, and he thinks this is funny.  Maybe I should just focus on the positive and do a reward system with him.  I've thought about buying some "bubble tape" (his favorite) and giving everyone a little piece if we get done in a certain amount of time.  Maybe this would motivate him to help.  I'm going shopping today so maybe I'll try it and keep you posted.  Does anyone have other ideas?

He has been so much better about things when I ask him for his help lately (now that the expectation is there). He's noticed I treat him like I treat the other kids and that I need his help. He hasn't been acting up nearly as much because he feels more like part of the family now.  He loves the praise he gets when he helps out.  Maybe I just need to be patient and give him time to learn.  I'm glad he's on his way.  I don't know why this didn't occur to me sooner - of course working together builds family unity! Isn't that what I've been working on all along?

I'm so happy that he seems so much happier!