Nature vs Nurture or What the Amish Understand and We Should Too (and pictures of Yellowstone Day 3)

*The opinions expressed in this post are my own and do not necessary reflect the views of any family members I snapped pictures of on Yellowstone Day 3. :-)

 "As I probed further into Amish parenting, I quickly realized that Amish Parenting is not a method; it is the culmination of many beliefs deeply held by the entire community. One of the most important of those beliefs is that the family will be at the center of just about everything Amish people do... every decision, every choice, is made with the good of the family in mind, and the entire Amish culture is built around preserving and protecting the family unit..." - Serena B. Miller in More than Happy

Being LDS (Mormon), I though I was pretty family-focused in my actions. After all, the proclamation my church put out about the importance of family states that a family ought to be central in our beliefs as well, and it gives a solemn warning to us of what will happen if we fail to make it so:

"The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children...We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

But as I read about the lifestyle of the Amish, I realized that I was not as family-centered as I thought. My actions were not always in line with this principle.

I was often focused on individuals, assuming that strong individuals would make a strong family. This doesn't seem like a false assumption, but what if it is more accurate that my role is not to plant greatness into individuals (hasn't that already been done?) but to nurture that greatness with a strong family environment? Does that subtle shift in focus make much of a difference?

 Children are born with their potential already inside them, ready to grow. Sometimes as a culture, we think that we must cram a lot of stuff into our children as if they are blank slates and we need to mold them into what we think they should be. But anyone who has had children knows that they do not come as blank slates - they come with personalities, talents and interests that seem to have developed before ever stepping foot on this earth.

Another school of thought takes a different view by stating that parenting doesn't matter - it is so obvious that children come with their own personalities, that parents can just step aside and the child will be what they will be without parental interference. However, statistics, experience and common sense show that this is not the case either. Strong families do have more successful children.

Perhaps it is not a question of nature vs nurture. Perhaps we must simply nurture their nature.

If this is the case, our job as parents takes on a slightly different focus.

How does one nurture a child's nature?

By creating an optimal environment for the seed of potential in them to grow.

What is that optimal environment?

It's called a God-centered family.

A family is where a child learns how to live in a society and what it means to serve. If we teach our children to be self-focused instead of family-focused we will get the same consequences we see playing out in our current self-focused society.

Many divorces take place because one or more individuals are focused on seeking their individual happiness and become more and more miserable, instead of seeking the welfare of the family and finding happiness as they do so.

Homosexual marriages and families are another symptom of seeking individual interest. Children do best (and can only be born) with a male and a female parent. Homosexual parents may have great intentions and good parenting skills, but that does not change the fact that they are not raising their children in an optimal environment. Individual desires again trump the welfare of the family.

Abortion, birth control (for selfish purposes), and foster care are all more symptoms of a culture that has chosen to put personal desires above family.  In fact, most (if not all) societal ills can be traced back to a people who are seeking their own interest above the welfare of the family and community.

We fail to realize that when we loose ourselves in the service of our family - we find our purpose, our identity, and our happiness. When we focus on ourselves to the neglect of our family - we lose our purpose, we fail to understand ourselves and we end up miserable.

Mathew 10:39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

It does go counter-intuitive to think that seeking the welfare of our family and others will bring us happiness while seeking our own happiness instead will cause us to loose it. It is one of those principles that someone has to experience to believe. I can say that have seen proof of both again and again in my life. In my experience, the evidence is clear - this is, undoubtedly, a very true principle. Those who don't believe it can simply try it for a week and see.

But how does that translate into how I parent and on how I make decisions about individual needs and wants? Feel free to share your thoughts. In my next post, I will share what I have discovered about what I've been doing wrong and what I hope to do better.

More pictures from Yellowstone Day 3: