Where the Winning Starts

Glen Park up Provo Canyon on Tuesday

For some reason I was feeling rather anxious about things this morning... the new house, the decisions we are making, parenting. I was able to go out on a hike though, which helped me pull out of myself and connect to God.  Everything in nature reminds me how much He loves me.

I watched a presentation about evolution on Thursday. One of my favorite parts was when he showed pictures of nature and asked if it looked like erosion/weathering or like someone had been there and made it (signs of intelligence). He showed some cool rock formations and some sculptures. Then he showed a gear, then several gears connected - obviously not erosion but intelligent design. Then he showed some gears that were actually magnified gears an an insect's legs.

Looking at anything closely enough - the details and the beauty - makes it reallly hard to not believe in a designer. Everything whispers that there is a God. And that He loves us, wants to connect with us and give us His joy and love.  I love that our Heavenly Father has given us so so many ways to be close to Him.

Green Pond Hike on Wednesday with friends

As I was hiking down I remembered a few weeks ago when I had been feeling anxious and had needed to connect to God. I wrote about it then, but didn't publish it. I've been judged for being too hard on myself before, so I hesitate to post this stuff, but I think I will. I don't get anxious in the way some might think I do. It's not a fearful anxiety.

It's like when you try to make something cool for your mom, but it turns out kind of lame. You are not afraid she will be mad at you. You're just frustrated with yourself that it's not what you hoped it would be. Sometimes I just need to be reminded that, just like my mom, my Heavenly Father loves me and my offering even when it's not what I pictured - and He wants me to be happy with it too - because I tried. Anyway, here is what I wrote that day I was feeling anxious:

"I just got out of the temple, I'm waiting for my kids and friends to be done.  I have been feeling very anxious today. I feel unorganized, scattered, out of control in many areas of my life. I haven't cooked a real meal in weeks, I feel like things are kind of out of control with the house we are building, I don't feel like I'm giving all my kids the attention they deserve from me. I'm not being the most caring wife, I'm allowing too much media in my home, I am not ready for the school year, I'm not disciplined enough to follow through with my schedule goals. I'm kind of a homemaker mess right now.

I do some things well...the house isn't a disaster, the laundry is not too full, I played with Joy today and tried to listen to the boys, I made it to the temple...

I needed the temple for peace today. It is so nice being here!

I am so so weak on my own. I really can't follow through on any goals. I give in to temptation so easily. I was pondering on this fact just now and a scripture came to my mind...  I had read it earlier and I had compared it to what is going on in Palestine/Israel.  (We just listened to a speaker from Palestine who told us some of what has been happening there. It's pretty awful and a solution seems impossible. The only answer she could see was for the gospel to enter the hearts of the people there.) As I read Mosiah chapter 21, these words struck me:

 "and now the afflictions of the Nephitest were great, and there was no way that they could deliver themselves out of their hands, for they were surrounded on every side...they began to be desirous to go against them to battle...and they went forth against the Laminites to drive them out of the land... and the Lamanites did beat them,...and they went again to battle, but they were driven back again, suffering much loss...and they went again even the third time, and suffered in the like manner... 

And they did humble themselves even to the dust, subjecting themselves to the yoke of bondage, submitting themselves to be smitten, and to be driven to and from, and burdened, according to the desires of their enemies. 

And they did humble themselves, even in the depths of humility;and they did cry mightily unto God yea, even all the day long did they cry unto their God, that he would deliver them out of their afflictions. And now the Lord was slow to hear their cries because of their iniquities; 

nevertheless the Lord did hear their cries, and began to soften the hearts of the Lamanites that they began to ease their burdens; yet the Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage. 

And it came to pass that they began to prosper by degrees in the land, and began to raise grain more abundantly, and flicks, and herds that they did not suffer with hunger... 

And now all the study of Ammon and his people, and king Limhi and his people, was to deliver themselves out of the hands of the Lamanites and from bondage... 

And it came to pass that the people of Limhi did depart by night into the wilderness with their flicks and their herds, and they went round about the land of Shilom in the wilderness, and bent their course toward the land of Zarahemla being led by Ammon and his brethren."

They were free! They tried and tried to beat the enemy on their own (probably with some half-hearted prayers as they went to battle), but it wasn't until they were really humble that the Lord was able to fight the battle for them. It was impossible for them to do it in their own. They had to be humble enough to cry to him "all the day long."

Vivian Park in Provo Canyon Thursday

How do you get that humble? Probably by realizing the reality of the situation. They needed help.

I am surrounded everywhere with temptation... unhealthy food, Internet, contention, mess... temptations to escape, to numb, to ignore it. But I have made a covenant to ALWAYS remember Him. I can't overcome the things that surround me on my own. I have tried and failed again and again. When will I be humble enough to call on God all the day long? To submit to whatever comes my way with a thankful heart and a desire to follow Him?

Is it possible that He would soften the hearts of my family when we don't get along? That He would ease my burdens so that I did not feel a need to numb my feelings when I'm overwhelmed? That I could feel joy with whatever comes my way?

I know it is possible. I have experienced it before. I am feeling it now.

Humility. That's were the winning starts...

(*Here is the link to the presentation I mentioned about Palestine.  It was really good - worth watching with your family if you can:
Part 1: https://youtu.be/2zFRQo9W_-E
Part 2: https://youtu.be/pzsPUWcQlWo
Part 3: https://youtu.be/SUFi3df2SCo )


Here are more pictures from the week:

Glen Park:

The boys started daring each other to put their heads in the water.

Unfortunately I told Dallin I'do do it if he did. But I didn't let them take my picture ;-)

Green Pond:

Lover these dirty faces!

Vivian Park:

More football

Some shopping

Some studying

And playing in the mud

Friday - KIP Academy at Beus Pond 

For our family school we played a game. Each family had to tie their feet to one another's, walk to a finish spot and back, put together a puzzle, and build a balloon tower. The family with the highest balloon tower won.

We talked about how the world will judge us by how fast, tall, successful, etc we are. Then I asked, "How would Christ have judged this game?" Answers included how patient we were with each other, how kind, how loving. 

We discussed how we can be anxiously engaged in a good goal, but that the most important thing is to be seeing others and caring for them.

It was prime picture time! Bright balloons, families tied to each other walking down a beautiful trail... but I forgot to take any 😭 I did get a couple after the activity... another football shot and a deer that snuck up on us.

Our kids learned a bit about themselves during the activity. It have us some things to think about and work on. 

Saturday- Fernwood hike and the game

Here are some from my solo hike today:

View from my pondering spot

The game

It was a beautiful week. I love the changing colors. I just want to be outside whenever possible. I am so thankful for the beauty Christ has given me to help me feel His love and joy.  And I am thankful for his sacrifice for me so that I can grow closer to Him despite my weaknesses. I am so so blessed to have His word to hold to.