Digging Out of Overwhelmed, Happy Birthday James! (and pictures from the weekend)

Morning hike on Friday

A friend of mine recently realized that I was feeling overwhelmed. I haven't talked to her about this so I guess my posts have given it away :-)

I was glad she brought it up because it is true. And"overwhelm" is my biggest trigger emotion for wasting time and getting distracted. I want to run away mentally from all I have to do. And I feel guilty for being lazy.

The hike goes to a fun rope swing

It's largely this moving thing. I wasted much of last summer thinking I was moving too and feeling overwhelmed by it. Except this time I really am, but the new house won't be  ready until winter,  but we want to sell while houses are selling.. I didn't have time to do all I wanted to do with my day before this choice - and now I have to add getting the house ready to the list. And it's so boring, and I get constant interruptions, and I can't do as much as I'd like each day, and I'm neglecting the teaching of my children, and there are so many better things I'd rather do - like be in nature with my kids, read and study, write, create, learn, dance, play, be with friends.

I also feel terribly sad that were moving in a lot of ways (Even though it's good too). I have a heartache through the day that makes me feel heavy. While being with my friends makes me feel light and joyful. So then I choose to go out as much as possible.

I tried really hard yesterday to work up the desire to get my house ready. I kept thinking that if I just start, I would catch the motivation and desire to keep going, but I didn't catch it. I felt heavy and sad the whole time.  Each task dragged.

And the kids aren't working as hard as they could either. So it's deflating to see them getting distracted too. It's my fault - I'm beeing a bad example and also not following through with consequences for not doing a job or not doing it well. Doing all that teaching takes time.

I'm not enjoying my kids like I was before this choice to move.   Joy asks me to dance with her and I can do it for a few minutes before I feel I have to get back to all I have to do. James aks me to watch him do a trick outside and I'm watching and wishing he'd  hurry so I can get back to work. And then I go back to work, look around and distract myself with Facebook for a bit because I so don't want to do all there is to do.  My actions are not aligning with my values.

One good thing about distracting myself with Facebook yesterday though, is that I have good friends who say inspiring things.  From Mary:

Isn't that beautiful? It requires a bit of faith that doing what God asks me to do will give me what I seek as well, but I do know from experience that it is true. Do I know it enough to act on it? Or do I sacrifice it for what I want to distract myself with at the moment to run away from my tasks?

And I saw this from Sara:

Learn to be content with what we are.  I have had a hard time sleeping lately (I'm writing this at 3am... I'll write until I'm tired and I'll finish later this morning). Monday I was functioning on under 4 hours of sleep. And I still expected so much of myself. What if the insomnia is a tool to help me slow down? To accept that I can't do everything and to lower my expectations and enjoy things a little more?

Game night after the hike

What if I just wrote 5 priorities for the day each morning - things that align with my values about what really matters? And then enjoyed them? Because building relationships would be among them and I love building relationships.  Drawing closer to God and seeking His will would be on the list and I love doing that. Creating an inspiring environment for the kids would be on there...and creating something of worth to uplift those around me.  So would taking care of my body. All those things I value and love doing.

Now that I'm remembering the "why" I'm feeling that desire again that I've been missing. It's so important for me to mediate on my "why" everyday. And to take tasks off my list with less important "why's"

I talked to another friend last night after our Speech and Debate class. She reminded me that we need each other and we need to make friendship a priority in our busy lives. Community is so important. Even though we're moving, relationships can continue. Especially in our high tech world.

Thank-you to my inspiring friends for the reminders! I am so blessed to have living angels I can talk with. You are such a treasure to me.

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James turned 5 yesterday. We have several people in our family gone this week so we mostly celebrated on Sunday, and others in my family took most of those pictures, but we did go to Layton Family Fun Center yesterday for some bouncy time he asked for.

James has a sweet, sensitive spirit. His smile warms up any heart. He feels intensely - love, frustration, joy, anger, compassion... I know that as he learns to channel these strong emotions for good, he will be powerful in touching hearts.

I love his hugs,  the mommy cuddles he asks for every night, his thoughtful gaze as he tries to figure things out and explain his findings.

Common conversations:
James: Mom,  can I have mommy cuddles?
Me: Sure! What song can I sing you?
James: Twinkle, Twinkle and Rainbow song.
Me: Okay,  twinkle, twinkle little...(confused look on my face)
James: STAR!
Me: How I wonder what.... you....
James: ARE!
Etc... he just loves the feeling of knowing the right answer and he loves this pretending that he's helping me out.

Or:
"Mom, do you know what 42 plus 42 is?"
"Yeah, it's 84"
"How did you know that?! Do you know what's 34 plus 34?"
"What is it?"
"It's 68! You know how I know that?"
"How?"
"Because I do know it."

He loves walking around with a calculator memorizing math facts. He also loves to read the words he sees around him and the books Bill gets for Joshua at the library in hopes that Joshua will be inspired to practice reading too. Those two have very different personalities!

He has a sweet relationship with Joy. They look out for each other. If one of them is sad, the other is sure to be there to comfort, hug and defend. Joy can calm him down like no one else can.

I am so very blessed that James came to our family 5 years ago. We sure love that little boy!