Feeling "Off"

I have been feeling "off" the last couple of days. For some reason, everything I normally do started to feel really hard. Why does that happen? I was doing really well with reaching for good goals (see previous post for our daily schedule) and I was feeling motivated and excited about the challenge of reaching them.  And then yesterday I hit a slump and motivating myself to get anything done was really hard. Writing can be therapeutic for me, so this post is my therapy today.

We were away from home for much of last week. It is so hard getting back into a routine after I have been away from one for a bit. I looked at the fridge with the intent to clean it several times yesterday, but I never got around to actually doing it. I am behind on the school work the kids are supposed to turn in online so that is the other thing I planned to get to yesterday. I didn't get to it. I feel like I cleaned some, but everything still felt messy.

I got on my phone with the intent to get on Librivox and listen to something while I cleaned, but I kept getting distracted on there and never pulled up a book. I did spend some time with the little ones... I wanted to go to a homeschool conference that I had tickets to, but felt I had too much to do and yet didn't get much done.

That night I went to women's conference. It was amazing. I needed that reminder of why I do what I do. Things felt right and I was ready to go home and do good things.

Then again today, after a rough night with whiny dogs who don't let me sleep, doing anything felt hard. Church was nice, but the rest of the day has seemed blah. Usually starting a job is the hard part, but once I get going it gets easier. Making dinner today was hard the entire time. Each moment felt like drudgery. Why was it such a big deal?

I am grateful for new beginnings - new weeks, new moments. I think I will go see if anyone wants to go for a walk. Then maybe I'll make my bed. And then I will cuddle my kids and read them a story. Maybe I just need a Sunday.

Whew. I don't know why anyone would want to read this post, but I do feel better, strangely enough. I guess I needed to remind myself that I have choice. I can choose each moment to start over and make it better. I made dinner today because I had to, I forgot that I was choosing to - because I love my family and I love my God whose children these are.

That's what it was. I forgot my cause. I forgot my why.

I am reminded of a quote that my good friend shared with me "It is not about you, it is about the God you love and those He died to save."

I need to put that in my kitchen somewhere :)