Headgates Change, Technology and Update

I wanted to quickly clarify something about a couple of posts.

First of all, I don't intend for my kids to grow up to be computer illiterate and technologically handicapped.  I should have specified that headgates change as children mature.  While I do think that staying away from even educational computer games, TV, electronic toys and such things is best for children when they are young, I do think that some of these things have their proper place as children get older.  I do use the computer when my children ask a question that I don't have the answer to and I often print out some things I find.  I really like my iphone.  I also sometimes watch movies with the children - I especially like musicals or plays that we can see on TV, but may not be able to afford to take all of the children to very often.   I must say though, that I don't think those things are necessary or important to their education at a young age.

When children are young - at least until the age of eight - they thrive on a concrete environment.  This is true for even most of their education until the age of 12.  They learn best when they have things that they can smell, feel, and taste - the more senses in involved the better!  They need nature and other real experiences.  This is how they build concrete connections in their brain that will help them make sense of the more abstract ideas they will encounter as they get older. 

Creating a simple technology-free environment with plenty of outdoor time where they can make their own play and use their own imagination is ideal for young children.  As children get older, providing books and writing utensils will get them interested in learning and hearing new ideas.  When they are ready for a more scholarly study, technology can really enhance the opportunities for learning.

Right now, Spice is doing her math online (Aleks math). She chose to.  She likes the structure and the record keeping that this provides.  I don't intend to let her use the computer for anything else until she expresses an interest in typing papers, then I'll probably let her try a typing game to learn to type fast.  Once she expresses an interest in doing more detailed research on specific topics at a scholarly level, and she knows how to adequately research books, I'll teach her how to do research on the internet and how to use various programs to present the information that she learns when she desires to express it.  Until then, technology will only hinder her from learning the more important things she needs to be learning at her age.

Some people argue that technology is okay at a young age as long as there is a daily time limit on how they use it.   There are a couple of things that I think are a problem with this.  First of all, sometimes making something scarce makes it more valuable in the eyes of those who want it.  For instance, I tried limiting Bud's Wii time to 20 minutes per day at one point (I never intended to get a video game system in the first place, but we got one given to us for Christmas and I couldn't make myself be the bad guy and return it).  What ended up happening was that he would look forward to his Wii time throughout the day.  He would periodically ask, "Is it 4 o'clock yet?" as if it were the highlight of his life.  I didn't like that.  So I tried limiting it to once a week.  I was worried that this would only make him look forward to Saturdays.  At first, that is what happened.  However, since Saturdays were the only day they could have ANY screen time (they were allowed 2 hours) - if he wanted to watch a game with his dad or if we wanted to watch a movie as a family, then there would be no time left for the Wii.  Also, Saturday was often a day that we went out to do things as a family so there was no room left for any screen time.  I guess I tried to change screen time from a parent-limited activity to wholesome recreation we can do as a family when we choose to on Saturdays.  He forgot about it after a while of doing without it and now he rarely remembers to ask to play the Wii if it is Saturday.  If this wasn't the case, I would have had to get rid of it altogether (which would be fine for me, but might imply a sense of distrust that I wanted to avoid).

The second concern with this mentality is "why?"  If there are better things for them to do with their time at their age - why resort to the addicting games or mind-numbing television shows, even if limited?  Some people would say that it is so that they (the moms) can get things done.  I empathize with this because when I had only small children at home - there were no older kids to play with them so it was tough to get things done when they wanted my attention so often.  However, we are taking away from the time in which they could figure out how to make their own play when mom is busy and where they could practice not-being entertained by someone or something all of the time.

Someone said to me the other day that if she didn't allow any distracting, mind-numbing things in their house - she would be breaking up fights all day long.  If this is the case, then we are using distractions to keep our kids from learning how to get along with one another.  They need to socialize and have differences of opinion to learn how to work through those differences in appropriate manners.  If we keep them distracted from each other, they will likely not learn to get a along with members of their family (and others whom they'll get to know on a deeper level) - and this would have very detrimental effects in the long-run.

Anyway, those are my experiences and thoughts.  Maybe limiting screen time daily would work for some children.  My girls didn't seem to care about playing the Wii when they had only 20 minutes per day, but then again, I wouldn't have felt the need to set a limit on it for them because they didn't care about it in the first place.  Different kids have different interests that attract them.  If these interests are the kind that will help them become better people or help develop their ability to serve, then they are possibly talents that we should help them pursue, but if they are time-wasting, creativity-mimicking, useless hobbies then we should direct their passion to something better that will help them grow in ability and character.

The other post that I wanted to make a clarification on was my post about being over-zealous.  I didn't mean to imply that there is no such thing as being over-zealous.  There is definitely a danger in getting so caught up on one principle of the gospel that we neglect other principles and duties.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an excellent talk about how our strengths can become our weaknesses if we get too caught up in them, but in it he also makes the point that I was trying to make in my post (except he does it much better).  He said,

"As I conclude, I need to caution myself and each of my readers that the very nature of this message could tend to the same downfall that it warns against. The idea that our strengths can become our weaknesses could be understood to imply that we should have “moderation in all things.” But the Savior said that if we are “lukewarm,” he “will spew [us] out of [his] mouth” (Rev. 3:16). Moderation in all things is not a virtue, because it would seem to justify moderation in commitment. That is not moderation, but indifference. That kind of moderation runs counter to the divine commands to serve with all of our “heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), to “seek … earnestly the riches of eternity” (D&C 68:31), and to be “valiant in the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:79). Moderation is not the answer."

He then talks about how the answer to not letting our strengths become our downfall is humility.

Okay, and now that I've tried to clarify a few points, I do want to briefly mention how we are doing this week.

• Ray is sick and I'm home from church today taking care of him.
• Bazinks has discovered a love for numbers and is often asking what something plus something is or showing us a number he can read.  He can add quite fast in his head numbers up to 20.  We are rather impressed with his newly-found talent.
• Little Miss and Spice are half-way through The Chronicles of Narnia (Bud is a great inspirer - when he gets excited about something - everyone else seems to catch it).
• Bud finished the Chronicles of Narnia and is now reading Huckleberry Finn
• I finally finished Les Miserables - It was beautiful, insightful and beyond my level.  I think it would have helped if I had read Homer and some French history (and other things he references that I wasn't familiar with).  However, I still gained a lot from it.  I loved the way he used language to create some powerful insights.  I was frustrated with Marius through the entire book, but that's probably more because the play made him out to be some sort of hero where in the book he was more of an absentminded dreamer.  I'm glad I read it, though.  It is definitly worth experiencing and I plan to read it again when I'm more educated and can grasp more of it's significance.
• Sorry, the last bullet-point was too long for a bullet point.
• We got to experience the Carl Bloch exhibit at BYU yesterday.  If you live anywhere within 100 miles of it - you need to go!  It was incredible.  The kids gathered around each painting, pointed out the details and we discussed their significance.  They loved seeing the texture, brush strokes, actual size, vivid colors and many details of these paintings they have seen often in church publications.  What a beautiful talent to develop - putting colors together to create such beauty and emotion.
• Maybe I shouldn't attempt to write in bullet points.

I hope everyone else had a great week.  I really appreciate all of your comments and insights.  It's great learning from you all.  I forgot to thank "kitchenrecovery" earlier for her comment about Elder Christofferson's talk.  I'm going to watch it right now since I'm home missing church.  And thank-you all for your encouraging comments and kind words.