Daily Jobs

This posts is part of my thoughts on how to teach the kids to work.

"Thus family work is a link to one another, a link to the Lord, a stepping-tone toward salvation that is always available.  This daily work of feeding, clothing, and sheltering each other has the power to transform us spiritually as we transform others physically" - SoF

The kids have certain daily jobs that they are expected to do before meals and bed.  It helps by giving us a "check time" to make sure we're cleaning up after ourselves.

I'm going to put this list somewhere in the kitchen so I can make sure I remember to use my "check points".  I tend to forget the lunch time check list.

Here's what is expected of them (an updated list since I first wrote it):

Checklists

Before Breakfast

1.Get dressed

2.Brush hair

3.Clean room

4.Make bed

5.Say prayers*

6.Read scriptures*
7.Take care of animals

8.Help with breakfast/set table

Before Lunch

1.Clean up study things**

2.Wash up

3.Help with lunch/set table

Before Dinner

1.Pick up play/study things**

2.Wash up

3.Help with dinner/set table

Before Bed

1.Quick house clean up***

2.Brush teeth

3.Put on PJs

4.Clean room

*I don't require this, but I told them that I put it on the list as a reminder since reminders help me establish good habits.


**To avoid arguments during pick-up time, I usually ask them to pick up 50 things each (regardless of who got them out - this way Bazinks' things get picked up - since he's the prime mess maker).  They know that if things are still not clean after the 50 item pick-up, then I'll assign more (I'll say, "Oh-oh, it's still not all picked up, everyone do 20 more",  or something like that).  They are getting to the point these days that they don't want to keep track of how many they've cleaned up so they just clean until it's done.

***For this, we start upstairs and check every room to see if anything needs to be put away as we work our way down.

Some more pictures from earlier this week:

"Mom, I'm like a real warrior!"

"Mom, get a picture of us when we're about to kill each other!"

"Get another picture for after we died!"

Smiling at his sister:

Cute chubby smile:

Update:

*I've given up on trying to do weekly jobs before breakfast.  I'm too hungry by 8am and we seem to be on "work mode" after cleaning up from breakfast so we just do them then.

*We're also now working on our quick house pick up after dinner - it also seems to work better when we're already on "work mode"

So Much for Judith Harris' Popular Theory that Parenting Doesn't Matter.

I mentioned in this post that Rock and I attended a parenting conference by Nicholeen Peck.  We both really liked what she had to say and I've talked to her at a couple of times at Thomas Jefferson Education conferences.  She's a really inspiring lady and she lives just up the street in Toole.  Anyway, her family got filmed for a reality show called The World's Strictest Parents on BBC.  The show just aired on November 4th and she has had some really great responses from people about the impact it has made in their lives.

It does make us mormons look like we're pretty weird, but we are.

I had to post a link to the show here because I think it's inspiring and she parents the way I try to parent.

This is from youtube so the show is divided into 6 parts.  It takes almost an hour to watch it all, but it's entertaining and well worth it.

"The World's Strictest Parents" - Utah  Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

Nicholeen's Blog:
Teaching Self-Government

Marriage Confessions

I will now confess all the things I do wrong in my marriage...

No, just kidding. Actually, I went to a book discussion last night about the book "The Confessions of Saint Augustine" (my review), and our book discussion (along with a conversation I've been having with a friend lately) got me thinking about our roles in marriage.

My friend and I have been discussing (through e-mail) the different roles of husbands and wives in marriage. We disagreed on just a couple of things - in the end, I think, we were both saying the same thing in a different way because the needs of our families are different.

In one of our conversations I said this:
"It’s easy to get angry when one feels one’s expectations are not being met by one’s spouse. Maybe it’s the right thing to lower one’s expectations – they really may be too high. The other thing that helps me is to remember how far away I am from meeting the expectations I have of myself (and God has for me) to be the kind of wife I would like to be. This helps me stay humble."

Then I began to wonder if I was right...

Should we have expectations of our spouse? Wouldn't things be better if we just didn't expect anything and loved them for who they are?

I turned to the scriptures...

I saw that God has some pretty high expectations from us (he commands us to be perfect, after all), but he does not try to coerce us or make us do anything against our will. He lets us fail and learn from our mistakes. He offers his opinion (which we can be sure is always right), but we have to seek for it.

Rock is so great at this. He never criticizes me or gets mad at me when things don't go his way (I can tell that he does, at times, get annoyed when I'm not punctual or I loose the car keys again, but he doesn't make me feel bad about it). If I want to know what I can do to be a better wife - I have to ask him. Sometimes I don't like the answer, but since I asked - I am at least humble enough to consider it and then to do it.

But what prompts me to ask? How does a person decide that they want to change or improve?  And how do people go about changing something that they don't like in their spouse?

When we are trying to change something about our spouse - aren't we, in essence, trying to teach them something? Maybe it's about how to talk to us, or about a principle, or how to make us happy, or to want to make us happy.

How does God teach his children?

He inspires us.

I intend to learn more about this, but this is what I've thought about so far.

-God inspires us because we know he loves us no matter what, even when we disappoint him.
-God teaches correct principles. Rock doesn't try to teach me through his own words, but as we read scriptures, other good books, and as we pray together - he is teaching me (and I him) through God's words.
-God inspires through stories.  (Just like St. Augustine was inspired to change through hearing a story).  Again, we read inspiring stories in the scriptures (and other good books).
-God teaches and inspires through example...

That is so key!  How can we inspire our spouse to become better at something?  We become better at it ourselves!

While I was at our book group last night, I was surrounded by people who inspire me to go out and do, and to be a better person.  I always leave these people feeling so exited to go out into the world and to my family and make a difference.  That is what I want to surround myself with - people and books and things that inspire me.  I want to be that kind of person for my husband!

Rock is constantly trying to improve his efforts.  He makes me want to be as good of a wife as he is a husband.

Of course I fall short time and time again.  He just loves me anyway, and eventually I am inspired to try again...

Giving up the bad stuff - The Confessions of St. Augustine

Wow, if you're ever struggling to give up something bad for something better (who isn't)- this book is inspiring! It is full of beautiful imagery about coming closer to God and giving up things to know Him.

I have to many favorite quotes to write, but here are a few of my favorite parts.

St. Augustine was a bit of a sex-addict, from what I read, and he tried to give it up time and time again. He was coming closer to God from his studies, and he felt like two different people. He said, "I, no doubt, was on both sides, but I was more myself when I was on the side which I approved of for myself than when I was on the [other] side... I had come willingly where I now did not will to be."

On procrastinating repentance:

He wrestled with this and he said, "The pack of this world was a kind of pleasant weight upon me, as happens in sleep, and the thoughts in which I meditated on you [God] were like the efforts of someone who tries to get up but is so overcome with drowsiness that he sinks back again into sleep. Of course no one wants to sleep forever...we often put off the moment of shaking off sleep, and even though it is time to get up, we gladly take a little longer in bed...I could still find nothing at all to say except lazy words spoken half asleep: 'A minute,' 'just a minute,' 'just a little time longer.' But there was no limit to the minutes, and the time longer went a long way."

So what got him to finally give it up?

On the power of example, stories, and mentors:

He heard the story of a very good man - Victorinus. He said, "I was on fire to be like him" and when his friend, Ponticianus, finished telling him these stories, Augustine said, "... you, Lord, while he was speaking, were turning me around so that I could see myself... you set me in front of my own face so that I could see how foul a sight I was... I had no where to to to escape from myself... in my own eyes I was stripped naked an my conscience cried out against me: 'Can you not hear me? These others, who have not been so worn out in the search and not been meditating the matter for ten years or more, have had the weight taken from their backs and have been given wings to fly.'"

What gave him the strength to be like those men?

On the power of scriptures:

He turned to the scriptures (the words of Paul) and the first verse he read struck him. He said, "it was as though my heart was filled with a light of confidence and all the shadows of my doubt were swept away." Later he says, "How glad I was to give up the things I had been so afraid to lose!" And Later, "Now my mind was free..."

On thinking we're so smart:

Sometimes we think we know so much. A pretty cool book in Augustine's day was Aristotle's Ten Elements.  He had heard it was a hard read and many people needed much help to understand it.  He finally got a copy and read it himself.  He found it very easy to understand.  He was proud of himself and then he says, "I enjoyed these books and did not know the source of what ever in them was true and certain: For I had my back to the light and my face saw things in the light, but on my face itself no light fell."  Later: "What good could my good abilities do me if I did not use them well?"

"The proud cannot find you, however deep and curious their knowledge... they can see and eclipse of the sun long before it happens, but cannot see their own eclipse when it is actually taking place."

On Plural Marriage:

One of the things that kept St Augustine from believing in the Bible at first was that the plural marriage thing.  After a while he realized something - I thought it was a really interesting way of viewing it...

"I was ignorant of that true and inward goodness which makes its judgments not from convention but from the most right and undeviating law... by this law the customs of different times and places are formed as is right for those times and those places, while the law is the same always and everywhere"

He then made some interesting comparisons to our lives, one of my favorites what this:

"[We] can see in one man and one day and one household examples of different things being suited to different members, of one thing allowed at one time and not allowed an hour later, of of something permitted or commanded to be done in one corner which is forbidden under pain of punishment to be done in the next corner..."

I thought that was an interesting way to look at it.

On Education:

"It is clear enough from this that free curiosity is a more powerful aid to learning... than a forced discipline."

"No one can act well against his will, even if what he does happens to be good."

I could go on and on with quotes - the book was packed full of them.

This book gave me a great appreciation for the truths that I know to be true.  Augustine worked so hard to find truth.  I admire him a great deal.

Weekly Jobs

The home is the great laboratory of love.  There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love one for another." - Russell M. Nelson

"Weekly" jobs is kind of a misnomer because we actually do them every day, but they are the things that I would like to get cleaned once a week.  For example on Mondays we clean the living room and front room, Tuesdays the bathroom, etc.

We have cards (I use Dianne Jepson's HAnnDi work system).  We've adapted it to fit our needs, but it is really a wonderful system if you're struggling with coming up with one for yourself.  I like that it gives the kids choice in what they do.  We've been using it for almost a year with great success.  That is unheard of for a chore system around here (we used to go through systems until we got bored and then tried a new one).

If you have time to make one yourself, you would just have to go through each room, write down each thing that needs to be done on a separate card (she color codes by room), separate each thing into how often you want to have it done (daily, weekly, monthly or seasonally) and give each thing a point value (depending on the difficulty).

Basically, you pick out the cards that you want done that day, put them on the table, then each child has to pick a certain number of points (depending on their age) each day.

I like to pick cards that are in the same room so that even though we're working on different tasks (unlike meal time clean-up and family-project time), we're still mostly in the same room working on the same goal (cleaning that room).

Here's an example:
On Tuesday, I would put out the weekly bathroom cards: Toilet (1 point), Surface Wipe Down (1 point), Floors (1 point), Mirror (1/2 point), Sink (1/2 point), Bathtubs/Showers (1 point).  Spice has to picks 3 points, Bud picks 2 and Little Miss picks 1.   I should probably have Bazinks start picking, but for now he just helps out here and there.
I don't pick any - my job is to help them with what they need help with and to supervise (I do work the whole time because the little ones need a lot of help!)

Some kids race ahead and finish all their jobs in all 4 bathrooms quickly so they can play before breakfast.  It's fine with me as long as they do them well, otherwise I call them back and point out what they missed.

In the HAnnDi work system, the monthly and seasonal jobs are rotated into the jobs that are picked each morning, but I just decided to start using them for our family project time (more on this later) since I don't seem to ever get to them otherwise.

The kids seem to thrive on this system since they get to pick the jobs they will do.  I guess it gives them a sense of ownership.  They often pick the same jobs each time, but they still like the fact that they get the choice.

This post is part of my thoughts on how to the kids to work.

Should our Government Do More to Protect Against Evil? - "A World Split Apart"

My friend and I started a neighborhood book club to study and learn more about freedom.  Last night was our first meeting and we discussed an address given to Harvard students by an exiled Russian named "Alexander Solzhenitsyn".  The title is A World Split Apart.  It was a hard, but very thought-provoking read.

Is it true that we measure the world by a "Western yardstick" and see other countries as successful depending on how close the come to being like ours?

The author if this article has lived in a communistic society and thinks socialism leads to a "total destruction of the human spirit and to a leveling of mankind into death".  However, he does not seem pleased with our free structure either.

He sees our society as living by the "letter of the law".  We seem to ask ourselves if something is legal instead of if it is moral. People think "if one is right from a legal point of view, nothing more is required".  He thinks we live in an atmosphere of "moral mediocrity", "paralyzing man's noblest impulses".

He mentions some of our societies evils like "motion pictures full of pornography, crime and horror" which are supposed to be balanced by a young person's right to view them or not to view them.  He thinks this way of life has "shown it's inability to defend itself against the corrosion of evil".

He gives the example of our capital being without electricity for a couple of hours and "all of a sudden crowds of American citizens start looting and creating havoc... the social system [must be] quite unstable and unhealthy.

He also mentions the press is also living by this "letter of the law".  They feel no moral responsibility as long as they don't infringe on legality.  He thinks our media is not really competing as we theoretically claim, but they seem to be quite unified because they emphasize those "opinions which do not too openly contradict their own and the general trend".

There's so much more, and all these ideas made me wonder - should our government do more to protect against evil?

I don't know.

I think our founding fathers made our constitution in order to allow as much human freedom as possible (laws were made so that one person's freedom didn't infringe on someone else's). A society like this allows for the ultimate in human joy, inspiration and achievement.

I've been reading about societies in which there was very little individual freedom and things were done for the good of the state.  It seems to me that these people became sort of numb in feeling.  They had to give up their individual feelings for the good of the state.  When I give something up for the good of another voluntarily, I am filled with joy and peace.  However, if I am made to do so - I have to suppress my feelings of injustice.  I imagine that if one does this often enough - one begins to feel numb inside.

We live in a country where we have a choice to be voluntarily good.  This is why we can have so much joy and happiness.  However, in order for this to work, there must also be the availability of a choice to do evil which ultimately brings misery.

I think that is why this man, and others, look around our society, see so much spiritual decline, and do not want this for their country.

We have confused our "pursuit of happiness" for our pursuit for "material things".  This ultimately does lead to spiritual decline and misery.

He said, "Only voluntary, inspired self-restraint can raise man above the world stream of materialism".  How do we get this "voluntary self-restraint"?

It seems to me that as we began to see people choosing evil, we asked our government to step in and make more laws to prevent them from doing so.  This is what led to people always looking to the law to see if something was right or not - or a "letter of the law" society.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), we can not make laws fast enough to prevent all of the evil that could exist, but we keep trying, which is what is leading us more and more to a socialistic type of government.  We are giving up our freedom and asking the government to step in and take over.

Someone at book club mentioned how the media is putting evil and illegal things on screen and glorifying them, and how we, as a people, should take a stand and say that such actions are wrong because they are hurting the welfare of our society.  I agree with him, but how?  Do we make more laws to prevent this evil?  It seems like this just keeps leading us down the wrong path of diminished freedom, but if that is the path we are heading towards anyway - shouldn't we do our best to make it as clean as possible?  It seems that way.

That is why my answer to the question above, "Should the government do more to protect against evil?" was a definite, "?".

It seems to me that the real and and best way to fight against this corrosion of our society is to strengthen families and share the gospel.  Strong families make strong individuals and strong statesmen.  Strong families will make virtuous people.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is crucial that we keep fighting for good laws (especially those that strengthen the family and against those that weaken it), but laws do not do much to strengthen an individual's desire to choose good.  Those lessons are learned in families.

We have gotten so comfortable in our society that we have lost sight of those things that really matter.  Since many are choosing to focus on the temporary and fleeting, we might just have to be compelled through wars, calamities, etc. to remember what is real and what is fluff.

Sorry for the grim post.  It's what was on my mind this morning.

Never-ending Laundry

"Let us not be trying to substitute an artificial life for the true one.  He is truly happy who can see and appreciate the beauty with which God has ordained the commonplace things of life." - Joseph F. Smith

I don't mind laundry.  In fact, sometimes I even like it.  I used to hate it.  Maybe I've just gotten used to it, but it is one of the few systems that we have down pretty well.

Maybe I shouldn't call it a system because it's really quite sporadic, but I guess it has just become part of daily life.

Here's what we do:
When I leave my room in the morning, I check to see if there is enough lights or darks to throw in a load of laundry (with 7 people in our family - there almost always is - sometimes 2).  Then I take it downstairs and start the load.

Sometime during the day, I'll remember to switch the load.  I'm trying to remember to have one of the kids switch it, but I usually just do it myself since it's so fast.

Sometime later during the day (how's that for a schedule?)  I'll take the laundry out of the dryer, dump it on the couch, call the kids to come help, and then we fold and stack the laundry into, basically, the following piles: Baby, Bazinks, Little Miss, Bud, Spice, Mom and Dad's hang-up clothes, Mom and Dad's folded clothes, Mom and Dad's socks and underwear.   Everyone (except the baby) helps with this.  Bazinks is supposed to help us find sock matches, but usually he just helps me "remember" which pile I'm supposed to put something in - I'll hold up Rock's shirt and say (in Spanish - might as well get those Spanish lessons in somewhere), "This goes in baby's pile!"  And he laughs and tells me which pile it really goes in.

When we're done folding and stacking the piles (it takes like 5 minutes with everyone helping), each person takes his/her pile to his/her room and puts it away.  I take baby's, mine and Rock's.  I still need to help Bazinks when he gets to his room (I show him how to make sub-piles - PJs, underwear, pants, etc) and he puts them in the appropriate drawer.  I hang up his "hang-up" clothes.  Everyone else does their own.  Little Miss has been putting her own clothes away since she was 4 1/2 (she does a much better job now than she did back then, but she's had some good practice!)

There are days (the really busy ones) in which I forget to fold clothes until the kids are in bed.  On those days, I either wait to do it in the morning or I put in a nice book on CD and listen as I fold.  I rather enjoy it.

No one complains about laundry anymore.  It's just become part of life - something that we do when the need arises.  It's a good time to talk to each other as well.

It's probably one of my favorite chores.
Maybe, someday, I'll actually get around to even ironing the clothes...

(This post is part of my thoughts on how to teach the kids to work).