Motivating Our Kids with Money? (And Our Moab Trip)

In Sunday school, someone brought up the question, "How do we find balance in knowing what our needs are and our wants and how much of our wants we ought not to have?"  We were discussing the parable of the rich young man who said he had kept all of the commandments from his youth and was wondering what he yet lacked.  Jesus said,

"One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me."

Where is the balance in that statement?  He didn't say, "Go figure out what is a want and what is a need and find a balance and sell the rest and then come follow me."   The kids and I had recently discussed the parable of the widow's mites.  I found it interesting that Jesus didn't say, "Maybe that was a bit financially irresponsible.  She should have kept some of it, or only given just what she could spare."  Instead He said,

"Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living."

 I went home from Sunday School and thought about this and it occurred to me that the question should not be "How do I find a balance in my needs and wants and what I give to others?"  Instead it should be, "Why is this a need or a want?"  Is it to build up the kingdom of God?  I've decided to ask myself this question before I spend my time or means on something.  This will require quite a bit of honesty with myself.

I think this would look different for different people so we should never judge.  For example, I may consider buying a necklace or some make-up.  My motivation for these purchases could be because I want my neighbors to think I'm stylish.  On the other hand, my motivation might be that I feel I have an important message to share and I know people will be more likely to listen to me if I look presentable.  Or maybe those things help me feel more feminine and motivate me to be a better wife to my husband.  There could be a variety of reasons, but it will require self-reflection and honesty to know my true motivations before I make the purchase.

Some of my friends were talking about how different things motivate different children.  It was mentioned that some kids are very motivated by money and will do a lot of extra chores in order to earn it while some do not care about money at all and will not do any extra chores for it.  The general consensus was that mothers need to figure out what motivates their kids so they can use it.  I went home and thought about this and came to the conclusion that I don't want to encourage my kids to be motivated by money.  I don't want them to be motivated by treats.  What I want them to be motivated by is the peace that comes from choosing the right and following the promptings of the Holy Ghost and the love they feel towards God and others.

Of course this is easier said than done.  I would love to hear some ideas about how this is done in some of your homes.  My older kids seem to get this for the most part, but how is it taught?  I think not using money or things as motivators is a good idea.  Why have them practice the very thing I want them to avoid?  I think also encouraging the "basics" (scripture reading, prayer, journal writing, etc) will help them develop a relationship with their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ so that they will come to love them and want to serve them.  Also, it seems also that giving them the opportunity to work for the family welfare without a reward will accustom them to the peace that comes from serving others and doing their duty.

I think of the book Little Britches and how the little boy was so proud to give his wages to his father to help with the family's needs.  We have it completely backwards these days.  Instead, many feel an obligation to give their kids an allowance or to pay them for the work they do.  It's such an individualistic mindset instead of the family mindset that used to prevail in America.  We are trying to raise "financially responsible" children by allowing them to experiment with money.  I've come to believe that children will be responsible with their means when they are motivated by the right reasons - not because they are allowed to play and experiment with money.  I think money is a powerful force for many children that will take their focus away from those right motivators.

I don't give my children an allowance of pay them for their work, but they do occasionally get money from relatives on their birthdays and other occasions.  I have seen them donate some of it or save some of it for their missions.  Sometimes they will buy something to help them develop a talent.  They have, on occasion, wasted it on a treat or a junky dollar toy, but this is rare.  I think they are learning what the blessing of money is for without having to focus on it and be motivated by it.

I heard a wonderful talk last night as I was making dinner.  It was called "What is your calling in life?"  He talks about how work has been seen in the past, and some heresies concerning finding our life's mission.  I loved the way he described the right motivators in finding our life's calling and what it really means.  Listen to it when you get a chance - it will be worth your time.  You can find it here:

http://www.byub.org/talks/Talk.aspx?id=3967

That is how I want my children to see their means, time and talents.  It is not confusing as they look for the "right balance".  It is the way things really are.   It is clear, straightforward and beautiful as I want their lives to be.

Here are some more pictures from our trip to Moab this last weekend:

Bazinks climbed whatever we would let him

Sometimes the hike to Delicate Arch was a bit much for Bazinks

Ray loved it when we would let him out of the backpack to explore

The kids had fun counting lizzards.  I think they made it to 15.

Sand Dune Arch was definitely a favorite

Ray had a good time rolling in the sand

The kids loved exploring all around the arches

We camped for two nights and it was a great time.  I felt a little embarrassed the first night because we were in a campground with many tents and Ray kept singing in his sleep - at the top of his lungs.  I kept waking up to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "We Will Rock You" or "As I Have Loved You Love One Another" throughout the night.  I'm sure our neighbors loved it.  He did much better the second night though.

The kids especially enjoyed making s'mores around the campfire, playing in the sand, playing in the swing set by our campground, seeing the arches and eating trail mix.  I think they had a better time hiking this time because they didn't feel rushed.  My pace was so slow that they had a chance to look at the flowers, find bugs and lizards and rest.  We need to go camping more often.