I don't have very much time, but I did want to let you all know that I am finally getting around to updating my goodreads account and I would love to connect with any of you so send me a friend request if you're on goodreads. My e-mail address is karenbates6@gmail.com.
Also, I found out the address for the "Mom's Night Out" on Tuesday where I will be speaking. It's 547 N. 500 E. in Orem. I'll be talking about 4 principles that I have found help establish a house of learning and order, as well as discussing how these might look in real life. I hope some people show up so we can have a discussion! Anyway, it's this Tuesday, March 1st at 7pm.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Some News
We've been out of town and busy lately so I haven't had a chance to write. Here are some of the latest happenings:
1) We're having a boy
The boys were excited, the girls were disappointed at first, but they're excited about another little boy now. The kids and I have decided on a name we all like, but Rock hasn't come around to it yet so we'll see if he thinks of something better.
2) We went to Disneyland
It was a last minute thing. Rock came home from work and said that his boss asked him to see if anyone wanted to take some PTO since things were rather slow. Since they recently hired someone that could do some of the clinical stuff he does - he volunteered to take a week off because he hasn't had more than a couple of days off of work in a couple of years. He wanted to take us to Disneyland. It is definitely not the #1 vacation spot I would have picked, but he sure had his heart set on it, and we all had a good time.
Ray's favorite place was the beach we went to the day before Disneyland. He liked chasing birds and playing in the sand. His least favorite ride seemed to be Pirates of the Caribbean, but that may be because it was the first ride we went on and he wasn't desensitized to the constant stimulation - or to the dark and scary images. He just hid his head in my chest and endured it. Poor baby.
Bazinks loved the trains, Buzz Lightyear and Toy Story. His least favorite was the Tower of Terror, but he was brave and tried everything he could try at least once.
Little Miss loved Soaring over California, Thundermountain and Indiana Jones. She hated Pirates and The Haunted Mansion.
Bud's favorite rides were Indiana Jones, Toy Story, and the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups (everyone seemed to love those. We ended up riding them 4 or 5 times). His least favorite was Tower of Terror - not so much because of the falling motion, but because the movie they showed scared him.
Spice's favorite rides were Indiana Jones, Flick's Flight, and Soaring over California. She didn't love the fast rides, but she went on all of them anyway (except Space Mountain and California Screaming).
My favorites were Storybook Adventure (the landscaping was beautiful), Tower of Terror (I love the dropping feeling), watching the kids feed the ducks off a private spot we found near the Ferris wheel at California Adventures, and watching Ray get so excited about seeing a bird whenever we were outside of a ride waiting for everyone to come out. It was interesting to see that he barely glanced at the fake birds and animals everywhere, but he got really excited when he saw the real thing.
Rock's favorites were "all of them, except Small World".
We stopped at Zion's National Park on the way home. I was hoping for some sunny hiking, but it was snowing. I convinced everyone to try a snow hike (even though we weren't prepared for hiking in the snow). They put on two jackets, a poncho and went for it. Our feet got very wet, but it was beautiful and everyone enjoyed it except Bazinks who whimpered the whole time. I thought he was was being kind of over-dramatic, but I realized later that he was sick. I'll have to take his protests a little more seriously next time. He was on the couch with a fever on Saturday night - the hike wasn't a very good idea!
3) I get to have our baby at home!
I went to a routine Doctor's visit and they told me when to schedule the upcoming tests. I wanted to ask about the tests and why I needed them again, but I go through this with every pregnancy and I was too tired to get into a discussion and have everyone look at me with an annoyed look because I am questioning their wisdom. It's the same feeling I get when I go to the hospital when I am in labor and everyone is telling me what to do and my requests get ignored and I have to submit to everything they say because they are the professionals. I had a strong feeling about calling the midwife and seeing how I felt about delivering a baby at home after speaking with her.
I went home and scheduled the appointment. Rock was nice enough to come with me and I had a list of concerns and questions to ask her. She was answered our questions in a much more thorough way than any doctor I had been to. She had a plan for every single situation I posed for her. She brings everything necessary for emergency (3 types of hemorrhaging medicine, resuscitation equipment, IVs, and more) She comes back to my home to check on me and the baby several times after he is born. She does all of the newborn tests, but she waits for most of them until the baby is a couple of weeks old - and she does them at my house (one of the most annoying things to me about having a baby at the hospital is how often they take the baby from me when he is just a few hours old to do test after test!)
Another reassuring thing is that we live 5 minutes from a hospital. If anything scary should happen, she could call the hospital and have them have doctors ready for me to come in - even if I was in the hospital when something scary happened, they would still have to call doctors and they would have to get ready - the process wouldn't be any quicker.
Anyway, she was so reassuring and we felt so good after the visit that Rock decided to go ahead and let me have this baby at home if I wanted to do it. I'm looking forward to the experience, assuming everything looks well in the prenatal appointments.
4) I get to speak at a MNO in Orem on March 1st.
The topic will be:
5) The deadline for the TJEd annual forum is coming up.
I've learned a lot every time I have gone. I'm debating about just buying the recordings instead of spending the money on going, but it's a fun thing to do with Rock and it gives us a chance to discuss new ideas. It's also nice to be surrounded by so many like-minded people. It's rather refreshing. I'm sure I'll just end up going. Click here for the information on the forum.
1) We're having a boy
The boys were excited, the girls were disappointed at first, but they're excited about another little boy now. The kids and I have decided on a name we all like, but Rock hasn't come around to it yet so we'll see if he thinks of something better.
2) We went to Disneyland
It was a last minute thing. Rock came home from work and said that his boss asked him to see if anyone wanted to take some PTO since things were rather slow. Since they recently hired someone that could do some of the clinical stuff he does - he volunteered to take a week off because he hasn't had more than a couple of days off of work in a couple of years. He wanted to take us to Disneyland. It is definitely not the #1 vacation spot I would have picked, but he sure had his heart set on it, and we all had a good time.
Ray's favorite place was the beach we went to the day before Disneyland. He liked chasing birds and playing in the sand. His least favorite ride seemed to be Pirates of the Caribbean, but that may be because it was the first ride we went on and he wasn't desensitized to the constant stimulation - or to the dark and scary images. He just hid his head in my chest and endured it. Poor baby.
Little Miss loved Soaring over California, Thundermountain and Indiana Jones. She hated Pirates and The Haunted Mansion.
My favorites were Storybook Adventure (the landscaping was beautiful), Tower of Terror (I love the dropping feeling), watching the kids feed the ducks off a private spot we found near the Ferris wheel at California Adventures, and watching Ray get so excited about seeing a bird whenever we were outside of a ride waiting for everyone to come out. It was interesting to see that he barely glanced at the fake birds and animals everywhere, but he got really excited when he saw the real thing.
Rock's favorites were "all of them, except Small World".
We stopped at Zion's National Park on the way home. I was hoping for some sunny hiking, but it was snowing. I convinced everyone to try a snow hike (even though we weren't prepared for hiking in the snow). They put on two jackets, a poncho and went for it. Our feet got very wet, but it was beautiful and everyone enjoyed it except Bazinks who whimpered the whole time. I thought he was was being kind of over-dramatic, but I realized later that he was sick. I'll have to take his protests a little more seriously next time. He was on the couch with a fever on Saturday night - the hike wasn't a very good idea!
3) I get to have our baby at home!
I went to a routine Doctor's visit and they told me when to schedule the upcoming tests. I wanted to ask about the tests and why I needed them again, but I go through this with every pregnancy and I was too tired to get into a discussion and have everyone look at me with an annoyed look because I am questioning their wisdom. It's the same feeling I get when I go to the hospital when I am in labor and everyone is telling me what to do and my requests get ignored and I have to submit to everything they say because they are the professionals. I had a strong feeling about calling the midwife and seeing how I felt about delivering a baby at home after speaking with her.
I went home and scheduled the appointment. Rock was nice enough to come with me and I had a list of concerns and questions to ask her. She was answered our questions in a much more thorough way than any doctor I had been to. She had a plan for every single situation I posed for her. She brings everything necessary for emergency (3 types of hemorrhaging medicine, resuscitation equipment, IVs, and more) She comes back to my home to check on me and the baby several times after he is born. She does all of the newborn tests, but she waits for most of them until the baby is a couple of weeks old - and she does them at my house (one of the most annoying things to me about having a baby at the hospital is how often they take the baby from me when he is just a few hours old to do test after test!)
Another reassuring thing is that we live 5 minutes from a hospital. If anything scary should happen, she could call the hospital and have them have doctors ready for me to come in - even if I was in the hospital when something scary happened, they would still have to call doctors and they would have to get ready - the process wouldn't be any quicker.
Anyway, she was so reassuring and we felt so good after the visit that Rock decided to go ahead and let me have this baby at home if I wanted to do it. I'm looking forward to the experience, assuming everything looks well in the prenatal appointments.
4) I get to speak at a MNO in Orem on March 1st.
The topic will be:
Creating an Inspiring Learning Environment through WorkHere is the class description:
Teaching children to work gives them more than just life skills. Work is what builds a strong and solid character. In the process, an environment is created that inspires a love of learning. Children come to see that learning is a privilege not to be taken for granted. They also develop the discipline that they need in order to choose to study hard instead of choosing to follow an easier path.I'm looking forward to putting it all together and hopefully getting more motivated to do better at it!
Come learn and discuss principles and practical ideas to help you create this learning environment in your home.
5) The deadline for the TJEd annual forum is coming up.
I've learned a lot every time I have gone. I'm debating about just buying the recordings instead of spending the money on going, but it's a fun thing to do with Rock and it gives us a chance to discuss new ideas. It's also nice to be surrounded by so many like-minded people. It's rather refreshing. I'm sure I'll just end up going. Click here for the information on the forum.
Monday, February 7, 2011
How to Thin Out Toys with Resistant Children
I've been meaning to write a response to a question someone asked a few days ago on my blog, and I slept in again this morning so I'll have to keep it kind of short, but I hope others will chime in with suggestions that have worked well for them.
The question is:
We had been reading the Little House on the Prairie series so they already had a vision of the order of a simple home and the value that the children placed on their few belongings. This helped a great deal because they saw they wanted that also.
I told them that we would be going through our things (theirs and mine) and we'd be giving away things that were not conducive to this simpler lifestyle. I told them to pick their 10 favorite toys that fell in the guidelines of what we could have in our home (no batteries, etc). It was hard at first for them to narrow things down - the girls had an especially hard time figuring out what stuffed animals to get rid of. I did let them keep a few "sets" (a set of trolls, or a set of Littlest Pet Shops) because they were being such good sports about it. We tried to do make it a family project.
Now I will admit, that when they weren't looking, before I had them go through the toys themselves, I did get rid of a few things that would have thought that they thought they wanted to keep, but I knew they wouldn't miss. I did keep them in the trunk of the car for a few days to make sure they really didn't miss them and become upset when they noticed they were gone. There were a couple of toys like that (stuffed animals), and I got them out of the car and gave them back.
I tried to be understanding, but also firm in the new standards. My son was really attached to the Wii so I said we could keep it, and that he could play it during "screen time". We have screen time for 2 hours on Saturdays. Sometimes we'll use it to watch a movie as a family, sometimes my husband will watch a sports game with the boys, sometimes they'll use it playing with a camcorder and making a movie. Sometimes they forget to use it at all. They rarely think to play the Wii anymore since it's become a very scarce part of their lives.
I told my older two children about this question on my blog and I asked them what they think a mother should do to help her kids part with their toys. My son said, "She should take them away and if they cry about it, she can put them in time-out!" He's a lot harsher than I am. My daughter said, "She should tell them why it's good for them and then get rid of them because it is."
They have gotten rid of many more toys than that first time around. They have grown accustomed to parting with "stuff" and not putting so much value on having it. They see how much more fun it is to play with a few simple toys than to have to pick up all of the parts and pieces of a whole bunch of toys. Their toy room was looking messy last Saturday so we went through and got rid of more. I used the same 10 item rule (don't ask me how they had more than 10 after we've done this several times and I haven't been buying toys - I don't know where they come from) and Spice could only think of 6 things she wanted to keep. Bud could only think of 8. Little Miss had a hard time narrowing down stuffed animals again, and Bazinks just wanted the foamy light sabers). It's a process, but just do as much as you can at first and it will get easier the next time, and easier the next...
Electronic toys and video games can be addicting, so you have to be pretty firm with your resolution because kids can fight hard for them. A child being very upset about it is proof, though, that they have too much access to them and they are becoming too much a part of their lives. I suggest reading the talk, Courageous Parenting if you haven't read it lately, before you have a talk with your children about something you know they will resist, but you know is the best thing for them. I have also heard that the book Simplicity Parenting is a really good one to help you feel more sure about the rightness of the decision to simplify because it goes into more detail about the many benefits for the children. I've been meaning to read it, but haven't gotten to it yet.
I hope that helps. Does anyone else have ideas that have worked for them?
The question is:
"I'm wondering how you were able to thin out their toys. Maybe my timing is wrong right after Christmas and all (I SO wish I had read it BEFORE I bought all those toys!!). I'm so afraid if I try to take away some of my 9 yr-old's electronic toys, he'll get pretty upset about it. (I have 5 children 9,6,5,2,9mo) I would love to hear how you handled it."For us, I first had to teach them what I had learned. I told them I learned some things at the conference I attended and from an article I read about how toys can be good learning tools or they can be distractions. I explained how toys with batteries were designed to entertain kids, just like TV. I explained how toys that make you use your imagination are the best kind of toys. I taught them the guidelines on how to tell which is which that I learned from the Headgates e-book (The more creative the toy-maker - the less creative the child, does it use or waste resources?, etc.) I tried to help them see the vision.
We had been reading the Little House on the Prairie series so they already had a vision of the order of a simple home and the value that the children placed on their few belongings. This helped a great deal because they saw they wanted that also.
I told them that we would be going through our things (theirs and mine) and we'd be giving away things that were not conducive to this simpler lifestyle. I told them to pick their 10 favorite toys that fell in the guidelines of what we could have in our home (no batteries, etc). It was hard at first for them to narrow things down - the girls had an especially hard time figuring out what stuffed animals to get rid of. I did let them keep a few "sets" (a set of trolls, or a set of Littlest Pet Shops) because they were being such good sports about it. We tried to do make it a family project.
Now I will admit, that when they weren't looking, before I had them go through the toys themselves, I did get rid of a few things that would have thought that they thought they wanted to keep, but I knew they wouldn't miss. I did keep them in the trunk of the car for a few days to make sure they really didn't miss them and become upset when they noticed they were gone. There were a couple of toys like that (stuffed animals), and I got them out of the car and gave them back.
I tried to be understanding, but also firm in the new standards. My son was really attached to the Wii so I said we could keep it, and that he could play it during "screen time". We have screen time for 2 hours on Saturdays. Sometimes we'll use it to watch a movie as a family, sometimes my husband will watch a sports game with the boys, sometimes they'll use it playing with a camcorder and making a movie. Sometimes they forget to use it at all. They rarely think to play the Wii anymore since it's become a very scarce part of their lives.
I told my older two children about this question on my blog and I asked them what they think a mother should do to help her kids part with their toys. My son said, "She should take them away and if they cry about it, she can put them in time-out!" He's a lot harsher than I am. My daughter said, "She should tell them why it's good for them and then get rid of them because it is."
They have gotten rid of many more toys than that first time around. They have grown accustomed to parting with "stuff" and not putting so much value on having it. They see how much more fun it is to play with a few simple toys than to have to pick up all of the parts and pieces of a whole bunch of toys. Their toy room was looking messy last Saturday so we went through and got rid of more. I used the same 10 item rule (don't ask me how they had more than 10 after we've done this several times and I haven't been buying toys - I don't know where they come from) and Spice could only think of 6 things she wanted to keep. Bud could only think of 8. Little Miss had a hard time narrowing down stuffed animals again, and Bazinks just wanted the foamy light sabers). It's a process, but just do as much as you can at first and it will get easier the next time, and easier the next...
Electronic toys and video games can be addicting, so you have to be pretty firm with your resolution because kids can fight hard for them. A child being very upset about it is proof, though, that they have too much access to them and they are becoming too much a part of their lives. I suggest reading the talk, Courageous Parenting if you haven't read it lately, before you have a talk with your children about something you know they will resist, but you know is the best thing for them. I have also heard that the book Simplicity Parenting is a really good one to help you feel more sure about the rightness of the decision to simplify because it goes into more detail about the many benefits for the children. I've been meaning to read it, but haven't gotten to it yet.
I hope that helps. Does anyone else have ideas that have worked for them?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Learning Practical Wisdom
I heard someone say the other day (somewhat in jest) that the Bible tells you the rules or commandments in the first few pages and then goes on to show how you can break all the rules. Of course this isn't totally true, there are plenty of examples of how obedience brings blessings, but I did think there was an element of truth in what he said (sometimes people were commanded to kill, etc)
My initial thought was that the reason for this is because Heavenly Father gives us commandments to keep us safe, but then expects us to follow the Spirit because that is how we grow and learn. We are not expected to just be puppets following a script of behavior all of the time (isn't that what the Pharisees tried to do?)
I listened to this interesting TED talk the other day. He gives several great examples about the importance of using practical wisdom. He talks about the difference between simply following the rules and truly choosing wisely. Watch it if you get a chance, it's very thought provoking.
He convinced me that this "practical wisdom" is something that is desperately needed in our world today. I asked myself, "How do I teach my children this practical wisdom?" The answer was simple. They learn it from the scriptures. The scriptures are full of stories in which people have to make difficult decisions and then they explain how they go about making the right one. They show example after example in how to develop the ability of making the right choice under any circumstance. They are a powerful, essential took in learning how to live in this sometimes perplexing world.
I have sometimes shared something with someone that I was inspired to do with our children (and every family is different so it doesn't mean that it is necessarily something someone else should do with theirs), but the person that I'm sharing it with might make some sort of comment like, "If the prophet thought that was so important, he would say something about it at conference," or something along those lines. I wonder why we sometimes think that the leaders of the church are expected to give us some sort of script to follow and all we have to do is follow that script. Didn't the Lord say, "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."?
A man came to our ward to give us the 5th Sunday lesson yesterday. I was so impressed with it. He mentioned that if the only time we are receiving revelation for our family is twice a year during general conference then we are living below our privilege of having direct revelation from God about the stewardship He has blessed us with. One of the things he said was that he has pictured himself talking to Heavenly Father and when asked why he didn't do something he might reply, "You never told me to." To which God might reply, "You never asked".
Anyway, I am going to work harder at being anxiously engaged in a good cause while being a diligent seeker of truth and guidance for myself and my children. I don't want to waste this short, precious time I have with my children. I know I could do better. I'm going to work really hard on it today!
My initial thought was that the reason for this is because Heavenly Father gives us commandments to keep us safe, but then expects us to follow the Spirit because that is how we grow and learn. We are not expected to just be puppets following a script of behavior all of the time (isn't that what the Pharisees tried to do?)
I listened to this interesting TED talk the other day. He gives several great examples about the importance of using practical wisdom. He talks about the difference between simply following the rules and truly choosing wisely. Watch it if you get a chance, it's very thought provoking.
He convinced me that this "practical wisdom" is something that is desperately needed in our world today. I asked myself, "How do I teach my children this practical wisdom?" The answer was simple. They learn it from the scriptures. The scriptures are full of stories in which people have to make difficult decisions and then they explain how they go about making the right one. They show example after example in how to develop the ability of making the right choice under any circumstance. They are a powerful, essential took in learning how to live in this sometimes perplexing world.
I have sometimes shared something with someone that I was inspired to do with our children (and every family is different so it doesn't mean that it is necessarily something someone else should do with theirs), but the person that I'm sharing it with might make some sort of comment like, "If the prophet thought that was so important, he would say something about it at conference," or something along those lines. I wonder why we sometimes think that the leaders of the church are expected to give us some sort of script to follow and all we have to do is follow that script. Didn't the Lord say, "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."?
A man came to our ward to give us the 5th Sunday lesson yesterday. I was so impressed with it. He mentioned that if the only time we are receiving revelation for our family is twice a year during general conference then we are living below our privilege of having direct revelation from God about the stewardship He has blessed us with. One of the things he said was that he has pictured himself talking to Heavenly Father and when asked why he didn't do something he might reply, "You never told me to." To which God might reply, "You never asked".
Anyway, I am going to work harder at being anxiously engaged in a good cause while being a diligent seeker of truth and guidance for myself and my children. I don't want to waste this short, precious time I have with my children. I know I could do better. I'm going to work really hard on it today!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My Mischievous Children
I tend to think very highly of my kids. I think they are pretty awesome. I think it may sometimes come off as bragging in my posts, but I hope those of you that know me would know that I don't intend to brag. I want to be honest in how some of the changes we are making have been really beneficial for the children so I write about the positive benefits that I see. There are, however, some not-so-positive moments :-)
Here is some proof of the latest:
A little while ago, I fell asleep on the living room floor (I was probably listening to someone read to me - that always gets me drowsy, I can't sit in one place too long without falling asleep). I half-way woke up when I felt little hands tapping on my leg. It took me a couple of minutes to start wondering why little hands were tapping on my leg. I sat up and saw that little Ray had found a small canister of white tempera paint that his sister had left on the counter and was decorating my pants.
Monday, I asked the kids to keep an eye on Ray while I got into the shower. While I was in there, Bud, Little Miss and Bazinks decided it would be fun to stuff some long socks with smaller socks and use these socks as weapons. They got on my bed and proceeded to hit each other and fall. Bud was backing away from a hit, slipped off the corner of my bed, put his hand back to catch himself, and started screaming. I hurried and got out of the shower to see what was the matter. His wrist looked a little swollen so I put some ice on it, bandaged it up, and took him to Knights of Freedom (I figured we would keep an eye on it to see if it kept hurting and if I should take him to the Doctor). Yesterday, it still hurt him to twist his wrist, so I took him in. After lots of waiting and driving (to the Doctor, to the Hospital, back to the Doctor) he came out with a nice, new blue cast that he is very proud of.
When he learned he had a slight fracture on his wrist, he jumped for joy and exclaimed - "That means I won't have to do the dishes for three weeks!" We'll see if he's still so happy with it in a couple of days :-)
Yesterday, I was fixing lunch and realized I hadn't heard from Ray in a little while so I asked Spice to go check on him. I heard her say, "Oh no! Mom, you better come see this." That's never a good thing to hear. I went upstairs and found that Bud had left a permanent marker on his dresser after making himself a chart for scouts. Ray found it. Here is the pretty art he created on the bedroom wall (I took this picture after scrubbing the marker with some magic eraser - obviously the eraser didn't work).
Ray is learning to eat with utensils. He's doing a pretty good job, but once in a while he decides his hands are easier and that he would rather wear his food instead of eating it.
Maybe it's time to start putting this child in time-outs? Who could ever be mad at that sweet innocent face though? Notice he had the broom out and was trying to clean up his mess. As I was cleaning up, he tried to take the lid off the flour again and I sternly said, "No!" so he gave me a sweet hug as if begging me not to be cross with him. I got flour all over me, but he's too sweet for me to care. He's very good at getting his way.
Here is some proof of the latest:
A little while ago, I fell asleep on the living room floor (I was probably listening to someone read to me - that always gets me drowsy, I can't sit in one place too long without falling asleep). I half-way woke up when I felt little hands tapping on my leg. It took me a couple of minutes to start wondering why little hands were tapping on my leg. I sat up and saw that little Ray had found a small canister of white tempera paint that his sister had left on the counter and was decorating my pants.
Yesterday, I was fixing lunch and realized I hadn't heard from Ray in a little while so I asked Spice to go check on him. I heard her say, "Oh no! Mom, you better come see this." That's never a good thing to hear. I went upstairs and found that Bud had left a permanent marker on his dresser after making himself a chart for scouts. Ray found it. Here is the pretty art he created on the bedroom wall (I took this picture after scrubbing the marker with some magic eraser - obviously the eraser didn't work).
I know I should put a stop to this behavior as soon as I see it, but he's often too quick for me.
This morning, I saw a bucket of flour in the middle of the kitchen. Spice had made cookies last night and left the flour out. I didn't put it away because I wanted her to remember to clean up everything she gets out when she bakes, but I did lock the lid on so no one could get into it. I went to the couch to read my scriptures. Ray likes to sit next to me as I read (no one else is awake), after a while, he got up and wondered into the kitchen. I didn't think much of it because he loves to play with the cookie cutters on the bottom drawer and hang them up on the handles of the cupboards and drawers. After a while he peeked out at me and I saw flour on his face. I went to the kitchen and this is what I found:
I took a picture, of course, and then cleaned him off, swept the kitchen (today is mopping day so I didn't bother mopping) and locked the lid on the flour again, but I didn't put it away. Don't ask me why. Obviously, I wasn't thinking much. I went upstairs to start this blog post, Bazinks was up by then, and he and Ray were playing together in the front room. A little while later Bazinks came upstairs to tell me that Ray was playing with the flour. I hoped he had caught him before the mess was too big, but he hadn't. This time he decided to put it in his hair and throw it in the air so there was flour in all the nooks and crannies of the cupboard doors and drawers.
As curious as this child is, he's not the one that's causing me the most worries. Bazinks has picked up a strange new habit of picking out his eye lashes. He has had the longest, most beautiful eyelashes. His sister once told him he could make a wish and blow away his eyelash and he decided it was fun to pluck them out. I don't know how to stop it! They are almost all gone :-( Any suggestions?
He is also developing this new habit of yelling out annoying noises at random times which are becoming more and more frequent. Bud does this, so I'm sure that's where he picked it up, but he's doing it so much now that it's starting to drive me a little crazy. Maybe it's a call for attention? I'll make an effort to give him some one-on-one time today and see if that helps.
You may be wondering why I haven't said anything about the girls. They do get into trouble, but theirs is a more emotional type, not something you can take a picture of or really document in specific words. Except, Little Miss has decided that making nests with blankets and pillows is the best game to play and she's not very good at remembering to clean it all up when she is done. I'm getting a little tired of finding blankets and pillows in piles all over the floor. She's cleaning some up right now. They are sweet girls, but do have their moments of emotional turmoil that they are learning to calm down. They are getting pretty good at it though, so I can't complain.
My kids are telling me that Ray has a poopy diaper. Their rooms are a mess (even though they think they're clean) since we've been mostly out of the house the last couple of days and I haven't been checking up on them, so I guess I better go and get started on our day!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Headgates Change, Technology and Update
I wanted to quickly clarify something about a couple of posts.
First of all, I don't intend for my kids to grow up to be computer illiterate and technologically handicapped. I should have specified that headgates change as children mature. While I do think that staying away from even educational computer games, TV, electronic toys and such things is best for children when they are young, I do think that some of these things have their proper place as children get older. I do use the computer when my children ask a question that I don't have the answer to and I often print out some things I find. I really like my iphone. I also sometimes watch movies with the children - I especially like musicals or plays that we can see on TV, but may not be able to afford to take all of the children to very often. I must say though, that I don't think those things are necessary or important to their education at a young age.
When children are young - at least until the age of eight - they thrive on a concrete environment. This is true for even most of their education until the age of 12. They learn best when they have things that they can smell, feel, and taste - the more senses in involved the better! They need nature and other real experiences. This is how they build concrete connections in their brain that will help them make sense of the more abstract ideas they will encounter as they get older.
Creating a simple technology-free environment with plenty of outdoor time where they can make their own play and use their own imagination is ideal for young children. As children get older, providing books and writing utensils will get them interested in learning and hearing new ideas. When they are ready for a more scholarly study, technology can really enhance the opportunities for learning.
Right now, Spice is doing her math online (Aleks math). She chose to. She likes the structure and the record keeping that this provides. I don't intend to let her use the computer for anything else until she expresses an interest in typing papers, then I'll probably let her try a typing game to learn to type fast. Once she expresses an interest in doing more detailed research on specific topics at a scholarly level, and she knows how to adequately research books, I'll teach her how to do research on the internet and how to use various programs to present the information that she learns when she desires to express it. Until then, technology will only hinder her from learning the more important things she needs to be learning at her age.
Some people argue that technology is okay at a young age as long as there is a daily time limit on how they use it. There are a couple of things that I think are a problem with this. First of all, sometimes making something scarce makes it more valuable in the eyes of those who want it. For instance, I tried limiting Bud's Wii time to 20 minutes per day at one point (I never intended to get a video game system in the first place, but we got one given to us for Christmas and I couldn't make myself be the bad guy and return it). What ended up happening was that he would look forward to his Wii time throughout the day. He would periodically ask, "Is it 4 o'clock yet?" as if it were the highlight of his life. I didn't like that. So I tried limiting it to once a week. I was worried that this would only make him look forward to Saturdays. At first, that is what happened. However, since Saturdays were the only day they could have ANY screen time (they were allowed 2 hours) - if he wanted to watch a game with his dad or if we wanted to watch a movie as a family, then there would be no time left for the Wii. Also, Saturday was often a day that we went out to do things as a family so there was no room left for any screen time. I guess I tried to change screen time from a parent-limited activity to wholesome recreation we can do as a family when we choose to on Saturdays. He forgot about it after a while of doing without it and now he rarely remembers to ask to play the Wii if it is Saturday. If this wasn't the case, I would have had to get rid of it altogether (which would be fine for me, but might imply a sense of distrust that I wanted to avoid).
The second concern with this mentality is "why?" If there are better things for them to do with their time at their age - why resort to the addicting games or mind-numbing television shows, even if limited? Some people would say that it is so that they (the moms) can get things done. I empathize with this because when I had only small children at home - there were no older kids to play with them so it was tough to get things done when they wanted my attention so often. However, we are taking away from the time in which they could figure out how to make their own play when mom is busy and where they could practice not-being entertained by someone or something all of the time.
Someone said to me the other day that if she didn't allow any distracting, mind-numbing things in their house - she would be breaking up fights all day long. If this is the case, then we are using distractions to keep our kids from learning how to get along with one another. They need to socialize and have differences of opinion to learn how to work through those differences in appropriate manners. If we keep them distracted from each other, they will likely not learn to get a along with members of their family (and others whom they'll get to know on a deeper level) - and this would have very detrimental effects in the long-run.
Anyway, those are my experiences and thoughts. Maybe limiting screen time daily would work for some children. My girls didn't seem to care about playing the Wii when they had only 20 minutes per day, but then again, I wouldn't have felt the need to set a limit on it for them because they didn't care about it in the first place. Different kids have different interests that attract them. If these interests are the kind that will help them become better people or help develop their ability to serve, then they are possibly talents that we should help them pursue, but if they are time-wasting, creativity-mimicking, useless hobbies then we should direct their passion to something better that will help them grow in ability and character.
The other post that I wanted to make a clarification on was my post about being over-zealous. I didn't mean to imply that there is no such thing as being over-zealous. There is definitely a danger in getting so caught up on one principle of the gospel that we neglect other principles and duties. Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an excellent talk about how our strengths can become our weaknesses if we get too caught up in them, but in it he also makes the point that I was trying to make in my post (except he does it much better). He said,
Okay, and now that I've tried to clarify a few points, I do want to briefly mention how we are doing this week.
First of all, I don't intend for my kids to grow up to be computer illiterate and technologically handicapped. I should have specified that headgates change as children mature. While I do think that staying away from even educational computer games, TV, electronic toys and such things is best for children when they are young, I do think that some of these things have their proper place as children get older. I do use the computer when my children ask a question that I don't have the answer to and I often print out some things I find. I really like my iphone. I also sometimes watch movies with the children - I especially like musicals or plays that we can see on TV, but may not be able to afford to take all of the children to very often. I must say though, that I don't think those things are necessary or important to their education at a young age.
When children are young - at least until the age of eight - they thrive on a concrete environment. This is true for even most of their education until the age of 12. They learn best when they have things that they can smell, feel, and taste - the more senses in involved the better! They need nature and other real experiences. This is how they build concrete connections in their brain that will help them make sense of the more abstract ideas they will encounter as they get older.
Creating a simple technology-free environment with plenty of outdoor time where they can make their own play and use their own imagination is ideal for young children. As children get older, providing books and writing utensils will get them interested in learning and hearing new ideas. When they are ready for a more scholarly study, technology can really enhance the opportunities for learning.
Right now, Spice is doing her math online (Aleks math). She chose to. She likes the structure and the record keeping that this provides. I don't intend to let her use the computer for anything else until she expresses an interest in typing papers, then I'll probably let her try a typing game to learn to type fast. Once she expresses an interest in doing more detailed research on specific topics at a scholarly level, and she knows how to adequately research books, I'll teach her how to do research on the internet and how to use various programs to present the information that she learns when she desires to express it. Until then, technology will only hinder her from learning the more important things she needs to be learning at her age.
Some people argue that technology is okay at a young age as long as there is a daily time limit on how they use it. There are a couple of things that I think are a problem with this. First of all, sometimes making something scarce makes it more valuable in the eyes of those who want it. For instance, I tried limiting Bud's Wii time to 20 minutes per day at one point (I never intended to get a video game system in the first place, but we got one given to us for Christmas and I couldn't make myself be the bad guy and return it). What ended up happening was that he would look forward to his Wii time throughout the day. He would periodically ask, "Is it 4 o'clock yet?" as if it were the highlight of his life. I didn't like that. So I tried limiting it to once a week. I was worried that this would only make him look forward to Saturdays. At first, that is what happened. However, since Saturdays were the only day they could have ANY screen time (they were allowed 2 hours) - if he wanted to watch a game with his dad or if we wanted to watch a movie as a family, then there would be no time left for the Wii. Also, Saturday was often a day that we went out to do things as a family so there was no room left for any screen time. I guess I tried to change screen time from a parent-limited activity to wholesome recreation we can do as a family when we choose to on Saturdays. He forgot about it after a while of doing without it and now he rarely remembers to ask to play the Wii if it is Saturday. If this wasn't the case, I would have had to get rid of it altogether (which would be fine for me, but might imply a sense of distrust that I wanted to avoid).
The second concern with this mentality is "why?" If there are better things for them to do with their time at their age - why resort to the addicting games or mind-numbing television shows, even if limited? Some people would say that it is so that they (the moms) can get things done. I empathize with this because when I had only small children at home - there were no older kids to play with them so it was tough to get things done when they wanted my attention so often. However, we are taking away from the time in which they could figure out how to make their own play when mom is busy and where they could practice not-being entertained by someone or something all of the time.
Someone said to me the other day that if she didn't allow any distracting, mind-numbing things in their house - she would be breaking up fights all day long. If this is the case, then we are using distractions to keep our kids from learning how to get along with one another. They need to socialize and have differences of opinion to learn how to work through those differences in appropriate manners. If we keep them distracted from each other, they will likely not learn to get a along with members of their family (and others whom they'll get to know on a deeper level) - and this would have very detrimental effects in the long-run.
Anyway, those are my experiences and thoughts. Maybe limiting screen time daily would work for some children. My girls didn't seem to care about playing the Wii when they had only 20 minutes per day, but then again, I wouldn't have felt the need to set a limit on it for them because they didn't care about it in the first place. Different kids have different interests that attract them. If these interests are the kind that will help them become better people or help develop their ability to serve, then they are possibly talents that we should help them pursue, but if they are time-wasting, creativity-mimicking, useless hobbies then we should direct their passion to something better that will help them grow in ability and character.
The other post that I wanted to make a clarification on was my post about being over-zealous. I didn't mean to imply that there is no such thing as being over-zealous. There is definitely a danger in getting so caught up on one principle of the gospel that we neglect other principles and duties. Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an excellent talk about how our strengths can become our weaknesses if we get too caught up in them, but in it he also makes the point that I was trying to make in my post (except he does it much better). He said,
"As I conclude, I need to caution myself and each of my readers that the very nature of this message could tend to the same downfall that it warns against. The idea that our strengths can become our weaknesses could be understood to imply that we should have “moderation in all things.” But the Savior said that if we are “lukewarm,” he “will spew [us] out of [his] mouth” (Rev. 3:16). Moderation in all things is not a virtue, because it would seem to justify moderation in commitment. That is not moderation, but indifference. That kind of moderation runs counter to the divine commands to serve with all of our “heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), to “seek … earnestly the riches of eternity” (D&C 68:31), and to be “valiant in the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:79). Moderation is not the answer."He then talks about how the answer to not letting our strengths become our downfall is humility.
Okay, and now that I've tried to clarify a few points, I do want to briefly mention how we are doing this week.
- Ray is sick and I'm home from church today taking care of him.
- Bazinks has discovered a love for numbers and is often asking what something plus something is or showing us a number he can read. He can add quite fast in his head numbers up to 20. We are rather impressed with his newly-found talent.
- Little Miss and Spice are half-way through The Chronicles of Narnia (Bud is a great inspirer - when he gets excited about something - everyone else seems to catch it).
- Bud finished the Chronicles of Narnia and is now reading Huckleberry Finn
- I finally finished Les Miserables - It was beautiful, insightful and beyond my level. I think it would have helped if I had read Homer and some French history (and other things he references that I wasn't familiar with). However, I still gained a lot from it. I loved the way he used language to create some powerful insights. I was frustrated with Marius through the entire book, but that's probably more because the play made him out to be some sort of hero where in the book he was more of an absentminded dreamer. I'm glad I read it, though. It is definitly worth experiencing and I plan to read it again when I'm more educated and can grasp more of it's significance.
- Sorry, the last bullet-point was too long for a bullet point.
- We got to experience the Carl Bloch exhibit at BYU yesterday. If you live anywhere within 100 miles of it - you need to go! It was incredible. The kids gathered around each painting, pointed out the details and we discussed their significance. They loved seeing the texture, brush strokes, actual size, vivid colors and many details of these paintings they have seen often in church publications. What a beautiful talent to develop - putting colors together to create such beauty and emotion.
- Maybe I shouldn't attempt to write in bullet points.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
TV and Other Headgates: what I have noticed so far
When we lived in Texas, a little over two years ago, my oldest two kids went to school. Since I just had the youngest two at home, I would usually put on an educational TV show in the morning so that I could "get stuff done" without interruptions. My time limit on TV was one hour, but it would occasionally go to an hour and a half and sometimes even two hours on the really busy days - which were more often then I'd care to admit. During the summer, I had the same "one hour" rule with the TV for all of the kids, but I would also let them play educational games on the computer sometimes. By then, I had stopped watching the TV shows I liked (mostly TLC), when the kids were awake (at least for the most part) because I had noticed that even though it appeared that they were not paying attention, they could recount everything I thought they hadn't been listening to. I kind of wanted them to occupy their minds with their own thoughts.
I remember having one friend who didn't let her kids watch TV shows (Joanne - and her kids are amazing, by the way). I honestly thought they were missing out. I thought of all the educational shows that were available and I thought it was too bad that her kids didn't get some of the good benefits of TV.
When we moved to Utah and I started homeschooling, I decided that TV wouldn't be an option during the weekdays. The older kids were home and I wanted them to learn to work instead of keeping them entertained while I did the work. At first, work was pretty minimal for them, and I still had stuff to do once "school time" was over and they went out to play, but I found that even the younger kids could do quite a bit and were benefiting a lot from helping out. I realized that I should have been having the kids work with me all along instead of putting them in front of an educational show. The character building that takes place when a child learns to contribute and do hard things is so so so much more important than learning the ABCs from Sesame Street.
As I've cut out more of the wrong "headgates" in our home like the electronic or scripted toys, the computer games, too much "friend" time, etc. I have seen some things taking place that I hadn't expected.
We are left with toys that one needs an imagination in order to play with, so I see some pretty elaborate imaginative play. They are not used to the fast paced images on the TV or in video games so they are able to focus on the slower pace of beautiful music and language. They read, they practice piano, they write, they sing, they listen - because they choose to. They feel the intrinsic value of these activities, they are not so dulled by constant stimulation that they think these things are boring.
I've been thinking about this ever since we went to the Church History Museum last Friday. When we walked in, the sweet ladies invited us upstairs to the "children's exhibit". We told them we'd work our way up there, but that we wanted to see the other things first. The children were so involved in the things that they saw. They would read the captions and would excitedly tell me about them. Even Bazinks was facinated by what everyone was saying. We had visited the museum over a year ago, but the children got bored after a while and I found myself trying to read as much as I could, as fast as I could before they started getting into mischief. Not this time. The Sisters that were there were so happy to have such a captive audiance that they would occasionally come up to us and tell us some interesting facts about the displays. The kids paid close attention to everything they said. A couple of the ladies told us how impressed they were with the children.
We liked the children's display at the end of our visit, but they all were much more enthralled by the real things they saw downstairs (except maybe Bazinks, he liked fishing off Nephi's boat and building the Bountiful Temple at the children's display).
We watched a musical production the other day. Everyone paid attention the entire time (except the baby, of course, but he did like the music). Yesterday, they watched the entire "I have a dream" speech on Rock's iphone and they were glued to it like it was the most interesting thing to them. Only Bazinks asked how much longer it was, but he still watched the whole thing. They can sit through a Shakespeare play. They can notice the subtle beauty in the world around them. They delight in the way a certain violin plays a certain part in a symphony. They enjoy the way words create images, "Ooh, that's a cool way to say that," they'll point out. They are aware.
I was hoping that simplifying our lives and getting rid of distracting things would help them want to learn things, but I didn't know the extent of sensibility that they were capable of. Heavenly Father endowed them with a keen sense of beauty. They are capable of truly seeing things if we don't dull their senses with entertainment and stimulation.
People have expressed to me the concern (one I'm sure every homeschooler has heard) that if I shelter my children too much that they won't be able to function in the "real" world. I would say that my children are learning to actually see and understand the "real" world and will recognize the counterfeit when they see it. I think too many children are living in a warped sense of reality and will eventually have to have a jolt into the "real" world. Unfortunately, it won't always be too pleasant. Especially if the jolt comes late in life, or even more so, if it comes in the next life.
I am sure glad children are resilient. It has taken me longer to start noticing and being sensitive to the beauty and reality around me, but they are helping me along. I started this experiment for the sake of their education. I didn't realize the effect it would have on their character, their vision, their feelings and their whole being. If I were to put my older kids back in school now, I would be sure to guard those precious hours they have at home with a simple, plain environment where they could think and ponder their own thoughts, learn to see true beauty, find who they are, and see the world as it really is. Their childhood is so short. It is a shame to waste it.
Here are some pictures of the children's display at the Church History Museum. I didn't think to get my camera out earlier.
I remember having one friend who didn't let her kids watch TV shows (Joanne - and her kids are amazing, by the way). I honestly thought they were missing out. I thought of all the educational shows that were available and I thought it was too bad that her kids didn't get some of the good benefits of TV.
When we moved to Utah and I started homeschooling, I decided that TV wouldn't be an option during the weekdays. The older kids were home and I wanted them to learn to work instead of keeping them entertained while I did the work. At first, work was pretty minimal for them, and I still had stuff to do once "school time" was over and they went out to play, but I found that even the younger kids could do quite a bit and were benefiting a lot from helping out. I realized that I should have been having the kids work with me all along instead of putting them in front of an educational show. The character building that takes place when a child learns to contribute and do hard things is so so so much more important than learning the ABCs from Sesame Street.
As I've cut out more of the wrong "headgates" in our home like the electronic or scripted toys, the computer games, too much "friend" time, etc. I have seen some things taking place that I hadn't expected.
We are left with toys that one needs an imagination in order to play with, so I see some pretty elaborate imaginative play. They are not used to the fast paced images on the TV or in video games so they are able to focus on the slower pace of beautiful music and language. They read, they practice piano, they write, they sing, they listen - because they choose to. They feel the intrinsic value of these activities, they are not so dulled by constant stimulation that they think these things are boring.
I've been thinking about this ever since we went to the Church History Museum last Friday. When we walked in, the sweet ladies invited us upstairs to the "children's exhibit". We told them we'd work our way up there, but that we wanted to see the other things first. The children were so involved in the things that they saw. They would read the captions and would excitedly tell me about them. Even Bazinks was facinated by what everyone was saying. We had visited the museum over a year ago, but the children got bored after a while and I found myself trying to read as much as I could, as fast as I could before they started getting into mischief. Not this time. The Sisters that were there were so happy to have such a captive audiance that they would occasionally come up to us and tell us some interesting facts about the displays. The kids paid close attention to everything they said. A couple of the ladies told us how impressed they were with the children.
We liked the children's display at the end of our visit, but they all were much more enthralled by the real things they saw downstairs (except maybe Bazinks, he liked fishing off Nephi's boat and building the Bountiful Temple at the children's display).
We watched a musical production the other day. Everyone paid attention the entire time (except the baby, of course, but he did like the music). Yesterday, they watched the entire "I have a dream" speech on Rock's iphone and they were glued to it like it was the most interesting thing to them. Only Bazinks asked how much longer it was, but he still watched the whole thing. They can sit through a Shakespeare play. They can notice the subtle beauty in the world around them. They delight in the way a certain violin plays a certain part in a symphony. They enjoy the way words create images, "Ooh, that's a cool way to say that," they'll point out. They are aware.
I was hoping that simplifying our lives and getting rid of distracting things would help them want to learn things, but I didn't know the extent of sensibility that they were capable of. Heavenly Father endowed them with a keen sense of beauty. They are capable of truly seeing things if we don't dull their senses with entertainment and stimulation.
People have expressed to me the concern (one I'm sure every homeschooler has heard) that if I shelter my children too much that they won't be able to function in the "real" world. I would say that my children are learning to actually see and understand the "real" world and will recognize the counterfeit when they see it. I think too many children are living in a warped sense of reality and will eventually have to have a jolt into the "real" world. Unfortunately, it won't always be too pleasant. Especially if the jolt comes late in life, or even more so, if it comes in the next life.
I am sure glad children are resilient. It has taken me longer to start noticing and being sensitive to the beauty and reality around me, but they are helping me along. I started this experiment for the sake of their education. I didn't realize the effect it would have on their character, their vision, their feelings and their whole being. If I were to put my older kids back in school now, I would be sure to guard those precious hours they have at home with a simple, plain environment where they could think and ponder their own thoughts, learn to see true beauty, find who they are, and see the world as it really is. Their childhood is so short. It is a shame to waste it.
Here are some pictures of the children's display at the Church History Museum. I didn't think to get my camera out earlier.
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