The Most Important Ingredient for Growing Into Our Potential

*This was my final speech on my Debate Class

About a month ago, I watched a scene in a movie that changed me and I have thought about it many times since.  It was from the movie “Mother Teresa: In the name of God's Poor.”  Mother Teresa is walking with a group of girls from the Monastery.  They are in an area where they see a lot of poverty and suffering. They start to walk by an old woman who is lying by a house. She looks dead or nearly so. There are many people around and no one seems to notice her. Mother Teresa runs to her, checks if she is living and asks the people around her why they are not helping her. People just stare. Mother Teresa sends the girls back to the Monastery without her, borrows a cart from a man and takes the woman to the hospital.  The hospital will not admit the woman because they say she is a lost cause. Mother Teresa sits outside the hospital, rocking this old woman for hours until the hospital staff take pity on her and admit the old woman. Mother Teresa then walks home alone in the dark.

This scene penetrated my soul. I was in awe at the beauty of Mother Teresa’s heart. Why didn’t she just walk right on by that woman like everybody else? It was as if her heart was so soft and full of love that the pain of another penetrated it without any walls or defensive barriers. She couldn’t just walk away. I wondered how one could have such a heart in a world as hardened as hers was and as our world is. Most of us are so afraid of being hurt that we build walls around our heart so that the pain and mistakes of others don’t hurt us too much.  

This may be selfish, but certainly easier than having to care much about all the thoughtlessness and suffering around us.  Unfortunately, in gaining that ease and blocking out the pain, we also block out the love, beauty and joy that we could feel.   Our heart-walls do not differentiate between emotions. They just keep the emotions of others from hurting us and keep our own emotions safe and trapped inside.  Mother Teresa was different. She wasn’t concerned with how much hurt she may suffer – the welfare of others was more important. Through those choices, she also learned that love is more powerful than pain. She once said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

But have the rest of us learned this paradox? Or do we build barriers against the pain? Do we see consequences of the our hardened hearts all around us? There is hunger, war, killing, suicide, addiction, divorce, abortion.  We instead could choose the freedom to feel the beauty, joy and love all around us even if it does mean some heartache at times. But that is the thing that struck me most about this scene...

I realized that I would probably have walked right on by that woman. I would have seen the people around her and assumed that they would do something since they probably knew who she was, or I would have made an excuse about how I had all those girls with me so I needed to get them home safely and had no time to detour. Or I would have seen so much anguish around me that I would have felt hopeless that anything I did would even make a dent in the suffering.

This realization that I would have probably walked away worried me. Not only did it mean that I was numbing some of the joy and love I could feel. But it also meant I wasn’t really seeing people or doing the good I could do for them.  I agree with Ghandi when he said that we need to sbe the change we want to see in the world.  I knew I had to be different – especially as I considered what my hardened heart could do to the people around me. Particularly in my home.

You see, I believe that my children have a unique seed of greatness within them.  This potential for what they are meant to become is there from the moment they are born.  My job isn’t to create or cram greatness into them, but only to nurture that seed that is already there so it can grow into its potential.   As a mother I try to weed out those things that may block that growth - such as excessive media, over scheduling, and materialism.  I also try to stake and prune the growing plant to keep it safe from predators and its own natural  tendencies by setting clear boundaries and consistent consequences.  I expose the seed to light often by teaching truth. And most importantly, I try to plant it in soil rich with the nutrient it needs most. That nutrient is love. The seed of potential within my children flourishes in an environment of love.  

But if I would not have stopped to help that woman, it meant my heart had barriers and walls – consequently I am not only hindering my potential, but also blocking away some of that love that could be flowing on to my family environment and feeding their potential.  What’s worse is that they may sense my walls through my example and build some barriers of their own which will block the love that will nourish who they are.  

I knew had to take down those walls and open my heart to give and to receive.

But how does one go about breaking down walls and removing barriers?

I was thinking about this as I tried to plant flowers recently. We were in the process of putting our house up for sale. We were too busy cleaning things and didn’t get around to planting flowers until mid-July. We also hadn’t been watering our flower beds because we saw no point in watering the weeds that grew there.  But finally, it came time to plant some flowers. I took the shovel from the garage over to the flower bed and then I tried to dig. But there was no way I was going to be able to dig in that soil. It was rock-hard! Immediately a well-known parable from the Bible came to my mind. You may have heard it: A sower went forth to sow – some of his seeds fell by the wayside, some on hard ground, some on by thorns and some in good soil. Those that fell on good soil grew and bore much fruit.

I couldn’t plant anything in my flower bed until I got a hose and watered it for several minutes. This softened the soil until I could dig and plant. I asked myself, “If my heart is somewhat hard like this soil was, how do I soften it? How does one water a heart?

My mind went back to the Bible. Christ once said, “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”   The Book of Mormon, a book of scripture in the LDS church, also teaches a beautiful metaphor:

“I beheld that the rod of iron, which my father had seen, was the word of God, which led to the fountain of living waters, or to the tree of life; which waters are a representation of the love of God”

Water is a representation of the love of God. That is what’s needed for softening a heart. I thought back on what I knew of Mother Teresa’s life. It did seem that it was this simple truth is what made her so extraordinary.

I remembered that at one point, she felt God wanted her to leave the safety and comfort of the convent, and live among the poor like one of them – so she went. She seemed to seek God’s direction in everything and then went about doing good while she waited for that direction. When she received it, she walked wherever God pointed.  I think we would all agree that her seed of greatness within grew into its potential and had great, great fruits. 

That is what I want for myself. It is also my greatest parenting goal and desire for my children - that they grow into their potential and become who they are meant to be.

I know the soil, sun and water are already there ready to nourish the seed within us. So my job seems pretty simple. Like Mother Teresa, I have simply to receive His love – to put down the wall, open my heart and take it in.  But how?   Mother Teresa once said, “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the action that we do.”  I don’t think I necessarily need to add more to my list of things to do. In fact, I may need to take away from that list. It is not about doing more, it is simply taking the time to do whatever I do with God’s overflowing love dancing in my heart.

Mother Teresa also said, “Each person is Jesus in disguise.” I also believe that to be true.  Each person in my path is an opportunity to see the divine and connect to God.  If I could stop looking beyond people and instead look into their eyes. If I could choose to stop trying to look perfect to others and instead look at them perfectly.  

If I would just smile and chat with the person at the grocery counter even when a smile is difficult, if I would put my phone down when I want to be acknowledged on Facebook and instead kneel next to a child who needs my acknowledgement , if I could look past my hurt at the rebellious words my teenager speaks and see the anxiety and hurt within her.  If in my loneliness,  I could look for someone who may need a listening ear, or if I’d choose to forget my hard day as I listen to my husband tell me about his.  Every moment is filled with opportunities to receive the nourishing love of God by teaching out to others. 

A couple of weeks after planting my flowers, we had a rainy July day.  My kids told me they could see a rainbow on the mountains from our front porch.  I went outside with them. Soon they had all seen it and went back indoors. I sat on the concrete porch and dangled my feet from the edge so I could feel the rain with my toes.  I took a deep breath to take in the smell of the rain as I admired the double rainbow.  Then I looked down past my toes at our newly planted flowers. They looked so bright and cheerful.  The rain and sunshine were pouring down - freely giving life.  I thought back to that scene in the movie again. Mother Teresa really seeing a child of God as she was. Refusing to walk on.  Rocking her in front of a hospital then leaving her under their care. Walking home alone in the dark. But not really in the dark. The love of God had been beckoning to everyone from that helpless woman that day – pouring down freely like the sunshine and the rain, ready to give life. Only Mother Teresa saw it there. And she was willing to receive it. I hope to do the same.