Parenting Advice

Someone asked me a parenting question the other day and I told her some of the "methods" I use and recommended some parenting books.  As I drove home after that discussion, I realized I didn't really tell her really what I have learned, so I wrote her an e-mail.  I'm going to paste it here for anyone else that might be struggling with a parenting question:

"...as I got thinking about it on the way home though, I realized that I didn't say what has really been opening my eyes lately about how to parent.  I think the resources I mentioned are good [teachingselfgovernment.org and the headgates parenting article] and they might give you some ideas, but if you really want to know the thing that I have found to be most helpful, I would say studying leadership - especially in the scriptures.  As I have done this, my mind has been receptive to the Holy Ghost to guide me and teach me how to teach His children in a very personalized manner.  Ideas will flow into my mind about how to handle specific situations and I've received personalized plans for my particular children. 

Here's an example of what I've been studying lately-

I've been working on teaching the children "charity" so I study talks and scriptures about it, write insights in my journal and then teach them something I've learned during our morning devotional. 

Anyway, I learned that the only way to lead effectively and righteously is with charity.  I was lead to the scripture in D&C 121 about how "no power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood (authority) only by persuasion, long-suffering..." etc.  I wanted to be this kind of leader in my home (leader as in leading souls to Christ) so I began to study each of the words. 

I started with persuasion.  I looked it up in my handy 1828 dictionary, looked up some of the scriptures about it in the topical guide, read some talks about it. I learned about reasoning and inclining people's minds without force.  We talked discussed it as a family.  The kids better learned how to lead each other to Christ by persuasion and I learned from their comments and insights.  Through the process I gained so many personalized insights about how to parent my particular children at this time in their lives.  The Holy Ghost gave me customized ideas.

Next I studied "long-suffering" and THAT was amazing, the truth that poured out from Heaven as I asked and searched for it was incredible.  Heavenly Father really does want to help us if we are willing to seek Him and His word. 

Anyway, that is what I am finding the MOST helpful as I try to parent.  Truth flows into my mind and sometimes things that I would have never thought of come to my mind at certain moments based on some truth I've learned and I know what to do right when I need it. 

I just wanted to make sure I gave you the best advice I knew instead of the more superficial 'method' type stuff I mentioned last night. "

That is what I wrote to my friend, but I'd imagine that the same thing would happen regardless of what you chose to study in the scriptures.  It doesn't necessarily have to be "leadership" although it's a good one.  The scriptures are so full of truth that they open your mind to more truth.  I think if we pick any attribute that we want to develop, we will be led to more and our eyes will be opened.  I guess what I'm basically saying is that the scriptures really are the best parenting manual that there is - not just because of the words or principles in them, but because of the truth that is in them.  They connect us to the source of all truth.  I love my scriptures more and more each day.

I've been thinking about writing on this blog short little excerpts of insights I have gained.  I don't know because my insights will probably not mean much to those who haven't taken the time to study something of what I am talking about, but I know many who read this blog are studying and learning about these things often and I do find that as I share insights I understand them better.  I also gain a lot from comments people make about what they have learned about a particular principle. 

So maybe I'll give it a shot.  It won't by any means be a complete list of insights I've gained in my studying - I don't have time for that, but probably just short "a-has" that help me.   We'll see how it goes.