New Guidelines for Family Work

I've explained before why I feel so strongly about family working together.  Among the reasons are: we love those we serve, we practice doing hard things ("discipline muscle"), bonds are forged as we talk while we work, problem areas in relationships usually surface and we can work on the solutions, it keeps us humble, it helps us appreciate each other and those around us, we build our characters, etc.

I also remember how incredibly important my college professors said it was for a family to work together.  According to research, it had some pretty important outcomes.  I remember thinking then that when I had a family of my own, we would all work together often.

If you've read my posts on "Teaching Kids to Work" you know that I've been working on this and that I've set up systems to help us accomplish it.

I ran into a few problems though.  It was pretty easy to get the children to do their individual chores (once they were used to the routine), but it was a lot harder to get us all to work together.  I started doing a "family project" time so that we could benefit from working together, but in the morning everyone did their individual chores so that things could get done.  I just didn't think I had the the energy to do all of our work as a family.  Besides, I reasoned, children should learn to be responsible for certain things without my having to be right there all of the time.

Family project time was great.  We all enjoyed working together much more than working apart, but it was often one of the first things to go when we were short on time.  It just wasn't as efficient as giving out assignments. Several things would happen too - I would gather all of the children and we would start working together, and then some children would scatter and I'd have to reign them back in - this took quite a bit of energy, and then some would get distracted and start to play.  They knew I was working with them so the work would get done no matter how slow they were.

To be honest, family work just took so much energy!

However, it has been working beautifully lately.  I can't tell you how much I love it now that I've figured out what went wrong before.  The reason that it was so hard to keep reigning them in was because I allowed distractions.  They would naturally drift away and I had to keep gathering and gathering and vying for their attention.  Here are our new guidelines for family work:

1. We all work until the work is finished.  There is no more "I'm done with my jobs can I ___ now?"  The result is that they now come to me and ask, "What can I do now?"

2. (This is what has made all of the difference) No toys, books, writing utensils, computer (for me), or activities until the work is done.

This was kind of hard to decide to implement because the kids liked to lay in bed in the morning and read which gave me a little extra time to myself.  I figured that they were doing something educational so it was okay not to interrupt them.  I finally realized that during family work time - anything that is not work is a distraction from work.

They were also a little sad when they realized that this meant that they couldn't hold a sword while they made their bed, or cuddle a stuffed animal while they swept.  I know it sounds harsh, but I wanted them to see that play and study are privileges to be enjoyed when work is done.

The only exception I made is when Spice asked me if she could still read her scriptures in the morning.  Scriptures and journal writing is allowed before work time, but they should be done by 8 am.

Now that they have nothing else that they can do, they stay around me much better.  They ask what else needs to be done, and they work at a faster pace, yet we have fun at the same time.  The bottom line isn't efficiency - I'm not running a business, I'm nurturing children!  I haven't given them a time limit so we're not rushed and frantic, but we want to get done so that we can enjoy our free time later (more on free time later)

That being said, when the the kids are tired, sometimes they would rather sit around and let everyone else do the work even if that means that there is not much free time later, so I do have consequences if they are not working.  I talked about this on a different post, but basically, if I see that they are not contributing, then I give them an extra chore to do when the family work is over.

I should add that this doesn't mean we are all working on the same thing, at the same time.  With 5 little kids - that would make for a claustrophobic experience.  What I've been doing is putting down on a notecard the things I want accomplished that morning and then we all pitch in to get it done.

It used to be hard for me to think of ways to help everyone be involved, but I have found that it helps me to remember that Bud and Spice, being 8 and 10, are capable of doing anything I can do.  They often just need a little guidance in the beginning.  Sometimes I have to be more creative with the younger children, but Little Miss can do almost anything as well, and Bazinks hangs around and helps here and there.   Bazinks is much more willing to help now that there are no distracting toys around to keep him occupied.  He wants to help everyone to get done as well, and he likes the environment.  There's something unifying and peaceful in working together toward a common goal and he naturally wants to be a part of it.

Here's what we have done  for family work so far this week:
Monday: Unpacked from the weekend away from home
               Washed and put away the laundry from the weekend
               Picked up anything out of place throughout the house
               Emptied, cleaned, and reorganized the drawers and cupboards in the upstairs bathrooms
               Cleaned out the car
               Made bread dough
               Dinner and Lunch prep
               Picked up anything out of place in the house

-We got finished at 4:30 pm!  It was only 2-3 hours worth of work, we did go to a piano lesson in between, but everyone just worked really slowly.  I was tempted to take a couple of items off the list, but I wanted them to learn that we will work until the work is done regardless of how long it takes.  We enjoyed working together, but there was not much free time that day.

Tuesday: Cleaned, wiped out and organized every kitchen drawer and cabinet
                Baked Bread
                Dinner and Lunch prep
                Picked up anything out of place in the house

-This was actually more work then on Monday because we have a lot of kitchen cabinets and drawers, and they were pretty messy.  I spent the whole time on two drawers and two cupboards (where we put all of our stuff when we don't know where else to put it).  The kids did all of the rest.  And they did it well.  We were done at 11:45 am.  I heard these comments:
Spice: "We better get done fast so we can have a longer free time!"
Later on:
Bud:  "Oh, I get it!  The faster we get our stuff done, the more free time we have!"
Apparently, it didn't register when I had mentioned that exact thing the day before :-)

Wednesday: Cleared the chairs out of the dining room
                    Cleaned every "nook and cranny" on the chairs and table
                    Cleaned and polished the piano
                    Cleared out, cleaned, and organized the front room coat and shoe closet
                    Vacuumed the front room and the living room
                    Lunch and Dinner prep
                    Put away laundry
                    Picked up anything out of place in the house

-We got finished at 12:00pm.  The kids did drag a little on this day.  Spice earned a consequence for dawdling and reading from a book that she was supposed to be putting away (She vacuumed the stairs).  The "newness" of the new schedule was wearing off and they weren't quite as efficient as Tuesday, but they worked hard and got finished in good time.

Another benefit I have noticed is that they have placed a higher value on their free time.  The have earned it.  Bazinks asked a couple times when he could read.  They are beginning to see the truth that play and study are a privilege.  I think this truth has been largely lost in our society.

I don't think this would be going so smoothly if I hadn't established the work habits that I blogged about before.  We took it one step at a time.  This was the outcome I was aspiring to.  I'm glad I now see the final key to helping it all come together.

There is SO much peace and joy that comes from working together!

As I was putting Little Miss to bed on Tuesday night I asked, "Did you have a good day today?"
"Yes."
"What was good about it?"  (I was expecting to hear something about the huge snow "barricade" they built in the back yard).
"Cleaning out the kitchen cabinets with you."

You know what the funny thing is?  That was my favorite part too.