I had an interesting thought this morning. I've been mulling it over in my mind and it makes sense to me, but I worry that maybe I'm not seeing the big picture in some way - so I'm going to post about it and if anyone sees something I may be missing, let me know!
First of all, as I have mentioned before, I am fundamentally opposed to requiring children to "learn" - learning in the sense of gaining knowledge. I think it is impossible for someone to make someone else learn. The reason for this is that in order for someone to truly learn something, they must internalize it. A child can have all sorts of dates and names from history memorized, but if they have not learned from the life lessons in history - who cares? True knowledge must be taken into the heart. In order for a child to gain true knowledge they must choose it.
Secondly, I think it is crucial that I require my children to work. "Working" is outward actions that build inward character. It is the "action" that teaches. "Learning" is inward ideas that transcend into outward actions. I can require actions, I can not require ideas or knowledge.
In school, we often require actions like writing a paper on a certain subject. We think this will help the child learn the subject. If the child is not interested in the subject, they will write the paper for the grade and forget all about the subject because they fail to internalize it. Often, what happens instead, is that the child thinks that they hate learning, when in fact they hated being made to do something that they did not want to do. This is why requiring in academics can be so detrimental. Learning is intrinsically exciting and rewarding - there is no need to force people to do it.
With me so far? Okay, so here is what I began to wonder about this morning - are there certain skills that I ought to require that will enable my kids to be able to learn. Acquiring skills is different then acquiring knowledge. I can "teach" my child to sweep. The child can "learn" to sweep, but did he acquire new thoughts and ideas? Not really. He acquired a skill. Skills are knowledge, in a sense, but they are not the kind of knowledge that give birth to new ideas. In housework, they are actions that help us clean. In academics, they are actions that help us learn.
In other words, skills are outward actions. Why not require outward actions? There is a danger that children would equate the skills with the real learning... and therefore think that they dislike to learn - BUT what if you differentiate the two?
What if, for example, I say "For family work today, we will weed the yard, mop the floors and work on a "learning skill". After family work, it's devotional, lunch time, and then you can have free time to actually learn or play." Skill-building could be considered "work" and be totally different from "learning". Just because we have traditionally placed certain skills in the realm of "learning" or "academics" does not mean that they necessarily belong there does it?
What basic skills do I refer to? Penmanship would be one. A child must learn to form letters so that they can do the wonderful activity called "Writing" which they might actually choose if they had the skill of forming letters. Reading words is another skill. Learning history, math, science, literature, etc. requires reading words. A child may be very inspired to learn history, but if they don't have the skill of reading - the desire might wain as they have to tackle the skill which has very little do do with the lessons of history. Basic arithmetic is another skill. Arithmetic is NOT math and we have to be careful not to call it by that name. Mathematics are interesting and exiting, but to be able to begin to get to the interesting stuff, we must learn to add, subtract, multiply and divide.
If a child learns those basic skills, they are equipped with the tools that they need to learn whatever their hearts desire. Grammar and spelling will come as they fall in love with writing (not the skill of penmanship) and want to improve. The knowledge of science and mathematics will come as they fall in love with nature and the wonder of real math (not the skill of arithmetic) and the stories of those discoveries and they become eager to learn more. The knowledge of history will come as they read and hear stories from the past, etc.
If you require for a child, who is ready, to learn the skill of penmanship and they complain that they hate writing, couldn't you say, "You don't hate writing - you hate learning the skill of penmanship. It is hard work, but you'll love writing once you master the skill of penmanship"? Or if they complain that they hate math, you say "No, you hate learning the skill of arithmetic, but you'll love math - you just can't learn it without this skill". Reading? "You hate learning the skill of sounding out words, but you'll love reading once you learn the basic skill of sounding out words."
Of course you would keep these skill-building lessons short and make them as fun and interesting as the subject matter allows, but they do take some work and children will not always choose them until they are mature enough to understand that they need these skills to get to the good stuff. I guess I just worry that they could be more in love with learning, if the learning of some basic skills wasn't getting in their way.
So, to sum up - require work - skills are work. Inspire learning. Am I missing something from the big picture though? Am I just thinking of a creative way to require when I ought to be inspiring? What do you think?
*Added later: I decided not to require, but to use incentives - click here for details.
I'm not going to answer your question because you have your own answer...it's inside of you or from the spirit, but it did make me think of a story.
ReplyDeleteThere once was a little girl and her mother wanted her to learn how to ride a bike...mostly so she wouldn't look dumb when all of her friends were riding their bikes and because when she was in first grade they would take all of the kids on a huge bike ride...so she definately would need to learn before them. So she got her a really cute bike and cute helmet and knee pads and then this well meaning mother insisted that at 8:30 every morning during the summer there would be a bike ride....so fun right? Nope. The young girl sometimes would go home in tears and once she even refused to come out of the house to ride the really cute bike. The mother gave up. About two years later the young girl pulled an old ugly bike out of the garage and decided to teach herself how to ride the bike. She would sit on the seat and learn how to balance, she would slowly put one foot on the petal and then the other and go around a whole turn, after about 2 weeks of practicing every day without mom saying a word she learned how to ride her bike. No tears, no...I hate my bike. And I wish you could have seen her face when she learned...Pure Joy! Joy that she had accomplished something that was hard for her.
I could have forced her, I could have required that she learn, I could have taken all the joy away that she got from doing something when she was ready. I could have done a way better job at inspiring her desire to ride her bike and I could have been way more patient and understanding, but the point still is...when she was ready, she learned. Now, all my kids choose when they will learn to ride a bike....Chip is the only one who will probably learn before she is 8. But I am okay with that. It doesn't matter to me when she learns to ride a bike...or even if. But I love seeing my kids do hard things.
If you feel like there are things you need to teach your kids and that you need to teach them in a certain time period then my only advice is to do it in an inspiring way so you never hear....I hate...., It is important that kids do hard things, and even hard things that they don't want to do...that is just life, but if it damages relationships and joy then we have to count the costs. Hope you find your answers
sorry this is SO long:)
I like your thinking. In fact, I gobbled up your thoughts about creativity, but I have to say that I had the lingering thought that there must be something more in order to express that creativity. There must be......skill?
ReplyDeleteYou've reminded me of the MTC- it is mainly about skill-building, so that once the missionary is in the field, he/she is not held up from lack of skill in language or teaching, etc., and can more freely be guided by the spirit and do the real work.
I do think, however, that learning skills can still be guided by your children. Last week, my 7 year old daughter came up to me with a cursive chart that she found on her own in our supplies and asked me if I would help her learn how to write cursive. Absolutely! For three days we worked on it together whenever SHE asked for it, and she now works on it on her own every day, making lists, writing letters. Writing has become even more thrilling and beautiful for her. Tonight, my son came up to me while I was making dessert and said "Mom, can I help you? Because I really love to cook and I wish I could do it more." Absolutely! What he didn't know is that I was going to schedule in some time to learn basic knife skills this week because I need more help in the kitchen, but I love that he came to me first and asked for it! We spent the next half hour tonight learning how to slice carrots and dice potatoes and hold a knife properly. So much better to get them while they're "hot," or when they feel a need and desire to learn that skill so they can do what they really want to do.
So, I guess it comes back to watching and listening to our children closely so we can know what their interests are and introduce skills accordingly. If they find learning that skill a drudgery, maybe they aren't hungry enough yet? Hopefully with your explanation of the value, they will realize that the skill will set them "free" so to speak. If not, I would probably wait until they're asking for it. My son is bored with penmanship. I can suggest that we work on it and explain how that could help him, but I'm not going to require it at this point. On the other hand, he loves arithmetic, which is now turning into a passion for math. He could talk math to me all day long and never tire of it and would devour any skill relating to math I set out to teach him. I have never forced my children to learn to read. They have all come to me at some point on their own and asked if I would help them to sound out the words.
I don't think there's anything wrong with planning to teach them basic skills you think they might need without them asking for it, but it seems we should follow their cues as to how far to press it.
Great food for thought.
Is this comment long enough? =)
I have to add that if a missionary doesn't have desire, those MTC skills don't carry them very far.
ReplyDeleteKaren,
ReplyDeleteI've been having these exact same thoughts for a week now. I'll admit my thoughts haven't been as lucid as yours but travel the same vein.
Thank you for articulating this. I think you're exactly right!
I think you are justifying because you are afraid they won't want to learn these skills on their own.
ReplyDeleteRemember when Bud wrote that story on his own? Dont you think he'll want to improve his penmanship to make writing easier? Especially if you take up calligraphy!
And the skill of reading...as soon as they decide they want to read they will learn on their own or ask for a lesson.
Inspire not require does not have an addendum that says "unless it's something they really need to know how to do"
Thank you all for your wonderful comments. It seems like when my "conveyor belt" tendencies start popping up on me, people are there to remind me to have faith in my children - they really do want to learn.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that children will learn things very quickly when the desire is there. One art of teaching is to help the children gain that desire. I have never had a problem with my children wanting to learn to read. We read out loud so much that they really value the ability to read and have always picked it up rather quickly because they wanted it.
We do arithmetic everyday just in life. My four year old knows that 4 + 2 = 6 and that 4 x 2 = 8. He couldn't write it out in symbols, but he understands the concept. I think he'll have an easy time when I teach him the symbols. He has also taught himself his letter sounds and is starting to sound out words without me ever having given him a formal lesson.
The reason I started thinking about this is because Bud loves to write, but he writes very sloppy and some of his letters are backwards. He knows it, and it deters him from writing more often. I don't really want him to keep writing in his journal in this way because he keeps practicing doing his letters in the wrong way.
I think the key to what you guys were saying is that the lessons should be given when the child is ready. I think Bud would be okay with writing lessons right now because he has found that he enjoys writing and that there is a need for penmanship - however, he would not ask for a lesson - he does not think it is important enough to work so much at it - he already knows how to write, after all.
That is why, in my post, I said, "When a child is ready..." What I mean is that he has the desire and he sees the need, but he does not necessarily think it is important enough to ask for lessons and wouldn't necessarily choose one when he could be doing something else.
Does this just mean he is not ready enough? Maybe I just need to give him more time and he will ask me for penmanship lessons - it's just that his personality is such that I can't see him ever caring much about how beautiful his handwriting is as long as he can get his point across - which he already does, just with backwards letters here and there. Maybe I shouldn't care - he is not going to write backwards letters forever right? But is it going to be hard to un-do the habit?
I need to think a little more about this I guess. I'm just not seeing what would be wrong in requiring certain skills, that they are ready for, and making sure that the children don't equate them with "learning", but that they understand that they are properly called "skills." UNLESS they are not able to differentiate the two and start thinking that they dislike writing when they dislike penmaship, etc. It seems possible to keep them separate does it not?
I mentioned the possibility of having a skill-building time during work time to the children and they seemed exited about it - maybe that is a clue that they are ready OR maybe the excitement will wane once they get into the nitty-gritty of it or maybe not - I want to keep the lessons short - 10 minutes or so and very basic so that they are hungry for more. Is that possible? Maybe I'll experiment and see.
I just don't want to back track on all of this love-of-learning that I have been witnessing!
Karen, This is a very thoughtful, logical post. Your children are very blessed to have a Mom who so thoughtfully considers every aspect of their education and upbringing.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts always give me a lot to think about. Thank you for being so transparent and open in your posts.
No one can answer weather or not requiring skills is right for your children except you. You are the expert in your home. But perhaps it would help if I tell you how this played out in my home.
Yes, I did try this very same thing with reading when my daughter was 7 years old. (She is now 9) We spent a few minutes (less than 10) working on reading almost daily for about 3 months. For about a week it was fun, then it became work. I tried to separate the skill from learning as you described but it did not help her enjoy it more nor help her attitude. She started proclaiming to anyone who would listen how she hated reading. She could not separate the skill from learning. It was too abstract a thought for her. Reading is reading. I started noticing that she was avoiding books. My thought that building the skill would lead to more reading was backfiring. To her, all reading was drudgery now. So I stopped. Our reading program went from those short lessons - and these were fun, game type lessons- to going to the library every week & me reading aloud to her. Thankfully her attitude about reading was not permanent! 2 1/2 years later and she says she loves reading! She is not a fast reader, but she loves it and spends some time reading and journal writing everyday - on her own accord. How she learned to read fluently, I really do not know. She certainly did not have enough instruction to learn it from me. I think reading is a skill that is developmental - like walking or talking. If a child is in a literate home they will learn it when ready and then they will love it.
Now I don't share this thinking that this is the right answer for your children! Only you know what that is. I just share it as an example. Hopefully you can glean something from it. Again, thanks for sharing this! I love reading your blog!
I agree that there's a difference between mastering a skill, and exploring a learning project where the skills are used. They are entirely different mental approaches. But requiring is still choosing an inferior road that overlooks the signals from the child of 1) physical and mental readiness, and 2) desire.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe the idea of incentives for learning basic skills is your answer. Basic skills can require some boring practice, and incentives help a young child learn how to do these very hard things. (The basic skills are very hard. We've just forgotten how hard.)
I also wanted to make a point about which basic skill goes with which subject for exploration. I agree that the love of numbers will help a child put in the hard work to learn how to manipulate them for himself, which is the basic skill for maths; but nature exploration is where the curiosity to know how the world works begins, and this is the inspiration for Science. Numbers is not it.
Also, the mathematical symbols of *formal* mathematics which are pushed so young onto schoolchildren are not understood until the child can read confidently, and has the reading basic skill in place. And the *concept* behind them is not understood until the more abstract age of ten or even much later (I grew into this all of a sudden at the age of thirteen).
If you are interested in thinking some more about incentives for basic skills, here's a useful short talk on the topic that helped me solidify in my mind when to incentivise and when to leave well alone - when to keep the intrinsic joy of learning as the only reward.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_pink_on_motivation.html
I would consider incentivising the mastery of basic skills, but not of any other learning. And no requiring anywhere.
Hope that helps.
love
Beth
House work is different from academic skilled.
ReplyDeleteHousework is a funamental actual literal part of the house hold. You can't separate the work from the home. The dishes the need to be washed. The toilet the needs to be scrubbed. Do the books need to be read in the same way, as if one doesn't read Moby Dick sitting on the shelf, it is work left undone?
Housework is by divine design a part of a child's whole world, the perfect learning ground for lesons of the foundational phases.
Academic skills are not these. Academic skills have no meaning unless the child is ready and inspired to use them. Phyically developmentally ready, and truly inspired.
Academic skills are appropriately played at by the core child (true play, not the parents dressing the skill up in a trite game), and appropriately learned by the LoL child when they are ready to really use them.
My generic TJEd answer: Academic skills for the core and Lol child: invite, inspire by example, but don't require.
It is appropriate to require the inspired scholar.
But to contradict all of that, you should do what your higher power is telling you do to. That will never take you wrong.
Oh my, look at all my typos! sorry! nursing at keybaord.
ReplyDeleteI have to run but I want to quickly say that this sounds like the same problem I had with my daughter. She started writing before she really "learned" to write so she practiced it wrong for all these years which is making it terribly difficult for her to learn to spell and write correctly.
ReplyDeleteIn my house, writing is now a tool and a privilege that must be learned correctly before they are allowed to do it. If they aren't ready to do the work to learn it then they aren't ready for the privileges that go along with it.
Let's talk more about it tomorrow!
Reading your comment with the details about Bud, it makes perfect sense for you to encourage some skill building- whether or not it's disguised. My son wants to help in the kitchen, but he would never come up with the idea to have a lesson on basic knife skills- That's something that I know he needs if he wants to be in the kitchen, just as you know Bud needs the penmanship skills, but that he would never ask for some training in.
ReplyDeleteI was going to go ahead with my plan of having a little knife skills lesson this week regardless of whether or not he had expressed the interest, simply because I know my oldest ones are ready for it and I believed they would be interested once we got going with it- (and of course, it would be helpful for me!) Cooking is basic work and survival skills, but it also falls into the category of academics in my mind. If I introduce the skills and the sparks fly, great! I'll involve them even more. If not, I'll decide what I absolutely need them for in the kitchen and let the rest go.
TJed is wonderful, but a mother's instincts are even better, I'm learning.
I understand your concern over skills like penmanship. My boys were very messy writers. I thought they would outgrow it but when we got together with other kids it was a little embarrassing (conveyor belt?).
ReplyDeleteI came to realize 3 things. First, they needed proper tools. Instead of letting them write on any paper as I had been doing, I bought composition notebooks with the 3 lines. 2nd, I realized, my handwriting is messy as well because I don't take the time. So in the spirit of "you, not them" when they ask me to write for them, I use the 3 lines and make my letters perfect. It's very slow going but it's important. 3rd, I require them to write correctly. If they don't want to write, I will write for them but if they do want to write, it must be correct or they erase and do it again.
I don't remember what other skills you were concerned about but maybe the same principles could apply to those as well.
I think there are other ways to teach skills and require good practice of those skills than to say "Now you have to practice this skill".
...For one thing, you want the kids to love working right? I think most kids do once they get used to it. But if they associate handwriting etc with family work, they will probably stop loving work.