Thursday, April 7, 2011

Consequence Ideas

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was having a hard time coming up with good consequences for her kids when they forget to do something they have already been taught or told to do.  Then I came home and saw a comment on this blog about a similar problem.   I thought it might be helpful to say what I do, but I would also love any comments from others in what works for them and hopefully we can learn from each others' ideas.

My "fall back" consequence, or one that I usually go to, is for them to find 10 items to clean up.  I did write on a little notecard some exchanges for items if there are no more items to pick up.  That probably doesn't make any sense, so here is what the circumstance might look like.

A child comes in the house and takes off her coat and leaves it on the railing.  I say, "Oops, you forgot to hang your coat in the closet so hang it up and pick up 10 items."  The rules are that the items can't be in their own zone or room or something that we were about to do for family work anyway.  If they don't see anything that needs to be picked up they can look at the notecard that I taped next to their work lists.  It has ideas of things they can do that count as "items".

Clean out and re-organize one drawer = 5 items
Clean out and re-organize on cupboard = 10 items
Clean out and re-organize one closet shelf = 5 items
Clean the baseboard on one wall = 2 items
Dust the blinds with at damp cloth for one window = 20 items
Pull two weeds = 1 item
Scrub one dirty toilet = 10 items
Wipe off an entire door (front and back) and trim = 10 items
Take out a full garbage can and replace the bag = 5 items
Ask mom what else needs to be done = ? items

They also know that it needs to be dirty before they decide to clean it (I don't want them cleaning the same baseboard every time).

If they have earned 10 items for the same thing several times, I might up the items the next time they do it (without warning) since the consequence wasn't big enough to change the action before.  In other words I might give 20 or 30 items for leaving shoes on the floor if it's happened multiple times.

The way I have chosen to help them work faster (getting their morning list done on time or cleaning the kitchen before the timer beeps) is that they get an item or more for every minute that goes past the allotted time.  Right now, morning lists and breakfast (Bud is in charge of making breakfast this week and Spice of making the smoothie) need to be done by 8 am.  I know they are done when a child says, "Mom, do you need anything else?" and then, "Okay, I'm done, will you check my work?"  At this time, I check their work and if it is done right, I look at the clock.  If it is past 8am - they get to pick up as many items as the number of minutes past.

The first time I did this, I gave no warnings since they had already been taught to do it before 8.  Around 8:20, Bud came and said, "I'm done with my morning list."  I said, "No you're not, you forgot the last two items.  He said, "Oh yeah, do you need anything else?"  I asked him to get the baby dressed.  Then he said, "Okay, I'm done, will you come check my work."  I did and it passed so I looked at the clock and it said about 8:35 so he got 35 items to pick up.  The other kids saw what happened so they hurried and finished and got to pick up the number of items they earned.  The next day, everyone had their morning list done by 8.

In the kitchen - since they only have 10 minutes to have it cleaned (15 for whoever has dishes - I'll help if there are a lot of dishes) - they earn 5 items per minute that they go over.  I'm enjoying not having to say, "Hurry guys, you only have 5 minutes left", etc.  I just let the timer do the teaching and I stay quiet.  This is much more effective.  They are learning so fast!

The same rule applies to when I ring the bell for a meal.  They come right away and wash their hands and set the table.  If they don't, they earn 10 items or more depending on the circumstances.

I also use "time-out" as a consequence.  I usually use this for contention (and then they try again after the time-out) or for my 4 year old when I can tell that it's going to take work to get him to pick up 10 items.  Sometimes I'll use it on my older kids for varying reasons.  One of my friends uses this as her fall-back consequence for even her older children because they are so good at working that doing extra jobs is not a hard enough consequence for them, and they really dislike time-outs.  You just have to know what works best for your kids.

In her class, Keri said she gives a big extra job (to the older kids who are responsible enough to do it) if they disobey a direct instruction (an instruction like "go to time-out" or "pick up 10 items").  I've done this a couple of times.  Yesterday, I told Spice to stop practicing the piano and come help us empty the refrigerator.  She asked to finish the song she was on.  I said yes.  When she finished that song, she kept on playing a couple more songs.  Then she came in to help.  We were pretty much done by then so she earned the job of wiping out the fridge while I washed the drawers and shelves in the sink.  

Anyway, I hope that helps.  Does anyone have other consequence ideas?

9 comments:

  1. We have an index card box with consequences listed, one per card. They earn one card for things like leaving their shoes out, not clearing their dishes, having a bad attitude about chores or school and a variety of other things. They include things like wipe the baseboards in _______ room, wash the dining room chairs, wipe down the door in ______ room (front and back), wipe down all lightswitches in the house, wipe down all window ledges, wipe down the front of the refrigerator, vacuum ________ room, etc. Basically, they are all the "deep cleaning" jobs that a kid can do without supervision. After they complete the chore it goes to the back of the box.

    If they grumble, growl or whine about earning the first chore they immediately earn a second. Further complaints earn them 30 minutes worth of chores.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like you guys are making a lot of progress!! (And I'm sure your house is getting a lot cleaner, as well). Lately I've been struggling to get Ammon to do ANYTHING...yesterday it took him about an hour to pick up about a dozen books. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to punish him for not doing something he already seems to see as punishment. Maybe when he's a little bit older your methods will come in handy!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had to really simplify things around here! We have finally implemented the Teaching Self Government model from Nicholeen Peck, and it's works very well! People can check it out at www.teachingselfgovernment.com ! I like this system, because it works for every situation, whether at home or out and about. According to this model, there are 4 Basic things that kids must learn to do: Follow Instructions, Accept a "No" Answer or Criticism, Accept a Consequence, and Disagree Appropriately. If they can't follow instructions and are Out of Instructional Control, they can earn a 30 minute chore to do, Problem Solving Exercises with a parent and/or a loss of privileges for 24 hours, once they get calm. Since I can't MAKE them do anything, this system takes care of it for me. As long as they are refusing to follow instructions/Accept a Consequence, etc., they are not considered calm. (They must display a calm face, calm voice and calm body too.) If they choose to remain "Out of Instructional Control" for days or weeks...they can. Privileges around here consist of: Outdoor play, family game night, any extra's at family fun night, an outing with a parent to the store, time alone, or snack time for our oldest children. (The little's won't ever lose snack time.) Their loss of privileges doesn't start, until they get calm. When my children realized that we mean business about this, it has improved their behavior quite a bit. The best part is, that I don't have to be "mean mommy", because the extra chore takes the place of nagging and our home is much happier! I keep track of what each child has earned for extra chores, etc., by writing it on a white board in our kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love all of these suggestions. I'm filing them in the back of my mind for "someday"!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My kids have to do X amount of pushups, situps or jumping jacks. It depends on the infraction, how many and who the child is. I have child who can do push ups for ever but can't do a sit up. He does situps not pushups. The other child who can do sitsups for hours but can't do push ups does push ups for his consequences. They do anywhere from 10 to 50 of the above. That way they are helping their bodies get strong instead of just standing in the corner. I have boys though...

    Just a thought to share.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We like to write lines. If the kids are fighting then the line they write is "I love my family and will be kind to them". The lines they are assigned to write always promotes positive feelings and actions. We never assign a line that says "I will not...", I feel that's too negative. Depending on the crime and the child the number of lines varies and our oldest always has to write neatly in cursive. It helps his penmanship also. There is no talking while they are supposed to be writing. The little ones that can't write yet help with extra chores or have a short time out. They always have to say they are sorry and give a huge to whoever they wronged, including myself and my husband.

    I know this might seem archaic and boring, but it works for us.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, and another thing we always do is explain what's going on like this: You realize that because your behavior is ..., you now have to spend time writing lines (or another consequence). If your behavior had been good then you could be out playing. You are always in charge of yourself, even if your sibling or anyone else is mean to you, you can choose to react in a good way. Since you chose not to act in a good way, you now are missing out on fun or good things that you want to do and have to do something that I want you to do instead.

    My kids understand this very well, that the choices they make shape their day and limit or expand their privileges greatly. This also works with getting my 12 year old to mow the lawn. We give him the choice to get up early and get it done and have the rest of his day or he can dawdle, get into trouble, STILL have to do it but he will have wasted his time AND have to write lines and miss out on doing fun stuff. Either way, he still has to mow the lawn even if it takes all day. Emphasizing that they will never get out of doing the chore but can either do it happily or do it with punishing consequences is logical in their minds. This doesn't work for every family though.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you so much everyone, for posting your ideas for consequences! I'm the one who said I don't know what to do and I've really enjoyed hearing what others do. I don't know how I've made it 14 years as a parent without coming up with some sort of system! Do I need to say discipline is not my talent?! I think also I was fortunate in that my oldest has always been a very easy child. I've just talked with him when he does something wrong and for the most part that has been enough. I can see, though, that I really need some other options for behavior management with my three younger ones.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love all these ideas - I think it will help me to have set jobs ready like this, because I'm not great with coming up with stuff on the spot.

    ReplyDelete