The Tale of Our Quest

What do I do now?

2012-01-27T09:49:00.000-08:00

I've been reading an excellent book called Increase in Learning by Elder David Bednar. It's incredibly insightful, it's one of those books that I want to recommend to everyone I know. If you want a glimpse into what he has to say, I highly recommend this article:

Understanding is the Well-Spring of Life

Anyway, one of the points he made in his book (and in the article) is that we are not admonished to "teach our children", we are admonished to "teach our children to understand", then the Holy Ghost can be the teacher (who does a much better job than we do):

"I believe, brothers and sisters, that these verses in section 68 are a powerful admonition for parents to create a home wherein the Spirit of the Lord can reside. Within a Christ-centered home, love, trust, and confidence invite the presence of the Holy Ghost. In such a home the Holy Ghost can teach children to understand. Ultimately, it is not parents who do the teaching. Certainly, parents must diligently and effectively explain basic gospel doctrines, teach true principles, and share sacred experiences. But who truly does the teaching and certifies the truthfulness of what we come to know? The Holy Ghost, the third member of the Godhead. He is the Comforter who knows all things. He is thereby able to search the minds and hearts of all of us and then tailor a blessing to us, according to our individual needs and circumstances. And it is teaching and certifying by the Spirit that produces understanding. Parents in Zion have the responsibility to establish and maintain that type of Christ-centered and spirit-filled home."

So my job is to create a home where the Spirit can teach. I've been thinking about this in regards to how I discipline my children. We all have certain rules in our homes and certain systems to make sure that that those rules are followed. For example, one of my "systems" is to put two children in time-out if they are being contentious with one another and then have them try again. It works well for the most part because it teaches them that it takes two people to create contention in the home, but what if one child has changed his heart and is trying to be good but is still in time-out because their sibling does not want to forgive? It may be good to let them both stay in there to teach the changed one that there are consequences to our actions even when we have repented. Maybe it would be better to take the unforgiving one aside quietly and ask him some introspective questions to help him find his motive? There are other possibilities as well...

Another example is the "10 item pick up". I use this as a tool to get children to do their jobs well and avoid having to practice cleaning even more. If they don't do a job well, they get to practice cleaning by cleaning more. What if a child is struggling with emotional issues that day and giving them more work will just add to their load? What if they really just need to feel loved and heard for a while instead of disciplined? But what if they actually need the discipline to learn that it is important to contribute and work regardless of our personal emotional state? It can be hard to discern...

Here is what I've realized lately - the question I should ask myself when facing these situations with my children is not "What does this child need to learn?" or "What lesson should I teach right now?" It's not "Who is right?" or "How can I stop this behavior" or "What consequence will teach the right behavior?" The real question to ask at those times ought to be, "How can I invite the Holy Ghost?"

As I've tried this, I have found that sometimes the answer is to give a gentle answer to a stubborn demand, sometimes it's to ask a child to go to a quiet place until they feel more peaceful and ready to deal with others (not phrasing it as a consequence, but as a need that they have). Sometimes the answer's been to turn on some peaceful music, or to ask a child a question to help them figure out their motives. The answer has even been to give the belligerent child a hug (isn't that an interesting "consequence" for bad behavior?) As my motive has become to let the Holy Ghost do the teaching, I have found more answers to those perplexing moments.

Of course that means that I need to be in tune myself and therein lies the challenge ;-)

Kindness (a look at our devotional)

2012-01-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

I studied the word "kindness" today so we'll be talking about that during devotional. I'll have the kids look up a couple of scriptures and the definition and then tell me in their own words what those teach them about kindness. I'll have them read a couple of quotes from a talk or two, we'll look at a picture or video that represents the word and then I'll ask them to give me their definition of kindness. Afterwards, I'll tell them mine.

That is how I've been doing our devotionals lately. I've been learning so much and I think the kids have too. It helps to do my scripture study in the morning knowing that I'll be teaching about it later. Then I learn so much as I teach and let the children teach me. I've really enjoyed it.

Here is our lesson on kindness today:
Children will look up:
-Kindness in the 1828 dictionary
-Jude 11:22 (One reason for kindness)
-John 13:35

Talk I'm having them read quotes from:
The Virtue of Kindness
Quotes:

"Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes. Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years."

"Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes."

"The things you say, the tone of your voice, the anger or calm of your words—these things are noticed by your children and by others. They see and learn both the kind and the unkind things we say or do. Nothing exposes our true selves more than how we treat one another in the home."

"One way you can measure your value in the kingdom of God is to ask, “How well am I doing in helping others reach their potential? Do I support others in the Church, or do I criticize them?”
If you are criticizing others, you are weakening the Church. If you are building others, you are building the kingdom of God. As Heavenly Father is kind, we also should be kind to others."

“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?”
Love them.
“If they are obnoxious?”
Love them.
“But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?”
Love them.
“Wayward?”
The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.
Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, “And of some have compassion, making a difference.”

Video

My definition of kindness: The outward expression of the charity in our hearts

High Expectations with Unfeigned Love

2012-01-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

I ran across this great article today:
What do the scriptures and latter-day prophets teach about disciplining our children?
He mentions high and firm expectations along with unfeigned love.

If our hearts are not right toward our children, we may find ourselves exercising firmness without love or trying to be loving without being firm. For example, our “loving” firmness may become punitive and cruel rather than helpful. As a result, we may convey to our children a message of low expectations: “You won’t do the right thing unless I get after you all the time.” In this case we are giving our children harshness, not firmness.
Similarly, if we are overly permissive, our “loving” indulgence may also convey an unloving message: “If I don’t pamper you, you won’t do what’s right on your own.” What we end up giving our children in this case is indulgence, not love"

I found it interesting that constantly getting after our children for not living up to our high expectations is a form of showing low expectations - we don't believe they will live up to our expectations without our constant reminders. It reminded me of a previous post I wrote about Keri Tibbet's parenting article. It seems we should teach often, then give consequences when appropriate.

When I notice a wrong behavior, I need to ask myself, "What doctrine does my child not understand that he would act this way?" (See Elder Bednar's Increase in Learning). Then I need to teach that doctrine often - not after they have misbehaved, but throughout the day. Then when they get a consequence for a misbehavior, they will understand.

I'll give it more of an effort today.

Parenting Advice

2012-01-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me a parenting question the other day and I told her some of the "methods" I use and recommended some parenting books. As I drove home after that discussion, I realized I didn't really tell her really what I have learned, so I wrote her an e-mail. I'm going to paste it here for anyone else that might be struggling with a parenting question:

"...as I got thinking about it on the way home though, I realized that I didn't say what has really been opening my eyes lately about how to parent. I think the resources I mentioned are good [teachingselfgovernment.org and the headgates parenting article] and they might give you some ideas, but if you really want to know the thing that I have found to be most helpful, I would say studying leadership - especially in the scriptures. As I have done this, my mind has been receptive to the Holy Ghost to guide me and teach me how to teach His children in a very personalized manner. Ideas will flow into my mind about how to handle specific situations and I've received personalized plans for my particular children.

Here's an example of what I've been studying lately-

I've been working on teaching the children "charity" so I study talks and scriptures about it, write insights in my journal and then teach them something I've learned during our morning devotional.

Anyway, I learned that the only way to lead effectively and righteously is with charity. I was lead to the scripture in D&C 121 about how "no power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood (authority) only by persuasion, long-suffering..." etc. I wanted to be this kind of leader in my home (leader as in leading souls to Christ) so I began to study each of the words.

I started with persuasion. I looked it up in my handy 1828 dictionary, looked up some of the scriptures about it in the topical guide, read some talks about it. I learned about reasoning and inclining people's minds without force. We talked discussed it as a family. The kids better learned how to lead each other to Christ by persuasion and I learned from their comments and insights. Through the process I gained so many personalized insights about how to parent my particular children at this time in their lives. The Holy Ghost gave me customized ideas.

Next I studied "long-suffering" and THAT was amazing, the truth that poured out from Heaven as I asked and searched for it was incredible. Heavenly Father really does want to help us if we are willing to seek Him and His word.

Anyway, that is what I am finding the MOST helpful as I try to parent. Truth flows into my mind and sometimes things that I would have never thought of come to my mind at certain moments based on some truth I've learned and I know what to do right when I need it.

I just wanted to make sure I gave you the best advice I knew instead of the more superficial 'method' type stuff I mentioned last night. "

That is what I wrote to my friend, but I'd imagine that the same thing would happen regardless of what you chose to study in the scriptures. It doesn't necessarily have to be "leadership" although it's a good one. The scriptures are so full of truth that they open your mind to more truth. I think if we pick any attribute that we want to develop, we will be led to more and our eyes will be opened. I guess what I'm basically saying is that the scriptures really are the best parenting manual that there is - not just because of the words or principles in them, but because of the truth that is in them. They connect us to the source of all truth. I love my scriptures more and more each day.

I've been thinking about writing on this blog short little excerpts of insights I have gained. I don't know because my insights will probably not mean much to those who haven't taken the time to study something of what I am talking about, but I know many who read this blog are studying and learning about these things often and I do find that as I share insights I understand them better. I also gain a lot from comments people make about what they have learned about a particular principle.

So maybe I'll give it a shot. It won't by any means be a complete list of insights I've gained in my studying - I don't have time for that, but probably just short "a-has" that help me. We'll see how it goes.

Sorrounding our Little Ones with the Spirit

2011-12-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

"We cannot and we must not allow the school, community, television, or even Church organizations to establish our children’s values. The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable. Therefore, we must guard the sanctity of our homes because that is where children develop their values, attitudes, and habits for everyday living." -M. Russell Ballard

I keep getting the thought that I need to share what I've been learning about motherhood lately. It's what I was going to share in my last post, but my thoughts took me elsewhere. I don't have a lot of time this morning so hopefully I can share my thoughts accurately.

I have a two year old. He is so funny to watch. His face expressions are so telling. My friend pointed out that her child that was a late talker was the same way - they use their face a lot to express themselves since their words are not working well yet. Anyway, I have noticed that he mirrors everything that is going on around him. He watches for the mood of the people around him and then reflects it. If someone is frustrated, he acts frustrated too. If someone is happy, he is filled with joy. If someone is sad, he feels it right along side them. He absolutely absorbs everything in his environment.

It has really been impressed upon my mind how very much like sponges our little ones are. Particularly those under the age of 8. After the age of 8 they seem to have a little more control over what they let into their core, but before that age they just absorb it all.

I've been trying to teach my older children that they too have a responsibility
in the environment of their younger siblings. The little ones absorb their behaviors and moods.

I have been humbled by the great responsibility that is mine in immersing my little sponges in beauty and truth. What they are surrounded with right now is what they will view as "normal". It is what will become the standard in how they view the world. My two year old never thought to hit in anger until he saw someone else exhibit this behavior and suddenly it became his to use. He never thought to give someone a hug when they were sad until he saw someone else do it and it became his way to help.

We, as mothers, really are the gateway in which our little children experience the world. If we expose them to sarcasm, violence, anger, enmity, crudeness, the unrefined, unpure, ungodly - they will absorb it all and they have no choice! We have the responsibility to make the choice for them. Do we realize that when we put our children in front of the TV, for example, we are delegating our teaching to that source for a time? Even if we are present - the TV is teaching them how to speak to others, what values are important, what feeling are normal (such as contention, silliness, and fast-paced stimulation, and many other subtle and important messages). It is up to us to keep them safe from those influences until they have the choice to keep them out of their hearts themselves. What an incredible responsibility!

It is also our great privilege to surround them with beautiful refined music, art, and media . It is our privilege to share with them uplifting words and feelings; to keep their lives focused on the real - surrounding them with God's creations and His love. They feel His Spirit through us. What an incredible privilege.

I thought about being more specific about some of the prevalent things out there that I see so many children exposed to at such young ages by well meaning mothers, but I won't. I think we can prayerfully look into our hearts and into our homes and figure those things out for ourselves. The more I do this, the more I find that I can do a little better and improve my heart and home each day.

Please be careful what you immerse your precious little spirits in.

"Do you want a principle for successful motherhood? Make time to teach your children the gospel and principles of gospel living when they are young. It may be that you too will need to 'renounce the world' and 'devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of [your] children.'
No accomplishment transcends the building of the character of a son or a daughter of God." -Ezra Taft Benson

*Great articles about our responsiblity:
The Honored Place of Woman
Teach the Children

Getting Out of the Way

2011-11-27T06:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt the need to write much on my blog lately. I suppose many of the things going through my mind lately have been rather personal and have felt just fine staying my private journal. I have learned some things lately, though, that I wanted to share.

I commented to a friend a few months ago that I tend to be a better mother when I am under stress - like when the toddler has splattered spaghetti sauce on the ceiling, the 5 year old has spilled the milk all over the floor, the 12 year old is mad at her brother who won't leave the dog alone, and things just seem out of control. It is at these times that I am better able to just laugh and turn it all over to the Lord. I can see Him smiling down on me and I reach up and we move on together.

I realized that I needed to do this a lot more often, not just when things are crazy all around me. I needed to let Him take over and just follow along. Interesting opportunities for growth have presented themselves to me and I have learned a few things as I've been trying to turn things over more. I wanted to share some of them on here.

The pictures are from a skit Spice put together for her youth group.
She never presented it, but they had a great time acting it out.

Sometimes I get in the way
At times I think I am wise in my own eyes. Heavenly Father gives me an idea about how to raise my children, for example, and I take it, make it my own, and then I get in the way. I might come up with a system on how to implement the idea and then get so wrapped up in the system that I forget to keep seeking the guidance I need every step of the way. I start to think I am in control instead of my Heavenly Father.

Cleopatra on a boat to see Julius Ceasar

For example, I may realize that I need to rid our home of contention. I decide that if two children (it takes two) start to bring contention into the home, they both go to time-out (a system). As I try to implement the system, one of my children starts to argue with me about how it is not fair. Instead of seeking guidance about how to handle the situation (turning to God), I get caught up in the system and bring contention into the home by the way I demand that the system is followed. Not that there is anything wrong with teaching children to obey the rules, but the problem comes when the peace in my heart is replaced by pride and the desire shifts from doing the Lord's will to carrying out my own will.

It's a subtle shift, but a perilous one. I have recently learned that one way to keep myself out of the way is to accept opportunities to serve (seeking to know by the Spirit which opportunities to accept). This unites our family in a common purpose as we all seek to bless those around us. I'm not saying that all opportunities have to be "family service projects", but as individual members serve others - we share common goals and help each other draw closer to Heavenly Father.

Cleopatra in a rug being presented to Julius Ceasar :-)

I have recently been given the opportunity to serve in Spice's homeschool youth group. My friend, who started the youth group and has created an amazing learning environment for my little girl, is moving. She asked me to take her place. I made it a matter of much, much prayer because I did not want to get involved in anything that would take my time away from my family. I was blessed with the peaceful assurance that Heavenly Father approved of my helping build His kingdom in this way and that He would help me with my family.

Some of the youth group on a field trip, it was an amazing experience that I
wrote about elsewhere, but maybe I copy and paste it on this blog for my personal records.

It has been a great learning opportunity for all of us. I am turning more to the Lord because it's quite impossible for me to do it on my own. We are working together for a common purpose as a family (the kids all wanted me to do this and they are contributing to making it happen) and I am learning to follow the Spirit on a deeper level. I can see this all going wrong if I loose sight of why we are doing it and I get caught up in the systems. I have to stay close to the Spirit to make this work, or my family will suffer. It's been quite a growing experience so far. We'll see if we are up to it! If not, I'll see disorder and disunity in my family, we'll let the youth group go, and I'll go back to getting my family in order. So far so good (not perfect, but we're heading in the right direction together as before).

LOL, I planned to write more about the different lessons I have learned and I only got to one of them. I'm out of time, but there is one more that I really want to get to, so hopefully I'll find the time to blog about it soon. I miss my blogging friends that I don't see in person! I hope you are all doing well!

Catch-up with pictures

2011-09-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

So, having a new baby hasn't left much time for blogging, but I do want to get some pictures up of our latest doings. Putting the pictures up will make it seem like we've been out having adventures all summer. In reality, we have mostly just stayed home, but I don't often think to take pictures when we're just doing normal family things. There are a few though. Here are some of the latest adventures:

Our little baby "Gem" is getting big so fast.

Photo by my friend, Jodi

My friend, Jodi, took some beautiful pictures of Gem at 3 weeks:

Getting bigger...

So is everyone else:

Ray loves to sing to his baby brother (can you tell what song?)

He also loves to sing to a pretend audience (the kids filmed this and there's not a lot of singing, but it's adorable still):

Bazinks explaining one of his "set-ups":

While I was home recuperating after having a baby, Rock took the kids on some outings:
Hiking with friends:

And camping:

Baby Gem and I got to go to camp Kiesel with Spice for an Activity Days activity. Gem did really well and we had a good time.

Rock rode in a couple of century rides and we came and watched him finish one around Utah Lake:

My sister-in-law, Michelle, was in town for a month. I got to have her at my house for a week! It was so wonderful getting to talk and laugh with her. I miss her and her little boys very much. I also miss my brother who was also in and out of town during that time. We did some fun things while they were here including letting her teach us how to paint. Rock came home a couple of times to find painting supplies all over the table instead of dinner :-) We also went to a few other places including several hikes like Cascade Springs:

We all had fun at the Tracy Aviary together too:

The day Michelle had to leave, we went to her mom's house and rode horses and ATVs. Ray sort of half-giggled half-cried when he was on the horse with me, but he loved the ATV with his dad and grandpa.

Later that week, the kids had a piano recital:

Spice playing "Dreams Come True"

Bud singing and playing "Honeydew" (you can't really hear him singing though).

Bud playing a song he wrote that he titled "Bo, bo, bee, bop"

Spice playing a song she wrote that she titled "Arabian Dance"

Bud has been having fun going to the football games with his dad:

A couple of weeks ago we went to Yellowstone. Here are a few of the hundreds of pictures we took there :-)

The cabin we stayed in. It was a 30 min. drive to Yellowstone, but the cabin was perfect.

Waiting for Old Faithful:

Finally, it erupts:

Geyser walk:

Ranger-led tour of Black Basin:

Hike to a lake:

Eating s'mores outside our cabin:

The first time we saw a Bison, we stopped and pointed it out to Ray. We got in the car and started driving and up ahead was a Bison on the road. He walked next to our car right by Ray's window. Ray looked perplexed and then said, "Huh." in an interested way. He loved seeing the "Bi-tn" and the "Melk" (Bison and Elk). All the kids loved the wildlife. We watched a mole did a hole, saw a bald eagle flying overhead, spotted a coyote, and, of course, saw Bison everywhere:

On the way to and at the falls:

Mud Basin (we called it the stinky hike):

Having a picnic (Ray stepped on some bear poop)

One of my favorite hikes was to the base of Tower Falls. You can't quite go to the base anymore, but you can go to a river area by it. The kids threw rocks into the river and played in the sand. We got ice-cream when we got back to the top which also made it very nice.

We were exited to see a herd of Elk and one of them bugled.

The inside of our cabin as we were getting ready to leave:

Mammoth Hot Springs:

Norris Basin was another of my favorite hikes. We had so much fun talking and laughing through this hike. It even rained on us for a little bit which was nice because most people had deserted the trail and it felt pretty secluded and smelled wonderfully (except when you walked by the steaming pools ;-) ) It felt so good to be together:

That pretty much catches up on things. I'd like to write about more than what we've been doing, but I think I've ignored my kids enough for one Sunday. Maybe I'll post again soon (although I don't foresee having much more time than I've had lately. Babies sure do take a lot of time! I'm loving it though).

Our New Arrival and His Birth Story

2011-07-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

Our baby boy was born at home on Tuesday at 5:15am. He weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and was 21 inches tall.

He is very sweet and alert. He loves to look around and watch people's faces. He found his fist soon after he was born and is often sucking on it. He sucks on everything that gets near his mouth. Spice was like that - she had a need to be sucking on something all of the time. Needless to say, she got pretty fat really fast. I think this baby will be similar. He even looks just like she did as a new born. We were surprised by his weight. My babies have weighed (in this order): 7 lbs, 5 lbs 7oz, 6 lbs 10 oz, 6 lbs 4 oz, and 6 lbs 15 oz. And supposedly Ray was about 5 days "late" and this baby was 3 days "early". He is so cute and chubby.

Here is his birth story (don't read it if birth stories make you squeamish):

Monday was a beautiful day so the kids and I walked to the park in the morning. It kind of wore me out so we took it pretty easy the rest of the day. For Family Home Evening, Rock taught a lesson on talents and then we ate ice cream sandwiches. We got ready for bed and I got to sleep around 10pm.

At 1:20am, I got up to use the bathroom. I noticed some blood and I wondered if I was going into labor. I was having contractions, but they were not too strong. I decided to go find my swimming suit just in case (I was planning on a water birth). By the time I found it, I was pretty sure that these were real labor contractions so I called my mom at 1:30. I wanted to give her ample time to get ready and to take her time on her hour drive. I sent a text message to my midwife around 1:45. She called me back (that is when Rock woke up) and told me some good positions to get into in order for the baby to be facing the right way (all of my babies have been posterior). I told her I'd call her back when things got more intense.

Rock got up and started figuring out how to set up the birthing tub that the midwife had left at our house. I focused on staying relaxed through the contractions. I looked at my clock. It was 2am. I decided I would call the midwife back around 3am because I was pretty sure this baby would be born around 5am. I put on a relaxation CD on my iphone (hypnobirthing's "Rainbow Relaxation") and focused on relaxing through the contractions some more. I found hypnobirthing very helpful. I felt very in control and relaxed. At 3am the tub was ready and I was ready to get into it. My mom arrived, I called the midwife, I breathed through 3 more contractions and then I got into the tub. The water felt so good and it really helped my body relax even more.

I kept listening to some hypnobirthing birth affirmations on my iphone and focusing on staying relaxed through the contractions. Heather (the midwife) arrived around 3:30am. My contractions were pretty steady 5 minutes apart except for an occasional one that would slip in around 2 1/2 minutes apart. I could tell I was getting ready to go into transition when my contractions started having a double peak and getting longer and I asked Heather to check me. It was 4:15 and I was 6cm dilated. Things got a little more intense after that. I threw up a couple of times (sorry for the graphic details!) and I kept trying to relax through the contractions. I was still able to focus and breathe through them until about 4:45.

That's when the contractions got really weird and it seemed that they were not going away. I thought one was passing, but then it wouldn't and I wasn't sure if I should breathe or push or what was going on. Heather noticed and she told me to try pushing because it might help me feel better. I did try, but I just felt an awful lot of pressure on my back. I was disappointed because with my other babies - pushing did feel better so I was hoping it would bring some relief, but it didn't.

My water had not yet broken so Heather said I could reach in and pop it if I wanted to, or that she could pop it, or that I could just keep pushing until it popped on it's own. She said breaking it might help him out so I asked her to break it for me. I had a contraction that seemed to last for like 10 minutes and I think I said that I couldn't do it a couple of times through it. Heather helped me know how to breathe and then towards the end of the super long contraction I felt it was coming to a peak again so I started to push. Heather asked, "Is the baby coming?" I nodded and pushed and felt him coming down and out. She caught him under the water and brought him up to me. What an incredible feeling. Relief, gratitude, love, amazement and awe. There's nothing like it in the world.

Rock and my mom were pretty surprised when they saw him. They hadn't realized I had actually started pushing since it all happened so fast. Rock came up, kissed my forehead and asked me how I felt. I said, "Wonderful." He was so peaceful and just looked around. He cried for a second when Heather suctioned his nose (since there was a little meconium in the water), but he calmed right down and looked around again. They took some pictures and I asked Rock to get the kids. He woke the kids up and they came out to meet their new baby brother. They said, "Really? He's already born?" They came in my room (I was still holding the baby in the tub) and they reverently watched. The whole experience just felt so miraculous and reverent. The lights were dim and we talked in soft voices.

Heather enlisted the kids' help and they helped her get pillows and warm up some towels. She showed them the placenta when it came out and explained to them where the bag was that the baby was in. They thought it was pretty amazing.

I stayed in the water and held him and nursed him. After an hour or so, I got out, Rock took the baby and I got dry clothes on and got in bed. I nursed him some more and then Heather came over to check him out. Rock asked Bud if he wanted to cut the cord (they had wrapped the placenta in a big absorbent pad and put it in a plastic bag so that they didn't have to cut the cord right away - it's better for the baby).

That was the only other time I remember him briefly crying. He was pretty happy the whole time. I took a shower while everyone took turns holding him.

Heather and her assistant packed up their 10 bags of supplies that, thankfully, they didn't have to use. She checked me over one more time and then they left.

My mom and the kids brought me some breakfast and then I just got to rest with my baby. I loved that I didn't have any nurses coming in to take the baby to do this or that test on him (Heather did come back 4 days later to check his hearing, do the PKU test and look him over). I loved that there were no nurses waking me up every couple of hours to push on my stomach to make sure my uterus was contracting (Heather taught me some warning signs and how to check it myself if I was concerned). It was such a peaceful time with just my baby and my family.

My mom's mom died in childbirth, so my mom was very nervous about my having this baby at home. After the experience, though, she said, "I don't think you're crazy anymore. That was really beautiful." It was beautiful. I did miss two things about the hospital though. One was the rolling food tray. That was convenient to eat on. I can't remember what the other thing I thought of was. Maybe I'll fill it in later if I remember. If my mom and husband hadn't been here to take care of me I think I would have missed the three hospital meals, the clean sheets and clothes, and the time of being (sort of) alone, but since I got all of that with their help, I felt very blessed and happy.

He's been with us for five days now and is doing really well. I've been resting and getting pampered by my mom and husband and kids. I'm nervous about when my mom leaves. I can't fathom doing it all on my own right now. It seems impossible, but I'm sure it will all work out somehow. There's something incredibly humbling about looking into a newborn's eyes and realizing how very unqualified you are for the responsibility. It's rather terrifying actually. I am just grateful that I'm not supposed to do it alone and that Heavenly Father will help me as much as I will allow Him to. I am motivated to give it my all. As soon as I can manage to get out of bed for longer than a few minutes!

Happy Birthday, Ray!

2011-06-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Little Ray turned 2 last month. We celebrated with cake at my mom's house. He enjoyed blowing out his candles and eating his yummy cake.

We got him bubbles for his present - he was very exited about that :-) My mom got him a plasma car that Bud has claimed as his own.

He looked at us like we were crazy when we came into his room in the morning to sing him "Happy Birthday", but he got used to it throughout the day.

Ray is such a funny little guy. He loves to sing and dance. I often wake up to the sound of his singing in his crib. Sometimes he sings in his sleep. I need to capture his singing on film sometime. In fact, I think I'll go do it right now....

Okay, here are a couple of his favorite songs:

Food, Glorious Food:

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star:

Something really funny that he does is he dances in a circle every time he hears the "Angry Birds" theme song. He can go on for a long time! It's almost like he can't stop himself as long as that song is on. Here he is:

Here he is doing some real dancing at my cousin's wedding reception (it's sideways, I don't know how to fix it):

He's a late talker and sometimes we wonder if we should be concerned - he seems to be trying to imitate everything so I think I'll give him a while before I decide if he needs some sort of intervention. I'm not too worried about it for now.

Ray loves to eat bananas, put stuffed animals to bed (complete with a bed time song for them), jump off steps, climb on me, and be read to. He makes us laugh a lot everyday. Happy 2nd birthday little Ray!

Practice Scholar... help?

2011-06-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well, in case you're wondering, I haven't had a baby yet. I'm at 39 weeks today. I love this time of anticipation and knowing I'll be meeting a new little miracle soon! The reason I haven't been posting very often has more to do with a greater need for sleep and because I've been trying to get more read. I'm one chapter away from finishing a wonderful book a friend recommended on education called Norms & Nobility: A treatise on education. It is not an easy read and I want to write about it so I can assimilate some of the thoughts into my own words. We'll see if I get to it.

I'm going to sprinkle this post with some pictures of our latest doings even though they are un-related :-)

Camping in the backyard (the kids and their dad - I slept in my comfy bed, thank-you very much!) I did join them for s'mores.

I've also been trying to read about scholar phase. Little Spice has decided she wants to have some "Scholar Days". For those of you unfamiliar with A Thomas Jefferson Education, there are different phases of learning. A child starts with "Core" as they learn to discern truth from error, wrong vs right, work vs play, and those core childhood lessons. As they mature, they begin to fall in love with learning. In this "Love of Learning" phase, they explore the world and get curious about the things in it. They read and play at learning. As the child matures, they enter the "Scholar Phase" in which they become interested in deeper study. A child in deep in scholar phase will want to study 8-10 hours per day.

Playing at the dinosaur park last week

This often sounds really strange to people because in our culture we sort of do this backwards. We put our young children in school and into a lot of educational experiences and classes when they should be playing and learning core values, but as they get older we expect them to play more and have more fun. This creates the fairly new term of "teenager" instead of youth preparing for adulthood.

Anyway, that is a very poor synopsis of the phases, but there's a lot of great information on it here if you are interested. So, the reason for that tangent is that little Spice has been asking for more study/reading time. She has a lot of responsibilities at home and she feels like she is not getting enough time to read and study. This signals to me that she is ready to become a "Practice Scholar" and, since I have never had a child in this phase, I've been trying to re-read some things about it so that I don't mess anything up.

Ray was scared of all of the growling noises and big dinosaurs so Spice and I took turns holding him. I was eventually able to get him to sit in the stroller :-)

Apparently, I am supposed to offer her "Scholar Days". She can pick on any given day if she wants it to be a Scholar Day or a Love of Learning Day. On Love of Learning Days, she follows the family schedule. We work together, do devotional, etc. On her Scholar Days, she has a stewardship she is responsible for and she can spend the rest of her day studying. She thought this sounded wonderful. I wrote down her responsibilities so that I could see how much time she was spending on work and what I should have her keep as a "stewardship". For those of you with scholars at home, how much work is appropriate? Here are her responsibilities on a Scholar Day:

Mornings:
-Clean zone and room in the mornings (10 min)
-Get ready for the day (10 min)
-Walk dog (10 min)
-Deep clean some aspect of zone (Mon-walls, windows; Tue - zone bathroom; Wed - zone mop, Thr - dust and vacuum zone, dog's bath; Fri - none, Sat - ask dad where he needs help) (25 min).
-Weed and clean outside zone (15 min)
-Put away laundry pile (10)
-Kitchen job after meals (10 min per meal x 3 meals = 30 min)

Afternoons:
-Feed and walk dog (30 min)
-Quick clean zone and room (10 min)
-Get ready for bed (10 min)

Is that enough? It adds up to about 2 1/2 hours. She no longer has to help with the family work project and some or the family weekly jobs (except her zone ones listed above). This gives her from about 7am-7:30am (scriptures and journal) 9:30am-4:30pm (with lunch in between) and 8pm-9pm for study time. That adds up to 8 hours of study. I was thinking that a scholar would be given a bigger stewardship, but I don't see where she would have time for any more work if she is to have enough study time. Maybe her current stewardship is enough.

She had a "Scholar Day" on Wednesday. This is how she used her study time: she did about 30 minutes of math online, she practiced typing with an online program for about 15 minutes, she wrote in her journal, read her scriptures, practiced piano for about 30 minutes, practiced spelling for about 15 minutes, talked to me about study skills (and I had her write down some ideas), and she read The Lord of the Rings (with a dictionary and notebook near by) for pretty much the rest of the time. She loved it and said she wanted every day to be a Scholar Day. I told her that she would probably need some Love of Learning Days in between, but that she was welcome to pick when she wanted one. She knew some friends were coming over yesterday so she chose a Love of Learning Day so that she could play with them.

Anyway, I don't want to mess this up so I would love any help or advise on this. How much work is appropriate? I'm also trying to figure out what the difference is between what the learning looks like in each phase. My friend that came over yesterday told me that the way she differentiates a Love of Learning Day from a Scholar Day with her son is that her son has a plan on Scholar Days and follows through with much of his plan. On a Love of Learning Day he just kind of goes with what he feels like doing. I think this will help me see the difference. How do some of you differentiate?

As for the other children, Bud is pretty solidly into Love of Learning (right now he is re-reading The Hobbit in his room). He recently read White Fang and his insights about the book were pretty amazing. He has read all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and would like to re-read them again as well. He loves observing nature and is often telling me about the habits of the wildlife in our backyard -even the chickens. He thinks he has figured out their "pecking order", but he keeps watching the changes. He takes very good care of them as well. He likes to play physical games a lot also and that is mostly what he does when friends come over (sports, field games, bikes, plasma cars, etc).

Little Miss is mostly into Love of Learning, but she enjoys Core phase plenty too. She just finished re-reading Heidi (in two days), she picked up James and the Giant Peach last night and finished it this morning. Before that she read Candyshop War (not normally the kind of literature I would have available, but they were pretty inspired to read a Brandon Mull book after his presentation a couple of weeks ago), and before that she was reading the Lord of the Rings. She made it 3/4 of the way through the book, but finally got bored with it and put it down for something lighter. Right now she is in the backyard with some young neighbor friends and Bazinks playing that they are all hamsters. She has been liking to do her reading outside in the nice weather and it is not uncommon to find her up in a tree with a book. She is also starting to practice her writing. I'm glad she took her time on wanting to write - it is much easier to teach her to write now that she has read so many books. She practices the piano, but is not interested in lessons. She just likes to play by ear for now.

The girls on a daddy-daughter date to see the play Annie

Bazinks is solidly in Core phase. He loves being read to, playing in the yard, racing in his plasma car, and following the bigger kids around to do whatever they do. He likes to practice his letters when the older kids are writing. Sometimes he complains when everyone is reading because he gets bored, but he is coming along on his reading lessons (we're not very consistent on them, but he's getting there). He likes playing with his little brother as well.

Ray is a funny little character. I need to write his birthday post (it's almost been a month since his birthday!) so I'll get to that soon (maybe).

It was hard to trust this learning process at first. I worried about them not being "caught up" with everyone else if I didn't make them do their math everyday or if they weren't doing worksheets. The kindergartners around here write a lot at school so Little Miss and Bud seemed to be behind in some respects, but once they chose to learn it, it's been easy for them to catch up (they are not completely "caught" up in writing I don't think, but it doesn't matter much to me because I see how fast they progress). Little Miss hasn't done any formal math lessons yet and I'm not worried at all. In fact, I think they are somewhat a waste of time at her age! I would never have said that a few years ago, but I'm seeing a lot of value in letting them focus on core values when they are little and then advancing to learning activities as they are ready. It's been a beautiful process to watch.

Rock has scout camp tonight so I better go fix dinner before he has to be on his way. I have a several things I would like to write about lately - we'll see if I can get to them before this baby is born - or maybe after? We'll see how it all goes.

Rock taking a picture as he rides 100 miles in the Tour de Cure. He did great - his training paid off! Way to go hun!

Summer Schedule

2011-06-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

Hike on Monday with my brother

I just printed our summer schedule for the kids so I thought I would share. It looks an awful lot like our non-summer schedule, but I wanted to include things in there that we seem to be forgetting as all of the neighbors are home from school and we are also leaving the house more often to enjoy nature in this nice weather.

Here it is:

Summer Schedule

1. Morning List, Journals & Scriptures
2. Chickens
3. Breakfast (ready at or before 8am)
4. Family Work & Yard Zone*
5. Skills Practice
    Cassia: Writing, Typing, Math, Piano
    William: Writing, Math, Piano
    Jessalyn: Writing
    Dallin: Reading
6. Devotional (starts at 11am)
7. Quick Clean Zone
8. Lunch
9. Free Time (finish skills or jobs if not done)
10. Dinner
11. Quick Clean Zone
12. Bedtime List
13. Gratitude Journal
14. Family Reading
15. Chickens
16. Bedtime

Friends are allowed during Free Time on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. On all other days, we must stay inside, in the backyard or in the wild (a trip to the mountains).

I should mention that "Free Time" is where I hope the real education takes place. "Skill Practice" is only for learning skills that will help them gain an education. They have each told me what skills they want to work on and then I help them with those, or they work on them on their own during skill practice. The reading, exploring, researching, observing, creative writing, etc. all take place during their free time at their choosing.

Perhaps that helps in understanding why I don't want them playing with friends everyday during free time. It's also because they tend to pick up some rude ways of speaking towards each other when they play with friends too often. I liked an a post by Nicholeen Peck that I read recently. She explains that to establish a family culture, children need to spend most of their time with their families. I have found this to be very true. When I get lax about letting them play with their friends too often, we seem to grow distant and start to forget the vision we have for our family.

Nicholeen breaks down the number of hours that her kids spend with friends. Since we are not involved in any groups during the summer (like Knights of Freedom, etc) they do get a little more neighbor time then they do during the school year. I added it up and it adds up to 13 hours per week (including scouts and Activity Days). During the school year they are involved in more clubs but neighbors don't get home from school until 4 (and free time ends at 5 for dinner) so it works out well.

Spice will be joining a scholar group this fall. She'll be doing that for about 5+ hours/week at first (The "+" is because they do several activities outside of class time). She's also starting Young Womens so that's 1-2 hours per week. She'll still be taking piano, choir, and she'll be involved in a play. That will be about 3 more hours per week. That will be about 10+ hours of peer time already. She's getting to the age where she needs more of that I think. I'm going to miss her though :-( However, I think she'll do great.

Anyway, that last part had nothing to do with our summer schedule, but it sure has been on my mind lately. They grow up so fast!

*I divided the yard into zones, each child is responsible for weeding keeping their zone nice. Each child has a part of the garden, a part of the front yard, and a part of the backyard.

More summer pictures:

My grandma was able to stay at our house for a couple of days during her visit from Mexico. We took her to the Church History Museum while the kids were at choir practice. When they got done (it was a dress rehearsal - they don't usually dress like pioneers) we went back to temple square and toured the Conference Center. It was beautiful. The kids miss their great-grandma

Learning from People - and the Oliver Performance

2011-06-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've had some blows to my pride lately. I won't tell you what they were because humbling incidents are not all that fun to talk about and share with the world. I've just been pondering about what I can learn from some of these experiences.

One thing I want to do better is to find what I can learn from others. We all have such different backgrounds and experiences, so we can all learn something from one another. I want to listen to people with the intent to understand and perhaps learn something about how people see things and why.

Sometimes I feel so "different" from many of the people around me because of the way I raise my kids and some other weird things I do. I don't necessarily like it when people think I'm going about things the wrong way. It used to bother me quite a bit, but it was probably because I was somewhat insecure in new territory. I don't really feel defensive anymore (I have plenty of evidence that it is right for us), but I do have this desire to share the things that have enriched my life SO MUCH with the people around me and I sometimes get discouraged when they are not interested in what I have to say. I wonder how often the people around me feel the same way (like others are not interested in what they have to say). Don't we all feel "different" in one way or another?

I wonder how many others sometimes feel lonely in a room full of people. I bet it's more normal than I realize. I want to be more sensitive to this. Instead of thinking about how differently I see things when I am listening to someone, I want to think about where we see things the same. I think I (and possibly those I talk to) will come away more edified if we focus on what we have in common.

This is probably sounding like I'm walking around all the time being judgmental of others. In truth, feeling a love for people, and an interest in how they are, has never been hard for me. I have just found myself feeling more distant and lonely from many of the people around me as I have chosen to do strange things like not watch TV, or to educate my kids differently, or to have a home birth, and other little things. I'm pretty sensitive to how people perceive what I say and I know most of the time people just don't understand and pretty often they don't want me to go into some long tangent about why I have made the decisions I have made and I don't know how to phrase it all in a short concise way.

However, I think Satan loves it when we start feeling different and separate. It's the opposite of unity after all. I don't want to feel that way. I am going to focus a lot more on what I have in common with others. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling like I have something worthwhile to share as long I remember that others do also, and if we find common ground and compassion, we will both be more able to learn from and share with each other in a colaborative effort.

Maybe it's my pregnancy hormones that are making me more sensitive to feeling lonely etc, but I'm thankful for the introspective thoughts anyhow. I hope I can do better.

Some pictures and videos from the kids' Oliver performance (all of the videos turned out really bad - I need to take a better camera than my iphone to these things):

This first video isn't from the performance, but Spice filmed it right before we left. Bud usually plays this song a lot better, but I thought his face expressions were so funny that I'm posting it anyway.

At the performance:

"Food, Glorious Food" Part 1 (Spice is in this, but you can't really see her well)

"Food, Glorious Food" Part 2 (You can see Spice better in this one if you remember that she's short and she's wearing a brown skirt, apron and a cap)

"Where is love?" - Spice is towards the front center and Bud is on the right group, I didn't get Little Miss - she's in it though, just not within camera shot - again they are hard to see.

"I'd do anything" - All of the kids are in this one again, but they are hard to find. I put it on here anyway because you can clearly hear Ray singing along in the background. I try to distract him from singing with the phone which makes the video even more blurry :-)

Finale (Spice comes out with the first group, Bud with the 5th and Little Miss with the 6th):

They did a great job. We'll miss choir this summer.

My Educational Goal

2011-06-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

I've been asking myself some hard questions such as:

What should my children know before they leave my home?
What does God want my children to know?
How can I teach them to turn to God and be happy regardless of their circumstances?
How can I help them continue on their path of discipleship?

I've learned a few things in the past years as I've pondered these questions. An important pattern has emerged in the things I've read lately. I hope I can accurately express it in this post.

“In life’s adventure the central problem is character building... In the next life your righteous character will be evaluated to assess how well you used the privilege of mortality.” -Elder Richard G. Scott (Nov 2010, Ensign)

I know that an education is not simply filling my children’s minds with information. I want them to seek truth and work to apply it so that they can become disciples of Christ. I have noticed, as I've read, that God cursed the ground for our sake. He wanted us to learn to overcome the natural man without taking away our agency - so He gave us weeds. We would have to eat bread by the “sweat of [our] face” (Moses 4:25) so that we could learn to yield our natural tendencies to our desire for that which is better.

I like to think of this pattern as a Cycle of Happiness. I now see it in many things I read:

Seeking Truth (light and knowledge) + Work Ethic = Righteous Character

It was sometimes said in other ways:

Desire + Action = Becoming

Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently stated, “It is our actions and desires that cause us to become something.” (Apr 2011, Ensign)

In educational circles it is often described as:

Love of Learning + Hard Work (Study) = Education

In the TJEd community we might phrase it like this:

Love of Learning + Core = Scholar

Most recently, I have noticed it in this familiar formula:

Hope + Faith = Charity

“Hope is the desire of [Christ’s] followers to gain eternal salvation through the Atonement...hopes can lead to dreams which can inspire us and lead us to action” -Elder Steven E. Snow (Apr 2011, Ensign)

Faith is “the principle of action in all intelligent beings.” -President Joseph Smith (Lectures on Faith)

“Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.” (Moroni 7:47)

This is the pattern that we notice when we read the Book of Mormon more than once. The first time we find much truth. As we apply truth we become, as I recently read and wrote about,
“informed: we will in other words be taking on the form of truth, coming under the formative influence of the Being who is its source, changing so that we are more like him, more “of the truth.” -C. Terry Warner (Foreword, Arm the Children: Faith's response to a violent world)

The next time we read the Book of Mormon we have become more Christlike so we seek and are able to see more truth. We are filled with more joy and understanding. We work to apply this new knowledge, and we become more Christlike. Thus, this Cycle of Happiness continues.

“Faith and Character interact to strengthen one another. Character is woven patiently from threads of applied principle, doctrine, and obedience.” -Elder Richard G. Scott

The simple, basic practices in our home such as prayer, family home evening, and scriptures study will all feed our desire, motivate our actions and help us become. We must also have the ability to work hard to accomplish what we are motivated to accomplish. This is why teaching our children to work is so vital to their progression. They need to know how to do hard things when called upon to do them. Too often this cycle of happiness is broken after someone feels motivated to to something, but then they lack the effort to follow through. Work, along with gospel study, needs to be a priority in our home.

Another place that I have seen people move away from this cycle is when they confuse play with entertainment. Young children learn through real play which requires effort, creativity and imagination. As they get older they really do progress to learning in other ways like reading and writing. They continue on their path of seeking light and knowledge. Children who are given entertainment instead of the opportunity to use their imaginations for real play, often continue to seek this false lifestyle of big fun for very little effort. I know adults who use their free time to entertain themselves instead of using it to seek the real joy that comes from putting forth the effort to seek more truth, light and knowledge.

I may have quoted this before, but it is worth repeating:

"We should not bring up our children to respond to the exciting, the thrilling. Americans don't get told this, but the thrilling and the exciting are bad... if we inure our children to stability, to repetition, to normal life, if we get them interested in sameness and in the variety that can be found in sameness and exclude the exciting and thrilling, then they will live decent lives. But if they want always to have a thrill and titillation, their sex will go that way, their aesthetics will go that way, even their religious experience." -Arthur Henry King (Arm the Children: Faith's response to a violent world)

I am learning that a simple lifestyle in which we have a real environment, without the quick entertainment, and in which we learn to work is producing a desire for more light and knowledge and an ability to work for it. That is my educational goal - for my children to be firmly planted in this cycle. I used to think that an education was for a career so that they could support themselves and their family. I now understand that being motivated by money is the way Satan gets us to loose focus. I firmly believe that if we "seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness...all these things shall be added unto [us]. (Mathew 6:33)

Instead of seeking for my children to have successful careers, I want them to be people who seek for truth and light, work had to apply what they learn, become more Christlike as they do so and thereby seek more light and knowledge throughout their life. This is eternal progression. This is the cycle to eternal happiness.

Some of the Latest Doings and Some Deep Thoughts

2011-06-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

Renaissance Festival:
This worked out well since we had just finished listening to Howard Pyle's Robin Hood and were very much in a Renaissance mindset.

Petting goats

Knight initiation

Horse Vaulting

Renaissance Music

Magic Shows

My cousin's wedding:
I loved this day. The temple ceremony was beautiful. The sealer had some wonderful things to say. My cousin's new husband is a very good man and they looked so happy together.

Ray dancing with my cousin at the reception

Ray dancing some more:

He does get into his dancing

Rock and I at the U2 concert in Salt Lake:
(I often have my eyes half closed in pictures)
Someone did thank me for not going into labor on the tram - there were so many people that we were packed as tight as sardines in the AmTrax... I must love my husband (he's the U2 fan). Did I mentione that we drove to Vegas a couple of years ago to see them in concert there? I'm beginning to feel like a groupie.

Part of a song - they had a pretty neat set-up:

Homeschool Reading Party with Brandon Mull:
He gave an inspiring presentation.

A cute chicken coop:
We found a great deal on this coop. The kids have been doing a great job taking care of the chickens. We found our big white one was a rooster, so they were a little sad to see ~~her~~ him go. Hopefully we don't have too many more roosters in our flock.

"Sweet Mama" the rooster.

Some more Moab pictures I just uploaded from my phone:

The kids did a great job on their play Mingling of Fantasy, but I didn't take any pictures. My brother took some and as soon as he e-mails them to me I'll post them on here. They had so much fun with it.

That's pretty much what we've been up to, besides working on our daily routines and on doing them better. I'm starting to feel very pregnant and tired - just 4 weeks left :-) I do love this time of anticipation though. The kids have a choir performance of Oliver next week that they are looking forward to. It's on the evening of the 8th in Salt Lake for any family or friends that want to come watch it! They'll also be doing their play again on the 13th - let me know if you want more info on that.

Latest Thoughts:
For those of you in the mood for some deep thoughts on education (I can call them deep because they are not my own, I've been reading them - I'm too tired for many deep thoughts lately), I've been re-reading parts of one of my favorite books and I have enjoyed seeing how new things pop out at me that I hadn't thought of before. It is interesting that you get from a book whatever you are ready to get from it. It really makes me think about the importance of a solid "core" phase ("core phase" is the foundational educational stage - it's when you learn right/wrong, work/play, good/bad, etc.) If we are making our children read books, but we are not as focused on building their character - they're not going to get all that much from the books that they read. I loved this thought:

Learning the truth is a moral endeavor. It is a process of becoming truer, more faithful, and more responsive. Just as the light radiates from the Lord as it "proceedeth forth... to fill the immensity of space" (D&C 88:12), so, I think, do we irradiate our situations with this same light to the extent that we are resonating with it" *

In other words, the closer our characters get to the true light from which they came, the more we are able to connect and understand truth. We can not assume we are educated just because we know stuff. It is correctly interpreting the "stuff" that makes a person truly wise, but a person can not correctly interpret anything if he himself has not become the truth that he knows.

When we are in tune [with the light of truth], as it were, there is nothing in us that diffuses or obliterates it... we will be yielding ourselves to his law, his power, and his love. Instead of merely receiving information (what a paltry conception this is!), we will, quite literally be informed: we will in other words be taking on the form of truth, coming under the formative influence of the Being who is its source, changing so that we are more like him, more "of the truth." *

As our children are immersed in truth and beauty in their formative years, they will begin to become truth and they will resonate with other true things. They will see clearly to see the truth in the things they read, watch, hear. There is no point in stuffing out kids with information if they do not have the ability to know what to do with it, or how to let it penetrate them in a way to mold their character.

I've been amazed at some of the insights that Spice has been sharing with me as she's been reading Anne of Green Gables, and I was surprised to hear some of the comments the children made recently as I read to them The Princess and Curdie. They saw so much truth and made so many connections that it made me realize the incredible capacity even young children have to understand if they are being raised in a true and real environment - without the distractions so prevalent in our world. I still have work to do in making our environment as true, real and full of the Spirit as I would like, but it made me happy to see that even my small efforts are helping them see things as they are.

*Quotes from Terry Warner in the preface to Arm the Children by Author Henry King

"The Slightest Bit of Frustration" (thoughts from Keri's parenting e-book)

2011-05-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

I read Keri's e-book over the weekend. It was very good for me since I had started getting rather lenient in many of the things I had learned when I attended her class in March. It was good for me to be reminded of the importance of consistency in my expectations. There were some things that stood out to me in my reading that I want to focus on more with my family.

I really liked the emphasis on the importance of having a peaceful environment in the home. Sometimes I feel guilty for not allowing too much loud noise and silliness in the house. I want my kids to have fun together and enjoy their time, but there is a certain level of rambunctiousness that feels more like disregard for those around them. I'm not sure where the line is, but I can say that there are times when I love to hear my kids laughing together and other times when it feels rude and the peace seems to leave our home. Is it a certain decibel level? Is it my own mood? As I think about it, I think it has more to do with the content of their conversation. If they are enjoying uplifting conversation and laughing with one another, the peace stays in the home. However, if they are making fun of something, being sarcastic about situations, laughing at someone's expense, or acting somewhat unrefined (making loud silly voices, potty humor, etc) it seems to wear on me and the peaceful feeling I would like to maintain in our home.

I liked this point:

I want them to grow up in such a refined, beautiful, and heavenly home, that they are uncomfortable with anything less than their best, and thus choose their best by their own free will. However, if I allow them to destroy the quality of that environment by their own misbehavior, they will never know what that level of living feels like. How then will they ever be comfortable with it, and how will they ever choose it for themselves? In my experience, if I set the standard high, and keep it high, the children taste it and know that it is good, and set it up as their standard by which to compare everything else.'

Of course this also means that besides "loud laughter" (as I defined it for myself above), that whining, rudeness, and contention in any form are not allowed (at least in my presence) since it goes against what I am trying to create. It is becoming easier to feel when the spirit leaves our home since we are becoming more accustomed to having His peaceful feeling with us.

I am going to stop feeling guilty about having a high standard. When kids have consistent consequences if they choose not to uphold a high standard they "are not comfortable to ever becoming accustomed to a sloppy standard". Just because rudeness is the norm in much of the world around us does not mean that I have to allow some of it in our place of refuge from the world.

I also really liked the understanding that I am not controlling them or their agency when I give them consequences lovingly. It is when I become rude or frustrated, or when I lecture them about what they already know (implying that they are not smart enough to figure it out themselves) that I am trying to control their behavior with my emotions and words. Loving consequences is how our Heavenly Father teaches us. He is always there for us, waiting with outstretched hands. I do not ever doubt how He feels about me. Yet, there are always consequences for my wrong actions and I want to repent because I want the peaceful feeling of His presence in my life. His feelings toward me don't change, but His Spirit can not dwell in unholy places so I must do my part to have Him with me.

I see this paralleled in Keri's approach. She sends her kids away from her loving presence for a little while until they are willing to act in a way that is conducive to the feeling of peace that she wants to maintain. Yet through it all, there is no feeling of resentment or frustration on her part - just sympathy for a child who is trying to learn. And just as Heavenly Father expects us to do our part to find answers and guidance for ourselves, Keri suggests keeping quiet after giving a consequence so that the child can consider the behavior on their own and figure things without being told what to think, thus owning the teaching for themselves.

"The minute you begin telling them what to think, and what they ought to have learned, you destroy the inherent teaching power of the consequence..."

I loved the idea of not "carrying" a child through a learning experience. I am guilty of this at times. I know that there are certain chores that sometimes I "carry" my children through so that they get done well and they still feel like they did them, but in reality they are not learning to do the job well and I am fooling myself into thinking that they are (this is different than job training because I do not tell them that I am teaching them and I expect them to do a quality job the next time - I am just pretending that they are doing a good job already).

"It is not the end results that determine if our teaching is taking root; the end results could be too deceiving. It is, rather, the sustainability of our efforts which determine the success of them."

The last thing that I realized that I most needed to hear is how incredibly important it is to always be loving and consistent. I can safely say that I am usually loving and pretty consistent, but this hit me pretty hard:

"When we deliver a consequence with even the slightest bit of frustration, the child is robbed of the opportunity to focus on changing, because they are too busy conquering a more important challenge ---that of figuring out how to get their parents' love back." (emphasis added)

I don't think my kids ever doubt my love for them, but I do think they worry about my good opinion of them sometimes. I want them to know that I think they are wonderful, capable, amazing human beings even when they make mistakes. The trap I sometimes fall into is that I am not consistent in giving a loving consequence and so I allow their behavior to annoy me after a while and then when I finally give the consequence I do it in a frustrated voice which clearly indicates that I am disappointed in them.

I've been trying all of this, and I must admit that it can be hard in application. This is probably because I am trying to tackle too many "problem areas" at once. Lately it's that I want dinners to be had with uplifting and interesting conversation instead of with silly games and talk. I want loud voices to be saved for the outdoors. I want the children to respond the very first time I tell them something. I want them to do their work quickly and well. Since we've gotten into several bad habits in these areas, I feel like I'm giving out consequences all of the time. Maybe it would be better to focus my energies into a couple of habits first and then move on to the next ones. I don't want to make it sound like our house is a zoo. I do think it is a peaceful place most of the time, but I do want to iron out some glitches and bad habits that I know will make a difference in truly making a "refined, beautiful, heavenly home".

Keri Tibbet's Parenting E-book

2011-05-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

Keri's e-book is finally online! Here is the link for those of you who haven't read it yet :-)

http://www.headgates.org/resources/

I'll be reading it today. I'd love to hear what some of you think when you get a chance to read it!

Motivating Our Kids with Money? (And Our Moab Trip)

2011-05-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

In Sunday school, someone brought up the question, "How do we find balance in knowing what our needs are and our wants and how much of our wants we ought not to have?" We were discussing the parable of the rich young man who said he had kept all of the commandments from his youth and was wondering what he yet lacked. Jesus said,

"One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me."

Where is the balance in that statement? He didn't say, "Go figure out what is a want and what is a need and find a balance and sell the rest and then come follow me." The kids and I had recently discussed the parable of the widow's mites. I found it interesting that Jesus didn't say, "Maybe that was a bit financially irresponsible. She should have kept some of it, or only given just what she could spare." Instead He said,

"Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living."

I went home from Sunday School and thought about this and it occurred to me that the question should not be "How do I find a balance in my needs and wants and what I give to others?" Instead it should be, "Why is this a need or a want?" Is it to build up the kingdom of God? I've decided to ask myself this question before I spend my time or means on something. This will require quite a bit of honesty with myself.

I think this would look different for different people so we should never judge. For example, I may consider buying a necklace or some make-up. My motivation for these purchases could be because I want my neighbors to think I'm stylish. On the other hand, my motivation might be that I feel I have an important message to share and I know people will be more likely to listen to me if I look presentable. Or maybe those things help me feel more feminine and motivate me to be a better wife to my husband. There could be a variety of reasons, but it will require self-reflection and honesty to know my true motivations before I make the purchase.

Some of my friends were talking about how different things motivate different children. It was mentioned that some kids are very motivated by money and will do a lot of extra chores in order to earn it while some do not care about money at all and will not do any extra chores for it. The general consensus was that mothers need to figure out what motivates their kids so they can use it. I went home and thought about this and came to the conclusion that I don't want to encourage my kids to be motivated by money. I don't want them to be motivated by treats. What I want them to be motivated by is the peace that comes from choosing the right and following the promptings of the Holy Ghost and the love they feel towards God and others.

Of course this is easier said than done. I would love to hear some ideas about how this is done in some of your homes. My older kids seem to get this for the most part, but how is it taught? I think not using money or things as motivators is a good idea. Why have them practice the very thing I want them to avoid? I think also encouraging the "basics" (scripture reading, prayer, journal writing, etc) will help them develop a relationship with their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ so that they will come to love them and want to serve them. Also, it seems also that giving them the opportunity to work for the family welfare without a reward will accustom them to the peace that comes from serving others and doing their duty.

I think of the book Little Britches and how the little boy was so proud to give his wages to his father to help with the family's needs. We have it completely backwards these days. Instead, many feel an obligation to give their kids an allowance or to pay them for the work they do. It's such an individualistic mindset instead of the family mindset that used to prevail in America. We are trying to raise "financially responsible" children by allowing them to experiment with money. I've come to believe that children will be responsible with their means when they are motivated by the right reasons - not because they are allowed to play and experiment with money. I think money is a powerful force for many children that will take their focus away from those right motivators.

I don't give my children an allowance of pay them for their work, but they do occasionally get money from relatives on their birthdays and other occasions. I have seen them donate some of it or save some of it for their missions. Sometimes they will buy something to help them develop a talent. They have, on occasion, wasted it on a treat or a junky dollar toy, but this is rare. I think they are learning what the blessing of money is for without having to focus on it and be motivated by it.

I heard a wonderful talk last night as I was making dinner. It was called "What is your calling in life?" He talks about how work has been seen in the past, and some heresies concerning finding our life's mission. I loved the way he described the right motivators in finding our life's calling and what it really means. Listen to it when you get a chance - it will be worth your time. You can find it here:

http://www.byub.org/talks/Talk.aspx?id=3967

That is how I want my children to see their means, time and talents. It is not confusing as they look for the "right balance". It is the way things really are. It is clear, straightforward and beautiful as I want their lives to be.

Here are some more pictures from our trip to Moab this last weekend:

Bazinks climbed whatever we would let him

Sometimes the hike to Delicate Arch was a bit much for Bazinks

Ray loved it when we would let him out of the backpack to explore

The kids had fun counting lizzards. I think they made it to 15.

Sand Dune Arch was definitely a favorite

Ray had a good time rolling in the sand

The kids loved exploring all around the arches

We camped for two nights and it was a great time. I felt a little embarrassed the first night because we were in a campground with many tents and Ray kept singing in his sleep - at the top of his lungs. I kept waking up to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "We Will Rock You" or "As I Have Loved You Love One Another" throughout the night. I'm sure our neighbors loved it. He did much better the second night though.

The kids especially enjoyed making s'mores around the campfire, playing in the sand, playing in the swing set by our campground, seeing the arches and eating trail mix. I think they had a better time hiking this time because they didn't feel rushed. My pace was so slow that they had a chance to look at the flowers, find bugs and lizards and rest. We need to go camping more often.

Learning Who I Am

2011-05-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

I struggled when I first became a mother. It seemed to me that my whole identity had shifted in some way and I didn't quite know how to still be "me" and also be a mother. I remember feeling like I was in a sort of twilight zone. I hadn't realized the level of commitment that motherhood entailed. I wasn't prepared for the sleepless nights and for all I would have to give of myself just to keep a helpless baby alive. I was tired and I felt that it was all somewhat unreal. I had always thought of myself as a pretty "tough" gal and I was amazed, since I was struggling so much, that so much could really be required of all mothers. I couldn't believe the amount of daily, unnoticed, monotonous work; and the loneliness that I often felt as I was struggling to stay awake during the day as I made myself clean, yet again, a messy kitchen. It was not an easy transition for me.

I read an excellent blog post yesterday about some deceptions in motherhood. It got me thinking about how altered my view is now, 11 years later. I remember well-meaning people back then telling me that I needed to keep my identity in some way by getting away and making time for myself. I struggled with frustration as I tried to follow this advise and found it really hard to "get away", it made me miss my freedom of doing what I wanted, when I wanted. I would sometimes recent my precious baby because she would not cooperate with my need for "me" time.

How differently I see things now! Motherhood has become a joy that surpasses anything I could have dreamed of. What I didn't realize 11 years ago was that instead of "finding myself" outside of motherhood, I needed to find who I truly was by being a mother. I used to think that "who I was" was a combination of my interests and passions. I was an outdoorsy, alternative-music-loving, thrill-seeking, semi-tom-boy who didn't like country music or "jocks" or anything too girly. That's not an identity - it's a list of likes and dislikes at a particular moment. Most of those interests have changed over time (I even married a "jock"). However, my identity has not changed over time, it's just that I have come to understand myself better and have come to find so much joy as I grow to realize who I really am.

This understanding didn't come by getting away and pursuing my interests. It seems illogical or counter-intuitive, but it came by loosing myself in the service of my family! Once I came to an understanding that motherhood was the most important work on earth, I gave it my full heart. Once I gave it my all, I came to find that it is BY FAR the most rewarding and beautiful experience imaginable. I found that my identity wasn't something to be found outside of motherhood - I am a mother. I have always been a mother (as Eve was before she even bore children) and I will always be a mother. I wish so much, when I hear people talk of "finding themselves" or finding their "missions in life" away from their families, that I could somehow convey the feelings that I feel about who they are! I'm not saying that women do not have wonderful gifts that can also bless those outside of their families, but, as my wise friend Mary put it, they find those gifts and passions by serving their family. It is only by being who we really are and embracing it, that we come to understand ourselves, our mission, and our relationships in their true light. It is only by forgetting ourselves that we come to know ourselves. I know this is true! I have experienced it over and over and I continue to experience it every single, glorious day!

I was reading The Princess and the Goblin to the kids last night and I came upon my favorite chapter in the book. It talks about the mother of a miner boy named Curdie. As you read it, you should know that the princess' "huge great-grandmother" represents God in the story.

Mrs. Peterson was such a nice good mother! All mothers are nice and good more or less, but Mrs. Peterson was nice and good all more and no less. She made and kept a little heaven in that poor cottage on the high hillside -- for her husband and son to go home to out of the low and rather dreary earth in which they worked. I doubt if the princess was very much happier even in the arms of her huge great-grandmother than Peter and Curdie were in the arms of Mrs. Peterson. True, her hands were hard and chapped and large, but it was with work for them; and therefore, in the sight of the angels, her hands were so much the more beautiful. And if Curdie worked hard to get her a petticoat, she worked hard every day to get him comforts which he would have missed much more than she would even a new petticoat in the winter. Not that she and Curdie ever thought of how much they worked for each other: that would have spoiled everything.

I am so blessed to understand who I am. I am so blessed to have such joy everyday. Things do sometimes go wrong, and I am sometimes selfish, and sometimes I don't live up to my high calling, but still I know I am doing a great work. Such great work has great responsibility and astounding blessings. I have moments of joy every day that surpass anything I imagined possible in my selfish years. And the more I learn and grow in this service, the more moments of joy I find all around me. Sorry if this post sounds too honky-dory. I know there is much heartache as well as joy in motherhood, but I also know that no other pursuit could compare with the beauty to be found in the word "mother".

*The pictures in this post are from a day this last month that Spice took the camera out to take a few pictures.

Family Fun Fundraiser Tonight!

2011-04-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

I know this is short notice, and I'm mad at myself for not posting it earlier in case anyone I know would like to attend, but here is the e-mail I received and the information about the fundraiser.

What is going on with the Eggett family (copied from an e-mail):

I am writing because I need your help, actually Bob Eggett and his family needs your help. Last week they met with the doctors to go over the information from his latest surgery. It is not good! The growth that they saw in his head was not an abscess caused by the surgery, it was actually a super aggressive and fast growing tumor, which had grown to the size of an orange in 5 short weeks and he has been told that he has about 6 months if all goes well! Because Bob's first brain tumor hit in his 20's he and Ingrid had never considered investing in life insurance, thus the unbelievable reality for the Eggett's is that they do not even have funds to bury Bob. I know this is a harsh reality, but a reality nonetheless!

My heart is broken and I know yours is too. This type of news is the making of most of our nightmares and as a human being in the human family we can identify with the pain that this has triggered for Bob, his family, friends, and neighbors. I personally cannot get the image of his little 8 month old and other five children out of my head! We want to do something extra special for Bob's event and we have come up with a concept that is going to take many hands to accomplish..."

About the fundraiser tonight:

Event Date: April 29th, 2011

Event Time: 5-9pm
Location: Weber State University
Shepherd Union, Ballroom
Ogden, UT, 84408

Activities:

* Dinner $5 per plate--With Texas Roadhouse
* Silent Auction
* Live Auction
* Photos with a Pro-- 'Shear Luck Enterprises'
* Kid's Corner
* Entertainment--Vocalocity--'Acappella That Rock

I don't know Ingrid well, but I have talked to her and her kids a few times at different homeschooling events and they are a sweet, kind family. I know they would appreciate whatever help can be given.

If you can not make the fundraiser, but would like to help this wonderful family, you can read more about it at this website:
http://www.anythingforafriend.com/help-your-friend/bob-eggett/

Happy Birthday, Bazinks!

2011-04-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

I think it's about time I get around to writing a birthday post for Bazinks. These are important to me because I want to look back and remember what the kids were up to during their particular birthdays. I'm not very good at writing down the cute things they say and then I always forget them when I'm trying to recall them later, so hopefully these birthday posts will help spark some memories as they get older.

Bazinks in now five years old. He acts quite a bit older though - like a little man sometimes. He gets embarrassed easily when he is laughed at so I think it makes him very careful about what he says and he comes across as sounding older than he is. He's very observant and he likes to make jokes about what he observes. Much to my amazement (compared to 6 months ago) he is turning to a rather responsible little boy and becoming much more helpful around the house. He loves washing dishes with me and watching the "whirlpool" when we let the water out.

He is also very, very good at sharing. He never gets a treat without sharing it with everyone - and if it's a small treat (like a lifesaver) he'll bite it into tiny pieces and give a little piece to everyone. It makes him so sad to see others sad and he'll often cry if someone else is crying - especially if he thinks something is unfair. He also works very hard to make sure I'm comfortable at night and brings me extra blankets and pillows just to make sure.

One of his favorite things to do is arithmatic problems in his head. He's pretty good at it and he surprises us sometimes. Like the other day, Spice was doing some math online and she started talking to herself as she was figuring out a problem. As she was working through it she said, "7 times 9, I can't remember 7 times 9... 6 times 9 is 54 so if I add 9 more..." Bazinks blurted out, "63". We both looked at him in surprise and laughed. I asked him, "How did you know that?" "I just guessed," he replied. I went outside just now to ask him a few questions to put on this post:

He's so cute isn't he? A few nights ago he made me laugh because he took a math workbook with him to bed so he could look at it and figure out the problems. What kind of a kid does that? I thought it was pretty funny. We'll see where this love of numbers takes him.

We "woke him up" as always by singing him a birthday song and opening presents. He got a water gun, sandals, a candy bar, and some sand toys. He also got a "wiggle car" later on that day from his grandma and grandpa. He loves it.

Reading his card from Ray


Reading his card from Bud


Opening presents

He picked his favorite meals for the day: Lucky Charms for breakfast (this is strictly a birthday food!), German pancakes for lunch, and spaghetti for dinner.


Lucky Charms - at least there's a green smoothie to go with it right?

He wanted cookies instead of cake for his dessert that night. He wanted to save his birthday cake for when we took him to "a bouncy place" the following day. My mom, dad and brother drove up for his special day. It was specially nice of them since my mom came straight over after arriving at the airport from a trip to Florida to see another one of my brothers and his family. She was very tired, but we're glad she made it!


A nice picture of his uncle teasing him.

Here's a better picture of my brother so he's not mad at me for the one above :-)

Nevermind, he'll be mad at me for both of them ;-)


Caught cleaning frosting off his face with his suit coat.


Ray sharing a candle

The "bouncy place" the following day:

Happy birthday to my sweet, sweet little boy!!!

We Did It! Some Easter Surprises.

2011-04-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

We did it! We memorized The Living Christ. And here is the video to prove it:

My iphone run out of memory towards the end, but you can just trust me that they finished it all. This video shows their surprise recital to their dad, grandma, and grandpa.

Here is the text to The Living Christ in case you can't understand them well on the video (the sound is pretty soft):

As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.

He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. "All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made" (John 1:3). Though sinless, He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He "went about doing good" (Acts 10:38), yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.

He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary's cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.

We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.

He rose from the grave to "become the firstfruits of them that slept" (1 Corinthians 15:20). As Risen Lord, He visited among those He had loved in life. He also ministered among His "other sheep" (John 10:16) in ancient America. In the modern world, He and His Father appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, ushering in the long-promised "dispensation of the fulness of times" (Ephesians 1:10).

Of the Living Christ, the Prophet Joseph wrote: "His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying:

"I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father" (D&C 110:3–4).

Of Him the Prophet also declared: "And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!

"For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—

"That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God" (D&C 76:22–24).

We declare in words of solemnity that His priesthood and His Church have been restored upon the earth—"built upon the foundation of . . . apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone" (Ephesians 2:20).

We testify that He will someday return to earth. "And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together" (Isaiah 40:5). He will rule as King of Kings and reign as Lord of Lords, and every knee shall bend and every tongue shall speak in worship before Him. Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts.

We bear testimony, as His duly ordained Apostles—that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.

What a great way that was to prepare for Easter. The kids will often recognize a scripture or a phrase that they have memorized when they hear a talk. It's pretty fun.

What else did we do for Easter? Well, the kids got some of these:

We did a little treasure hunt and they found the chicks in the basement at the end. Would you like to hear about them? I'm sure you would....

They already have them all named.

This is "Sweet Mama", the Leghorn. She is only 2 months old and not a mama, but since she is the big chicken, all of the little chickens gather around her and try to cuddle up to her and slip under her wings. She'll be ready to be put outside in a couple of weeks.


Sweet Mama

This is "Mrs. Whatsit" (from A Wrinkle in Time - Mrs. Whatsit had white wings), the ISA Brown.

Mrs. Whatsit

Here is "Bilbo" (she has fuzzy feet just like hobbits do), the Cochin.

Bilbo

This one's "Cleo" (short for Cleopatra - because of the eyes), the Welsummer.

Cleo

These two are siblings (from the same rooster and hen). They are an Ameraucana mix. They'll probably lay blue or green eggs, so that will be fun. Their names are "Ranger" and "Tiny".

Ranger and Tiny

This is one is "Holly" because she is a Barnavelder chicken from Holland.


Holly

This is our Black Star Sex-Link. Her name is Starfish (the kids told Bazinks to name her and they gave him ideas like "midnight" because it's black. He came up with "Starfish" and everyone thought it was so funny that they kept it).

Starfish

This last one is "Penny" our Rhode Island Red chicken.

Penny

Rock's mom likes to get eggs and hatch chickens in an incubator so she was nice enough to give us Bilbo, Tiny, Ranger, Sweet Mama and Penny. We don't know if they are boy or girl chickens so we'll probably end up getting rid of some of them when we hear them crow. Rock's mom knows a lot about chickens and her excitement is contagious.

We had a nice Easter watching the little birds and figuring out their different personalities. Now I just need to find them a coop. We tried different boxes for them to be in for now, and I finally found a really big one in our storage closet, so they have a pretty good place for the moment. Here's their set up:

The outside (like the creative use of the baby gate?)

Their food and water on one side

Their sleeping spot with the heat lamp and perching stick - we've since changed the stick for a thicker one that they like more.

They are inside the house for now so we're changing their newspapers daily so they don't get too stinky. We do have fun watching them and trying to keep Ray from throwing things in the box (this is the main reason for the baby gate on top). Tico hasn't tried eating any of them (even though he does try to eat our hamster sometimes) so we're glad of that!

We'll see how this chicken project goes. I hope I'm not in over my head.

Choir Performances

2011-04-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

This post will be boring for anyone except maybe grandparents and aunts and uncles. I don't expect anyone to watch all the videos, but I wanted them on here for my personal use. The first three are of Bud's solo. They actually only had two performances, but Bud got to sing his solo twice during the first performance. The reason for this it that the power went out through most of the show and we got to watch the kids in the dark as they sung. Some of their songs (like Bud's solo) had a CD accompaniment which couldn't work without power, so they got to sing it A Capella. None of his solos was perfect. On one the microphone wasn't working, but the CD music was loud so it was hard to hear him. On another, everything was working, but he really missed the last note and he tries to fix it midway through the note (he still cringes when he watches it, but I think it's cute). On the other one, there was no power so you can hear him, but not see him on the camera. The one in the dark is my favorite - he did a great job despite the fact that he unexpectedly had no music to accompany him.

The theme of the show was "Believe" and many of the songs were from the 60's and 70's period so they dressed in 60's and 70's outfits. Bud is wearing a hemp necklace with beads that you can't really see on the film. Anyway, they were adorable and had a great time. Bud loved performing his solo. Their next performance will be of "Oliver" on June 8th.

Also, for family and friends who may be interested - they (Spice, Bud and Little Miss) are in a small play that they'll be performing on May 20th. It should be really cute. I'll let you know the details when I get them. Spice and Bud also have a piano recital coming up so I'll post those details also.

Anyway, here are the videos of their performance (forgive the shakiness at times - Ray was on my lap sometimes and it made it hard to hold the camera):

The first one (Bud's solo) is called It's Possible from Seussical the Musical.

Bud when the microphone wasn't working (I love to watch my friend's son on this one. He is next to Bud in the checkered pants. He cracks me up! You can also hear Ray trying to sing along next to me. He loves this song.)

Bud in the dark with no music when the power went out (this one is my favorite, but you can't see him!):

Bud with everything working, but missing the last note:

Here Comes the Sun medley (Spice is in this one and the next two - this one is long and you can't even see Spice in the last half. I should have stopped filming somewhere in the middle):

I Believe in the Sun (this song is from an inscription that was found in a cave in which some Jews hid for three years during WWII):

Fireflies:

Catch a Falling Star (everyone is in this one):

Merry ol' Land of Oz (Bud and Little Miss are in this one and the next 2):

You Can Fly:

I'd Like to Visit the Moon:

There Can Be Miracles (Spice is in this one):

I think they're pretty adorable.

Ladies Night Out at my House on Wednesday Night

2011-04-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

This is turning out to be a busy week and I need to blog about several things. Yesterday Was Bazink's birthday (he's 5 now), so I need to write about that. Today the kids are having a choir performance and I need to put some videos up about that. This Friday is our ward's recognition night for the Activity Day girls. I've been in charge of putting that together and I have several things left to do. We're doing a talent show that night so I want to put Spice's performance on here too.

I did want to write a very quick blog post this morning to let anyone who is interested know about a presentation I'm doing at my house on Wednesday night. Some of my friends heard about the presentation I did in Orem and they thought it would be a good idea for me to do it up here as well.
Here is the information:

The topic will be:

Creating an Inspiring Learning Environment through Work

Here is the class description:

Teaching children to work gives them more than just life skills. Work is what builds a strong and solid character. In the process, an environment is created that inspires a love of learning. Children come to see that learning is a privilege not to be taken for granted. They also develop the discipline that they need in order to choose to study hard instead of choosing to follow an easier path.

Come learn and discuss principles and practical ideas to help you create this learning environment in your home.

When:

Wednesday, April 20th at 7:00 pm

Where:

My House - email me at karenbates6@gmail.com for the address

Okay, I better go help some kids get ready for their concert. Have a wonderful day everyone!

Feminism and the Sacrament of Birth

2011-04-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

I read some really great articles a couple of nights ago that my friend sent me (thanks, Joanne!) One of them is about feminism in the Mormon church.

I am a Mormon Because I am a Femininst

Ever since studying the proclamation deeply in classes at BYU and learning to understand stewardships, I have felt very equal to my husband in the eyes of God and very valued by Him. I am thankful for my distinct feminine role in His plan. I have learned to LOVE it. I didn't always love it. Becoming a mother turned my previously selfish world upside down (I was rather a spoiled gal). I shed some tears and learned a lot. As I devoted myself to motherhood, I came to treasure it and it has brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.

Here's one of my favorite parts of the article:

"Only the children could choose to leave, and to bring to pass a separation from their divine parents. And so in the Garden were placed a son and a daughter of God, and two trees. Two persons, two trees.

"Both Trees represented doorways along the journey of the Great Plan. The First Tree, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, symbolized the doorway leading from heaven, and the ordinances of entering mortality with a mortal body, gaining full agency, and having the light of Christ awakened within. The Second Tree, the tree of eternal life, symbolized the ordinances of salvation and exaltation, and the doorway back to our heavenly home.

"Eve was created second, then, not because she was derivative of Adam: she was created second to highlight that the giving of the gift of the First Tree was the gift to be given by women in the Great Plan. It is through women that souls journey to mortality and gain their agency, and in general it is through the nurturing of women, their nurturing love of their children, that the light of Christ is awakened within each soul. And we should include in that list of souls Jesus the Christ. Even Christ our Lord was escorted to mortality and veiled in flesh through the gift of a woman, fed at his mother’s breast, and awakened to all that is good and sweet in the world. Women escort every soul through the veil to mortal life and full agency. It is interesting to think that even Adam, who was created before Eve, entered into full mortality and full agency by accepting the gift of the First Tree from the hand of a woman. In a sense, Adam himself was born of Eve."

She later explains the interdependence of men and women:

"The LDS believe that Adam and his sons will give the gift of the fruit of the Second Tree to the children of God, those who are worthy to receive it, just as Eve and her daughters give the fruit of the First Tree to all who are worthy to partake of it. The fruit of the Second Tree is the ordinances of salvation and exaltation administered by the sons of God. Just as the doorway through the veil into this life is administered and guarded over by the women, the daughters of God, so the doorway through the veil that brings us home is administered and guarded over by the sons of God. And those that have accepted the gift of the Second Tree from the hands of the sons of God will pass through that veil and back to that celestial place where they can be with their Parents once more."

I had never considered the tree analogy.

I found another gem of an article when I looked at the footnotes. I encourage all of my pregnant friends to read it, as well as those who have been pregnant or will be pregnant or know someone who has been.

The Sacrament of Birth

I loved this thought,

"During this incubation period within our mothers’ womb, our bodies are constructed. Because the Lord considers our bodies to be temples, we can consider our mothers to be the primary temple constructers."

She brings up so many parallels and symbolism that have to do with birth. Here is an example:

"In order for pregnancy to take hold, an entirely unique organ, the placenta, must be created to link the mother and her offspring. In its original Latin, placenta literally means cake. This cake, or bread-like organ serves to transmit essential nutrients from the mother to nourish the developing fetus, and in return conducts life-harming wastes produced by the fetus to be processed by the mother’s body. The ‘Bread of Life’ performs a similar function in our lives as He nourishes us spiritually and bears the responsibility of cleansing us. Christ said of himself, “I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live forever: and the bread that I give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."

The entire article was fascinating and gave me a renewed energy and perspective for this last trimester of my pregnancy.

I am so grateful for the incredible gift and ability to create and nurture a human life - to help Heavenly Father's precious children work through this test called mortal life, to learn to choose Him when not in His presence, to learn to see through their spiritual eyes, and to make their way back to His loving arms.

To Spank or Not to Spank...

2011-04-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

Thank-you for your great ideas on my last post. They were great reminders to me that you have to know your children and find what consequences work for them. I had to laugh at the push-up idea because I could see that working for a couple of my kids, but I think Bud would make mistakes on purpose if he got to do push ups for them - he'd think that was a blast ! :-)

I'm writing this post as a response to a comment which mentioned that a lot of the consequence ideas don't seem to work with younger kids. Keri Tibbets talked about this at her TJEd presentation. I hesitate to share too much of what Keri talked about because she says it so much better than I do and I'm sure her e-book will explain things in a very clear way, but I thought she made an interesting point so I thought I'd share it for this friend that had the concern.

I should probably preface by saying that I have always been rather anti-spanking. I've read a lot on it and it seemed to me that it taught some negative behaviors (although research does show positive outcomes for children under 6, especially boys). I was mostly worried that it would teach my children to use force to get what they wanted and that it would create resentment in our relationship. Furthermore, I was spanked as a child so it was my first "instinct" as discipline when I became a parent, and I knew for sure that spanking in anger was detrimental and I knew that if I gave myself permission to spank when not in anger - I would slip into it when I was angry.

It took work with Spice and I did spank her a few times when I didn't know what else to do. It was always in anger and I always felt terrible and would apologize afterward. I did better with Bud and he only got a couple of spankings. Little Miss is a naturally obedient child so not spanking her wasn't difficult. The issue has come to my mind again with Bazinks though. He is a sweet, sweet little boy, but he has his determined side. There have been a few times when I will say something like, "Bazinks, that was wrong, you need to go to time-out." And he'll respond with something like, "No, I'm not going to time-out". Then I would respond with something like, "You can either go in there willingly or I'll have to put you in there myself and you'll have to stay in there longer." This usually worked and he'd angrily stomp to time-out. There have been a few times when he would refuse and say, "Then I'll just get out again."

When he was first learning about time-out, I would have to hold him to the corner so that he couldn't get out, but I was never really comfortable with this. I felt like I was letting him get away with a lot of disrespect that wasn't appropriate (wrestling with your mother is disrespectful isn't it?) With Spice and Bud I would sometimes put them in a room and hold the door closed while they threw a tantrum (I read about this in a book) and then when they were ready to be good, I would let them out (or I'd have them clean up anything they threw during their tantrum). Again, I wasn't totally comfortable with this approach because I was letting them get into the habit of throwing tantrums and disrespecting things when they were angry.

So back to Bazinks. When he would say, "Then I'll just get out again," I would respond with something like, "Then I'll just put you back in and you'll have to stay even longer."   "Then I'll just keep getting out," he might say. Then I'd go and pick him up, put him in time-out for 6 minutes (instead of 4 since I had to put him in myself) and if he'd get out, I'd put him back in and add another minute and I'd do it again until he got the idea and resigned himself to stay. Thankfully, he's never been a child to try to hurt me when these things are going on (or I might have resorted back to the shutting him in another room method). Again, I wasn't totally comfortable with this approach because it took a lot of my time and he got something that he wanted (my attention) during it all.

Keri talked about the detrimental effects of spanking (kids that react with violence, damaged relationships, etc) and then she said that there was one way to make it a powerful tool for good. Her rule is that for younger children (that are too young to be responsible for doing a job well when it is given as a consequence) that she has found spanking to be a proper consequence when a child disobeys a direct order.

For example, if she says to her child, "Go to time-out" and the child does not obey the direct command, she would take him to a different room (so he wouldn't be embarrassed in front of the others), give him a hard swat on the bottom, comfort him until he stopped crying, and then put him right back where he was and tell him to try again (this is key I think). She would then repeat the command, "Go to time-out" and the child would go. If not, the sequence would get repeated. I thought it was interesting that the child still had to go to time-out after the spanking - the spanking wasn't the alternative punishment if he didn't go to time-out. It was a completely different consequence because of a child's deliberate disobedience.

She said her children quickly learned that disobedience is not an option. They go willingly to time-out when they are told, or quickly obey any other command that is spoken by their parents. This frees her up to give gentle consequences for mistakes and forgetfulness because she is not constantly battling with her children about whether or not they will obey the gentle consequence. This creates a very calm environment where kids learn it is safe to make mistakes and that the gentle consequences to those mistakes are there to help them learn.   She said she has been able to stop worrying about teaching obedience and she can move up to teaching higher and better things like manners and respect. She also mentioned that she has had to spank very few times because her children learned very quickly that disobedience was not an option and they got into the habit of obeying.

I wasn't sure what to think of it at first. Someone in the class did ask if there was anything besides spanking that would yield the same results. She responded that she would love to hear about it if anyone found something, but that she has talked to people who have tried different things (locking their child in a car seat, holding them in time-out, etc) and that nothing else seems to give the same result.

Like I said earlier, the idea of spanking had been on my mind a little because of Bazinks' disobedience at times. I've also been reading a lot of older books like Laddie, Little House, Little Britches, etc in which there is a lot of respect for parents and it seems that spanking was a form of discipline in all of them. The stuff I had tried hadn't taught my children the habit of immediate obedience. I still wasn't sure about it though, and I went home just pondering it a little. There were several things I saw of merit in the approach. One of them was that by picking the child up and taking them to another room, the mom would have a chance to calm down and wouldn't just be "reacting" with throwing out spankings.

The next day gave me a perfect opportunity to think about it some more. Bazinks had been at my mom's house the previous day while we were at the TJEd conference, and, you know how grandmas are, he had eaten more sugar than he's used to, had not slept as long as normal, and had had some screen time (which makes him grumpy). So he was being a little extra rebellious that Sunday. I can't remember what he did at one point, but I told him to go to time-out for it. He said "no" and then started knocking things off the kitchen counter (he was on the counter at the time) just to show us how upset he was. I repeated the command and the usual things I say when he doesn't listen to the initial command (see above). He did eventually go to time-out and we proceeded with our day. A few hours later, he did something again and was told to go to time-out. He again started knocking things off the counter. Obviously the previous lesson was not effective. I decided to try Kerri's method. I picked him up, took him to the bathroom, gave him a swat on the bottom, held him while he cried, took him to where he was and told him to try again. I said, "Go to time-out". He went immediately. A little later in the day he had to go to time-out again. He went immediately. He didn't disobey direct orders the rest of the week. I though I had it made. If I only had to spank him once and he'd obey me for the rest of his life then it was well worth it.

I did have to give spank him again a few weeks later though. I guess the initial lesson wore off and he had to be reminded what happened when he disobeyed. I hated it. It's a lot harder to spank out of duty than out of anger! He has had no problem with it since then. Okay, there have been a few times when he didn't obey immediately and I went over to get him and he'd remember and obey, but I don't have the heart to spank him anyway for the lack of "immediateness". I suppose it would be more effective if I never let him get away with any disobedience. The habit would be so quickly ingrained and become a part of him. I'm too much of a pushover for that though, so we'll take what we can get. I know I have to work at being consistent because I have to do what I know is best for them even when it's hard. As I said earlier, the older kids get an extra job when they deliberately disobey and this has been effective for them as well.

So there you go. I'm still kind-of wishy-washy on it and I would like to find something that didn't require the spanking. It would have to be something that is quick and doesn't give them a chance to argue or practice their disobedience. I think I've tried almost everything, but nothings else seems to fit that criteria.   I've read a lot of books on discipline - my favorite being A House United by Nicholeen Peck (actually I haven't read her book, but I've been to her 2-day seminar and I really got a lot from it) (Ranee did a good job explaining it in the comments in my last post). I think her methods go hand in hand with those I heard from Keri. One difference might be that Keri doesn't talk about the behavior. She gives the child the consequence and the child is left to think about it on his own. She talked about how if we re-iterate the lesson to our children and lecture them after the consequence that they don't own the lesson like they do when they are left to think about it on their own. I like that point.

I don't know if I can muster another spanking, but I'm beginning to think that it will be the best thing for my child if it really does teach him the habit of obedience. Writing this post has helped me feel more intellectually confident with it. If I truly think it is the best way, then I can make myself do it, despite how much I hate it. I must admit that my little boy seems very happy to know who is in charge so he can just go on being a child without having to worry about testing who really is in charge. He has been even sweeter and happier. I feel more calm as well. We'll see how it goes.

Consequence Ideas

2011-04-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was having a hard time coming up with good consequences for her kids when they forget to do something they have already been taught or told to do. Then I came home and saw a comment on this blog about a similar problem. I thought it might be helpful to say what I do, but I would also love any comments from others in what works for them and hopefully we can learn from each others' ideas.

My "fall back" consequence, or one that I usually go to, is for them to find 10 items to clean up. I did write on a little notecard some exchanges for items if there are no more items to pick up. That probably doesn't make any sense, so here is what the circumstance might look like.

A child comes in the house and takes off her coat and leaves it on the railing. I say, "Oops, you forgot to hang your coat in the closet so hang it up and pick up 10 items." The rules are that the items can't be in their own zone or room or something that we were about to do for family work anyway. If they don't see anything that needs to be picked up they can look at the notecard that I taped next to their work lists. It has ideas of things they can do that count as "items".

Clean out and re-organize one drawer = 5 items
Clean out and re-organize on cupboard = 10 items
Clean out and re-organize one closet shelf = 5 items
Clean the baseboard on one wall = 2 items
Dust the blinds with at damp cloth for one window = 20 items
Pull two weeds = 1 item
Scrub one dirty toilet = 10 items
Wipe off an entire door (front and back) and trim = 10 items
Take out a full garbage can and replace the bag = 5 items
Ask mom what else needs to be done = ? items

They also know that it needs to be dirty before they decide to clean it (I don't want them cleaning the same baseboard every time).

If they have earned 10 items for the same thing several times, I might up the items the next time they do it (without warning) since the consequence wasn't big enough to change the action before. In other words I might give 20 or 30 items for leaving shoes on the floor if it's happened multiple times.

The way I have chosen to help them work faster (getting their morning list done on time or cleaning the kitchen before the timer beeps) is that they get an item or more for every minute that goes past the allotted time. Right now, morning lists and breakfast (Bud is in charge of making breakfast this week and Spice of making the smoothie) need to be done by 8 am. I know they are done when a child says, "Mom, do you need anything else?" and then, "Okay, I'm done, will you check my work?" At this time, I check their work and if it is done right, I look at the clock. If it is past 8am - they get to pick up as many items as the number of minutes past.

The first time I did this, I gave no warnings since they had already been taught to do it before 8. Around 8:20, Bud came and said, "I'm done with my morning list." I said, "No you're not, you forgot the last two items. He said, "Oh yeah, do you need anything else?" I asked him to get the baby dressed. Then he said, "Okay, I'm done, will you come check my work." I did and it passed so I looked at the clock and it said about 8:35 so he got 35 items to pick up. The other kids saw what happened so they hurried and finished and got to pick up the number of items they earned. The next day, everyone had their morning list done by 8.

In the kitchen - since they only have 10 minutes to have it cleaned (15 for whoever has dishes - I'll help if there are a lot of dishes) - they earn 5 items per minute that they go over. I'm enjoying not having to say, "Hurry guys, you only have 5 minutes left", etc. I just let the timer do the teaching and I stay quiet. This is much more effective. They are learning so fast!

The same rule applies to when I ring the bell for a meal. They come right away and wash their hands and set the table. If they don't, they earn 10 items or more depending on the circumstances.

I also use "time-out" as a consequence. I usually use this for contention (and then they try again after the time-out) or for my 4 year old when I can tell that it's going to take work to get him to pick up 10 items. Sometimes I'll use it on my older kids for varying reasons. One of my friends uses this as her fall-back consequence for even her older children because they are so good at working that doing extra jobs is not a hard enough consequence for them, and they really dislike time-outs. You just have to know what works best for your kids.

In her class, Keri said she gives a big extra job (to the older kids who are responsible enough to do it) if they disobey a direct instruction (an instruction like "go to time-out" or "pick up 10 items"). I've done this a couple of times. Yesterday, I told Spice to stop practicing the piano and come help us empty the refrigerator. She asked to finish the song she was on. I said yes. When she finished that song, she kept on playing a couple more songs. Then she came in to help. We were pretty much done by then so she earned the job of wiping out the fridge while I washed the drawers and shelves in the sink.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Does anyone have other consequence ideas?

De-junking and Cleaning Again

2011-04-05T13:43:00.000-07:00

I have a very good excuse for not writing on my blog lately. You see, I have been thinking about spring cleaning, and, as any of my fellow procrastinators know, thinking about starting something can take a lot of mental energy and time (as you find ways to not do what you are thinking you should get started on).

The good news is that that I finally just got around to writing a list sometime at the end of last week. I decided to do one item on the list each day. It will take me 2-3 weeks to finish, but it won't feel too overwhelming and since I am now 6 months pregnant, I don't have the energy to do much more anyway.

Here are items on my list:
Clean out pantry (1)
Clean out and polish all of the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen (1)
Clean out the fridge, freezer and stove (1)
Clean out and polish the drawers and cupboards in the bathrooms (1)
Put my box of "to sell" things on EBay (I've had this box since the last time I de-junked) (1)
Go through everyone's clothes and get rid of stuff and see what we need (1)
Go through the new baby things and get rid of stuff and see what we need (1)
De-junk and deep clean each room (3)
Wash the inside and outside of all the windows (1)
Go through the yard and pull out the dead stuff and garbage (2)

The numbers in parenthesis are the number of days I estimate for each thing to take. I should be done with it all by the time it's time to plant our garden and some flowers. Then I can just focus on taking care of that and keeping it weeded. We got the pantry cleaned out today. The kids enjoyed it! They lined up in a line and handed things down to each other to empty the pantry and then handed them back up to me when it was time to replace them. They especially loved how little Ray got in line and worked hard right along side them. He was fun to watch. He exaggerates his face expressions and grunts like he is working so hard. It's adorable.

I have also been diligently searching on KSL for a chicken coop. I would like to get chickens this year because I feel like a hypocrite every time I buy the cheap Wal-mart eggs since I've seen how those chickens are treated and I know they don't eat very nutritiously (and therefore their eggs aren't all that nutritious). I don't want to support that, but then we go through quite a bit of eggs (about 4 dozen/week) and I have a hard time spending $3/dozen eggs for the good kind. I have several friends with chicken coops and it seems that it is something I could handle.

Thank-you all for your comments on my last post. I'm glad it has been helpful to some of you! It has made a big difference over here. I no longer see coats and shoes all over, towels are beginning to be hung up after they are used, kids are coming right away when I call, and morning lists are getting done quickly. What a simple concept that I never considered before - just letting my kids learn from their mistakes instead of keeping them from making them by constantly reminding them of what they already know. I'm looking forward to reviewing the parenting e-book when it is ready.

The other thing I've been up to is trying to read some ancient classics (Iliad, Odyssey, Aeneid). I've started by reading the book Mythology that is recommended in the TJED for Teens book so that I can get a better background and I retain more of what I read about later. I must say that I really dislike it all so far. It drives me crazy when the people are rarely at fault for what they do because they were "made to fall in love" by the gods or had a fit of madness because a god was jealous, etc. The gods are so temperamental and the things they do often don't make any sense since they punish people who had nothing to do with why they are upset in the first place. I'm making myself get through it, though, because many of the books I've started reading lately (Les Miserables, Paradise Lost) make references to these myths and I want to understand what they are saying. I must confess I'm not enjoying it though, but maybe I'll change my mind when I start actually reading Homer and Virgil (I just finished Mythology last night so the harder stuff is next).

That's pretty much what we've been up to lately. We're getting ready for the kid's choir performance this Friday and Rob Gardner's The Lamb of God performance in Ogden on Saturday. I haven't seen the kids perform any of their songs because the teacher has kept the rehearsals closed in order to surprise us, so I'm pretty excited to see them. Bud has a small solo that should be fun to watch.

Anyone else getting some cleaning done? I need to read some motivational posts. Thanks to Deanna for writing this one and this one. And to Christy for this one and this one. I would like to go through the questions soon myself if I can ever get up early enough to blog (which I didn't do today so I'm on the computer during free time - which I try to avoid doing very often - and now I am going to be late to Spice's and Bud's piano lessons so I'm going to post this now without reading through it first - hopefully it's legible!)

Letting My Kids Make Mistakes

2011-03-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

I ended up going to the TJEd forum last weekend. I was a little worried about going this year because I felt that I already had enough things that I was working on and I didn't want to feel like I needed to work on more! Fortunately, that wasn't the case. Instead, I felt verified in many of the things I already do and learned some ways to make them better.

One message I heard in every single class that I attended (I went to Shepherding Future Statesmen by Keri Tibbets, Mentors to Match our Message by Mary Biesinger, Love of Learning: Not Just a Phase by Kelli Poll and The ABCs of Teaching Genius by Angela Baker) was that mistakes are a wonderful learning opportunity and I need to let my kids make them. I already knew this, of course, having made and continuing to make mistakes on a pretty regular basis, but I didn't realize to what extent I was protecting my children from making some themselves.

Kari talked about how once you've taught your children something once, it is not necessary to keep re-teaching the same thing or your voice just becomes "like Charlie Brown's mom" and they don't pay attention to what you teach since you're always going on about the same thing. I didn't realize how much I gave my children "reminders" until I got home and started trying to implement some of the things I learned.

For example, I have taught my kids to put their shoes in the closet when they come in from playing. They seem to end up in the hall a lot. My usual response to this is to remind the kids to put them away (at least I don't pick them up for them right?) and if they don't do it within a reasonable amount of time, I give them a consequence ("I asked you to put those away and you still haven't, now you can clean the rest of the things in the hallway as well") or something like that.

Instead, what I should do is let them take their shoes off and leave them in the hallway (no "don't forget to put your shoes away" etc) and then give them a consequence without a warning for forgetting. They have already been taught so now it is time for them to learn from their mistake.

I've been trying this (not re-teaching things I've already taught and giving a consequence when they make a mistake) and I realized on the first day how very often I was in the habit of reminding, "Let's be kind to one another", "Make sure you take your dishes to the sink", "We don't use loud voices in the house", "Don't talk when I'm reading", "Make sure you get your morning list done before breakfast", "Don't leave the kitchen until it's clean", etc. I'm sure you're getting the picture.

When I got home from the conference, I told the kids how great it was to make mistakes so that we have the opportunity to learn (it took a while to explain that one, but they got what I was saying after some clarification) and that I was going to try to stop reminding them and keeping them from making mistakes so that they could learn from them. I told them that if I had taught them something once, I wasn't going to insult their intelligence by repeating it over and over anymore. I would just give them a consequence so that they could get to really learning it. They though this sounded like a good idea, but none of us realized just how bad my habits were.

The first day, there were a lot of "time-outs" and "pick up 10 items" for consequences for different behaviors. If there were not 10 items to pick up, I would let them clean baseboards (one wall = 2 items) or scrub toilets (one toilet =10 items) or whatever I could come up with. Poor Spice got so frustrated at one point that she went to her room and stayed in there for about an hour because she was mad at me (she did come out later and she apologized and told me she knew I was doing all of this because I loved them and she was sorry for being grumpy). Bud was shocked at one point because I sent him to time-out for yelling out random annoying noises (this has become quite a habit for him and my constant reminders not to do that were not making any difference). I did try to not make the consequences too severe (time-outs were not that long and 10 items are not too hard to pick up) as we get used to this new way of doing things.

I've been at it for 3 days now. I don't quite have it down yet and I have to really hold my tongue to keep myself from reminding and sometimes I'll "hint" with some sort of gesture that they are forgetting something, but I am definitely improving - and the best part is that they are too!

Yesterday, they all came in for dinner after playing outside and I was shocked to find that they ALL put their shoes in the closet! Also, when I ring the hand-bell for dinner, they all actually go wash their hands and come set the table right away. They are actually remembering to put their dishes in the sink as soon as they are done eating, etc. What a load off my chest to realize that I don't have to sound like a broken record all of the time!!

One thing that hit me particularly hard was when Keri said that if you interfere in your childrens' conflicts that you make the "victim" more weak and the "bully" more against the victim. I've always tried to let them resolve their problems on their own and I would try to only step in when I sensed contention (or angry, mean things starting to be said and done) entering the home (I would have them sit on a step and discuss it without contention or they would have to go to time out until they were ready to discuss it without contention). At least that's what I thought I did, but I have realized that I did often let them tell me their problem and I would try to help them come up with a fair solution (one that someone usually thought wasn't fair) and they would usually go with my solution since I'm the mom and must therefore be right. Maybe I was right, but what I was doing was making the "victim" weaker and the "bully" or "teaser" more resentful.

So now, when contention starts creeping into our home, I'll give both of the children a consequence (usually a time-out) and then invite them to try again. It has worked so well so far. I think the big difference is that when I give them their consequence and they try to explain to me what has happened, I refuse to get involved. The first time they tried it I explained, "It doesn't matter to me who did what or what is going on. This conflict is between the two of you. You two are in charge of your relationship with each other. Some siblings grow up to be enemies and some sibling grow up to be great friends, but it is up to you. I can not get involved". And then I didn't. One conflict took about 20 minutes for them to resolve peacefully on their own and I really wanted to give my input on an easy solution, but I stayed out of it and they both learned so much more than if I would have solved it for them.

I am finding that I talk way too much. I've made them a bit dependent on my reminders and advice. It has been a great thing to watch them actually take ownership of their actions lately and to try to think about and do the appropriate thing without me telling them what that is. It's been so good for Bazinks as well, but I'll have to write about that later because what is going on with him has been pretty interesting.

By the way, Keri Tibbets is putting a parenting e-book together that should be available in the next couple of weeks on the headgates.org website. It will have the information she taught in the forum. You'll have to let me know what you thought after reading it or if you went to her class. She said some really interesting and some controversial things in there. I love it when people are willing to say it how they see it even if it may not be very popular. I admire her courage.

I recommend the other presentations I attended as well. I picked the presentations well this year and I learned from each one. Teaching my kids to have a brain "growth" mindset instead of a "fixed" mindset was an important lesson to me (from Kelli Poll). She recommended the book Mindset to learn more about these mindsets and how to encourage a the growth mindset. I taught my kids about this and I think it was a powerful lesson. Maybe I'll write more about that later as well. Arbinger's James Ferrel was also wonderful. I've read and re-read Arbinger books and have been to several seminars and I still seem to learn something each time.

I'll try to share some more of what I learned as I try to implement it. I can't say I'll get to it for sure though. Time for blogging has been hard to come by lately! I got up at 3:30 am this morning and after trying to get back to sleep for over an hour, I went downstairs for a snack and decided that I might as well blog a little. If this post isn't very coherent - that is my excuse. I'll have to take a nap sometime today!

Freshen Up on Your Math!

2011-03-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a little guilty about the neglect of my blog. I've had a hard time sleeping at night (I go to sleep fine, but then I wake up around 3am and can't get back to sleep until 5 or so), so I've been sleeping in and there is just no time for blogging. The last two nights have been better though, so hopefully the weird sleeping patterns have passed.

Right now, I have water starting to boil so I can make my kids some oatmeal and we can get going to choir, but I quickly wanted to write about a pretty amazing site that my friend, RaNae, told me about. She told me she was kind of addicted to it and was having a great time freshening up on her math. My other friend, Mary, told me that her son was on it for about 4 hours the other day and he loves it. They told me it was just pure math - no frills and whistles. I was intrigued because I really didn't want to create a "video game" atmosphere in learning, even if it was for math, so I liked the "no frills" concept. I was very curious to see the site and I finally got on it a couple of days ago.

I had fun doing some of the math problems myself and seeing what I could remember. I thought I'd see how Bud liked it so I opened an account for him and he tried it. He really enjoyed it. He was looking forward to trying to get 10 in a row right yesterday (if you get 10 in a row, you are "proficient" in that concept and you move on to the next one), and he wants to try again today. I signed myself up as his "coach" so I can log in and see his progress from my account whenever I want.

It's free and the math concepts are explained in a clear manner through video. The website is Khanacademy.org - Here is the TED video in which Khan talks about why he created the site:

I'm very excited about it and if the excitement doesn't wane, I'll try it on Spice (she likes Aleks math, but Aleks math doesn't have videos that explain the concept, and it costs money!) I'll have to let you know which one she likes better.

Anyway, thanks RaNae for the great discovery!!!

Fun Times and "Lamb of God" Concert Coming Up.

2011-03-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

Probably my favorite "field trips" are times when we just go out to the duck pond or the mountains and spend some time observing nature. The children get really excited about their discoveries and I love to just watch the things they come up with. I'm excited that it's getting warmer (although a little sad that the beautiful blanket of white that was covering the yard-work is disappearing) so we can go out more often. Maybe next winter I'll be better about bundling up and going outdoors more when it's cold, but I didn't do a very good job of it this winter.

Anyway, we did go out occasionally and I have pictures to prove it. There is also a fun cultural event coming up that I want to make sure everyone knows about. First, here are some pictures of some of our latest outings:

Free Zoo Day:

We were here for quite a while. The kids are getting to where they like reading the information so it's fun to take it kind of slow and we fill each other in on the things we read.

The mom with the 2 cute little kids is my "cousin" Lisa. We're not actually related, but our families have been friends long before I was born and we have always considered them family. I had never just "hung out" with Lisa and it was a lot of fun! I also saw my old friend, Jamie, from MBA school (our husbands were in the program). She and I used to run together and she got me interested in racing. She has been on a lot of adventures and I had no idea she was living so close now. Hopefully we can get together soon!

You'll notice Spice isn't in any of the pictures. That's because she took most of them :-)

Fort Douglas Museum:

This museum was a pleasant surprise. We actually went to the University of Utah to see the Natural History museum, but when we got to it, we found that they were closed because they were changing locations. I saw signs for Fort Douglas so I thought we might as well check that place out instead. The volunteers there were amazing. One man who fought in the Vietnam war took us on a tour of the museum and explained things. He told us about some of his experiences and he knew a lot about guns which kept Bud asking a lot of questions. It was small, but there was a lot to learn there. Ray wasn't too interested in it all, though, and his favorite part was playing in the snow as we looked at the outside exhibits.

Concert:

Last Tuesday, we drove to Logan to see "The 5 Browns" They were pretty amazing. I took a really awful picture (best I could get with the iphone in that lighting as I held Ray in one hand) so I'll put a better one from the Internet below it. If you haven't heard the interview they had on the Mormon Channel, you should listen to it. They are really down-to earth and their words were inspirational. I'll link it here.

Here is an excerpt from the interview:

You can listen to the full interview here.

CONCERT COMING UP:

The next performance we plan to go to is The Lamb of God by Rob Gardner. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Lamb of God CD so I am so excited to go to the actual performance.

Here is Rob Gardner talking about the piece:

You can see a schedule of the performances at: http://www.spiremusic.org/
They'll be in Salt Lake, Ogden, Las Vegas and Oakland.

You can get tickets for the Salt Lake performance on the church's website. Here is the link.

We went to see Rob Gardner's Price of Freedom performance a few months ago and I was extremely impressed. I wouldn't miss this one for anything (except for my kids' choir performance which happens to be on the same day as the Salt Lake City Lamb of God performance! We'll be going to Lamb of God in Ogden the following day though (if they weren't in Ogden the next day, I would seriously consider skipping our choir performance - that's how exited I am about it). I did already order tickets for the Salt Lake performance though, so if anyone is in need of tickets (I have 12) let me know!

More California:

Finally, I have more pictures from California that my husband hadn't uploaded from his phone before I wrote my post about the trip so I'll post them here:

Tom Sawyer island was one of my favorite places. It felt peaceful
compared to the hustle and bustle of Disneyland
and there was a lot of nature.

Creating an Inspiring Learning Environment Through Work

2011-03-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

For those of you who asked or are interested, here is the basic outline for the presentation I gave last night. I won't type it all out - it was rather long, but here it is without the explanations, examples and stories :-).

Also, several people asked questions and I've written some of them out toward the bottom - some of them I didn't answer as thoroughly as I could (after I thought some more about it) so I hope this clarifies things a little better.

Creating an Inspiring Learning Environment Through Work

A. Intro and how I came to be interested in this

a)Homeschooling focus shift from purely academics to character development

b) Knowing Stuff vs Becoming

-Faith without works is dead

-It's in the doing (even and especially when we don't feel like it) that we become.

-Actions build our character.

B. How do we teach our children to do hard things?

a) Heavenly Father wouldn't take our agency, but he did give us work (Adam and weeds) to help us develop our character and overcome our natural tendencies. (See here for more on this).

C. Living on a farm

a) Many great leaders grew up on farms - learned work and discipline

b) I can't move to a farm (can't even keep my garden alive), but we do have work that we need to make sure that we do in our home and yard.

c) Start where we are and go from there

D. How do we require work?

a) Chore charts, reward systems etc, help (more on this later), but they are not an end of themselves.

b) I have found 4 principles that help our work go smoothly when applied, and things seem to go downhill when I get lazy about them.

E. Principle 1: "Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do." -Mark Twain

a) read Tom Sawyer (last part of chapter 2)

b) Should work always be fun?

1. Doing it together makes it better

2. Work by it's very nature isn't always fun - often repetitive, mundane and hard

3. Doing the things we don't feel like doing builds discipline and character

4. Teach children that they are not doing something temporal in their cleaning, they are building something eternal - their character.

5. TJEd principle - Require Work, Inspire Learning

-now that children know what real work is, their learning has become play (next principle)

F. Principle 2: Eliminate Distractions - Work Time is for Work

a) Hard one for me! Hard to tell the kids to stop practicing, reading, or writing and do their work first.

b) Benefits:

1. Work gets done faster (for the most part)

2. Hands are free to do a good quality job (used to let them hold a toy, not anymore)

3. Reading, writing, practicing, playing, etc have become privileges for when the work is done (instead of rights or obligations) - they are excited to get back to their books, etc.

4. According to Mark Twain's definition (principle 1) - learning has become play.

G. Principle 3: Don't Take the Work out of their Play - Less Resources = Better Play

a) Headgates (plain and simple toys)

b) Benefits:

1. House is easier to clean

2. Play is smarter (can play pretend for hours with a stuffed animal or a blanket)

3. Disciplines the mind

-The children need mental focus to imagine instead of having a ready-made prop (making a crib instead of having a plastic one)

-Prolonged imagination builds mental focus (try playing with a 4 year old)

-Builds creativity, curiosity, imagination, ability to think "outside the box"

4. We rob them of this when we give them entertaining, scripted toys

5. When there is work in their play, they progress to learning as they are ready (Headgates)

-learning starts to become more interesting than play and they begin to choose it more often

-My kids: 11 year-old: learning activities 90% of her free-time, plays 10%

9 year-old: learning activities 75% of his free-time, plays 25%

7 year-old: learning activities 50% of her free-time, plays 50%

4 year-old: learning activities 10% of his free-time, plays 90%

-I see the progression (when I first started this - most of them played most of their free time) Now they read, write, practice piano, crochet, do math, observe nature, etc)

H. Principle 4: Progress isn't linear

a) Days are different (energy - yours and your children's, illness, appointments, calls, etc)

b) Discouragement if you expect each day to be better in this area than the previous day

c)Upward Spiral (bad days are less bad than previous bad days, good days getting better on average)

d) You'll notice the steady and constant growth of character and discipline when you look back on months and years of trying.

e) Do what you can today

I. Our Schedule (some practical ideas - yours will look different)

Morning List (before any reading, playing, etc are allowed)

-Make Bed

-Get Dressed

-Tidy room and zone (check under, on top and behind things, corners)

(zones don't change - Little Miss always has the front room, Spice has the living room, Bud has the basement which includes the toy room, stairs and family room and Bazinks just got assigned the upstairs bathroom - just keeping it picked up)

-Scriptures, journal

-Read list again and make sure everything is done

-Ask mom if she needs anything else

-Have mom come check your work (very important!)

Breakfast and Clean-up

Each child has a job for the day. One has wash dishes, one has counters/put away dry dishes, one has table & chairs/put away dry silverware, and one has floors. We rotate for the next day. Each child helps clean up after meal. I help the little ones - show prop

Family Work

Charts, reward systems (show props)

Monday: Everyone cleans out car, everyone spot cleans the walls, doors, switches, windows in their zones and rooms.

Tuesdays: Bathrooms (they pick if they want to clean the toilets, do a surface wipe-down, or clean bathtubs and showers in all of the bathrooms).

Wednesday: Kitchen and Floors: Someone removes the chairs and replaces them and cleans the appliances, someone else sweeps, someone else mops in the kitchen. Each child sweeps and mops the bathroom near their zone.

Thursday: Dust and Vacuum (each person dusts and vacuums their room and zone)

Friday: Make-up day or free day

Saturday: Help dad with his list, some deep cleaning if needed and food prep, or family outings. I try to do my shopping on this day.

Devotional

Hymn, Prayer, Scripture story, family memory work, a chapter of history while they draw

Lunch and Clean-Up

See Breakfast

Leaning Skills or Lesson (just 1 or 2)

Children choose a writing assignment (penmanship, copy work, language lesson, poetry, story)

If I see a need for a child (Bud and his times-tables right now) or if they've asked for a lesson we would practice it here.

Free time and read to mom

I pull one child at a time and have them read me a couple of pages of the book they are reading. If they are not in the middle of a book, I'll suggest one and read a little of it and then have them read me a few pages. The children most often choose to write, read, practice piano, Spice does math online, observe nature, sing, draw, crochet, or play (mostly the younger ones).

Dinner and Clean-up

See Breakfast

Bedtime List

Tidy Room and Zone

Teeth, pajamas

Journal (short entry on something you're grateful for)

See if mom needs anything

Report to mom

Family Reading

Scriptures and from a Classic (currently Laddie)

Bedtime

Read in Bed, lights out

J. Q & A

How long do these things take?

Typically the kids wake up around 7, we eat breakfast at 8, we do family work from 9-11, I start dinner at 4, we eat at 5, bedtime lists start around 6:30, family reading at 7, bedtime at 8.

What if your kids are hungry as soon as they wake up

Their morning lists do not take very long since they are done daily.

They are always welcome to eat fruit before breakfast (or for snacks)

What about math?

Spice has chosen to do formal math during her free time (she likes aleks math - for a discount I signed up through TJEd.org - it's $60/year instead of like $240). I started her in 3rd grade math in case she had holes to fill. She did it in 10 hours (the computer keeps track). She is also zooming through 4th grade and I'm sure she'll "catch up" to her 5th grade level very quickly - because she's choosing it and she's developmentally ready to understand the more abstract concepts.

For the younger children, I have them figure things out that they want to know (how much longer until ____? How long is a meter?) How high is 6 feet 2 inches? etc. I also give them mini-lessons as they are ready (Bud is learning his time-tables, Little Miss just had a short lesson on adding longer numbers because she was interested). I'll teach them to add, substract, multiply and divide with mini-lessons as they are ready. After that I'll let them choose a more formal math program.

What about Science?

Since children can't really understand real science until they have an understanding of some advanced math, I don't do much in "experiments" etc. Sometimes one will have a question about an observations and I'll encourage their own experiment. Mostly for science, we observe nature and look up questions we have or get a book from the library about it. In the spring, we plan to spend a lot more free time outdoors. We'll also be gardening and planting for work time.

Do you rotate their zones?

I don't because they have taken an ownership and a sense of pride in their zones. I don't think they need to know how to clean every room in the house to know how to clean a room so I'm not too worried about changing it for them.

How do you decide which child does what during family work?

They usually call it out and whoever speaks first gets the job. I could rotate it if I saw a need.

How do you keep them from procrastinating their work?

I like to use timers. We use the family ladder as a reward system when we are trying to work on speed in our jobs (sometimes we're more focused on quality, sometimes on how we get along during work, it depends on the day).

What if one child refuses to work?

I wrote about that here. Basically, the pattern is: a tap on the shoulder (a reminder), a direct command, if command is disobeyed - a consequence - time-out or an extra job during free time.

What do you expect from your four-year old?

He cleans his room with his brother, gets dressed, makes his bed and picks up his small zone in the mornings. I help him with his kitchen job. He is given someone to help during family work or he's asked to play with the baby.

What about teenagers and hectic schedules?

A wise friend once told me (thanks Lara!) that the family schedule doesn't stop for one family member and they can catch up when they return. For example, if Bud is at Scouts during family reading time (this isn't typical), we have family reading time anyway, and he can read what he missed on his own the next day or we catch him up on what happened.

Those are all the questions I can remember right now. Does anyone have any more?

Goodreads and MNO

2011-02-26T10:52:00.000-08:00

I don't have very much time, but I did want to let you all know that I am finally getting around to updating my goodreads account and I would love to connect with any of you so send me a friend request if you're on goodreads. My e-mail address is karenbates6@gmail.com.

Also, I found out the address for the "Mom's Night Out" on Tuesday where I will be speaking. It's 547 N. 500 E. in Orem. I'll be talking about 4 principles that I have found help establish a house of learning and order, as well as discussing how these might look in real life. I hope some people show up so we can have a discussion! Anyway, it's this Tuesday, March 1st at 7pm.

Some News

2011-02-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

We've been out of town and busy lately so I haven't had a chance to write. Here are some of the latest happenings:

1) We're having a boy
The boys were excited, the girls were disappointed at first, but they're excited about another little boy now. The kids and I have decided on a name we all like, but Rock hasn't come around to it yet so we'll see if he thinks of something better.

2) We went to Disneyland
It was a last minute thing. Rock came home from work and said that his boss asked him to see if anyone wanted to take some PTO since things were rather slow. Since they recently hired someone that could do some of the clinical stuff he does - he volunteered to take a week off because he hasn't had more than a couple of days off of work in a couple of years. He wanted to take us to Disneyland. It is definitely not the #1 vacation spot I would have picked, but he sure had his heart set on it, and we all had a good time.

Ray's favorite place was the beach we went to the day before Disneyland. He liked chasing birds and playing in the sand. His least favorite ride seemed to be Pirates of the Caribbean, but that may be because it was the first ride we went on and he wasn't desensitized to the constant stimulation - or to the dark and scary images. He just hid his head in my chest and endured it. Poor baby.

Bazinks loved the trains, Buzz Lightyear and Toy Story. His least favorite was the Tower of Terror, but he was brave and tried everything he could try at least once.

Little Miss loved Soaring over California, Thundermountain and Indiana Jones. She hated Pirates and The Haunted Mansion.

Bud's favorite rides were Indiana Jones, Toy Story, and the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups (everyone seemed to love those. We ended up riding them 4 or 5 times). His least favorite was Tower of Terror - not so much because of the falling motion, but because the movie they showed scared him.

Spice's favorite rides were Indiana Jones, Flick's Flight, and Soaring over California. She didn't love the fast rides, but she went on all of them anyway (except Space Mountain and California Screaming).

My favorites were Storybook Adventure (the landscaping was beautiful), Tower of Terror (I love the dropping feeling), watching the kids feed the ducks off a private spot we found near the Ferris wheel at California Adventures, and watching Ray get so excited about seeing a bird whenever we were outside of a ride waiting for everyone to come out. It was interesting to see that he barely glanced at the fake birds and animals everywhere, but he got really excited when he saw the real thing.

Rock's favorites were "all of them, except Small World".

We stopped at Zion's National Park on the way home. I was hoping for some sunny hiking, but it was snowing. I convinced everyone to try a snow hike (even though we weren't prepared for hiking in the snow). They put on two jackets, a poncho and went for it. Our feet got very wet, but it was beautiful and everyone enjoyed it except Bazinks who whimpered the whole time. I thought he was was being kind of over-dramatic, but I realized later that he was sick. I'll have to take his protests a little more seriously next time. He was on the couch with a fever on Saturday night - the hike wasn't a very good idea!

3) I get to have our baby at home!
I went to a routine Doctor's visit and they told me when to schedule the upcoming tests. I wanted to ask about the tests and why I needed them again, but I go through this with every pregnancy and I was too tired to get into a discussion and have everyone look at me with an annoyed look because I am questioning their wisdom. It's the same feeling I get when I go to the hospital when I am in labor and everyone is telling me what to do and my requests get ignored and I have to submit to everything they say because they are the professionals. I had a strong feeling about calling the midwife and seeing how I felt about delivering a baby at home after speaking with her.

I went home and scheduled the appointment. Rock was nice enough to come with me and I had a list of concerns and questions to ask her. She was answered our questions in a much more thorough way than any doctor I had been to. She had a plan for every single situation I posed for her. She brings everything necessary for emergency (3 types of hemorrhaging medicine, resuscitation equipment, IVs, and more) She comes back to my home to check on me and the baby several times after he is born. She does all of the newborn tests, but she waits for most of them until the baby is a couple of weeks old - and she does them at my house (one of the most annoying things to me about having a baby at the hospital is how often they take the baby from me when he is just a few hours old to do test after test!)

Another reassuring thing is that we live 5 minutes from a hospital. If anything scary should happen, she could call the hospital and have them have doctors ready for me to come in - even if I was in the hospital when something scary happened, they would still have to call doctors and they would have to get ready - the process wouldn't be any quicker.

Anyway, she was so reassuring and we felt so good after the visit that Rock decided to go ahead and let me have this baby at home if I wanted to do it. I'm looking forward to the experience, assuming everything looks well in the prenatal appointments.

4) I get to speak at a MNO in Orem on March 1st.

The topic will be:

Creating an Inspiring Learning Environment through Work

Here is the class description:

Teaching children to work gives them more than just life skills. Work is what builds a strong and solid character. In the process, an environment is created that inspires a love of learning. Children come to see that learning is a privilege not to be taken for granted. They also develop the discipline that they need in order to choose to study hard instead of choosing to follow an easier path.

Come learn and discuss principles and practical ideas to help you create this learning environment in your home.

I'm looking forward to putting it all together and hopefully getting more motivated to do better at it!

5) The deadline for the TJEd annual forum is coming up.
I've learned a lot every time I have gone. I'm debating about just buying the recordings instead of spending the money on going, but it's a fun thing to do with Rock and it gives us a chance to discuss new ideas. It's also nice to be surrounded by so many like-minded people. It's rather refreshing. I'm sure I'll just end up going. Click here for the information on the forum.

How to Thin Out Toys with Resistant Children

2011-02-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write a response to a question someone asked a few days ago on my blog, and I slept in again this morning so I'll have to keep it kind of short, but I hope others will chime in with suggestions that have worked well for them.

The question is:

"I'm wondering how you were able to thin out their toys. Maybe my timing is wrong right after Christmas and all (I SO wish I had read it BEFORE I bought all those toys!!). I'm so afraid if I try to take away some of my 9 yr-old's electronic toys, he'll get pretty upset about it. (I have 5 children 9,6,5,2,9mo) I would love to hear how you handled it."

For us, I first had to teach them what I had learned. I told them I learned some things at the conference I attended and from an article I read about how toys can be good learning tools or they can be distractions. I explained how toys with batteries were designed to entertain kids, just like TV. I explained how toys that make you use your imagination are the best kind of toys. I taught them the guidelines on how to tell which is which that I learned from the Headgates e-book (The more creative the toy-maker - the less creative the child, does it use or waste resources?, etc.) I tried to help them see the vision.

We had been reading the Little House on the Prairie series so they already had a vision of the order of a simple home and the value that the children placed on their few belongings. This helped a great deal because they saw they wanted that also.

I told them that we would be going through our things (theirs and mine) and we'd be giving away things that were not conducive to this simpler lifestyle. I told them to pick their 10 favorite toys that fell in the guidelines of what we could have in our home (no batteries, etc). It was hard at first for them to narrow things down - the girls had an especially hard time figuring out what stuffed animals to get rid of. I did let them keep a few "sets" (a set of trolls, or a set of Littlest Pet Shops) because they were being such good sports about it. We tried to do make it a family project.

Now I will admit, that when they weren't looking, before I had them go through the toys themselves, I did get rid of a few things that would have thought that they thought they wanted to keep, but I knew they wouldn't miss. I did keep them in the trunk of the car for a few days to make sure they really didn't miss them and become upset when they noticed they were gone. There were a couple of toys like that (stuffed animals), and I got them out of the car and gave them back.

I tried to be understanding, but also firm in the new standards. My son was really attached to the Wii so I said we could keep it, and that he could play it during "screen time". We have screen time for 2 hours on Saturdays. Sometimes we'll use it to watch a movie as a family, sometimes my husband will watch a sports game with the boys, sometimes they'll use it playing with a camcorder and making a movie. Sometimes they forget to use it at all. They rarely think to play the Wii anymore since it's become a very scarce part of their lives.

I told my older two children about this question on my blog and I asked them what they think a mother should do to help her kids part with their toys. My son said, "She should take them away and if they cry about it, she can put them in time-out!" He's a lot harsher than I am. My daughter said, "She should tell them why it's good for them and then get rid of them because it is."

They have gotten rid of many more toys than that first time around. They have grown accustomed to parting with "stuff" and not putting so much value on having it. They see how much more fun it is to play with a few simple toys than to have to pick up all of the parts and pieces of a whole bunch of toys. Their toy room was looking messy last Saturday so we went through and got rid of more. I used the same 10 item rule (don't ask me how they had more than 10 after we've done this several times and I haven't been buying toys - I don't know where they come from) and Spice could only think of 6 things she wanted to keep. Bud could only think of 8. Little Miss had a hard time narrowing down stuffed animals again, and Bazinks just wanted the foamy light sabers). It's a process, but just do as much as you can at first and it will get easier the next time, and easier the next...

Electronic toys and video games can be addicting, so you have to be pretty firm with your resolution because kids can fight hard for them. A child being very upset about it is proof, though, that they have too much access to them and they are becoming too much a part of their lives. I suggest reading the talk, Courageous Parenting if you haven't read it lately, before you have a talk with your children about something you know they will resist, but you know is the best thing for them. I have also heard that the book Simplicity Parenting is a really good one to help you feel more sure about the rightness of the decision to simplify because it goes into more detail about the many benefits for the children. I've been meaning to read it, but haven't gotten to it yet.

I hope that helps. Does anyone else have ideas that have worked for them?

Learning Practical Wisdom

2011-01-31T06:54:00.000-08:00

I heard someone say the other day (somewhat in jest) that the Bible tells you the rules or commandments in the first few pages and then goes on to show how you can break all the rules. Of course this isn't totally true, there are plenty of examples of how obedience brings blessings, but I did think there was an element of truth in what he said (sometimes people were commanded to kill, etc)

My initial thought was that the reason for this is because Heavenly Father gives us commandments to keep us safe, but then expects us to follow the Spirit because that is how we grow and learn. We are not expected to just be puppets following a script of behavior all of the time (isn't that what the Pharisees tried to do?)

I listened to this interesting TED talk the other day. He gives several great examples about the importance of using practical wisdom. He talks about the difference between simply following the rules and truly choosing wisely. Watch it if you get a chance, it's very thought provoking.

He convinced me that this "practical wisdom" is something that is desperately needed in our world today. I asked myself, "How do I teach my children this practical wisdom?" The answer was simple. They learn it from the scriptures. The scriptures are full of stories in which people have to make difficult decisions and then they explain how they go about making the right one. They show example after example in how to develop the ability of making the right choice under any circumstance. They are a powerful, essential took in learning how to live in this sometimes perplexing world.

I have sometimes shared something with someone that I was inspired to do with our children (and every family is different so it doesn't mean that it is necessarily something someone else should do with theirs), but the person that I'm sharing it with might make some sort of comment like, "If the prophet thought that was so important, he would say something about it at conference," or something along those lines. I wonder why we sometimes think that the leaders of the church are expected to give us some sort of script to follow and all we have to do is follow that script. Didn't the Lord say, "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."?

A man came to our ward to give us the 5th Sunday lesson yesterday. I was so impressed with it. He mentioned that if the only time we are receiving revelation for our family is twice a year during general conference then we are living below our privilege of having direct revelation from God about the stewardship He has blessed us with. One of the things he said was that he has pictured himself talking to Heavenly Father and when asked why he didn't do something he might reply, "You never told me to." To which God might reply, "You never asked".

Anyway, I am going to work harder at being anxiously engaged in a good cause while being a diligent seeker of truth and guidance for myself and my children. I don't want to waste this short, precious time I have with my children. I know I could do better. I'm going to work really hard on it today!

My Mischievous Children

2011-01-26T07:48:00.000-08:00

I tend to think very highly of my kids. I think they are pretty awesome. I think it may sometimes come off as bragging in my posts, but I hope those of you that know me would know that I don't intend to brag. I want to be honest in how some of the changes we are making have been really beneficial for the children so I write about the positive benefits that I see. There are, however, some not-so-positive moments :-)

Here is some proof of the latest:

A little while ago, I fell asleep on the living room floor (I was probably listening to someone read to me - that always gets me drowsy, I can't sit in one place too long without falling asleep). I half-way woke up when I felt little hands tapping on my leg. It took me a couple of minutes to start wondering why little hands were tapping on my leg. I sat up and saw that little Ray had found a small canister of white tempera paint that his sister had left on the counter and was decorating my pants.

Monday, I asked the kids to keep an eye on Ray while I got into the shower. While I was in there, Bud, Little Miss and Bazinks decided it would be fun to stuff some long socks with smaller socks and use these socks as weapons. They got on my bed and proceeded to hit each other and fall. Bud was backing away from a hit, slipped off the corner of my bed, put his hand back to catch himself, and started screaming. I hurried and got out of the shower to see what was the matter. His wrist looked a little swollen so I put some ice on it, bandaged it up, and took him to Knights of Freedom (I figured we would keep an eye on it to see if it kept hurting and if I should take him to the Doctor). Yesterday, it still hurt him to twist his wrist, so I took him in. After lots of waiting and driving (to the Doctor, to the Hospital, back to the Doctor) he came out with a nice, new blue cast that he is very proud of.

When he learned he had a slight fracture on his wrist, he jumped for joy and exclaimed - "That means I won't have to do the dishes for three weeks!" We'll see if he's still so happy with it in a couple of days :-)

Yesterday, I was fixing lunch and realized I hadn't heard from Ray in a little while so I asked Spice to go check on him. I heard her say, "Oh no! Mom, you better come see this." That's never a good thing to hear. I went upstairs and found that Bud had left a permanent marker on his dresser after making himself a chart for scouts. Ray found it. Here is the pretty art he created on the bedroom wall (I took this picture after scrubbing the marker with some magic eraser - obviously the eraser didn't work).

Ray is learning to eat with utensils. He's doing a pretty good job, but once in a while he decides his hands are easier and that he would rather wear his food instead of eating it.

I know I should put a stop to this behavior as soon as I see it, but he's often too quick for me.

This morning, I saw a bucket of flour in the middle of the kitchen. Spice had made cookies last night and left the flour out. I didn't put it away because I wanted her to remember to clean up everything she gets out when she bakes, but I did lock the lid on so no one could get into it. I went to the couch to read my scriptures. Ray likes to sit next to me as I read (no one else is awake), after a while, he got up and wondered into the kitchen. I didn't think much of it because he loves to play with the cookie cutters on the bottom drawer and hang them up on the handles of the cupboards and drawers. After a while he peeked out at me and I saw flour on his face. I went to the kitchen and this is what I found:

I took a picture, of course, and then cleaned him off, swept the kitchen (today is mopping day so I didn't bother mopping) and locked the lid on the flour again, but I didn't put it away. Don't ask me why. Obviously, I wasn't thinking much. I went upstairs to start this blog post, Bazinks was up by then, and he and Ray were playing together in the front room. A little while later Bazinks came upstairs to tell me that Ray was playing with the flour. I hoped he had caught him before the mess was too big, but he hadn't. This time he decided to put it in his hair and throw it in the air so there was flour in all the nooks and crannies of the cupboard doors and drawers.

Maybe it's time to start putting this child in time-outs? Who could ever be mad at that sweet innocent face though? Notice he had the broom out and was trying to clean up his mess. As I was cleaning up, he tried to take the lid off the flour again and I sternly said, "No!" so he gave me a sweet hug as if begging me not to be cross with him. I got flour all over me, but he's too sweet for me to care. He's very good at getting his way.

As curious as this child is, he's not the one that's causing me the most worries. Bazinks has picked up a strange new habit of picking out his eye lashes. He ~~has~~ had the longest, most beautiful eyelashes. His sister once told him he could make a wish and blow away his eyelash and he decided it was fun to pluck them out. I don't know how to stop it! They are almost all gone :-( Any suggestions?

He is also developing this new habit of yelling out annoying noises at random times which are becoming more and more frequent. Bud does this, so I'm sure that's where he picked it up, but he's doing it so much now that it's starting to drive me a little crazy. Maybe it's a call for attention? I'll make an effort to give him some one-on-one time today and see if that helps.

You may be wondering why I haven't said anything about the girls. They do get into trouble, but theirs is a more emotional type, not something you can take a picture of or really document in specific words. Except, Little Miss has decided that making nests with blankets and pillows is the best game to play and she's not very good at remembering to clean it all up when she is done. I'm getting a little tired of finding blankets and pillows in piles all over the floor. She's cleaning some up right now. They are sweet girls, but do have their moments of emotional turmoil that they are learning to calm down. They are getting pretty good at it though, so I can't complain.

My kids are telling me that Ray has a poopy diaper. Their rooms are a mess (even though they think they're clean) since we've been mostly out of the house the last couple of days and I haven't been checking up on them, so I guess I better go and get started on our day!

Headgates Change, Technology and Update

2011-01-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

I wanted to quickly clarify something about a couple of posts.

First of all, I don't intend for my kids to grow up to be computer illiterate and technologically handicapped. I should have specified that headgates change as children mature. While I do think that staying away from even educational computer games, TV, electronic toys and such things is best for children when they are young, I do think that some of these things have their proper place as children get older. I do use the computer when my children ask a question that I don't have the answer to and I often print out some things I find. I really like my iphone. I also sometimes watch movies with the children - I especially like musicals or plays that we can see on TV, but may not be able to afford to take all of the children to very often. I must say though, that I don't think those things are necessary or important to their education at a young age.

When children are young - at least until the age of eight - they thrive on a concrete environment. This is true for even most of their education until the age of 12. They learn best when they have things that they can smell, feel, and taste - the more senses in involved the better! They need nature and other real experiences. This is how they build concrete connections in their brain that will help them make sense of the more abstract ideas they will encounter as they get older.

Creating a simple technology-free environment with plenty of outdoor time where they can make their own play and use their own imagination is ideal for young children. As children get older, providing books and writing utensils will get them interested in learning and hearing new ideas. When they are ready for a more scholarly study, technology can really enhance the opportunities for learning.

Right now, Spice is doing her math online (Aleks math). She chose to. She likes the structure and the record keeping that this provides. I don't intend to let her use the computer for anything else until she expresses an interest in typing papers, then I'll probably let her try a typing game to learn to type fast. Once she expresses an interest in doing more detailed research on specific topics at a scholarly level, and she knows how to adequately research books, I'll teach her how to do research on the internet and how to use various programs to present the information that she learns when she desires to express it. Until then, technology will only hinder her from learning the more important things she needs to be learning at her age.

Some people argue that technology is okay at a young age as long as there is a daily time limit on how they use it. There are a couple of things that I think are a problem with this. First of all, sometimes making something scarce makes it more valuable in the eyes of those who want it. For instance, I tried limiting Bud's Wii time to 20 minutes per day at one point (I never intended to get a video game system in the first place, but we got one given to us for Christmas and I couldn't make myself be the bad guy and return it). What ended up happening was that he would look forward to his Wii time throughout the day. He would periodically ask, "Is it 4 o'clock yet?" as if it were the highlight of his life. I didn't like that. So I tried limiting it to once a week. I was worried that this would only make him look forward to Saturdays. At first, that is what happened. However, since Saturdays were the only day they could have ANY screen time (they were allowed 2 hours) - if he wanted to watch a game with his dad or if we wanted to watch a movie as a family, then there would be no time left for the Wii. Also, Saturday was often a day that we went out to do things as a family so there was no room left for any screen time. I guess I tried to change screen time from a parent-limited activity to wholesome recreation we can do as a family when we choose to on Saturdays. He forgot about it after a while of doing without it and now he rarely remembers to ask to play the Wii if it is Saturday. If this wasn't the case, I would have had to get rid of it altogether (which would be fine for me, but might imply a sense of distrust that I wanted to avoid).

The second concern with this mentality is "why?" If there are better things for them to do with their time at their age - why resort to the addicting games or mind-numbing television shows, even if limited? Some people would say that it is so that they (the moms) can get things done. I empathize with this because when I had only small children at home - there were no older kids to play with them so it was tough to get things done when they wanted my attention so often. However, we are taking away from the time in which they could figure out how to make their own play when mom is busy and where they could practice not-being entertained by someone or something all of the time.

Someone said to me the other day that if she didn't allow any distracting, mind-numbing things in their house - she would be breaking up fights all day long. If this is the case, then we are using distractions to keep our kids from learning how to get along with one another. They need to socialize and have differences of opinion to learn how to work through those differences in appropriate manners. If we keep them distracted from each other, they will likely not learn to get a along with members of their family (and others whom they'll get to know on a deeper level) - and this would have very detrimental effects in the long-run.

Anyway, those are my experiences and thoughts. Maybe limiting screen time daily would work for some children. My girls didn't seem to care about playing the Wii when they had only 20 minutes per day, but then again, I wouldn't have felt the need to set a limit on it for them because they didn't care about it in the first place. Different kids have different interests that attract them. If these interests are the kind that will help them become better people or help develop their ability to serve, then they are possibly talents that we should help them pursue, but if they are time-wasting, creativity-mimicking, useless hobbies then we should direct their passion to something better that will help them grow in ability and character.

The other post that I wanted to make a clarification on was my post about being over-zealous. I didn't mean to imply that there is no such thing as being over-zealous. There is definitely a danger in getting so caught up on one principle of the gospel that we neglect other principles and duties. Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an excellent talk about how our strengths can become our weaknesses if we get too caught up in them, but in it he also makes the point that I was trying to make in my post (except he does it much better). He said,

"As I conclude, I need to caution myself and each of my readers that the very nature of this message could tend to the same downfall that it warns against. The idea that our strengths can become our weaknesses could be understood to imply that we should have “moderation in all things.” But the Savior said that if we are “lukewarm,” he “will spew [us] out of [his] mouth” (Rev. 3:16). Moderation in all things is not a virtue, because it would seem to justify moderation in commitment. That is not moderation, but indifference. That kind of moderation runs counter to the divine commands to serve with all of our “heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), to “seek … earnestly the riches of eternity” (D&C 68:31), and to be “valiant in the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:79). Moderation is not the answer."

He then talks about how the answer to not letting our strengths become our downfall is humility.

Okay, and now that I've tried to clarify a few points, I do want to briefly mention how we are doing this week.

Ray is sick and I'm home from church today taking care of him.
Bazinks has discovered a love for numbers and is often asking what something plus something is or showing us a number he can read. He can add quite fast in his head numbers up to 20. We are rather impressed with his newly-found talent.
Little Miss and Spice are half-way through The Chronicles of Narnia (Bud is a great inspirer - when he gets excited about something - everyone else seems to catch it).
Bud finished the Chronicles of Narnia and is now reading Huckleberry Finn
I finally finished Les Miserables - It was beautiful, insightful and beyond my level. I think it would have helped if I had read Homer and some French history (and other things he references that I wasn't familiar with). However, I still gained a lot from it. I loved the way he used language to create some powerful insights. I was frustrated with Marius through the entire book, but that's probably more because the play made him out to be some sort of hero where in the book he was more of an absentminded dreamer. I'm glad I read it, though. It is definitly worth experiencing and I plan to read it again when I'm more educated and can grasp more of it's significance.
Sorry, the last bullet-point was too long for a bullet point.
We got to experience the Carl Bloch exhibit at BYU yesterday. If you live anywhere within 100 miles of it - you need to go! It was incredible. The kids gathered around each painting, pointed out the details and we discussed their significance. They loved seeing the texture, brush strokes, actual size, vivid colors and many details of these paintings they have seen often in church publications. What a beautiful talent to develop - putting colors together to create such beauty and emotion.
Maybe I shouldn't attempt to write in bullet points.

I hope everyone else had a great week. I really appreciate all of your comments and insights. It's great learning from you all. I forgot to thank "kitchenrecovery" earlier for her comment about Elder Christofferson's talk. I'm going to watch it right now since I'm home missing church. And thank-you all for your encouraging comments and kind words.