What I Learned from My Failed Attempt at My One Goal

 Remember how a couple of weeks ago, I had decided to focus on ONE goal so that I could establish some habits that I neglected?  I was going to stick to it for 6 weeks.  I couldn't do it!  Here's why:

1) My life can not be that structured

Here's one example:  We are finishing up cleaning from breakfast.  I look at the list.  It says: Weekly Jobs - Speak Spanish.  Weekly jobs is already a habit.  Spanish isn't.  I would think, "Okay, time to speak Spanish" when suddenly someone drops a cup they were trying to put in the sink.  Smoothie flies everywhere.  I help them clean it up from the table, chairs, floor, walls and ceiling and hurry off to put the weekly jobs cards on the counter for the kids to pick.  They pick their jobs and we do them.  Then I go to look at the next item on the list.  I realize that I forgot to speak Spanish during weekly jobs.  It might not be so bad if this was an isolated instance, but with 5 children - there are interruptions ALL at time.  These can be welcome teaching opportunities - it's what life is made of, but they are stressful if they are keeping me from a "goal".

2) I rebel when I feel forced.

I know this is crazy.  Why would I rebel against myself?  If I set up a system to help me become what I want to become, you'd think I could stick to it.  Instead, I chose to look at the list less and less because I didn't want me to be told what to do next.  However, if it was a worthy goal which brought me peace and light, it would not be so stressful and I would be willing to will myself to stick to it.  Which brings me to my last reason.

3) It skewed my focus.

I thought that if I set up a list that would bring me to my ultimate goal, then I could focus on the list.  This didn't turn out to be the case.  I learned that ANYTHING that takes my focus away from Christ does not bring me happiness.  It really is as simple as this:

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light...seek ye first the kingdom of God; and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:22,33

My focus can't be on a list.  It stressed me out.  I wasn't at peace.  If I'm going to have ONE goal - it has to be to make sure that I am doing the right thing in my life AT THAT MOMENT.  My focus has to be on the present - enjoying it, living it, and making sure it is how Heavenly Father would want me to be spending it.

This is how I do that:  If I am at peace at a given moment and focused on what Jesus would have me do, I am on the right path.  If I am not at peace at the moment - I need to see what I ought to be doing or focusing on instead.

That is not to say that I should not have righteous goals and a plan on how to reach them.  I am glad I have my list.  In fact, one of the things that I did in order to remember what was on it (are you ready for this?)  was to type it up (in short descriptions and small writing), cut it out on a small strip of paper (different ones for the different days of the week) and tape it around my wrist (like a bracelet).  Seriously.  I know it's a little nuts, but it really did help me remember some of the things that I was leaving out (like Spanish and setting out books at study time).  I think I'll keep doing this as a reminder until I can remember to do these things on a consistent basis (I'll try to remember to take it off when I'm out in public!)

I guess the difference is that I'll be using my list as a reminder of my daily goals - not as the goal itself.  That way, when things come up and I choose to read to my 3 year old, or make cookies for someone, instead of whatever the list says I should be doing - I will still be at peace knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing at this moment.  The list can wait until later.  Doesn't that sound so much more peaceful?

I think that when the Savior said, "It is not meet that I should command in all things, for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant... men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will..."(Doctine and Covenants 58:26,27), he was teaching not only that we don't need to be told about every little thing that we should do, but also that we need to learn to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost on a consistent basis.  A list would be too easy!  And no fun...