Vanguard

I mentioned a while back that my friend, Mary, asked me to take over a youth group called Vanguard that she had been running because she was moving.  That responsibility is a big reason that the blog posts are so rare these days.  I have learned a lot from the experience. Some of the lessons have been hard.  Maybe I'll write about them sometime.  There have also been a lot of great experiences.

This next fall, I decided to start my own group since the group I was involved in was getting quite large.  Having been in class each time, I knew that a smaller environment would be ideal. So, being an idealist - I decided to start another group. It was a hard decision because I had come to really love the youth I had been privileged to learn with, but I saw a lot of evidence and felt strongly impressed that this was the path I ought to take. So now I'm taking it.

It has been neat watching things unfold.  My biggest concern was finding good mentors (as well as some interested youth!) And they have come.  I am so excited about the incredible women I am getting to know who are willing to embark in this endeavor with me.

I just started a blog that explains the overview and the basic educational principles I feel so strongly about that are incorporated in this group.  It's vanguardmentors.blogspot.com  Come check it out and to see what I've been up to.

I do need two more boys in our group - so if any of you know any 12-18 year old boys that live around me - send them my way ;-)  It will be a great experience for them!

It occurred to me the other day that maybe I ought to be a bit afraid that the youth won't like it or that things won't go as planned, but I realized that I am not.  I feel so strongly that these principles of education are true and that youth will know it and apply that truth.  Youth don't like being told what to do, but they love hearing true principles and will willingly choose to challenge themselves if they understand the reality of why they should. I am excited to get to know some more incredible spirits and for me and my family to grow and learn with them.

Fall and Winter ;-)

My poor neglected blog! When I neglect my blog for a while, I feel a need to write a catch-up post, so here it is!  This is fall and winter and some spring.  I'll have to write one more to catch up on the rest of spring since we did some pretty fun things.

I'm not sure what has happened since I last wrote about our family so I'll just give an update of the latest on each family member.

Gem is a sweet baby who is always ready to reward you with a smile when you look his way.  He is well travelled for his young life.  We realized the other day that we took him to Yellowstone last fall, to Tulsa to visit family on Christmas break, to California for a family vacation last month, and with me to Florida this month.  He's been in 12 states in his almost 12 months of life. He has recently learned to crawl up and down the stairs so we are often on the lookout.  He loves to crawl in the pantry and try to suck on the broom, to empty the drawers in the kitchen and bathroom (he has a favorite drawer in the kitchen that he empties and then sits inside), to point, to stick his fingers into small holes (like your eyes and nose), and to climb.  He climbs everything in his way. 

Enjoying a reading of Pollyanna

Gem with his grandma (Rock's mom) at the family Christmas party

Ray loves eating treats at Grandma's house.

Ray is finally potty-trained (I've been so busy that it had taken me a while!)  He is incredibly adorable.  He is one of those toddlers that just makes cute remarks and makes cute faces and does cute things all of the time.  "Cute" is the best word to describe him.  He knows it and uses it to his advantage.  He'll say things such as "My feetsies" when he wants me to help him cover his feet with his blanket, or "wash my handsies?" when he has sticky hands.  He loves to cuddle when he's tired, to play outside with his siblings and neighbors, to go on walks in the stroller, and to eat "treats".  

Ray broke his leg playing on a hill at a park.  He enjoyed the attention, but was glad to have his cast off.  A marble slipped out of it when they cut it off.  He had a mark from the marble for months!

Opening a Christmas present

Being a bad guy

Bazinks is finally reading (again, it took me a while to teach him - mostly because he wasn't that interested until a few months ago, but also because we've been busy).  He is driven by fairness and freedom.  He really dislikes being told what to do, but is learning the value of obedience in order to gain true freedom (aren't we all!). He is concerned that people be treated fairly and watches out for his siblings (and himself) that things are done fairly.  He is known for leaving random treats on people's pillows (he loves to share).  He is willing to do anything for you if he feels loved and that he is choosing it.  He really dislikes being made fun of or looking silly (unless he means to be).  I think we are learning a lot from each other.  He loves riding bikes and scooters with his friend Emily (he surprised us one day when he picked up a bike and started riding it even though he had never tried it before).

Looking through the rails at the Tulsa Zoo

Rest stop on our way to Tulsa (my dad was nice enough to drive us there because Rock had to work).

He just turned six.  We celebrated his birthday by going to "Get Air" - it's a trampoline place in Kaysville.  The kids love it, and so do I.  They have comfy couches to sit on and watch the children and the kids are so active the whole time.  We went with his cousins and aunt who just left us for Georgia :-(

Waking up to "Happy Birthday" song

Everyone watching Bazinks open his presents in the morning

Birthday cake - I forgot to buy candles (yes, those are matches).

Classic "Pretend you're blowing out the candles because I didn't take the picture on time" shot.

Another party at grandma's:

 

Get Air:

 Gem dancing at Get Air:

Bazinks has also enjoyed being in choir this year.  Here are a couple of songs in which he prefomed.  He  didn't dare sing a solo so these are just some that he sung in. The first one is "All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" at the Family History Center.  The second one is "Drummer Boy" at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.  On the second one, you can also watch Ray being friendly as you listen:

 

Little Miss is a reading queen.  I can not find enough quality books to keep her happy.  She just re-reads the ones we have until I can find another good one.  She understands a lot of the symbolism and deeper meaning too (especially when she reads them twice or thrice).  She was sick a few weeks ago so she picked up Wind in the Willows in the morning and finished it that evening.  This morning she re-read Alice in Wonderland and Stewart Little.  Some of her favorite books to read are The Secret Garden, The Hobbit, Heidi, Pinocchio, Peter Pan, The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mysterious Benedict Society, The Chronicles of Narnia, and The Wizard of Oz series.

She is also incredibly nurturing.  If there is a little child around she will take him by the hand and play with him and show him around.  When Gem wakes up from his nap, she will often ask, "Can I go get Gem?!" It's also normal to hear her say, "Can I watch Gem for you?", "Can I get him dressed?" "Can I hold him for you?" She has even asked if she can change his diaper.  She is so patient with Ray even when he's mean and tries to cheer him up when he is grumpy.  

She is so loving and kind.  If anyone is sad, she will feel sad with them and will often have tears in her eyes just from empathy.  She is a cuddle bug and is so happy to just snuggle. 

Decorating Gingerbread houses at our friend's house

Elephants at Tulsa Zoo

With her cousin at the Tulsa Aquarium

She has a beautiful singing voice.  We had a talent show for activity days and she sung "Tomorrow" from Annie by herself with no music.  She was so nervous, but she sounded beautiful (of course I didn't think to record her at the time).  Here are a couple of her solos at recent performances (fastforward to 1:06 to get to her solo on the first one)

 

The sound is so bad on this next one! I wish I had done a better job. She sings second.

She recently started piano lessons.  She had started them before, but found she was not ready to commit to consistent practice, but she has decided to try again and she's doing well.

She also enjoys dressing up (or I should say "getting dressed up" by others):

Bud is my little scientist. He is so curious about the world.  He explores and examines bugs, birds, animals, rocks, plants, stars, planets.  It is so fun to be around his inquisitive personality.  He makes the most ordinary things interesting.  He got a telescope for Christmas and has read several astronomy textbooks and books about astronomers and astronauts.  We can go look at the night sky and he'll point out the planets and constellations to me.  He is also an avid reader and has recently re-read The Lord of the Rings trilogy (he says he understood it much better this time around) and is half way through The Similarion (I tried reading it once, but it was too hard for me).  He keeps telling me of the deep symbolism in the book, how it relates to the war in heaven and the plan of salvation.  I might just try reading it again.  He likes to tease his siblings.  He thinks he's having fun with them, but they don't feel the same way.  He does want to be good, though, and often sets the goal that he'll stop teasing.  Often, though, he just can't seem to help himself :-)  He is almost done with The Book of Mormon for the second time and I love hearing him tell me of the things he is learning from it.  When he is worried or has a problem, he often thinks to pray for help.  He's an incredible young man.

Waking up on his birthday morning - turning 10! We celebrated by going to "Get Air" with the family and one of his friends.

Gem watching the opening of presents

Laughing at the silly putty he got

Reading a sweet card from Little Miss

Feeding the sting rays at Tulsa aquarium

Feeding the turtles

He has enjoyed being in a couple of plays.  He was the captain in Twelfth Night and the shipmaster in The Tempest.  He enjoys acting and is good at it since he has no problems getting into character and pretending.  He also has an incredible singing voice.  Here he is with Spice soloing in What Child is This? Spice sings first, then the choir, then Bud sings.

Here's another pretty song they both sung in at the Family History Center (the sound is bad at the beginning, but it gets better). No solos, but it was pretty.

Spice is becoming such an amazing young lady.  She tries so hard to be good and can be hard on herself when she falls short, but she is developing a close relationship with her Heavenly Father and I'm sure she will come to understand his grace, love, mercy and long-suffering more and more as she keeps messing up and trying again.  She has been in a youth group (called Vanguard) that I've mentioned before and has made some really good friends that inspire her and accept her.  She just got elected as the student body president for next year.  She's excited for the opportunity.  I have really enjoyed watching her testimony and talents grow as she challenges herself to study and learn.  She is still very much into art.  She draws and doodles often.  She made me a sweet picture of a bear for Mother's Day with the words "Thank-you for all of the bear hugs you give me when I'm sad ".  She drew a cougar for her dad for his birthday.

 I really like this picture she drew of her dog with markers.

Spice also has a very pretty singing voice, but she gets so nervous in front of people that it's often shaky at the performances which drives her crazy.  I think that will just take care of itself as she keeps at it.  She recently gave a speech in her speech class about art which I really enjoyed listening to since it expresses her passion on the subject:

Here she is soloing in "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".  She sings second. Bud sings right after she does.

She turned 12 in the fall and is liking the Young Women's Program. 

Reading birthday cards on her birthday morning.

Opening presents.  She mostly just wanted clothes ;-)

She had a Vanguard activity on her birthday so we invited her friends over for hot dogs and birthday cake.

She is so sweet and helpful with her siblings.  They love her so much.  I am so grateful that they have such a great example for an older sister.

Fiddler on the roof medley (no solos, but wanted to remember it):

Me: I'm having such a good time learning and growing with my children.  I sometimes feel that I am too blessed.  Lately I'm learning to focus on the most important things and really be with my children when I am around them (I tend to live in my head at times as I plan and think of ideas).  I have done well this week and it feels so freeing.  It's also getting easier to set aside things of less worth (but sometimes more mentally stimulating) to do later, when the time is right. I feel so much clarity and peace as I've been making this effort.  It helps me enjoy and cherish the little moments and find so much joy in the seemingly mundane things around me.  I am seeing more and more that when I exercise faith in doing something the I know I should, but looks like it won't bring me that much happiness at the moment (like weeding with the kids for example), it inevitably it always brings me much more happiness than I could have anticipated

Bill: Bill's been reading a lot on his new Nook lately.  He just finished Count of Monte Cristo and is in the middle of Brothers Karamasov. He's been riding his bike, providing for his family, and taking the kids camping and fishing.   He is a very good man and I feel so blessed to have him in my life

Now, I better go think of something to make for dinner.  If you're still reading this post, you must really love us :-)  I'll try to write a spring catch-up post soon and then maybe I can get to some of my latest parenting experiments ;-)

How our Modern Education is Keeping us From Thinking

I've been reading Darwin's The Origin of Species.  It's an interesting read and has earned it's place among the classics.  Darwin presented some insightful ideas and interpretations about what he observed in the environment.  It was interesting to me how much it read like Plato - using logic to move forward with his argument such as, "if we deny this, we must make one of the two highly improbable suppositions..."   I've been underlining his statements of "I think..." or "I do not think..." or "It seems to me..." or "I do not believe..." or "I am doubtfully inclined to.." or even, "I can not doubt..." They are in every paragraph!  It is a philosophy book, not a "scientific text" as I had previously supposed.  I certainly was never allowed to make such statements in any "scholarly" papers that I wrote in college - I had to let the evidence speak for me (as if evidence could form an opinion) and pretend the evidence proved my unbiased point.

Not that there is anything wrong with a philosophical book.  Why would evidence even matter if it wasn't to prove or disprove some interesting idea?  I think all great ideas are worth examining, they can help us come closer to truth.  The problem with the educational system I was in was that it did not teach how to examine interesting ideas (unless data could be collected), or how to decide what methods to use to measure their truth.

There is a big difference between the education of today and the education people considered "quality" education in the past. David V  Hicks in Norms and Nobility: A Treatise in Education presents a contrast between our modern education and "classical" education .  In a "classical" education - all sorts of questions are welcome.  It is alive with the spirit of inquiry.  No topic is "off limits".  We are curious about life, nature, how things work, the purpose of our existence, what brings happiness, and most importantly, how should we then live?  These are the kind of questions that make learning exciting and pertinent.  At school, I was taught that the "pertinent" were those things that were going to be on the test and the "exciting" were those things of interests that I may someday use to make money.

This reduced me to a "product" that was being developed to produce capital gain.  I wasn't learning because I wanted to know and understand the questions I had deep in my soul.  I was going to school to pass standardized tests to prove I was a good enough product to be admitted to specialized training for a particular field of work.  I became reliant on "experts" to tell me what was true or false.  I had learned that to really know something you had to gather sufficient empirical evidence.  Since I did not have time to gather all of this empirical evidence myself, I became reliant on "experts" who had done the research for me to tell me what was true and what was not.  How did I know the "experts" knew what they were talking about?  Well, there was "proof" because they had degrees or certificates in a particular area of knowledge.

Then I started reading some classics.  I realized that the so-called "experts" of my time were asking the same questions that were being asked thousands of years ago, but these modern experts often had not had time to read, discuss and understand these questions or the direction they had taken throughout time.  In fact, many of these experts were "products" of the same educational system I had experienced, and similarly, knew very little about the questions they were attempting to answer with their empirical evidence.  Something they all seem to have in common, though, is the ability to house their rhetoric in scientific jargon.  Instead of saying, "I think..." as Darwin was at liberty to do, they must say, "Evidence points to..." or "The statistics clearly show..."  It is one thing I became very good at in my years at college writing scholarly papers.

Here are some differences between the education of the best thinkers of mankind vs. our modern education:

1) The questions we can ask:
Any question is valid and worth examining  VS  Only questions that can be answered by the gathering of observable data are worth examining (anything else is a waste of time because it has no definite answer).

2) The hypothesis
We can think and imagine many possible hypotheses to our questions VS The hypothesis must be provable by the systematic gathering of data.

3) Determining the method for testing our hypothesis
Depending on the question, methods may include reason, observation, logic, experimentation, physical, emotional or religious experience ( "How else, ultimately, does one test the value of a poem or the validity of God's love?"- Hicks), or others VS The scientific method.

Personally, I love the scientific method.  I tend to think in a systematic way myself.  I like things that are orderly.  However, I think we do our youth a great disservice by limiting their quest for truth to the questions that can be answered by just one method.  There is so much more to life than the empirical!  We lie to them when we teach them that you can find truth to life's important questions in this way.  I studied human behavior through the lens of the scientific method for my college degree.  Frankly, it's kind of a farce.  Not to say that some good does not come from it - if you want to make a difference in the world, you need to speak the language of the world: "Statistics show that children born to single parents are less likely to...." However, it doesn't answer any of the questions about how we can improve our present condition; how we can teach children, coming from any circumstance, how to live a happy life.  It, essentially, turns people into objects.  We think of ourselves as something to be acted upon instead of agents who are ready to act. "We look upon virtue as what under a specific set of circumstances can be achieved, rather than what ought to be achieved under all circumstances" (Hicks). 

I can not tell you the number of times I have approached someone with a new idea about parenting only to be asked, "What studies have shown that ____ is a good idea", or "What are the credentials of the author of _____ that supports this idea?".  We can't even think for ourselves to decide if something is a good idea or not!  This ability to think has been trained out of us - we do not know how!  It makes us wonderful followers, but terrible leaders.   It fills the world with cynical skeptics afraid to test or try new ideas for themselves.  "Premature skepticism tends to separate thinking from acting, forcing the precept to withstand an adolescent's stubborn incredulity before he is prepared to put it to the test of acting upon it.  Indeed, youthful skepticism often amounts to little more than an arrogant prejudice against novel or difficult ideas.  It can lead to cynicism - a sophistical (now sophisticated) belief that all ideas are relative and that none is worthy of one's wholehearted allegiance." (Hicks)

I hope my children will not be afraid to read "The Origin of Species" if they want.  I hope they will read "The Koran" and other great works.  I hope to teach them to know how to evaluate ideas, how to find the best method for testing their validity, and that they will act and apply what they learn to the betterment of their character.  I know there are absolute truths.  Every diligent, sincere seeker can come to find them if they seek them with the intent to do right.  I hope we can all teach our children to not be afraid of asking difficult questions and to diligently seek for their answers.  I hope we can teach them to be leaders.

"The purpose of education is not the assimilation of facts or the retention of information, but the habituation of the mind and body to will and act in accordance with what one knows"  -David V. Hicks

What do I do now?

I've been reading an excellent book called Increase in Learning by Elder David Bednar.  It's incredibly insightful, it's one of those books that I want to recommend to everyone I know.  If you want a glimpse into what he has to say, I highly recommend this article:

Understanding is the Well-Spring of Life

Anyway, one of the points he made in his book (and in the article) is that we are not admonished to "teach our children", we are admonished to "teach our children to understand", then the Holy Ghost can be the teacher (who does a much better job than we do):

"I believe, brothers and sisters, that these verses in section 68 are a powerful admonition for parents to create a home wherein the Spirit of the Lord can reside. Within a Christ-centered home, love, trust, and confidence invite the presence of the Holy Ghost. In such a home the Holy Ghost can teach children to understand. Ultimately, it is not parents who do the teaching. Certainly, parents must diligently and effectively explain basic gospel doctrines, teach true principles, and share sacred experiences. But who truly does the teaching and certifies the truthfulness of what we come to know? The Holy Ghost, the third member of the Godhead. He is the Comforter who knows all things. He is thereby able to search the minds and hearts of all of us and then tailor a blessing to us, according to our individual needs and circumstances. And it is teaching and certifying by the Spirit that produces understanding. Parents in Zion have the responsibility to establish and maintain that type of Christ-centered and spirit-filled home."

So my job is to create a home where the Spirit can teach.  I've been thinking about this in regards to how I discipline my children.  We all have certain rules in our homes and certain systems to make sure that that those rules are followed.  For example, one of my "systems" is to put two children in time-out if they are being contentious with one another and then have them try again.  It works well for the most part because it teaches them that it takes two people to create contention in the home, but what if one child has changed his heart and is trying to be good but is still in time-out because their sibling does not want to forgive?  It may be good to let them both stay in there to teach the changed one that there are consequences to our actions even when we have repented.  Maybe it would be better to take the unforgiving one aside quietly and ask him some introspective questions to help him find his motive? There are other possibilities as well...

Another example is the "10 item pick up".  I use this as a tool to get children to do their jobs well and avoid having to practice cleaning even more.  If they don't do a job well, they get to practice cleaning by cleaning more.  What if a child is struggling with emotional issues that day and giving them more work will just add to their load?  What if they really just need to feel loved and heard for a while instead of disciplined? But what if they actually need the discipline to learn that it is important to contribute and work regardless of our personal emotional state?  It can be hard to discern...

Here is what I've realized lately - the question I should ask myself when facing these situations with my children is not "What does this child need to learn?" or "What lesson should I teach right now?"  It's not "Who is right?" or "How can I stop this behavior" or "What consequence will teach the right behavior?"  The real question to ask at those times ought to be, "How can I invite the Holy Ghost?"

As I've tried this, I have found that sometimes the answer is to give a gentle answer to a stubborn demand, sometimes it's to ask a child to go to a quiet place until they feel more peaceful and ready to deal with others (not phrasing it as a consequence, but as a need that they have). Sometimes the answer's been to turn on some peaceful music, or to ask a child a question to help them figure out their motives.  The answer has even been to give the belligerent child a hug (isn't that an interesting "consequence" for bad behavior?)  As my motive has become to let the Holy Ghost do the teaching, I have found more answers to those perplexing moments.

Of course that means that I need to be in tune myself and therein lies the challenge ;-)

Kindness (a look at our devotional)

I studied the word "kindness" today so we'll be talking about that during devotional.  I'll have the kids look up a couple of scriptures and the definition and then tell me in their own words what those teach them about kindness.  I'll have them read a couple of quotes from a talk or two, we'll look at a picture or video that represents the word and then I'll ask them to give me their definition of kindness.  Afterwards, I'll tell them mine.

That is how I've been doing our devotionals lately.  I've been learning so much and I think the kids have too.  It helps to do my scripture study in the morning knowing that I'll be teaching about it later.  Then I learn so much as I teach and let the children teach me.  I've really enjoyed it.

Here is our lesson on kindness today:
Children will look up:
-Kindness in the 1828 dictionary
-Jude 11:22 (One reason for kindness)
-John 13:35

Talk I'm having them read quotes from:
The Virtue of Kindness
Quotes:

"Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known.  It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes. Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years."

"Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes."

"The things you say, the tone of your voice, the anger or calm of your words—these things are noticed by your children and by others. They see and learn both the kind and the unkind things we say or do. Nothing exposes our true selves more than how we treat one another in the home."

"One way you can measure your value in the kingdom of God is to ask, “How well am I doing in helping others reach their potential? Do I support others in the Church, or do I criticize them?”

If you are criticizing others, you are weakening the Church. If you are building others, you are building the kingdom of God. As Heavenly Father is kind, we also should be kind to others."

“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?”

Love them.

“If they are obnoxious?”

Love them.

“But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?”

Love them.

“Wayward?”

The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.

Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, “And of some have compassion, making a difference.”

Video

My definition of kindness: The outward expression of the charity in our hearts

High Expectations with Unfeigned Love

I ran across this great article today:
What do the scriptures and latter-day prophets teach about disciplining our children?
He mentions high and firm expectations along with unfeigned love.

If our hearts are not right toward our children, we may find ourselves exercising firmness without love or trying to be loving without being firm. For example, our “loving” firmness may become punitive and cruel rather than helpful. As a result, we may convey to our children a message of low expectations: “You won’t do the right thing unless I get after you all the time.” In this case we are giving our children harshness, not firmness.

Similarly, if we are overly permissive, our “loving” indulgence may also convey an unloving message: “If I don’t pamper you, you won’t do what’s right on your own.” What we end up giving our children in this case is indulgence, not love"

I found it interesting that constantly getting after our children for not living up to our high expectations is a form of showing low expectations - we don't believe they will live up to our expectations without our constant reminders.  It reminded me of a previous post I wrote about Keri Tibbet's parenting article.  It seems we should teach often, then give consequences when appropriate.

When I notice a wrong behavior, I need to ask myself, "What doctrine does my child not understand that he would act this way?" (See Elder Bednar's Increase in Learning).  Then I need to teach that doctrine often - not after they have misbehaved, but throughout the day.  Then when they get a consequence for a misbehavior, they will understand.


I'll give it more of an effort today.