Is Our Stuff Weighing us Down?

Our family went on a handcart trek this weekend. Remember how I mentioned that I was busy last week? That is because I put all the preparations off until the last minute. I had so many great ideas in my head about how we would prepare for it, but most of them were put off and then suddenly I had to be ready. I was busy sewing aprons, bonnets, altering suspenders, finding long skirts and long-sleeved shirts, cooking meals so that I could freeze them and quickly warm them up after treking, packing, buying camping essentials, etc. It was a bit of a crazy week. Thankfully, I got everything done (if not all cleaned up) and we made it to Wyoming with all our needed supplies (or at least most).

It was quite an experience, and I'll share some of the lessons here, but for this post (which needs to be a short one as I don't have much time), I'll share just one.

Ten people were assigned one handcart. Everything we needed for the 3 day experience needed to fit in the handcart. So sleeping bags, tents, clothes, and food pretty much took up all of it. It was hard trying to figure out how to fit it all in. I pondered how the early pioneers had to fit everything they needed in there for a 4 month excursion. I was amazed.

Something Penny (the woman in charge) mentioned at the orientation meeting when we arrived was that she hoped the experience would help us ponder how much stuff we have in our handcarts in life. How many things weigh us down?  For the trek, whatever we put in our handcarts, we had to pull through rough terrain and hills to get to our destination.

I got to thinking how, similarly, this life is a journey. Our destination is purity, joy, peace, family, God. We must pull some stuff with us in this journey. However, how much extra baggage do we pile in our handcart? How much stuff are we trying to pull along? How many stops do we have to make to rearrange our stuff so it will fit? Do we keep piling it higher and higher so that our progress is slow and we have to dig through it to get what we need? We'll never make it at that rate.

The pioneers were trying to get to Zion. They showed us the sacrifices that needed to be made in order to establish such a place. We don't have to physically go anywhere to reach our destination. Our destination is within us. As we purify ourselves and learn to keep our focus on our Savior - we will find it.  It is within our grasp.

"Therefore, verily, thus saith the Lord, let Zion rejoice, for this is Zion—THE PURE IN HEART; therefore, let Zion rejoice..." -D&C 97:21

Purity, joy, peace, family, God - the destination. Our Savior died and placed it all within our grasp. We just have to reach out and take it, but sometimes we are too busy re-arranging our monstrous "handcarts" to be able to notice.

How much of my stuff is weighing me down? This handcart trek gave me more motivation to do those things that truly matter (scripture study, prayer) and to give our house and our lives another run through and rid ourselves of more weight. My friend, Lara, shared this picture on her blog of a Florida couple with all of their belongings in their front yard. I think I might print it out and put it on my wall to look at as I clear away more weight. One of her readers linked an excellent little article as well that I enjoyed reading.

I promised, when I got baptized, to remember my Savior always.  This means taking the time to do those things which keep Him in my mind.  It also means getting rid of the stuff that blocks Him from my view.  How easy I am enticed with things of no value!  How easy it is weigh myself down.

The Closet and Headgates

I wasn't going to blog this week since I have so much to get ready for this weekend, but since I don't want to start it all this morning, I decided that writing a quick post would be a nice way to procrastinate :-)

I attended a class at the TJED forum entitled "Ingredient #20 - The Closet".  The class was about making sure you have a great closet full of inspirational things for your children.  (The closet is referred to in the Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning book).  This is essentially what it says:

Materials must be close at hand, as Montessori taught.  They must be ordered adequate, safe for children, and in the same room where the family sits to study together.  Ideally, a closet in the family room copies the organizational style of the bookshelf:  Core materials on the bottom (toys), Love of Learning in the Middle range(dress ups, paper, rules, craft materials, etc) and Scholar Phase items above (Monopoly, Clash Flow, math and geography cards, etc).

The closet class taught about the importance of creating this "magical" environment for the children.  Mary Ann Johnson is The Closet Coach and she helps people find the best things to put in their closets.  I liked what she had to say and I recognized she was teaching true principles.

However, at first glance, it seems like the principles don't necessary go hand-in-hand with Headgates.  Some of the specific suggestions don't (having kits, a lot of craft materials, etc), but the principles certainly do.  The true principles are what makes the concept so powerful!

What I noticed that I was doing, as I thought some more about this, was using the principles she uses for creating a magical environment in a closet and applying them to my entire house.  Here are Mary Ann Johnson's closet's rules of engagement:

1. Consistent Structured Time

We must make sure our education time is sacred and that we do not let other things interfere with it.  You only allow the closet to be opened during a specific time.  After or before that, it is off limits and all things must go back in it.  Mary Ann mentioned that kids liken it to Christmas everyday because it is something that they look forward to at a certain time.

In our home, we also have consistent structured time.  I try really hard not to run errands or do anything that interferes with it.  We call this time "free time".  No books, toys, board games, instruments, etc.  are allowed until free time.  We all look forward to it everyday and I have seen that the children now see play, learning and studying as a privilege and not as something they have to do.

2. Be Present

Mary Ann mentions that it is tempting to open the closet and let the kids go at it while you go get things done.  She says it's important to be in their same room, answering questions, but not micromanaging.  You could even be reading your own book.

In our home, I'm trying to model the behavior that I want the kids to be engaged in during free time.  It is tempting to get on the computer.  Even though I don't ever play games or waste my time on the computer (when I do get on it, it's to read and learn or write) my kids don't see it that way.  So, during free time, I practice an instrument, read, write in a notebook (maybe to type it out later) or go outdoors with them.  This way we are in the same room (unless the younger kids have gone downstairs to the play room).  I don't like the toys in the family room because they are distracting to the children who are trying to read so we keep the toys in the toy room.

3.  Keep the Closet Locked

She says you don't necessarily need a lock, but it should only be available at certain times.

I talked about how this works in our home in #1 above.

4.  Add and Remove items

Mary Ann talks about the importance of taking items away that they rarely use and putting items in that you want them to be interested in.  She talks about the importance of not having too many things in there.  Few things make a more inviting environment.

In our home, we have been getting rid of a lot.  The fewer toys they have, the more their imaginations are engaged and the play room is an engaging place to be.  I have a hard time narrowing down books, but too many books can also be overwhelming.  I try to use cuddle time as a time to introduce them to a few books.  I do need to get rid of more books though.  It's important to go through the house and do a six month purge.  Right now, we are doing a monthly purge until we have things more under control.  We're getting there, but we still have too much.

In regards to adding items, sometimes I'll see the need to add something else to our home.  Right now, I want to buy binoculars so we can study nature a little better.  I also want a Wildflower book with local flowers.

5. Weekly planning

She talks about the importance of planning the content of your closet on a weekly basis so it is fresh and exiting.

 I have tried to do a similar thing in our home (see our Master Inspire Plan).  There are things I want to explore with the children on a weekly basis so we can all be inspired to be curious and want to learn more.  This one is hard sometimes, but I realize it's important and I am improving.

---------------------------------------------------

So you see, I love the closet principles.  I love them so much, I am applying them to our whole house.  Why limit it to a small space?  It's been fun to making our home this "magical space".

The Woes of Going Outdoors

When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
-Carl Boberg and Stuart K. Hine

It is not easy to get out of the house and go be in nature! Don't get me wrong, I love being outdoors. Before I had children, I was out hiking, climbing, cross-country skiing, biking, and camping in the mountains as much as was possible. I never stopped to question why I loved being out there so much, but I could have told you that I loved the calmness and beauty of being in nature.

Now that I have five little children, it is not as easy to just hop on a bike and go to the mountains. In fact, I haven't touched my bike in a few years! I do try to take them on hikes every so often and we like to go camping on occasion, but until recently I didn't realize how crucial it is for us to be outside quite often.

It would be well if we all persons in authority, parents and all who act for parents, could make up our minds that there is no sort of knowledge to be got in these early years so valuable to children as that which they get for themselves of the world they live in. Let them once get touch with Nature, and a habit is formed which will be a source of delight through life. We were all meant to be naturalists, each in his degree, and it is inexcusable to live in a world so full of the marvels of plant and animal life and to care for none of these things." -Charlotte Mason

Charlotte Mason's Original Home Schooling Series is quickly finding a place towards the top of my list of the best parenting books. It's one of those books that I can't be in the same room with people as I read it because I keep interrupting them to quote passage after passage.  It's all so good.  Charlotte has helped me decide to make the effort to get outdoors a lot more. So I'm mad at her. I was all good with raising my children to be bookworms (who could socialize with others and use that knowledge for good, of course), but now it turns out that they need to be naturalists as well!

What really struck me about what she said was that we get are used to getting our knowledge "second hand."  Someone digests it for us and we read their words.  For young chidren this is dry and boring and a waste of time because they don't care enough to retain it.  She used the term "scraps of knowlege":

"This horse-in-a-mill round of geography and French, history and sums, was no more than playing at education; for who remembers the scraps of knowledge he laboured over as a child? and would not the application of a few hours in later life effect more than a year's drudgery at any one subject in childhood? If education is to secure the step-by-step progress of the individual and the race, it must mean something over and above the daily plodding at small tasks which goes by the name."

This is the umbrella that Bazinks found and was willing

 to share with his sister when it started to rain.

Do you ever think about all of the time you wasted learning stuff as a child that you didn't care about and forgot as soon as the quiz on it was over?  I really think that all of the math I learned from 1st to 12th grade in school, I could have learned in 3-6 months of real study as a young adult or older teenager.  Think of all the wasted time!  So what do children really need?  Well, you'll have to read another long quote fro Charlotte to find out because I can't say things as well as she does. I thought about cutting more parts out of the quote so that it wouldn't be so long, but I couldn't do it, so just trust me, it is worth reading (as is the rest of her stuff):

"A great deal has been said lately about the danger of overpressure, of requiring too much mental work from a child of tender years. The danger exists; but lies, not in giving the child too much, but in giving him the wrong thing to do, the sort of work for which the present state of his mental development does not fit him. Who expects a boy in petticoats to lift half a hundredweight? But give the child work that Nature intended for him, and the quantity he can get through with ease is practically unlimited. Whoever saw a child tired of seeing, of examining in his own way, unfamiliar things? This is the sort of mental nourishment for which he has an unbounded appetite, because it is that food of the mind on which, for the present, he is meant to grow.

"We older people, partly because of our maturer intellect, partly because of our defective education, get most of our knowledge through the medium of words. We set the child to learn in the same way, and find him dull and slow. Why? Because it is only with a few words in common use that he associates a definite meaning; all the rest are no more to him than the vocables of a foreign tongue. But set him face to face with a thing, and he is twenty times as quick as you are in knowledge about it; knowledge of things flies to the mind of a child as steel filings to magnet. And, pari passu with his knowledge of things, his vocabulary grows; for it is a law of the mind that what we know, we struggle to express. This fact accounts for many of the apparently aimless questions of children; they are in quest, not of knowledge, but of words to express the knowledge they have. Now, consider what a culpable waste of intellectual energy it is to shut up a child, blessed with this inordinate capacity for seeing and knowing, within the four walls of a house, or the dreary streets of a town. Or suppose that he is let run loose in the country where there is plenty to see...

"The child who does not know the portly form and spotted breast of the thrush, the graceful flight of the swallow, the yellow bill of the blackbird, the gush of song which the skylark pours from above, is nearly as much to be pitied as those London children who 'had never seen a bee.' A pleasant acquaintance, easy to pick up, is the hairy caterpillar. The moment to seize him is when he is seen shuffling along the ground in a great hurry; he is on the look-out for quiet quarters in which to lie up: put him in a box, then, and cover the box with net, through which you may watch his operations. Food does not matter––he has other things to attend to. By-and-by he spins a sort of white tent or hammock, into which he retires; you may see through it and watch him, perhaps at the very moment when his skin splits asunder, leaving him, for months to come, an egg-shaped mass without any sign of life. At last the living thing within breaks out of this bundle, and there it is, the handsome tiger-moth, fluttering feeble wings against the net. Most children of six have had this taste of a naturalist's experience, and it is worth speaking of only because, instead of being merely a harmless amusement, it is a valuable piece of education, of more use to the child than the reading of a whole book of natural history, or much geography and Latin. For the evil is, that children get their knowledge of natural history, like all their knowledge, at second hand. They are so sated with wonders, that nothing surprises them; and they are so little used to see for themselves, that nothing interests them. The cure for this blasé condition is, to let them alone for a bit, and then begin on new lines. Poor children, it is no fault of theirs if they are not as they were meant to be––curious eager little souls, all agog to explore so much of this wonderful world as they can get at, as quite their first business in life."

Do you see my dilemma? I'm now supposed to find time to make sure that they are out in nature often AND I want to make sure they have adequate time to read great books. I also know how important it is for them to continue working in the mornings. It might not be so bad to go outdoors if we could manage to get in the car in a decent amount of time.

Here is how our day went last Thursday:
"Let's hurry and get our work done so we can go be in nature!"
We worked, and we were done at 12pm.  Not as fast as I would have liked, but pretty reasonable, so I tell the kids that as soon as baby wakes up, we can go.  So we eat lunch, baby wakes up, we clean up from lunch, a load of laundry I had forgotten is in the wash so I put it in the dryer.  Everyone does their going out lists.  A lot of playing takes place as the list gets done.  Laundy is done, I decide to fold it.  The kids are "ready", we put the piles of laundry away.  Someone can't find their water bottle, someone else needs help with his shoes (even though he can do it on his own), finally at 2:30 - we are in the car.   I think about not going because we took so long and I didn't practice piano and I didn't get everything done I wanted to finish that morning and it looks like it will rain soon.  However, we are in the car so we go somewhere close.

We arrive at a beautiful place.  Wildflowers are everywhere.  You can smell the lavender.  Spice points out a beautiful purple flower and goes back to the car to get the wildflower book so she can know it's name.  We find a little stream.  Bud makes a "whirlpool" with rocks.  Bazinks and Little Miss find some pretty rocks.  Ray is mesmerized with the colors.  I find a flower I want to try to draw.

I suddenly realize, all of the rushing and things left to do are forgotten and I feel whole.   I am living in the moment and loving it.  There is something about being in the middle of the beauty that God created for us that puts us in touch with His spirit and His joy.  That is what I've been trying to teach my children to look for.  That is what I have been focusing on in our home - surrounding ourselves with real beauty, real truth so that it becomes part of us and we no longer care for the fake, artificial stuff.  It's developing a spiritual sensitivity that you can't get when you are in the "thick of thin things".  It's a real education.

No doubt I'll be taking my kids out in nature much more often!  Maybe with some practice we'll be able to get out the door in a more timely manner...

"And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me."- Moses 6:63

Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart;Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul." -D&C 59:18-19

Here are some more of our late "outdoor" adventures:

Rock did his first "century" ride on Saturday. It is a 100 mile bike ride. He did it in awful wind - and rain. It felt like January instead of June. I was so impressed that he kept at it despite the harsh conditions. Several members of his family participated in the "Tour de Cure". I was impressed with them all. I was ready to call it quits after the first 30 minutes of waiting at the finish line (we got there around the time we estimated he would finish, but with the terrible conditions, it took him a bit longer) and they were out there for 8 hours! Very impressive. Way to go hun!!

We went to a water park on Wednesday. It doesn't really count as being in nature, but we did get lots of sunshine and fresh air!

Spice and Bud liked going down the water slides.

Bazinks and Little Miss liked them as long as Rock

or I went down with them.  Since one of us also had

to take care of the baby, we had to take turns going

on slides while the other went to the kiddie pool.

Ray doesn't love water.  He screams when we try

to give him baths.  He wasn't exactly in his element

at the waterpark, but he was extremely cuddly.

I went on a waterslide with the older kids and when

I got back, I found Ray sleeping on his dad in the wave 

pool.  It was so precious that I had to snap a picture:

I did try going down one long slide on the tube with Ray

 on my lap.  He moaned a reluctant cry all the way down

so we decided that was probably enough torture for the little guy.  

We'll be going on another adventure this weekend.  I might not have time to blog this week as I get ready for it.  I, of course, despite my good intentions, have put it off until the last minute.  I'll let you know how it goes!

Everyone Should Homeschool (or Examining Assumptions)

Everyone should homeschool?!  What kind of crazy idea are you promoting now, Karen?  Don't you know that all children are different and parents need to choose what is best for their children?  There are also unqualified parents out there.  Not to mention all of the positive things that take place in a school setting....

Yes, I know it sounds like a crazy, judgmental assumption, but do you realize that there is a different assumption that most people are not aware of, that determines how most parents choose to educate their children?  I happen to know that this is a prevalent assumption because it is the reason that I put my children in school when they were younger and the reason that several people I know also have their children in school.

The assumption is this:
Children should go to public school UNLESS they can afford private school OR they have a really good reason (a spiritual manifestation, unsatisfactory teachers, a negative school environment, or other extenuating circumstance) to educate their children at home.

That assumption doesn't sound as bad does it?  That's because it is the prevalent assumption in our culture.  Maybe it's a true assumption.  Maybe it isn't.  But shouldn't we examine it before making important decisions based upon it?  Maybe the assumption could be:

Children should be educated at home UNLESS they have a really good reason (spiritual manifestation, unsatisfactory parents, a negative home environment, or other extenuating circumstance) to send their children to school.

That one sounds strange to us, but does that make it wrong, or does that just make it different than what we are used to?  It's worth thinking about.  In fact, as parents, I think it is our obligation to think about it.  Why do I think this is so important?  Let me tell you.

First of all, I should say, that I know some phenomenal mothers who have amazing children who go to public school.  I also know some mothers who keep their children home who's children are not as well behaved.  Well, actually, I don't really know the latter, but I have heard that they are out there.  So this is not really a post about how everyone should homeschool (I just thought the title would evoke some emotion and people could think about how ingrained their assumptions are), but it's more about encouraging people to take a look at the presuppositions they may have about school and to examine them a little.

The reason I felt driven to write this post is because I have heard several complaints from good friends about the school system, but they keep sending their children as if it was just what you had to do unless you could come up with some really great alternative.  As I prod deeper, I find that many of them (not all) have certain assumptions and I don't always think those assumptions are accurate.  Since I don't think they would appreciate my telling them to homeschool (or I do tell them and we both laugh because we know I'm just crazy), I decided to write this post to at least encourage people to think more about why they are making their choices.

I am aware, as I write this, that I have plenty of assumptions that I am unaware of.  Feel free to point them out if you see some.  You may have noticed in my blog that I love noticing assumptions that I have and deciding if I really believe them or not.  I usually come to some conclusion and sometimes I am confronted with a new idea and I have to look again.  If you do disagree with me, I won't be offended, I'll probably just try to explain myself better or examine something I hadn't considered.  Discussing ideas is one of my favorite ways to come to a conclusion about what I really think.  I find that the closer I come to true ideas, the more joy I find in my life.  What an adventure!

Okay, so back to educational choices.  Here are some of the reasons I have heard about why people send their children to school that I think deserve closer consideration:

I don't have time to keep the house clean, keep up my various responsibilities, AND school my children.

This idea often arises from the mentality that we would have school-at-home. This is how I started homeschooling. Everyday we did math, english, art, music, history, science. I still know people that do this - and they seem happy with it.  I know that they don't really cover all of these things everyday at school, but I thought we could (it worked out on paper) and that it would be a good thing. This lasted a couple of weeks and I really had time for little else.   The kids were not very happy either. We would have kept it up though, if I felt it was really for the best, but it wasn't for us. We were mimicking a broken system (watch these (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)and (part 7) videos if you want to better understand what I mean).

We had to step back and see if there was a better way to get an education. I re-read the Thomas Jefferson Education books and realized that there certainly was - a much better way AND it was a lot of fun.

Also, this time concern was probably a more valid reason in the days of washing clothes by hand, making your own butter, etc. We have so many modern conveniences that most of the things we fill our time with are not as important as the education of our children.

"I don't really want to be around my kids all the time. I need a break in order to be a better mother."

We all need time away from our kids sometimes in order to evaluate what we are doing, meditate, and to miss them. However, do we take this truth a little far? Do we need 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? People who really think so perhaps have not yet discovered the joy of motherhood. This would be a great reason to keep them home for a while - the more you are invested in something - the more joy you can get out of it.  Not that I wasn't invested in my children when they were in school - I found great joy in motherhood then as well. It's just that I have found even more joy since I decided to keep them home. Again, I'm not saying that is the best thing for everyone, but I just think it's something to consider.

Another thing to consider in this situation is that if you don't think your children are pleasant people to have around much of the time, perhaps it would be a good idea to keep them home for a while to teach them to be pleasant people to have around. Sometimes this seems like a daunting task, but it is possible and it is our responsibility. I recommend the book, A House United by Nicholeen Peck, and, of course, a lot of prayer, if you are struggling with this.

"I don't know enough to homeschool."

I have to admit that this reason worries me a little bit. I wonder if we have become so dependent on the government to provide an education for our children that we really don't think we are capable of educating them ourselves. It makes me wonder if our curriculums have become so complicated and abstract that the intelligent mother of a 10 year old feels that it is beyond her ability to educate her own children. Or maybe our public education system is so bad that those of us who have gone through it do not feel educated.

I know this is the case for me, I don't feel well educated. The good news is that I can find the answer to anything I want to know AND I have found that my children will educate themselves if they are curious - which they always are if they are allowed time to explore nature (instead of sitting in a classroom for 8 hours) and to read higher thoughts (which they have time to do now that they are not bogged down with busy work at school).

I know that there is a lot of knowledge to be had these days, but our children are not going to learn it all - no matter how hard we push them. It's not about stuffing their brains with facts and information - it is teaching them to find the truth in information and to use it. It is knowing how to think. Many schools today are teaching the opposite! They are teaching that we should disregard our "biases" or values and ideas when we examine a new piece of information so that the data can speak for itself (as if such a thing were possible). I see the reasons for attempting this in science, but we have taken it too far and started applying it to all knowledge. This is not a good thing.

Wow, it looks like I have more to say about this then I realized! No wonder I felt the need to get it out. I don't usually say anything about this unless I am asked for my opinion - which very rarely ever happens! I have even more to say, but this is plenty for one post! Maybe I'll write some more about it later.

I hope I have not offended anyone in writing this post. I just wanted to express my honest thoughts in hopes that it may help someone, who is struggling with their school situation, to consider that there are wonderful alternatives filled with joy and adventure. It doesn't have to be one way.

Are we still friends?

The Virtue of Time (and a small miracle)

"To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

As I've worked to simplify our stuff, I'm clearing away everything that distracts from that which is of most worth. I want to get to the point that everything in my house has a reason for being there - and that the reason serves our ultimate purpose - I want a family so immersed in light that they can see the real around them and discern the true. In short, I want a family firmly planted in our Savior's love.

In my last post, I mentioned that I want my children to understand the purpose that I have for the things that are left in our home. If they are used for another purpose, they may be damaged, lost, or undervalued. This keeps things simple - it helps us be aware of why we have what we have and to make sure we are making the best use of it.

I've been trying to do the same thing with our time.

For me (like the virtue of a knife is it's sharpness), the virtue of a book is it's ability to bring us closer to truth, the virtue of a toy is to engage imagination and creativity. What is the virtue of our time?

"Can we remember... that we live on borrowed time, purchased by the Savior's blood, and that everything He does is 'for the benefit of the world?" -John C. Thomas

I think that, in a broad sense, our time ought to be used to bring ourselves and others closer to Christ. It's easy to get distracted from this with the daily tasks of life, but it is through those tasks that we accomplish it. It is important that we look at the why behind everything we fill our time with.

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their place or drop out of our lives." -Ezra Taft Benson

I tend to be a bit of a busy-body. I feel like I ought to always be doing something. It is so easy for me to fill my life with good things (see my one of my previous attempts at scheduling my days), that my mind and body do not see and feel what is right in front of me. Instead, I end up living where I hope to be and miss the joy of being where I am! As I have simplified my schedule, miracles have taken place. I will share one with you.

First, I should point out that I have chosen to leave things in my life that most help my family with those things that are most important, there are basically three things:

1. Our relationship to God (and becoming what He would have us be)
2. Our relationship to each other (family and then those around us)
3. Our relationship to our environment (making it a place where the Spirit can dwell and we are not distracted from feeling it).

"We will move faster if we hurry less." -Spencer W. Kimball

As I started thinking about this "virtue of time" concept, I looked at my new schedule (that I love) to see how "in-line" it was with those three purposes. This was just an exercise for myself, but I'll share it here because it helped me see why I love my new way of life so much. The numbers in parenthesis correspond to the 3 purposes above.

Morning:
Before Breakfast List: (1)To connect with God, tune ourselves to his Spirit, remember the things that matter. (3) Make sure our home is in order - a place where the Spirit can dwell.
Meals: (1) Nourish our bodies (2) Family bonding as we discuss our days and what matters.
Family Work: (1) To develop our characters, to discipline ourselves to do hard and sometimes menial things for a higher purpose. (2) To bond as a family as we talk and strive towards a common goal. (3) To keep our home a place where the Spirit can dwell.
Devotional: (1)To be inspired as we taste the joy of learning and drawing closer to God as a family.

Afternoon
Free Time: (1) To listen to our hearts and then to do what our hearts tell us.

Evening
Family Time: (2) For family bonding and wholesome recreation (that is - recreation that brings us wholeness - helps us see the reality and joy of the present moment).
Family Reading Time: (1) Inspiration to lift ourselves and our thoughts higher. (2) Family bonding as we share in a common adventure.

No wonder I'm loving the new structure to our life. Just as I have been getting rid of stuff that distracts from our purpose and making sure that the stuff that remains is used for what it's meant to be used for, I have also been getting rid of things "to do" with our time that distract us from our purpose and I've been making sure that the things left "to do" are used for what they are meant to be used for.

"Undistracted by other gods, we trust the Lord to help us allocate our time and talent to their very best uses each day. As a result, we do more good and we make real progress." -John C. Thomas

This is all sounding kind of abstract, so let me give a more concrete example of how this concept has blessed me lately. During our family work, we can only be working - no toys, no playing something that you can't play while you work, etc. During meals - no books, no toys, no silly games, just eating and conversation (preferably adult led, though this is not always the case because we have bad habits), etc.

So the other day I walked downstairs to fix breakfast after doing the things on my morning list, the house was clean because the kids had finished their morning tasks and Bud was folding clothes on the couch. I was surprised by this because laundry is not part of his morning tasks. I said, "Wow, Bud! Thanks for pulling the clothes out of the dryer and starting laundry without me even asking you to!" He said, "Well, I didn't want to just sit here and it wasn't free time yet so I decided I might as well do something." I almost couldn't believe my ears. We are all learning that we can have free time after we are all done with the work.

It is amazing how this sense of focus on "what we ought to be doing at this time" has made us free to enjoy the present moment. It is so refreshing! Our minds are free to think and be in the here and now. Ahhhhhhhhh.

This brings me to the miracle I mentioned above. I've always wanted my children to speak Spanish. It is very important to me. I can speak Spanish, though English is easier. My parents speak both. My grandparents speak only Spanish. I can never remember to speak it. I have been trying, for 10+ years to figure out ways to remind myself to speak it to the children. I have made signs for my walls that say, in bold letters, "SPEAK SPANISH", I've prayed, I have tried to connect it to rituals, I have tried having others remind me, I have tried reading in Spanish to get it in my head. Nothing has worked! My kids speak no Spanish because I never remember to speak it.

I felt that it was something that Heavenly Father wanted me to teach my children. People told me that I hadn't made it a priority, that I didn't realize how important it was, that I needed to further study the effects on a child's brain when they can speak a second language. I tried and I felt more and more guilty, but I still could not remember to speak it consistently.

Well, guess what has happened as I've simplified my life? I have been able to remember to speak Spanish in the mornings! You see, what I was lacking wasn't desire or ability. What I was lacking was the mental space for thinking about what I needed to do at the present moment. My thoughts were always flying in different directions. My mind was rarely in the here and now. I was so preoccupied with what I "ought to be doing" that was wasn't doing what I ought to be doing! It's so sad, but so true.

"Take time to slow down and ponder so that you can feel the Lord's love for you." -Bonnie D. Parkin

That is only one of the miracles that has taken place as I've worked to fill my life with things that matter (it's still a work in progress, by the way). The joy and happiness that I have been experiencing as I've been better able to take in the beauty, truth and love that surrounds me at all times - that has been the greatest miracle of all.

"Be still, and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10

*Quotes taken from Don't Be in a Hurry by John C. Thomas - it's a good read!

The Virtue of Stuff

I recently learned a definition of virtue that I had never thought of. It comes from Plato and Aristotle. They speak of virtue as that which makes a thing to be what it is, and to do its work well. They say virtue is a habit or quality that allows the bearer to succeed at his, her, or its purpose. So, for example, the virtue of a knife is sharpness and among the virtues of a racehorse is speed.

I've been trying to help the kids understand virtue in this sense - that they have qualities that will help them succeed at their purpose and that even stuff has virtue - or qualities that that make it be what it is meant to be.

For example, if Bud is using his fork as a catepult for his food, I'll remind him that the virtue of a fork is it's ability to pick up food for us to eat, or if the kids think it would be fun to make a tower with the tupperware, I'll explain that the "virtue of tupperware" is the ability to store food. I've also been trying to get them to stop jumping on the couch because the couch was designed for sitting, etc.

Why all this fuss? The general view is often that we should let "kids be kids" and use their imaginations to use things in creative ways. It is also thought beneficial for kids to explore their surrounding with little or no limits in order for them to be creative in using ordinary things in different ways.

I agree with this to some extent - namely that we ought to give our children "raw materials" rope, blankets, blocks, lifeless toys for them to use their imaginations and create their own world and play. This is another great reason to get rid of "entertaining" toys (if you need any more reasons) - those really will stifle creativity. However, until recently, I hadn't stopped to consider that this child-centered view -that children ought to be allowed to play with anything as long as it is not dangerous - might be encouraging selfish and disrespectful attitudes in my children.

I started thinking about this when we got rid of many of our toys, suddenly, to the children, more things around the house started looking like interesting toys to amuse themselves with. I wondered if this was healthy or not. As I started thinking about virtue, I realized that I wanted my children to respect the virtue (the quality that allows it to succeed at it's purpose) of the things around them.

If children learn that they can manipulate their things in any way that suits them, without regard to the properties of that thing, they will learn that it is okay for them to manipulate their environment with little regard to the rules and laws that govern that environment. In other words, they will find ways to make their environment suit their pleasure without regards to how their action ruins their things and subsequently their environment.

If I don't teach my children to see that things have qualities that help them serve their purpose in their best way, they will start to feel entitled to using their environment in any way that suits them, without regard to "petty" rules and laws. That is the last thing I want for my children.

As I thought about this, I realized that many people (myself included) are making their homes a giant playground for their children for fear of "stifling their creativity", and in order to let their children feel that the world is a "safe place". This view was taught to me when I was in school - change your environment so that the children can explore everything around them. I understand how this applies to babies because they are too young to know the rules, but, at the same time, that is why we are supposed to be watching them. We are supposed to be their safe zone, teaching them what is safe and what is not. (I'm not promoting forgoing safety measures for children, by the way). In turn, many children are growing up with a  real lack of respect for their environment (home, church, school, community, country) and it's inherent rules and laws.

We have come to the point that if our child makes a mess of things (not toys) and their environment, we smile and take a picture because they are being so "creative". What does that teach them really? It's something to think about.

This new understanding of virtue has also helped me as I evaluate the stuff we have in our house. What is it's function? What is it that it is meant to do? Do I have it to entertain the children? Do I have it to impress the neighbors? If it's virtue (or quality that makes it be) is not contributing to our family vision - then I do not need it in my home.

I've realized that an object is beautiful if it helps us reach our eternal goals - a love for God and His children, peace, family unity, a refined taste and desire for truth. Why bother with anything else? (No, really, if you can think of a reason - let me know :-) )

My Baby is One

One year ago I was at the train museum, wondering why I was still pregnant (my baby was due a week before and all of my other babies had been early) and watching the clock because I had a doctor's appointment that day and I knew my midwife would try to get me to induce the labor, and I would have to tell her to let me wait one more week because I wanted this to happen naturally.

The appointment arrived and I was determined to stand firm.  After some discussion, we compromised.  It was Tuesday and I talked her into letting me stay pregnant until Saturday to see if this baby would come on his own.  She was very reluctant, but saw that I was determined.  Then she did an ultrasound.

She measured my amniotic fluid.  "Hmmm.  Maybe there is more fluid behind the chord...",  "No, that is more baby."  "Let's look over here",  "No, that is more baby as well...."  After about 10 minutes of searching for fluid she declared,  "Your baby needs to come today.  You do not have enough amniotic fluid and I have seen enough still-births that I can not risk you waiting any longer.  I am not saying this because it is convenient for me, I had plans to go see my grand-daughter's play tonight but this is an emergency and you need to go home, pack your things, and get to the hospital right away."

How could anyone refuse a lecture like that?  I made it to the hospital at 4.  I really did not want an epidural, but I was a little afraid about the intensity of induced contractions.  I decided to try it without one anyway.

Usually, once I go into labor, I have my babies very quickly - which means I have very intense contractions with very few breaks in between.  The induced contractions came on gradually and they gave me time to prepare for the next one - they were actually a little easier to handle then the real ones.  At least at first :-)  My midwife was great and helped me try different positions that helped with my back labor (I always have back labor!)  I kept reminding myself that women had done this for thousands of years at home without drugs and that if they could do it - I could do it!  I wanted to labor in the bathtub, but my midwife tricked me.  She kept saying, as soon as we get the contractions going steadily, I could jump in the bath.  Then once the contractions were going steadily she said, "It's too risky to go in there now because they are coming pretty intensely and quickly so you need to stay in bed."  I could have smacked her, but at that point the main thing on my mind was trying to relax through yet another intense contraction...

Then at 10pm, my baby arrived.  Oh what a wondrous, miraculous, extraordinary thing it is to see your baby, hear his voice, and hold his warm little body for the first time!  What a precious, divine, incredible gift!

He has turned one at an alarming rate!  He is developing his own happy personality.  He smiles whenever you look at him.  He used to lay on his tummy, put his arms and legs up off the floor and wiggle his little hands and feet.  It looked as if he were trying to take off flying.   Now he crawls everywhere, pulls himself up and talks to us, "bah, dah, dah".  Or yells, "bah, dah, dah, bahh!"  He has the cutest little "fake laugh" - he scrunches up his face and snickers whenever we're laughing.  He loves climbing up the stairs to a certain spot where he can see us all and then yelling for us to look at him.  When we all do, he laughs and bounces and yells some more.

He just learned to say "bye" with his hand by shaking it up and down and saying "ba".  Yesterday at the park, he was crawling away from Rock and me.  When he crawls away from me, after he goes about 10 feet, he'll look back.  Sometimes he crawls back to me, sometimes he'll smile at me, wave his hand, and keep on crawling away.  Well, this time at the park, Rock called to him, "Ray! Where are you going?"  He stopped, sat up, looked at us, waved his hand and continued to crawl away.  Rock called to him again.  This time Ray didn't even bother turning around, he continued crawling, but picked up his arm and waved at us, and then moved on.  He keeps us laughing all the time.

The kids argue about who gets to get him when he wakes up from a nap, or who gets to take care of him.  Spice often exclaims, "He is just so cute!  We have to get his picture!"  Most of the pictures we have of him are due to Spice running up and grabbing my camera when she "can't stand" how cute he is.

For his birthday, we sung him a birthday song in the morning (no presents - I couldn't think of anything he needed and I'm not about to buy more toys that I want to get rid of - I didn't think he would mind.)  In the evening, he got to eat cake for the first time.  The kids were all exited to see what he would do when he tasted it.  He kept smashing it with his fork at first, so I gave him a taste, he smiled and then tried to pick some more up with his fork, he eventually gave that up and ate it with his hand (but he took it from his fork).  What a proper gentleman.

Happy birthday baby boy!  You'll never know how much happiness you've brought our family every single day.  I love you so much that I can't stand it!