One thing I want to do better is to find what I can learn from others. We all have such different backgrounds and experiences, so we can all learn something from one another. I want to listen to people with the intent to understand and perhaps learn something about how people see things and why.
Sometimes I feel so "different" from many of the people around me because of the way I raise my kids and some other weird things I do. I don't necessarily like it when people think I'm going about things the wrong way. It used to bother me quite a bit, but it was probably because I was somewhat insecure in new territory. I don't really feel defensive anymore (I have plenty of evidence that it is right for us), but I do have this desire to share the things that have enriched my life SO MUCH with the people around me and I sometimes get discouraged when they are not interested in what I have to say. I wonder how often the people around me feel the same way (like others are not interested in what they have to say). Don't we all feel "different" in one way or another?
I wonder how many others sometimes feel lonely in a room full of people. I bet it's more normal than I realize. I want to be more sensitive to this. Instead of thinking about how differently I see things when I am listening to someone, I want to think about where we see things the same. I think I (and possibly those I talk to) will come away more edified if we focus on what we have in common.
This is probably sounding like I'm walking around all the time being judgmental of others. In truth, feeling a love for people, and an interest in how they are, has never been hard for me. I have just found myself feeling more distant and lonely from many of the people around me as I have chosen to do strange things like not watch TV, or to educate my kids differently, or to have a home birth, and other little things. I'm pretty sensitive to how people perceive what I say and I know most of the time people just don't understand and pretty often they don't want me to go into some long tangent about why I have made the decisions I have made and I don't know how to phrase it all in a short concise way.
However, I think Satan loves it when we start feeling different and separate. It's the opposite of unity after all. I don't want to feel that way. I am going to focus a lot more on what I have in common with others. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling like I have something worthwhile to share as long I remember that others do also, and if we find common ground and compassion, we will both be more able to learn from and share with each other in a colaborative effort.
Maybe it's my pregnancy hormones that are making me more sensitive to feeling lonely etc, but I'm thankful for the introspective thoughts anyhow. I hope I can do better.
Some pictures and videos from the kids' Oliver performance (all of the videos turned out really bad - I need to take a better camera than my iphone to these things):
This first video isn't from the performance, but Spice filmed it right before we left. Bud usually plays this song a lot better, but I thought his face expressions were so funny that I'm posting it anyway.
At the performance:
"Food, Glorious Food" Part 2 (You can see Spice better in this one if you remember that she's short and she's wearing a brown skirt, apron and a cap)
"Where is love?" - Spice is towards the front center and Bud is on the right group, I didn't get Little Miss - she's in it though, just not within camera shot - again they are hard to see.
"I'd do anything" - All of the kids are in this one again, but they are hard to find. I put it on here anyway because you can clearly hear Ray singing along in the background. I try to distract him from singing with the phone which makes the video even more blurry :-)
Finale (Spice comes out with the first group, Bud with the 5th and Little Miss with the 6th):
They did a great job. We'll miss choir this summer.
I don't even know you but I was inspired by this post. You gave expression to my own feelings so many times---especially the part about wanting to explain your decisions to people, but not being able to do so because you can't say it concisely enough. I often think it would be so much easier if I could present people with a prepared, written statement (on home birth, say). But even then, who wants to read such a thing? And would they do so with an open enough mind to truly understand? Etc. It seems like a miracle that anybody ever understands anybody else at all. Anyway, I just loved your thought that focusing on the ways EVERYONE feels like that, with whatever their own interests/decisions are, can help us feel less distant. I'm going to try to do that more often, because i know its silly and incorrect to think l'm the only one who feels like I don't fit in. Of course everyone feels that, and I need to show the interest in other's viewpoints that I wish they'd show to mine!
ReplyDeleteThanks Marilyn, your comment brightened my day.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone; don't worry!
ReplyDeleteAlso, you've never pretended to be perfect on this blog, which I appreciate. On the other hand, I do feel like you are "many miles" ahead of where I would like to be. So I REALLY appreciate the experiences and thoughts that you share.
I never thought that I would pull my kids out of public school until junior high, because I adore our local elementary school.
I recently made the decision to start homeschooling, though. And although there were several reasons why it seemed like a good choice, I'm not sure that I would've really considered it had I not been following your blog this past year or so.
Anyway, I guess that I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely doing a wonderful job of sharing your thoughts with others, even if you don't feel that way today.
Corri, thank-you so much for your thoughtful comment. It was so kind of you to take the time to write it and let me know. I've re-read it several times today ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs an old friend who will hopefully never have a home birth, probably not home school (although wish it would work for us at times) and enjoy a good TV show I still have enjoyed reading your thoughts on this blog... so if we were to meet in person again I hope we could still have nice conversations. I think you are right about people feeling alone in a room full of people; it is likely quite common. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteKaren~ I admire you SO much! I hope we get to meet one day so I can tell you in person, the way that you've inspired me both personally and also as it relates to my family and homeschooling, etc. I nodded my head through this whole post, in understanding. :0) I often feel one of two things when I am in a "crowded room", so to speak:
ReplyDelete1. Everyone's eyes are on me and they are over-analyzing everything I do and say.
2. I feel lonely and mis-judged and/avoided for the "crazy" things I do, say and believe, and for our lifestyle.
I do think satan is the culprit in all of this. I know that I tend to see more in these kinds of situations than is really there, and then I tend to turn it inward and judge myself. I also start to trip over my words or doubt my abilities to defend why we do what we do. I am learning to find security in what we have decided is right for our family, and then allow each his own idea of what that means for their families. (I used to be so overly-enthusiastic that I think it came across as pushy, to others.) I am grateful for the confidence that comes from The Comforter, and that as I listen to Him, that confidence grows more and my love for others also grows, and I start to lose that need to explain us to others, which always causes me heartache. :0) I do think that looking outward and trying not to focus on our feelings of loneliness, is also the key. We can't support and love each other if we feel lonely and fearful. All it takes is us courageously extending ourselves to others, to find out how alike we all are! Hugs and Blessings! :0)
I agree with the other commenters - you are many miles ahead of me, and I love all the things you do that are different. I am always learning from the things you post. Anyway, I love the performance videos. The first little clip of Bud playing is about the cutest ever! I am impressed with his talent, and love the expressions on his face - I miss that boy!
ReplyDeleteWell, I happen to think you're awesome!! I know what it feels like to be the "different" one, and we haven't even really started homeschooling yet. I hope it gets easier over time, but I think the key is just to find people who love you for who you are, whether they feel the same way or not. By the way, your kids are adorable!!
ReplyDeleteKaren, I can really relate to all the feelings you've voiced in this post. I feel so different from pretty much everyone around us - either we're really different from our LDS friends because we're the only ones homeschooling and they think we're a bit crazy :) or we're really different from the few homeschoolers in our area because we're LDS and we're homeschooling quite differently from them. I definitely do feel that loneliness at times, but I definitely agree with you that finding common ground helps to not feel so lonely.
ReplyDeleteWhat a perceptive and humble woman you are. Thanks for your wise insights. I am inspired!
ReplyDelete