2009 Christmas Card

Here is our Christmas card this year (minus the graphics - and real names because of my safety paranoia about the world wide web!):

 Merry Christmas to Our Friends and Family!

Please write and keep us updated! 

Here is what we’ve been up to: 

Rock has been busy managing a physical rehabilitation center. He has also decided to learn how to play the guitar. He's been practicing and improving quickly. He has also been busy reading classics in his spare time. He is a wonderful dad and the kids enjoy playing "Cougar" with him (a game in which he roars at them, they run, and he chases them around the house). They also like to play sports and board games with their dad.

 I've been busy homeschooling the kids.  We have a lot of fun learning together.  I also read as much as I can when I can find the time.  I have also taken up blogging.   Come to find out, I rather enjoy writing.  I have also been busy trying to find ways to help us eat a little more healthy.

Spice  loves to create.  She seems to always be busy making something - a picture, a poem, clothes or a hairstyle for a doll, jewelry, or anything she can think of.  She is also a great big sister to everyone and enjoys helping me with baby Ray.

Bud's new name is Harry Potter.  He read all of the books and walks around with a painted scar on his forehead.  When he was finished with the seventh book, I thought he would read something else and he'd start to get over his Harry Potter phase.  He read a couple of other books, but then decided he would start the Harry Potter series again.  He's currently on the third book the second time around.  When Bud finds something he likes, he pursues it with a passion!

Little Miss  has been drawing a lot these days.  She like to play with "shades" using a pencil and loves to play with colors to see how they work together.  She takes one of her stuffed animals wherever she goes and she is very kind to all of them.  She often reads book to Bazinks - those two love to play together.  They can play with little figurines for hours.

Bazinks loves attention, so he's always coming up with different tricks and things to show everyone.  He often says, "Look what I did all by myself!"  He's been trying to write his letters and he draws the cutest people.  His favorite game is "Hi Friends" in which he takes little objects, they become friends with each other, and they go on different adventures.

Ray is a sweet, happy baby.  You only need to look at him to get a smile.  He is a chatterbox and likes to play around making all sorts of sounds.  He learned to roll over this week, so he's been having fun with that.  When he wants something he twists his little hands and feet in circles.  He even does this when he eats, which is nice because then he doesn't grab the spoon and make a big mess everywhere.  He brings a lot of happiness to our home - none of us can help but smile when we look at him

Our blog: www.thetaleofourquest.blogspot.com

Christmas Thoughts

I remember driving down a busy Baltimore street a couple of years ago.  I was stopped at a light and the kids were in the back playing.  We were listening to a local radio station.  Being "Mormon" I was in the minority when it came to religions.  It was December, so Christmas music was on the radio.  This song came on:

What child is this, who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap, is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?


This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!


Why lies he in such mean estate
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christian, fear for sinners here,
The silent Word is pleasing.


This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!


So bring Him incense, gold, and myrrh,
Come peasant king to own Him,
The King of kings, salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.


Raise, raise the song on high,
The Virgin sings her lullaby:
Joy, joy, for Christ is born,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!

I looked around at the people around me - each with their individual beliefs, thoughts and worries.  Some were maybe listening to the same station I was.  Some may have not thought of Jesus for a long time - but we were all the same - in that He was thinking of us.  I was filled with love for all those strangers as I pondered on the words to that beautiful song.

That is what I love about Christmas.  The unity that comes as we are all reminded - through the music, the manger scenes, the focus on family - of that scene many years ago - when He, who had created the world and all of us in it, came down to be sacrificed.  Born in a stable, He was unnoticed by many, but not by God.  The heavens watched this pivotal moment and angels sung for joy.  We watched that little baby, born to be suffer for us - for our weaknesses, rebelliousness and worldliness.  How we must have loved Him!  How easily we forget!  How easily we get distracted!

I am thankful for the extra reminders that come during the Christmas season of that which matters most.  I love that beautiful baby born so long ago.  I love Him who watches over me, even now, and has gone through so much for me.  I know I could never be worthy of His sacrifice, but I hope I can show Him my gratitude.  I hope I can see those around me as His children.  I hope I can help them as He would want me to.  I hope I can remember Him more.

Here's a little video for pausing and reflecting:


Beautiful article I read earlier this week about Christmas (I highly recommend it!): Maybe Christmas Doesn't Come from a Store

Consistency

This post is part of my thoughts on how to teach the kids to work.

The other night, as I was tucking Spice into bed, she said, "Mom, I'm not a very good girl because I keep messing up.  I keep saying sorry for being grumpy and then I do it again the next day.  I just can't do it!"

I told her that she was making progress even if she didn't realize it and that as long as she was trying that she was being a good person.

The very next day I opened up the New Era to read a little excerpt from General Conference during morning devotional.  I came across these words:

"Sometimes in our daily efforts to become more Christlike, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties.  As if we were climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don't see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges.  Don't be discouraged.  If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting." -Neil L. Anderson

These words had an impact on Spice.  They had an impact on me as well.

I think all of us have days where we feel like our goals are too high, and our best just isn't good enough for what we'd like to accomplish.  I think of the schedule I set up for myself.  The schedule isn't the goal, but it is a means to many of the goals that I have for myself and my family.  Yet, I don't think I have ever had a day where I have stuck to it 100%  I haven't exercised cosistently in months (maybe I'll get back to it when baby starts sleeping through the night again!)  and usually we end up skipping something or shortening it because of lack of time.

I haven't been discouraged though.  I like having that plain, measurable guide to help me strive towards my goals.  I don't think Yoda's adage, "There is no try, only do" applies here.  I don't think "consistency" is always doing everything I set out to accomplish, but it's consistently trying and not giving up.   I think that is why I liked Machiavelli's quote so much:

A wise man ought always to follow the paths beaten by great men, and to imitate those who have been supreme, so that if his ability does not equal theirs, at least it will savour of it.  Let him act like the clever archers who, designing to hit the mark which yet appears too far distant, and knowing the limits which the strength of their bow attains, take aim much higher than the mark, not to reach by their strength or arrow to so great a height, but to be able with the aid of so high an aim to hit the mark they wish to reach.

I think my efforts "savour" of my ideal and I like it.  Slowly, we are moving forward and every once in a while I get a glimpse out from the "tree-covered mountain" and I see that we are making progress despite my many faults, failures and inconsistencies.

It is so fun to enjoy the little things in life, to treasure the priceless moments, and at the same time, know that I am moving forward as I consistently try to improve and reach for my goals.

Like my good friend, Diana, likes to say "Life is not in the destination.  It's in the journey."

Cold - Weather Menu

I finally got around to making a dinner menu for the Winter. I thought I'd share it. The difference between this one and our Summer menu is that this one has more soups and in the summer we eat more fruity-type meals. If a recipe is on the internet, I'll link it (most of them are from greenereating.com).  Feel free to ask me for any recipes that are not linked, if you are interested. Maybe I'll paste the rest on an upcoming blog.  We have started eating mostly Vegan, but I still use cheese and eggs on a few dishes. I just can't live without cheese on occasion!

These are just dinner meals.  For breakfast we eat a green smoothie with some sort of grain (oatmeal, pancakes, toast, etc.) and for lunch we eat Veggies or salad with left over dinner (if there is some), eggs, or cheesy toast. Sometimes I'll make a wrap from the left over dinner or some veggies we gave in the fridge.   Maybe I'll jot down my favorite green smoothies in an upcoming post as well.

What I do is make a list of 30 meals (6 meals for 5 weeks - on Sundays we usually visit family, eat leftovers or eat something quick, like spaghetti).  When we're through with the 30 meals, we start over.  I tried to keep it down to 24 meals, but there were just too many meals I liked.  Then I make a grocery list for each week. The grocery list only includes items I don't normally have on hand or those that we go through really quick and we need to replenish on a regular basis.

If I need to prepare something ahead of meal time - I wrote it in little writing next to that meal so that I don't forget. For example, I don't usually use canned beans so I need to remember to soak or sprout the beans and then cook them before a meal.  Sometimes I'll use the leftovers of something for another meal, so that is also in the little print.

Here is our list. Following it, is our grocery list.

Week 1

M:Pasta Primavera 1

T:Northern Bean Soup 2 Northern

W:Orange Salad   3 Northern

Th:Autumn Stew 4

F:Veggie Curry  5  Northern, Rice 

S:Hawaiian Haystacks 6  Rice, Beans

Week 2

M:Artichoke Pasta  7

T:Spinach Minestrome 8 Garbanzo

W:Cowboy Caviar  9 Black

Th:Mexi-Bean Salad 10 Rice Caviar

F: BBQ Veggie Joes  11 

S:Chinese Fried Rice  12

Week 3

M:Broccoli/Pine-nut Pasta 13 

T:Enfrijoladas 14 Pinto

W:Lara’s Pear Salad  15

Th:Butternut Soup 16 rice, garbanzo

F:Savory Sandwiches 17  Garbanzo

S:Honey-mustard Salad 18 Garbanzo

Week 4

M: Enchiladas  19 Filling

T: Chili  20 Kidney

W: Spinach and Fruit Salad  21

Th: Breezies Bean Soup 22

F: Stuffed Green Peppers 23  Chili

S:Black Bean Burgers 24 Soup 

Week 5

M: Angel Hair w/Veg 25

T: Vegan Split Pea Soup 26

W: Potato Sloppy-Joes 27

Th: Taco Salad 28 Navy

F:  Artichoke Wraps 29 Navy

S: Tex-Mex Burgers 30 Navy

I print my grocery list on the front and back of one piece of paper and keep it in my planner so that I have it with me whenever I'm out and about and go to the grocery store.  Here is the grocery list:
(The numbers in parenthesis correspond to the meal I need them for.  This helps me if I want to leave out a meal one week or if I need to mess with it in some way.)
"-" means I can't usually buy it at Sam's club, so I need to get it somewhere else.
"*" means I can make it, so I only buy it if I'm extra busy or lazy that week

Week 1

Carrots (1) (2) (4) (5) (6)

Celery (4) (6)

Broccoli (1) (5)

-4 Yellow Squash (1) (5)

Mushrooms (1) (3)

Potatoes (2) (4) (5)

-Cilantro (2)

-Red Leaf or Romaine (3)

-Noodles (1)

Tomato (3)

-Red Onion (3)

-2 Oranges or Mandarin (3)

Cauliflower (5)

-Pearled Barley (4)

-Northern Beans (3)

-Sliced Almonds (3)

Canned Pineapple (6)

Frozen Corn (2)

*Italian Dressing Mix 

Basics
Eggs, Milk, OJ, Bananas

Spinach, Salad, Lettuce (3)

Bag of Veg (5), Fruit, Frozen Fruit

Canned Tomatoes (4) (5)

Check

-Coconut Milk (5) (6)

-Curry (5)

-Coriander (5)

Week 2

Celery (8) (11) (12)

Carrots (8) (11) (12)

Tomatoes (9)

Cilantro (9)

Lime (9)

Avocadoes (11)

Corn tortillas (9)

-Artichokes (7)

-Noodles (7) (8)

Garbanzo Beans (8)

Lentils (11)

*Buns (11)

Basics
Eggs (12), 

Milk 

OJ 

Bananas

Spinach (8), 

Salad, Lettuce

Bag of Veg, 

Fruit, Frozen Fruit

Diced Tomatoes (7) (8)

Check

Ketchup (11)

Week 3

Broccoli (13)

Carrots (15)

Celery (17)

-Green Onion (17)

-Butternut Squash (16)

Tomatoes (17) (18)

Cucumbers (18)

Tart Apples (16)

Pears (15)

-Noodles (13)

Cheese (14)

Corn Tortillas (14)

Walnuts (15)

Salsa or Pico (14)

-Coconut Milk (16)

-Dill Relish (17)

*Bread (17)

Basics
Eggs, Milk, OJ, Bananas

Spinach, Salad (18), Lettuce (15)

Bag of Veg, Fruit, Frozen Fruit

Canned Tomatoes (13)

Check

Pine-nuts (13)

-Garbanzo Beans (16)

-Curry (16)

-Lemon Juice (17)

-Mayo (17)

Week 4

6 Green Peppers (20) (22) (23)

Carrots (20) (22)

Celery (22)

-Red Onion (22)

Avocadoes (19) (21) (24)

Fruit (21)

Walnuts or Pecans (21)

Tortillas (19)

*Buns (24)

Cheese (23)

Basics
Eggs (24), Milk, OJ, Bananas (21)

Spinach (21), Salad, Lettuce

Bag of Veg, Fruit, Frozen Fruit

Canned Tomatoes (20) (22)

Week 5

Broccoli (25)

Carrots (25) (26) (27)

Celery (26) (27)

Potatoes (26) (27)

Red Potatoes (27)

-Avocadoes (30)
-Green Onions (30)

Angel Hair Pasta (25)

-Dried Split Peas (26)

-Barley (26)

*Buns (27) (30)

*Taco Seasoning (28)

*Wraps (29)

-Artichokes (29)

-Falafels (29)

*Italian Dressing (29)
-Green Chilies (30)

Check

Ketchup (27)

Salsa (28)

Tortillas (28)

Corn (28)

-Bread Crumbs (30)

-Cornmeal (30)

-Navy Beans (30)

Basics

Eggs, Milk, OJ, Bananas, 

Spinach (29), Salad, Lettuce

Bag of Veg, Fruit, Frozen Fruit

My Resignation

I realized, a couple of weeks ago, that it was time to recommit my self to a goal that I had set a while ago, but had not been keeping up with.

Do the following things that I've heard my kids say to each other sound familiar to anyone?

"Hey!  That's mine!  You can't play with it!"
"You're not supposed to do it that way!  You're not doing it right!"

I would say these are words spoken without thought about the feelings they might evoke on another.

Teaching the kids to be kind to one another can be tricky.  It's one of those things that has to come from their heart.  They will be kind to one another if they have compassion or empathy and love for each other.

I realized a while ago that they were relying on me to make sure they were kind to one another.  For example, Bud might be okay with teasing Little Miss because he knew I would come to her rescue if she cried and that Little Miss would be okay.  Or, Spice might say rude things to Little Miss knowing that I would stop her at some point and comfort Little Miss.  (Yes, I did tend to come to the rescue of Little Miss quite a bit.)  They were assuming that I was the "fairness and kindness" police so they didn't have to worry about being fair and kind themselves - someone else would make sure to step in and take care of it.

It reminds me of my government post about legislating morality.  People stop asking, "Is this moral?" and instead ask, "Is this legal?"  My kids weren't asking, "Am I doing what is right?" They were asking, "What can I get away with?"

I realized that I had already taught them about how to treat each other.  They didn't necessarily need the lecture anymore.  What they needed was the freedom to mess up and learn from their mistakes.  I still plan on teaching them about compassion and charity towards one another, especially now, but I'm not going to step in and solve their problems anymore.

This is so hard!  I can't stand to see one of my little kids being treated in a way that I think is unkind.  I want to rescue them from the situation!  I've made this goal (to stay out of things) for myself before, but I noticed that I was back to stepping into situations.

So, I let the kids know about my resignation as "fairness and kindness police".  I told them that it was now their turn to police themselves on being kind and fair.  I've been trying to teach them to take note of the effect that their words have on the person that they are speaking to.  I still need to remind them, every morning, to make their actions and words consistent with what Jesus would say and do.  I've been trying to play spiritual music to serve as a reminder, and to allow for a feeling of peace.  The hardest part has been getting out of the way and keeping my lips closed when I want to help.

Here are our experiences so far:

At first, one person would yell at someone, then that someone would yell back and then there was a pause.  Normally, I would step in right then, so it was like they were waiting.  When I didn't say anything, they seemed a little embarrassed by their outburst and then started talking in a more normal voice to try to resolve their differences.   They usually just kept talking about how the other person wasn't being fair.  I made a mental note - teach them about the importance of listening to where someone else is coming from and to ask, "please try to listen to what I'm saying" when they feel they are not being heard.

Sometimes one person (usually an older sibling - Bud or Spice) would try to get a younger sibling to do what he/she wanted her to do or to do something a certain way: "That's not how you're supposed to do it!" was often heard.  I felt bad for the younger sibling (Little Miss), but didn't step in.  Later I talked to Little Miss about how to stand up for herself and gave her ideas about what to say when someone is trying to get her to do something she did not want to do.  I told her to say things like, "I want to do this a different way", "Don't force me to do it your way.",  or, "If I'm doing it wrong, then I'll learn from my mistakes."

I also, later, talked the older children about bullying.  I explained to them that bullies were people who forced others to do things those people did not want to do.  I told them that if they were making someone cry they were probably being a bully.  The right way to try to change someone's behavior is "by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned" (DC 121:41)  (It's nice when I have a scripture to back me up ;-)  )

They are not perfect, but they have come a long way in a couple of weeks.  I've seen Spice start to say something unkind, realize what she was doing, and change her words.  I've seen Bud persuading people to do things in a kind and loving manner.  I haven't really noticed Little Miss doing anything different, but she is not crying to me nearly as much.

I guess sometimes they just need a little less of me ;-)

Why I like TJED

 "Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world’s work, and the power to appreciate life."  - Brigham Young

TJED or Thomas Jefferson Education is leadership education.  It is a way of educating that is a little different than the way we usually think about education.  People can apply it's principles wether they send their kids to school or teach them at home.  I read the book A Thomas Jefferson Education: Teaching a Generation of Leaders for the Twenty First-Century by Oliver DeMille about a year and a half ago (recommended by my friend, Angela).  When I first read it, I knew this was the type of education I wanted for my children.

I won't go into great detail about this.  I highly recommend the book as well as Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning to anyone interested, but I'll just explain why I was drawn to it.

Too often in school, we are taught what to learn.  We need to know certain facts and things in order to do well on tests.  When I first started looking into homeschooling - that was my focus - what are they "supposed" to know at this age?  What should I be having them learn?

What I liked about TJED is that it focuses, instead, on teaching children how to learn, how to think.  It focuses on teaching kids to love learning.  It gives children freedom about what to learn and thus children are motivated, excited and have ownership over their own education.

I want my children to learn how to think about and evaluate things so that they can use their creativity to "think outside the box", to solve problems and lead out in innovative ways.

Basically, we learn how to think by being exposed to the great minds and ideas of the past.  We read and thus learn from the lives, mistakes and triumphs of those who have gone before us.  As we read their thoughts, we see things from their perspective and we learn to understand, to see things more clearly or in a new light.

"If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants."   Isaac Newton

I know that my school experience was a very watered-down version of this.  For example, I learned about a certain war - the name, the date and some basic conflicts that led to it, but I didn't ever read anyone's words that experienced it.  I didn't read about their feelings, their ideas, why they felt war was necessary or not.  Or, I learned about a certain math formula, but not about the excitement of it's discovery or the frustrations before it came about.

That is one thing that attracted me to TJED.   We read the words of people who have experienced life and what they've learned and contributed.  It's exciting and real.  It's not just bits of information that we need to know to pass a test.

On this day, we got done cleaning the kitchen and Bud asked,

"Is it study time yet?"  I said, "Yes, you can have study time now."

He exclaimed, "Yay!  I want to read  Moby Dick!" (abridged version)

and Little Miss said, "I want to read Harry Potter!"

I can't remember what Spice was reading, but I remember thinking,

"Hmmm, we must be doing something right!"

The other thing that really motivated me to do TJED is that the responsibility for learning is placed where it belongs - on the student.  Children learn from an early age that their education is their responsibility.  I can not force any of my kids learn.  I may be able to make them memorize something for a time or reiterate something I have taught, but it won't become part of them - unless they choose to learn it.

I've only really been doing TJED for about 4 or 5 months.  I tried my best the first year I homeschooled, but I was too afraid to really give the kids control over their learning.  I didn't realize that I never had the control in the first place.  It has been so great so far!  The kids are really thriving with it.  We all feel inspired to learn as much as we can.  I'll go into more detail about this later.  I'll expound a little on all of these things as I write about how I'm trying to utilize the teaching principles.  This is just a brief explanation of why chose this path in the first place.

For a quick overview of TJED click here.

This post is part of my thoughts on educating the kids.

My People-Pleasing Self -The Prince

Sometimes, I tend to be a people-pleaser.  I guess I want people to like me.  I worry when I think someone doesn't like me or when I think that something I said was taken in a way that I didn't mean for it to be taken.  Sometimes I worry that people perceive me in a way I don't want to be perceived.  I especially worry that people misinterpret my intent when I say (or write) something.  Sometimes I worry that maybe they are right - maybe I am pretty lame despite my attempts not to be.

I just finished reading The Prince by Michiavelli.  It's a book about how to get power and about warfare.  One of the things that struck me was the advice to not be virtuous for virtue's sake, but be virtuous in order for people to think you are virtuous.  One way a ruler retains power is for people to think well of him.  Although, Michiavellie claims, it is better to be feared than loved.  Either way, one is working to evoke a certain feeling in others.  There were so many different ideas and rules that a ruler should conform to, in order to retain power - I certainly did not want to be in that ruler's shoes.  I felt that this ruler, which Michiavelli described, would be caged in by the thoughts and actions of those around him.  Not a fun way to live.

It reminded me of when I read about Alexander the Great in Plutarch's Lives.  He so wanted to be liked and well thought of.   He did many great things and conquered many lands.  He was a compassionate person and he felt bad about the hardship he inflicted on others and he tried to make it up to them in ways.  Still, at the end of his life, there were still people, close to him, that did not like him and did not think well of him.  This devestated him.  He worked so hard to be well liked and it wasn't good enough. How trapped he must have felt to have his happiness depend on other people's good opinion.

I don't want to be that way.  I don't want my kids to be that way.  I have one child in particular who really likes to be well-thought-of.  I want him/her to see that people's opinions are very hard to control and we should not base our actions on how people think of us.

What does this mean?  Should I worry about only pleasing myself regardless of how others see me?  I think too many people take this other extreme.  I know I've tried it, and it just brings me sadness.  When I've bought into the "self-actualization" rhetoric - the "worry about making yourself happy - not anyone else" or "don't let others get in the way of doing what you want to do to 'achieve your dreams'" talk - I am miserable.  I get mad at the kids for not letting me spend "my" time the way I would like, or at my husband for not doing things the way I want them to be done.  I find this attitude brings me frustration and anger - never happiness.

Even Michiavelli conceded that after you've done all these things to get power (and made yourself miserable in the process, I might add), chance or fortune are at least 50% responsible for determining whether you get that power or not.  So, in other words, you go through life trying to control people's opinions about you (which you don't have much chance in doing), only to have less than a 50% chance of getting what you are seeking.  Miserable!

So if people are caged in by seeking other people's good opinions, and we're caged in by seeking our own wants - then how do we become free?  By seeking God's good opinion?  How is this not confining as well?

Well, because God knows the motivations, intents and desires of our hearts - even better than we do.  He knows what will truly bring us joy - even better than we do.  He knows our potential - better than we do.  We don't need to worry that God will misinterpret our words or actions.  He knows exactly why we do what we do.  We don't need to worry that He doesn't have our best interest at heart.  He sent His Son to die so that we could have eternal joy.  We are not caged in when we are trying to please God - it is the only way we are free!

We are free to not worry about other people's opinions - we know that God knows our hearts.  We are free to not have to worry about our needs not being met - God has promised us peace in this life and all He has in the next.   We are free to become who we were meant to become.  There is no greater freedom and no greater peace.  How grateful I am to have such freedom!  I hope I can help my children understand this ultimate source of happiness.  I hope I can remember it better myself when those self-doubts start creeping up on me again.

Favorite Quotes from The Prince:

This quote made me think of the importance of teaching the kids to govern themselves and not to make so many rules that I am commanding them in all things:

(He's speaking of the type of people that are easiest to rule or persuade)

"...it is easier to hold them, especially when they have not been accustomed to self-government"

Aspiring to worthy goals:

"A wise man ought always to follow the paths beaten by great men, and to imitate those who have been supreme, so that if his ability does not equal theirs, at least it will savour of it.  Let him act like the clever archers who, designing to hit the mark which yet appears too far distant, and knowing the limits which the strength of their bow attains, take aim much higher than the mark, not to reach by their strength or arrow to so great a height, but to be able with the aid of so high an aim to hit the mark they wish to reach."