Being Less Selfish and Family Updates

I've come to realize how selfish I am.  I've considered myself a pretty giving person and I do care a lot about the comfort and welfare of others.  It's just that as I've been studying the character of Christ, I'm starting to get a glimpse of what it really means to look outside oneself.  Elder Bednar's book Act in Doctrine has been very eye opening to me.  I've been praying for correction throughout my day - for Heavenly Father to let me be aware of when my thoughts are inward centered (selfish) so that I can change them and turn them toward loving others.  It's been neat to notice how often my thoughts are inward and how I can choose to turn them outward (with God's help) and how much lighter and better I feel!  I find I am a better listener, a more patient wife and mother.  I have such a long ways to go.  I sometimes don't realize my selfishness until later on in the day and I'm sure there are plenty of times when I am not aware (Heavenly Father is a kind tutor - he doesn't show me all of my selfishness right away!)

It's easy to get "martyr" type thoughts when I'm pregnant, "If only everyone knew how tired I am and I'm still doing _____ for them, why can't I get a little more help or respect around here when I do so much.... etc."  Now when those thoughts start creeping up, I remember how selfless Jesus was and how I want to be like Him, I pray for help, I serve willingly, and then I feel love and compassion for the people around me.  This in turn helps me know how to lovingly ask for help if I need it without feeling sorry for myself and to have a soft (though firm) answer when others show ingratitude or an unwillingness to help.  It's such a happier way to live.

Like I said, I am only getting glimpses at this point, I have such a long ways to go, but I am loving the small changes and I hope I can remember to persevere and keep it up.

I'm posting some pictures from late May, June and early July.  I just uploaded them so I sat down to post them on my blog and figured I better say something about what I have been working on lately too since it's been so long since I've blogged about my latest idealistic goals. I'll also write some updates as I go:

It's been a great and busy summer so far!  I want to get a lot ready for next school year before the baby comes in August.  I've been doing a mom's discussion group at the park on Wednesdays - we read about principle-based education and then discuss how we can apply it to our homes and our Vanguard homeschool group.  It's a lot of fun.  I'm also trying to get my basic lesson plans for teaching the youth next year.  I also took an online writing class and a hiking Hebrew class.  Hebrew was awesome! It's an incredible new world that I got a little glimpse of.  Someday I'll take the time to learn more!

Bazinks's birthday:
 We didn't take a lot of pictures because the camera wasn't charged, but we did have fun :-)  We went to "Get Air" and to Wendy's (because they have a cool soda machine that has lots of flavors to pick from):

End of the year family cultural dinner and dance for our Vanguard youth group:

It was an incredible year.  I sure love those youth and their families!

Our TV broke a while back so this is how the kids watch the occasional movie :-)

Just before a performance of "Comedy of Errors".  They had so much fun and did so great.

Some pictures from our Vanguard Outdoor adventure (we stayed at Heber Valley camp a couple of days after Shakepeare Showdown to do some activities as a group, I wish I had more pictures):

 Ray's birthday:

Waking up to "Happy Birthday" and presents

 Family Party at the Fun Center:

Superhero

Gem is a big helper

Little Miss is beautiful and amazing.  She takes care of her little brothers so sweetly.  She makes them forts and plays games with them.  Heavenly Father was so kind to send me an angel to help me with all these little boys :-)

Monkeys jumping on the bed

 Gem's birthday:

Sugary cereal is a birthday tradition

What a cute kid

Rock and Bud ran a 5K on the 4th of July.  Their time was 31 minutes flat. Well done!

Breakfast after the run

Parade after breakfast

After the parade we came home for naps, watched "Johny Tremain" and then friends came over for food and fireworks in the front yard.  Did I think to take pictures?  Nope.

The kids like to play with the camera and take pictures of each other - especially action shots when they are up in the air:

Bud is really into bugs and reptiles.  Every spring we have new creatures in the house.  In addition to his pets right now, we have a snake, a salamander, a snail and 2 spiders.  He asked if he could take the camera out to take pics of spiders.  It scared me a little when he came back with some images of big spiders quite close to our house.  I considered calling pest control, but he and Dallin would be devastated if we killed any of the bugs outside.  They can observe them for hours.

Alright, back to life.  The kids are waiting to read what I wrote about them - except Spice - she is at girl's camp this week :-( Though, I didn't write much about her anyway... I'll just mention that she is incredible, an example to many, and a very responsible, amazing girl.  I sure don't like it when she leaves me for a week!  I miss her already.

Great Fathers

I have been blessed with an incredible father. He is incredible hard-working and unselfish. He has spent his life in service to his family. I couldn't have asked for a better example of the nobility of fatherhood. Good fathers are hard to come by these days - I feel extremely fortunate to have such a good man that loves me and exemplifies to me what a Heavenly Father's love must be like.

I am also blessed with an amazing husband who loves his children very much. He works so hard for them to have all the things they need. I love to see him studying the gospel and trying to be the best man he can be for God and for his family. He took the boys on a father-son camping trip last weekend. He even took Gem (who is not quite two). I told him it would be much easier for him to just leave Gem home. His reply? "He'll love it." That's the kind of man he is - he loves to make his kids happy. And Gem did have a great time.

I hope my dad and husband don't get offended that I'm not writing a poem for them like I did for my mom.  I don't have nearly as much time to sit and write on Father's Day as I did on Mother's Day.  Maybe next year I'll be better prepared ahead of time!

I thought I'd share this great video about fathers:



Happy Father's Day to all of you good men out there who are trying to be the kind of fathers that are needed in our world. Thank-you for your willingness to be different than the norm by being selfless and genuinely committed to your families. I am grateful for your courage!

A Mother's Love

I have an AMAZING mother, but she doesn't know she is amazing.  She has no idea how many she has influenced and continues to influence every day with her example.  I don't think any of us realize the impact that we have, but we will be amazed someday when we realize how the desires of our hearts have rippled through the world.  My mom had the courage of breaking the cycle of abuse and ignorance that had been passed on through generations.  There are not many people who could do what she has done. All of the environmental factors were against her, yet her heart was good and her perseverance strong.  Out of rocky, infertile soil she rose as a beacon of light.

This is an old picture, there are 5 1/2 more grandchildren since then :-)

I think about my circle of influence, and their circle of influence and how each life impacts so much more than is perceived.   I know she will someday be amazed at how much good she has brought into this world because of her courage.  These are my Mother's Day thoughts of her (I am not a poet, but these are thoughts from the heart, which makes it worth posting :-) ):

Dear Mom,
I know you think you're ordinary
As you look back on your mistakes.
And you desire to have known better
And to have had all that it takes.

You don't yet see who you are truly.
You miss the Majesty beneath
Insecurities, unreal perceptions.
They hide from you your queenly wreath.

If you could pierce that false perseption,
Glimpse the nobility I see,
I know you'd walk with head held higher,
No fear to let your light shine free.

Your love has been an earthly refuge.
Your love has filled my life with warmth.
I have always felt worthwhile
Amidst the world's put-downs and scorn.

Though you see not your heavenly influence,
Your love has made me who I am,
And all my children and their children
Will sing vast praises to your name.

Your selfless love has made an impact,
Though to you seems rather small,
It has elevated spirits
Which, in turn, have lifted more.

Your love will ripple through the ages
And on, through all eternity.
Your widow's mite (to you so meager)
Has transformed lives infinitely.

For now, blind to your queenly splendor,
You keep on giving selflessly,
You do not see the hero I see,
You give in great humility.

But someday will the veil be lifted,
And you will see the good you've done,
And all of us whose lives you've altered,
Will humbly reverence your throne.

Thank-you to all mothers everywhere.  You do not yet see your influence, but it is great.  There is no work on earth more meaningful.  I didn't like the last line of my poem very much at first, it kind of just came to me, and I thought - I'm sure my mom would not like the thought of herself on a throne, but as I pictured in my mind all of her sacrifice and love, I knew I felt so honored to be in her presence, and so would many others.  The line was true, even if she might not like it ;-)

While changing diapers, folding laundry, washing dishes, or any other mundane and endless task. Let's not forget whose work we are doing.   Motherhood is a hard, but ennobling work.

"Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, and better than you have ever been." - Elder Jeffery R. Holland

What is Glaringly Missing?

 This was the question that was asked in our stake conference today about a child's testimony that you often hear in Sacrament meeting.  He said he was praising their testimonies, but that there was a very important element that was often missing and it reflected what was being taught at home.  He quoted the "standard" child's testimony: "I'd like to bear my testimony.  I know the church is true.  I love my mom and dad and brothers and sisters. I know Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."  Then he asked, "What is glaringly missing from this testimony?"

He said that in our teaching our children we often focus on "keep the commandments, keep the commandments, keep the commandments".  I thought about the scripture in 2 Nephi 25:26:

 And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

He said we may be guilty of "looking beyond the mark" in our teaching our children.  That the focus should be on Christ in everything we do - on the "why" of keeping the commandments.  I know a couple people who have left the church, and I think in large part it was because the focus had been on the "what" of the gospel instead of on the Living God.  When I went to copy and paste the above verse to my blog, the next verse caught my attention:

Wherefore, we speak concerning the law that our children may know the deadness of the law; and they, by knowing the deadness of the law, may look forward unto that life which is in Christ, and know for what end the law was given. And after the law is fulfilled in Christ, that they need not harden their hearts against him when the law ought to be done away.

This week, I had the incredible privilege of going to a fireside in an small, intimate setting where one of the most incredible men I have met was speaking.  I read a book about him titled, Yearning for the Living God: Reflections from the life of F. Enzio Busche.  It is an incredible and inspiring book. He was a small boy in Nazi germany and he talks about his quest to find God after his confusing childhood (which included being drafted to the Nazi army at the age of 14).  What I loved about watching this man speak was his glowing radiance and excitement about the fact that we have a Living God and His love is the greatest power.  

He said (paraphrasing), "When I look at the millions of stars and know of the many galaxies and I know that there is a God who created them all, and that I am His child - I want to to jump for joy! I don't know how it works, but I feel that individual relationship that I have with him... when we want to speak to a king or some important dignitary, we dress up and make an appointment and wait for him to have time for us, but the ultimate King - the creator of all - is always ready to listen to us!  When we talk to him, like a child to a father, he is always there."

He said that with this love, everyday is even more bright and full of love than the day before and he wants to smile and hug people (we all laughed and he said, "Don't laugh!  It's true!") Since he was in the Quorum of the Seventy for a time, someone asked him where his favorite place in the world was.  His answer, "Every place where the Spirit was."  Isn't it true?  When we feel God's love flowing through us, we have no desire to be anywhere else and feel such joy and peace about wherever we are and whatever we are doing.

That is why we are here.  It is not to learn all of the "to dos" of the gospel and try to do them all.  It is to develop that relationship with God and to learn to love like He does through His grace.  For a great talk about how grace is not only the redeeming power of God, but also the enabling and strengthening power of the atonement, I highly recommend "In the Strength of the Lord" by Elder Bednar.  I listened to it this week and it opened my eyes to a few things.

I do have a strong testimony that the Lord strengthens us and enables us as we reach out to him.  Not to be melodramatic (my life is so blessed and so many people are suffering) but I will admit that I have been so exhausted at times being pregnant, after a sleepless night with children and an active morning with mischievous toddlers, that I know that I do not have the strength to be a good mother the rest of the day.  Knowing a nap is infeasible at the time, I get on my knees and plead with the Lord.  I have literally felt transformed with the energy and strength I needed until I could make it to nap time (or bed time - if nap time is impossible).  I know this strengthening and enabling power is real.

I want to be better at drawing closer to God in all the things I do, to make the effort to reach out to Him more sincerely and intently.  I know He is aware of me.  I know he loves me beyond what I realize or can conceive.  I know I am His daughter.  I know He is waiting for me to let Him help me reach my divine potential in finding joy in blessing His children.  That is what this life is about.  The commandments help us find our way, but we should never forget that they are not the Way.

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. -John 14:6