About Your Concerns

"Our society provides so many distractions that unless we make the time and effort to extract ourselves from them, the voice of the Spirit may not get through to us." -Yoshihiko Kikuchi

Some people have expressed some concern for my children regarding this "minimalist" lifestyle that we are trying to pursue.  I have been involved in some conversations in person, in a homeschooling yahoo group, on facebook, and here.  I am grateful for your comments.  I am learning a lot from people's wonderful examples and insights.  I am also really grateful to the people who expressed reservations about it, because I know they are expressing them out of genuine concern and love.  If they were not, they would just have fun talking about my craziness to others.  Through these conversations, I have realized the need to clarify a few things that I wasn't very clear on.  Also, since I really do want what is best for my children, I would love to hear what it is, exactly, that people are concerned that my children will miss.  If you respond, please be specific.  I don't want to hear things like "Being in the real world" - instead, try to say what specific part of "being in the world" that you think they are missing and why you think it is important that they have it.

I think I will copy and paste some of the concerns I have heard and some of my responses and insert some explanations, but first of all, I would like to clarify something important:

I do not think that all recreation and every activity we pursue needs to be religious.  I can see why people thought I felt this way when I said,

"The fact is that everything does serve a purpose - whether we recognize it or not.  Everything that we do brings us closer to truth or distracts us away from it.  Some activities can do either, depending on the state of our heart.  Recreation has a purpose.  Is what we are choosing to do for fun distracting us from God or leading us closer to Him?"

It would be a bit fanatical to say that we must only do religious things.  What I meant to say was that we should do things that are real.  But real things lead us to truth, which inevitably leads us to God.

What do I mean by real? Real things are those that help us see ourselves as we really are,  those around us as they really are, and our environment (God's creations) as it really is.  In this I am including all things that help us find that truth - religion, science, mathematics, philosophy, relationships, art, music, history, etc.

As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.

Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom (D&C 88:118)" -Dallin H. Oaks

That being said, what we do for fun CAN be real. It is either real, or it is a distraction from the real. Do you see this? Let me explain it a little better.  I was ragging on movies earlier because it is hard for them to make a lasting effect on us (they are too easy - we are spoon-fed the message, and often we don't take time to discuss it and internalize it.  Also, they often bombard our senses with stimulation which can desensitize us to the more subtle messages around us) However, sometimes we do not have the mental or physical energy to pursue something more difficult (and subsequently more rewarding and of greater value) so we sit down to enjoy a good, uplifting show together...

Is this real? Yes! We are experiencing something together - so we bond - and RELATIONSHIPS are REAL. What if we are watching it on our own?  It can also be real because, if it is uplifting (and, by the way, that can include happy, funny or sad movies),  it is causing us to look inward and want to change.  It would be even more lasting and meaningful if we could sit down to read a good book together... but I'm getting off my point here...

How do I know if an activity is worth mine or my children's time? How do I know if it is real? Real things will get us to look inward at our character or to look outward at our relationships - including our relationship to God (that is where finding the truth about our environment fits in - He created it).

SO... what I am trying to do in my home is to remove the stuff that I put there that distracts us from the real, or that creates an artificial gain with no work involved.

"We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes" -L. Tom Perry

Snow barricade last week (it's a beautiful spring day today)

I hope I have cleared up what I was trying to say.  Let me know if you don't agree.  Now for my comments about some concerns and questions (some of these questions were general ones to a group, I'm posting my responses here in case anyone has a similar question or is interested):

Concern:
It seems like you are trying to create this unrealistic ... or maybe even an unreasonable bubble for your family. One that isn't preparing your kids for the real world. They aren't pioneers. And someday they have to move out of that bubble. Then what? You guys are great parents and are doing an awesome job of preparing them for heaven, but you also need to prepare them for the world they live in. Let your kids be kids :)

My Reply:
I brought things into my home to keep my children entertained (even though most of that entertainment was supposed to be educational) and those things distracted them from finding the real things that they love and are passionate about. As I remove those things, they are starting to fall in love with real beauty and happiness.  I think when they go out into the world, they will recognize the artificial for what it is - I know I do - and the artificial is not even tempting to me, now that I've had a taste of the real type of happiness.

I think this "bubble" we're living in IS the reality and the stuff the "real world" is focusing on is the artificial. I'm trying to give them enough of the real so that they won't be fooled.

Is there a generation today that needs to be superficially entertained? What is the prospect of a young man sitting in a dorm on Friday evening to read a great book and be thrilled by the music of the masters? Is Friday evening a frenetic flight to see where the entertainment and action will be? Could our society today produce an Isaac Newton or a Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? Can 85 channels and uncountable DVDs ever fill our insatiable appetite to be entertained? Do any unwisely become addicted to computer games or Internet surfing, thereby missing the richer experiences of great reading, conversations, and enjoyment of music? - Douglas L. Callister

Kids do need to play and they do need a few toys, but we, as a society, have really gone crazy with the things that we think we need to have - and often we think they are good for us when, really, they are wasting our thoughts, time and space.

I don't think my kids are going to be ruined if they get a little Wii time or play with mindless push-a-button toys, but I think they will be free to experience better things if I don't put these things in their way.

Also, I can not completely shelter them from the world. They do get out and see what is out there. We discuss a lot of sad things that have happened in the world and how people came to make those choices. They understand that there is a lot of "fluff" in the world - they see it all the time, but they know that there are better things. My hope is that they will always know it, and I think they'll have a pretty good chance if their foundation is based on reality.

Concern:
Keri says she is making her home real, but really she is just making it so boring that the child is forced to read a book.

My reply:
The difference between "making a home real" so that children can see and feel the beauty that surrounds them vs. making a home so boring that the children have nothing better to do, is that the distracting things we put in our home were not part of the children's natural environment in the first place.  Again, we are really only getting rid of distractions - or obstacles to learning and growth - that we placed there. Realizing this made getting rid of things easier for me.

Question:
I know the reasons why screens are harmful to children (and adults), I totally believe in no screens and yet I'm not living that life. Will someone please encourage me to just cut it out totally? Or at least go back to just watching a little on the weekend?

My Reply:

"We need the slower and more lasting stimulus of solitary reading as a relief from the pressure on eye, ear and nerves of the torrent of information and entertainment pouring from ever-open electronic jaws" -Douglas L. Callister

When my older kids were in school, a couple of years ago, I let my little ones watch TV while I got the work done.  When I look back on it, the real reason I turned on the TV was because I felt guilty about not wanting to give them all of the attention that they wanted from me.

I would do things differently now because I now see that there is nothing wrong with letting them be bored and finding something to do without me. In fact, it's good for them. You don't have to entertain you children all of the time. We live in a world where we think children need constant stimulation, so we buy all sorts of things to keep them entertained and educated, but we're going about it all wrong. They need to be bored so that they will look inward and find the creativity and inner drive that is waiting for them there.

Little Miss - thinking of something to do

Spice - building a barricade

Concern:
All things in moderation... I understand the ideas behind all of this, just realize is seems that it is becoming more and more extreme. And that is what has me worried. I feel that one of these days I will read to find that you have all decided to quit celebrating holidays, birthdays,... no sports, no movies, no technology!! haha Ok, Ok, so maybe not technology...

My Reply:
This is interesting because I think what I am striving for is moderation. It seems that we, as a people, have become so extreme in the amount of stuff we own, in how often we seek entertainment, in how much we waste, that real "moderation" now seems extreme. Even though I am not planning on living in a Quaker style - I do think that those Quakers build some pretty solid characters :-) Our current society fosters weak and flimsy characters that feel entitled to "stuff" that they don't work for. I think you sort of just have to be weird in this day and age if you want something different.

I smiled when I saw the remark about holidays because, in truth,  I have been thinking about how to make our holidays more meaningful and not about the stuff...

Question:
Why no craft room?

My Reply:
I will write soon about the reasons for not allowing my children to waste resources and what I have seen that my children are becoming because of it.

Question:
So now after reading the article, (which I really liked by the way) I’m curious to know specifically what were the changes you made and the results you saw.

My Reply:
(This reply might cause some more concern, but I'm going to post it anyway, I'll highlight, in bold letters, what it was that got me to make some changes - because when I read this through, after I wrote it - I saw a pattern)

I heard Keri Tibbets speak at the TJED forum.  What she said rung true to me, but seemed little extreme. I went home and got rid of all of our battery powered toys and several more. I wasn't about to get rid of the legos or the loose paper though.

The kids didn't notice things looked different (they didn't play with those battery toys much anyway). For free time, they chose to make "cards" and used lots of sheets of paper. I wasn't really at peace with this use of their creative energies. I didn't see a whole lot that they were learning. The next day, I got rid of loose paper. They got out their sketchbooks and started drawing nicer pictures because the pictures felt more permanent (they aren't allowed to tear the paper out either). I decided I would let them make cards on special occasions, but not just for fun.

Another day, the boys played with their nerf guns for most of their free time. I didn't quite feel peaceful about that either. I realized that we really didn't need most of the toys in the toy room, so I had the children pick their 10 most favorite toys and we got rid of almost all the rest. I felt so liberated and peaceful. I couldn't get rid of the legos, but I put them and the nerf guns in storage to get out on special occasions - out of sight, out of mind sort of a thing.

Resting before they go to war

The next day they played "French Revolution"in the back yard with sticks and snow-barricades. I don't know why, but I felt very peaceful about it. The following day, my oldest asked me for cursive lessons (she doesn't know some of the letters), and my 6-year old daughter asked me for drawing lessons, I told them I would set up a time to have them. Then they wrote in their journals and sketched some pictures. The boys played Stratego.

Stratego felt like a distraction, so a little later, I put the games in a closet in the basement to be used on some evenings for family time (except Chess, Grammar Punk, and Balderdash because those are hard enough that they don't get a thrill with no effort). The next day, my oldest directed a play during free time and they all participated. I'm not sure why, but I felt peaceful with this also. I was also happy with the quality of the play - their plays are not usually so well planned and executed.

That is about where I am with it now. The next day, my 8-year old son picked up the Encyclopedia of World History, that has been in our bookshelf for years, and looked up all he could about the French Revolution, he also read a book about Gettysburg. My oldest daughter read Where the Sidewalk Ends multiple times wrote a few poems.  My 6-year old read Winnie the Pooh to her 4-year old brother and then they made a fort in the play room and played.

It's hard to explain how peaceful my home feels now. Things just feel right. That's why I wanted to share it.

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Did you see the pattern in that last reply? I know, dumb question. I'm noticing that I need to trust my feelings when something doesn't feel quite right and then change it.  I'm not saying that everyone has to get rid of the same things I am getting rid of, but I think we could all benefit from looking at our lives, finding things that are distracting us, and removing them (or placing them in a proper place in our lives).

Remember how I wrote about how I was feeling like I was in a rut a little while ago? That is because it was time for a change! As soon as I started making the changes I needed to make - I felt alive and energetic again. I'm learning to just trust my peaceful and anxious feelings.  Bonus:  Those feelings are becoming more clear now that I am getting rid of distractions....