The question is:
"I'm wondering how you were able to thin out their toys. Maybe my timing is wrong right after Christmas and all (I SO wish I had read it BEFORE I bought all those toys!!). I'm so afraid if I try to take away some of my 9 yr-old's electronic toys, he'll get pretty upset about it. (I have 5 children 9,6,5,2,9mo) I would love to hear how you handled it."For us, I first had to teach them what I had learned. I told them I learned some things at the conference I attended and from an article I read about how toys can be good learning tools or they can be distractions. I explained how toys with batteries were designed to entertain kids, just like TV. I explained how toys that make you use your imagination are the best kind of toys. I taught them the guidelines on how to tell which is which that I learned from the Headgates e-book (The more creative the toy-maker - the less creative the child, does it use or waste resources?, etc.) I tried to help them see the vision.
We had been reading the Little House on the Prairie series so they already had a vision of the order of a simple home and the value that the children placed on their few belongings. This helped a great deal because they saw they wanted that also.
I told them that we would be going through our things (theirs and mine) and we'd be giving away things that were not conducive to this simpler lifestyle. I told them to pick their 10 favorite toys that fell in the guidelines of what we could have in our home (no batteries, etc). It was hard at first for them to narrow things down - the girls had an especially hard time figuring out what stuffed animals to get rid of. I did let them keep a few "sets" (a set of trolls, or a set of Littlest Pet Shops) because they were being such good sports about it. We tried to do make it a family project.
Now I will admit, that when they weren't looking, before I had them go through the toys themselves, I did get rid of a few things that would have thought that they thought they wanted to keep, but I knew they wouldn't miss. I did keep them in the trunk of the car for a few days to make sure they really didn't miss them and become upset when they noticed they were gone. There were a couple of toys like that (stuffed animals), and I got them out of the car and gave them back.
I tried to be understanding, but also firm in the new standards. My son was really attached to the Wii so I said we could keep it, and that he could play it during "screen time". We have screen time for 2 hours on Saturdays. Sometimes we'll use it to watch a movie as a family, sometimes my husband will watch a sports game with the boys, sometimes they'll use it playing with a camcorder and making a movie. Sometimes they forget to use it at all. They rarely think to play the Wii anymore since it's become a very scarce part of their lives.
I told my older two children about this question on my blog and I asked them what they think a mother should do to help her kids part with their toys. My son said, "She should take them away and if they cry about it, she can put them in time-out!" He's a lot harsher than I am. My daughter said, "She should tell them why it's good for them and then get rid of them because it is."
They have gotten rid of many more toys than that first time around. They have grown accustomed to parting with "stuff" and not putting so much value on having it. They see how much more fun it is to play with a few simple toys than to have to pick up all of the parts and pieces of a whole bunch of toys. Their toy room was looking messy last Saturday so we went through and got rid of more. I used the same 10 item rule (don't ask me how they had more than 10 after we've done this several times and I haven't been buying toys - I don't know where they come from) and Spice could only think of 6 things she wanted to keep. Bud could only think of 8. Little Miss had a hard time narrowing down stuffed animals again, and Bazinks just wanted the foamy light sabers). It's a process, but just do as much as you can at first and it will get easier the next time, and easier the next...
Electronic toys and video games can be addicting, so you have to be pretty firm with your resolution because kids can fight hard for them. A child being very upset about it is proof, though, that they have too much access to them and they are becoming too much a part of their lives. I suggest reading the talk, Courageous Parenting if you haven't read it lately, before you have a talk with your children about something you know they will resist, but you know is the best thing for them. I have also heard that the book Simplicity Parenting is a really good one to help you feel more sure about the rightness of the decision to simplify because it goes into more detail about the many benefits for the children. I've been meaning to read it, but haven't gotten to it yet.
I hope that helps. Does anyone else have ideas that have worked for them?
Love the article Karen. Great job writing it up. I agree about the electronic toys vs. non-electronic toys. My kids each have a Nintendo DS which they are only allowed to play on Friday night and Saturday and only for a limited amount of time after their chores are done and they've read their scriptures. Since we became more strict with electronics I've noticed my kids are nicer to each other and are more imaginative and willing to do their chores and help out. The electronics are also the first thing to go when they start arguing and complaining.
ReplyDeleteAnother great idea to thinning out the toys is to spread the word that you would prefer to not receive toys as gifts for birthdays & holidays. Offer suggestions like art supplies, books or giftcards to a favorite restaurant instead. This way, once you get them thinned down to the standards you will keep forever you won't have to continually go back and re-thin them.
I've also found that kids respond well to logic. If you explain to them why the toy isn't the greatest to keep or simply point out that it isn't being used they will see the light eventually. Also, you have to be the parent. Being afraid of your kids isn't a good thing and there can be a lot of love in the word "No". I love the idea of keeping the toys in the trunk for a week before donating just to be sure they're keepers.
From our very first toy purge, we have taught our children the principle of "less is more", and then allowed them to be a part of the process. We use 3 laundry baskets (the small, round ones.) One for "Keep", one for "Toss" and one for "Maybe". We then sort the toys into these categories and then go through the "Maybe" basket to decide what stays and goes. I can usually encourage them to get rid of half to most of the "Maybe" basket. I have found that it's not as hard to reason with our children as I thought it would be, and they understand most of my explanations as to why something should be tossed. When they get to be involved with the process, they feel more like they are helping with the toy purge as opposed to feeling like the toy purge is something that is happening to them!
ReplyDeleteWe got rid of more than half our toys to donate to victims of Hurricane Katrina a few years back. Then another 30% of what was left were donated to victims of hurricane Rita. It seemed easier for my children to part with their toys when they could see how much they had especially in comparisson to others who had nothing. Finding a cause to donate to helps kids to see their many blessings and gives them an opportunity to help others and feel good for doing so.
ReplyDeleteAs for electronic toys, we've never had too many of those. I've always been more of a proponent of toys and activities that require imagination rather than batteries. At my house, Legos are the toy of chose even for my 15 year old. As soon as batteries died, or were discretely removed, electronic toys were given away. And usually, when the kids see that the toys that I stored in the attic for 9 months weren't missed, they are ready to give them up, or at least drastically pare down.
Another idea is to have a treasure box, and if it can't fit in there, something's got to go. Same principle can apply to toys, clothes, books, games, art supplies, you name it. Moderation in all things.
Or if my kids do ask for things, I tell them they can buy it with their own money. Most of they time they change their mind about how much they really want that item.
Now we give activities as gifts to our kids. We throw them a party, or we all go to an event, like the circus or skiing. Most of the time, when I ask what they want for their birthday or Christmas, they don't even know what to ask for. (Or the things they ask for we flat out tell them that we don't think they are appropriate for them at this point. Things like cell phones and personal laptops. In our circumstances, those aren't neccessary.)
I believe that children mostly want time with their parents doing fun things. We conduct fun science experiments in the back yard (read: things that blow up! What can I say? I've got boys.) Or we all go sledding, or camping, or we just play tag or killer Uno. No toy can replace the memories we've made together as a family.
Hi Karen~
ReplyDelete(I wanted to let you know that I made my blog private, but the started a new one that is public. Here is the new blog address:
www.ramblingleaper.blogspot.com