Parent Centered vs Child-Centered Parenting (and pictures of Day 1 and 2 of Yellowstone)

I have written two public blog posts and 3 private ones since the last time I published a post on my learninglovedaily.net blog, but WordPress hasn't let me publish them for some reason. I think I may be out of storage space. Before I pay for a "premium membership," I'm going to try blogger again to see if the issues I had with it previously have been resolved.

I kind of missed this blog anyway ;-)

We went to Yellowstone last Thursday. Since there is a lot of time in the car when you visit Yellowstone, I was able to finish reading the book More than Happy: The Wisdom of Amish Parenting. I love that book. The principles in it are so needed in our fast-paced, individualistic culture.

Skipping Rocks

I will write some principles I learned in different blog posts and add our Yellowstone and Manti pictures from last week since I took so many  of them!

Roasting S'mores

Parenting Principle #1
Should a family be parent-centered or child-Centered?

"Hold you?" is what Joy would say when she was tired of walking

This is a common debate in parenting philosophies. In child-centered parenting, the family caters to the needs and wants of the children...

For example:
Johnny wants to play a sport? Okay - the family will sacrifice every Saturday morning and several week nights to take him to his games instead of eating and working together.

Sally doesn't want to eat her peas? Okay she can whine and disrupt dinner for everyone until she gets what she wants.

Michael is bored? He can interrupt adult conversations and make a fuss until someone thinks of some way to entertain him.

Cindy is the first in line at the family potluck and loads her plate with desserts, unconscious that there may not be enough for those at the back and that she should have allowed the elderly to take food first so they wouldn't have to worry about being shoved aside by an eager child.

Child-Centered parenting is pretty common in our culture so these examples probably sound rather familiar to all of us. I know I am guilty of parenting like this sometimes as is evident by the fact that Joy sleeps in my bed more often than not!

Parent-centered parenting examples:
I am busy updating Facebook so I don't want to hear about the boring things you have to say.

I have important projects to work on so don't bother me.

I don't have time to teach you kindness or obedience so I will just yell at you or threaten you with consequences when I get mad and hope that does the trick.

I don't want to be tied to a routine so you'll just have to learn to adapt to my every whim regardless of what you thought we would be doing.

Which philosophy is best? Child-Centered or Parent-Centered?

The Amish would easily tell you that they are both wrong. There is no such thing as parent vs child. But a family ought to be God-centered.

Why do we let the elderly go first at a potluck? Because it is what Christ would do. Why do we respect our parents and their conversations?  Because our needs are not more important than theirs. Why do we not whine at the table? Because we are making everyone around us uncomfortable and being ungrateful to our mothers - we don't put our wants above theirs.

As parents, why do we look away from our phone to look a child in the eye when they want to say something? Because they are worthy of respect and it's what God would do. Why do we put parenting before other important projects and take the time to teach our children kindness and obedience instead of just reacting with emotion when we feel like it? Because it's our most important stewardship from God.

But what about individual needs?  What if Johnny wants to play football and Sally hates peas and Lucy wants peace and quiet while she studies and dad wants to watch the game and mom wants time to herself? Shouldn't the family come second to the individual needs sometimes? More on this in my next post...

More pictures from our first 2 days at Yellowstone: